Crash Into You (2 page)

I want to ask him about it so bad, I want to ask him about it so bad, I want to ask him about it so bad! But what am I supposed to say? Hey, Nathan, don’t be freaked out, but my friend was stalking your social media outlets for me, and she happened to notice that you’re recently single. So, I was just wondering what’s up with that? And if, maybe, just maybe, that had anything to do with me? Oh, how I wished it had something to do with me. Of course, I shouldn’t even get my hopes up. It could have totally been an error, or something. Like a glitch on the site, I’ve heard of that happening before. I really have, this one time freshman year, this girl Ashley Jenkins was so mad that her page had randomly said that her and her boyfriend Patrick had broken up, when they were really more in love than ever. Of course, Patrick was a total cheater who had just hooked up with some senior at a party that past weekend, so everyone was saying Ashley found out about it and broke up with him, then tried to say it was the sites fault because she was too embarrassed to tell the truth about it. Actually, now that I think about it, they were breaking up and getting back together a lot. Like, at least a few times a month. Well, whatever, I’m sure it could still be the sites fault.

Even if it wasn’t, even if Nathan and his girlfriend really had broken up, I still shouldn’t get my hopes up. This was high school; people broke up and got back together every other week. Just because they had broken up it didn’t mean they would stay broken up. They could have just had a fight, or something, and they would be working it out soon. Nathan has kind of been looking at his phone a lot, was he checking it hoping that it was her, trying to get back to him? This was going to drive me even crazier than I was already going. The suspense was literally killing me.

Of course, I could always ask him how they were doing. There was nothing wrong with that. Couldn’t I be just
be
curious about how someone and their boyfriend or girlfriend was doing? He would probably see right through me though, and know right away why I was asking. Did I really want to risk him flipping out on me about it? I hadn’t mentioned the fact that he had a girlfriend the entire time I had been back. For all he knew, I could be totally unaware of the fact.

I’ll just ask how she’s doing, there’s no harm in that. And if he flips out on me, or gets on edge about me wanting to know, I’ll just make up some excuse. I’ll say I heard she was having trouble in her new AP class or something, and was just acting concerned. Yeah, concerned like a fellow student should be about her classmates. He probably wouldn’t believe me, and would call me a liar right away, like he does about everything else, but I could still try. Besides, what was the worst he could do? Yell at me? He was always doing that anyway, and it’s not like he could walk away from the conversation, we were in a car together traveling out of town, there was nowhere to hide.

It’s definitely worth getting yelled at if I can get the details out of him. I gather up my courage, telling myself to just suck it up and do it, but when I glance over at Nathan a few seconds later, his head is leaning against the window and he’s sound asleep.

***

Nathan is still asleep an hour later. I’ve tried everything to wake him up without actually having to wake him up. I turned the radio on and turned the volume up pretty loud, even singing along a little bit, but he didn’t even flinch. I even put the GPS that was built into the car on the loudest setting it had, and kept hitting the speaker button so it would repeat directions, still nothing. Coughing fits didn’t work, either. Apparently, if I was choking to death and Nathan was asleep, he would sleep through it, and I would probably die. Okay, so, I’m being dramatic, but I don’t care, my heart is racing all over the place.

Who could sleep at a time like this, anyway? What happened to this trip being all about business and the article? I don’t think you sleep during real business meetings. He was the one who insisted on coming because of the stupid article and now he wasn’t even awake. I know I’m thinking selfish, but I don’t care, I’m super annoyed. Deep down I know it’s not because of the article, and I know it’s not a stupid article, too. Deep down I know the real reason why I’m so annoyed at him is because he’s asleep when I want to talk about the fact that he’s single!

I know it wouldn’t change anything, I know I couldn’t tell him the truth no matter what, but still, I wanted to know what happened.
Maybe it has something to do with you
, a voice whispers in my mind, but I push it away, knowing that couldn’t be the case, he hated me. He had no trouble making that known every chance he got.
 
 

The amount of problems I had surrounding Nathan and me and my life in general was completely overwhelming. When my mom died, I had been so hurt and broken, and my dad announcing he was getting married less than a year later only made it worse. Missy seemed nice enough, but she wasn’t my mom, and her coming along so short after felt disrespectful to my mother’s name. Plus, she brought along her superstar son. Everyone in school was instantly obsessed with Nathan, bowing down to him like the basketball star he was. He had managed to make our little basketball team into one of the best in the state in under a year, something like that was unheard of.

I tried to stay as far away from him as possible, hating the way everyone worshiped him, but he was always popping up trying to be all friendly and “brotherly.” Until we started doing things brother and sister definitely don’t do. Like making out. Or going up each other’s shirts. It was out of my control, I had fallen for him. He was the only person I felt alive around since my mom’s death. He was the only person who sparked something deep inside my dark soul again.

He had tried to fight it just as much as me for a while, but after a while he couldn’t do it anymore either. Eventually, he surrendered to his feelings too, admitting he wanted me just as much as I wanted him. I couldn’t believe it, he could literally have any girl in school, and he wanted me. I was a nobody, and Nathan, Nathan was definitely a somebody. We were terrified about what my dad and his mom would say if they found out, or what anyone would say for that matter. So, we decided to keep it our secret for the time being. Sneaking kisses in the hall at school, and tiptoeing into one another’s room at night to sleep next to one another. It was a pain having to sneak around, but at least I was happy again. Being with Nathan was the happiest I had been in a long time.

It was short lived when my dad and Missy found out about it though. One minute I was sleeping soundly in bed, the next I was getting dragged out of my house and shipped off to the wellness center, a boot camp for troubled teens. It was awful in there; I had stayed 3 months before I was finally allowed to leave. And that was only because I had made a friend in there named Eric. (That’s the Eric Nathan was referring to as my mew boyfriend before.) Eric had helped me trick the system, making all the leaders and doctors in there think I was totally over Nathan, and that I knew what a huge mistake I had made. This was the furthest thing from the truth, but I had to do what I had to do to get out of there. Another month in there was going to be the death of me.

It worked, but when I finally got set free, the situation that waited for me was far from perfect. First of all, I didn’t get to go home with my dad and Missy. Instead, I was being released into the custody of my Aunt Jenna. My Aunt Jenna, who I never even knew existed until the day of my release in the wellness center. It was crazy to me that I wouldn’t be living with Nathan anymore, crazy and painful.

I also had to keep going to therapy once I got out, to help track my process. I didn’t think this was a big deal at the time, I had gotten pretty good at fooling doctors. But when I finally had gone to my first therapy session a few days earlier, it wasn’t at all what I thought it was going to be. My therapist was super young, and super uninterested in me. The session was only like 5 minutes, she told me to think about why I was there, and told me to think about it really hard for our next session, then come back and give her an answer. Talk about being weird.

None of that was the worst of it, though. The worst part was that in order to get out, I had to sign a contract. A contract that pretty much said if I told anyone the truth about where I was before my 18
th
birthday, I would be sent back to the wellness center almost immediately. I couldn’t believe it, in order to be free, I pretty much had to sign away my freedom.

Turns out that my dad and Missy had been lying to everyone about where I had been, including Nathan. Everyone thought that I had freaked out about my mother’s death months later, and took off to stay with my aunt without telling anyone. Missy and my dad had made it out like they were giving me my space but I wouldn’t return their calls so they were letting me grieve on my own.

Nathan had thought I just left. There one day, completely into him, and gone the next, like he meant nothing to me. Hence why he hated me so much. It killed me, having to see him everyday and not being able to tell him the truth. Not being able to tell him how much he still meant to me, it killed being so obsessed with someone who hated you. But what could I do? I couldn’t risk going back to the wellness center. Plus, Nathan had seemed almost happier without me. When I came back he was in a new relationship, on his way to the state championships, and walking around school with nothing but smiles on his face. Unless he saw me, then of course his smile was traded in for a nasty look or frown. Like I said, having someone you care about so much look at you like that is like someone stabbing you in the heart over and over again. He barely noticed that I existed, besides this one random kissing session we had at some random party. A kissing session he took back within a matter of seconds.

I had figured that was it, I thought for sure he would just never talk to me again. Of course, I always underestimate how great my best friend is. Angelina has been my best friend for years, always on my side no matter what, always there for me. She was one of the few people who actually knew the truth about where I had been this whole time, she was sworn to silence, but I had to tell her. That was before Eric had shown up in my aunt’s hotel out of the blue, and it was awful going through everything all alone, without anyone to talk to.

Since I’ve told her Angelina has pretty much taken it upon herself to fix the me and Nathan situation without having to actually tell him everything. Her latest stunt includes convincing everyone, including Nathan and our newspaper teacher, that it’s a good idea for me to write a tell all article about him. A piece on just what a great and real guy he is.
 
I had no idea how she did it, but somehow everything Angelina said sounded like a great idea to Nathan.

Which was exactly why he was even in the car with me right now. Eric had showed up at school right after my aunt give me this new car. (A BMW! I know, insane, right? But who am I to fight with someone who wants to do a nice deed?) After him and Angelina had gotten in a little fight, which they had been doing ever since I introduced them, he handed me a piece of paper with an address on it. When I asked him what I was supposed to do with that, he told me that it was the address of Stephanie’s mom. Stephanie had been my roommate in the wellness center. My roommate who was incredibly rude to me the whole entire time I was there. She had even stolen my secret journal I hid at the wellness center with all my private thoughts about Nathan in it and tried to blackmail me with it! She said she would show all the councilors what I had really been thinking this whole time if I didn’t do what she said! What she wanted was for me to go find her mother, to tell her where she was, and what was being done to her in there. When Eric had shown up he somehow had my journal with him, making me think all my problems involving Stephanie were gone.

Of course, Eric had to go all good cop on me, making me feel bad for not going to find her mother anyway. He was all about making me do the right thing; of course he conveniently was too busy to make the drive with me. I had thought Angelina was going to come with me, but when she disappeared inside the school to get her bag she had emerged a few minutes later with Nathan. Suddenly she had remembered she had to help her mom with something and couldn’t make it after all. But good news, she had talked to Nathan, and he was willing to keep me company. So we could talk about the article, of course.

I glance at him again now, sleeping soundly next to me in the car. Right, the article, I’m sure.

Nathan finally wakes up when we’re about twenty minutes from Stephanie’s mom’s house. He opens his eyes slowly, taking in his surroundings, as if he’s just now remembering where he is. His hair is completely dry now, but kind of sticking up in every which direction. He looks super cute, all rugged and dark. I feel a shiver shoot up and down my spine.

“Where are we?” he asks, taking in the trees outside that are zooming by us as we get further and further down the road.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” I say, ignoring his question. I feel my stomach start to grumble, I knew I should have went in and got something for myself at the gas station.

“Why did you let me sleep?” he snaps, like it’s my fault he sleeps like a log. “We were supposed to be talking about the article,” he sighs loudly, “of course, you don’t care about that.”

“Look,” I say without thinking, “I’m going to need you to shut up with the whole yelling at me every two seconds thing, just for the next hour until I get this shit over with, okay? After that, you can go back to treating be like garbage again, but right now, so I can get through this, please, just shut up.”

He looks at me, shocked for a second, then snaps his mouth shut and looks out the window. All I had wanted when he was asleep was for him to wake up so I could ask him about his damn love life. Now that he was awake, I knew that conversation wasn’t going to take place. He was way too on edge about everything I said, or did; he was never going to open up to me about anything serious.

And if he wasn’t going to tell me what I wanted to know, if he wasn’t going to have any kind of normal conversation with me, if he was just going to yell at me, I would rather he just not talk to me at all. At least for now, at least until I got this over with.

I was so scared and nervous. I had no idea what I was walking into; I didn’t even know what had happened between Stephanie and her mom. For all I know they could hate each other, or her mom could have just gotten out of jail, or something. Oh my god, what if she was like a felon, or something? What if she punched me in the face for even coming there? Maybe she had left Stephanie for a reason, I had no idea about any of it.

Not to mention I still didn’t know how I was going to get Nathan to stay in the car. He loved to disagree with anything I said. As soon as I told him it was probably a good idea for him to stay in the car he was only going to want to come in with me even more. How was I supposed to explain that? I couldn’t really have a heart to heart with Stephanie’s mom about the wellness center with Nathan standing right next to me.

“You still haven’t told me where you have to go, you know?” Nathan says, as if he can read my thoughts.

It’s true, I hadn’t. Every time he would bring it up when we left school I would just ignore him, or change the subject. I didn’t want to lie though, so I figured playing dumb about everything was the best way to go. Smart, huh?

“I just have to go and visit an old friend’s mom for her,” I say, choosing my words carefully. It wasn’t really a lie, Stephanie was kind of my friend, and I was doing it for her.

“Why can’t she go herself?” I think I hear a hint of suspicion in Nathan’s voice as he asks this, but it’s hard to tell for sure. His tone is softer now, almost like he’s trying to not come off as rude, so I don’t snap at him again.

“She’s, kind of, tied up at the moment.” It occurs to me suddenly that she really could be tied up right now. Sometimes if you were out of control at the wellness center they would strap you down. It had only happened to me when I first got there and was freaking out, but Stephanie was definitely getting strapped down a lot. She was a fighter. The thought suddenly makes me feel like I’m going to be sick. That was the problem; someone like Stephanie probably wouldn’t get out anytime soon. The more you didn’t play by their rules, the more you didn’t do exactly what they wanted, the more hopeless they thought you were, and the longer they thought you needed to stay. Stephanie wasn’t going to get out, she wasn’t like me, she hadn’t figured it out. And if she had, she was too stubborn and impulsive to put in the work that needed to be done to trick them.

I realize how happy I am to be doing this. Like all at once I realize just how meaningful what I’m doing is. Eric was right when he told me if I could help someone get out of there, then I had to do it. I had to do the right thing, and more and more I was starting to feel like this was it.

“Tied up where? You mean at a boarding school, or something?” Nathan asks, looking out the window now, like the answer doesn’t really matter to him.

“You could say that.” Again, not a complete lie, they did try to make you go to classes in the wellness center. Not that most of the kids bothered with that, but it was still sort of like a school, in a way, kind of. Oh,
who
am I kidding? I’m grasping at straws. I glance down at the GPS, only a few miles to go now. I feel the butterflies that are already forming in my stomach start to flutter in different patterns all around. I was so nervous. I didn’t even remember the last time I had felt this nervous about something that didn’t involve Nathan.

Nathan stays silent next to me, and I find myself wishing I could tell him the truth about what I had to do, wishing he would comfort me in some way. I knew he would be there for me. He always seemed to know the right thing to say to make me feel better. But that was back then and this was now.

The voice on the GPS springs to life, letting me know to make a right turn just ahead, on Stephanie’s mom’s street. After I’m about half way down the road, I realize it’s an apartment complex. Dozens of brick buildings on each side of Nathan and me come into view, all blurring into one another, looking too much alike to tell them apart. They don’t look rundown, or trashy, or anything. Instead, they look cozy and like they would make a cute home for someone who lives alone, or for a cute couple just starting out. The outside of each building is brick, the doors painted in a light red color, I see no sign of chipping on any of the doors, almost like they were just painted within the last week or so. Plants line the outside of the doors; a few flowers randomly lay around on different porches. The grass is flawless, so green that I think it must be fake at first. Little driveways surround the front of each door, making it feel like almost more of a neighborhood.

“What time did you tell her you were coming?”

“I didn’t tell her I was,” I say, barely paying Nathan any mind now, too much was going on around me. Kids outside in every which direction, a few people grilling out, and a pizza delivery man standing on one the lawns waving his hands around to a confused looking man who’s shaking his head. I can hear him saying something about how he didn’t order any pizza as I pass.

“You didn’t tell her you were coming?” Nathan asks, and then sighs really loudly like he can’t believe it. “That was inconsiderate.”

Didn’t I just tell him to not talk to me if he was going to be insulting me? “What did I just tell you?”

Nathan looks away from me, back to the activity outside. Then, after a second he turns his attention back to me. “What if she’s not home?”

Gosh, he was so stubborn, he just couldn’t help himself, had to keep digging. “Of course she will be home,” I tell him, rolling my eyes.

“How do you know? Does she not work?”

I shrug, and then look out the window, looking for numbers on the apartment doors now. It’s kind of hard to see, they’re pretty small. No wonder that pizza guy was having trouble finding the right house.

“You don’t know if she works or not?”

I don’t answer him, deciding to keep looking for the address instead. Duh, I didn’t know if she worked or not, and duh, I didn’t know if she would be home or not. I knew nothing about her. I hadn’t really thought about the chance that she wouldn’t be home to be honest. This had all happened so fast, one second I was showing off my new car, the next I had been on my way to visit Stephanie’s mom with Nathan. A million thoughts had consumed my mind since we left the school, but that wasn’t one of them. I probably should have considered that possibility though, or tried to call her first. God, why hadn’t I tried to call first? That sounded way better than what was happening right now. But Eric had acted like going right then and there was the only possible choice. Eric, ugh, I was going to kill him.

“Hello?” Nathan says louder now, like I’m deaf. “Where does she work?”

“Nathan, I’m a little busy trying to find the address right now. For some reason the numbers are almost impossible to see from the road.” I’m squinting out the window, trying to make out the slightest hint of a number.

Nathan rolls his window down, and sticks his head out the window. “What number are we looking for?”

“Nathan!” I hiss. “Get back in here!”

“What number are we looking for?” he asks again, louder this time.

 
Ugh. “243.”

Nathan moves his body a little further out the window. I see a man and his daughter staring at us now, looking at us like we might be up to something suspicious. Great, we were supposed to be staying low key, the less attention we attracted the better.

“Nathan!” I plead, trying to get my point across without yelling.

“Are you sure it’s 243?” he asks, his body getting further and further out the window. Jeez, if he wasn’t careful he was going to get stuck. There was no way he could keep sticking all those muscles out the window and fit comfortably.
Those sexy muscles
I find myself thinking. Wow, now was so not the time to be thinking about that.

“Nathan! Get back in the car!” I hiss. The man who was standing with his son before is talking to an older man now, and he’s pointing at Nathan, saying something I can’t make out. Great.

Nathan’s ignoring me, still looking around outside. I don’t know what he’s doing, if he hasn’t seen it by now he’s clearly not going to.

“Nathan! Please! Get in the car!”

Still nothing. See, the more I want him to do something, the more he does the opposite. I reach over and grab the hood of his sweatshirt, practically hitting his head on the ceiling as I yank his body back inside the car.

“Hey!” he scolds me, rubbing his arm like I hurt him. “What did you do that for? That hurt!”

Oh, please.

“Because! You can’t just-“

Boom. Boom. Boom.

The sound of someone banging on my car window makes me jump so high that I actually do bang my head on the ceiling. I instantly reach up to where it hit, and turn my head to see what the hell is going on.

The old man who was looking at Nathan before is standing next to my window now, looking down at me, he’s squinting trying to see what’s going on in here.

“Are you okay?” Nathan asks, taking his hand and touching the place where I hit my head. I freeze at his touch, turning to look at his face now, he looks genuinely confused and concerned. Like I might have a concussion, or something.

“I’m okay,” I tell him reluctantly, not wanting him to move his hand away from my head.

“Good,” he’s already moving his hand away from me, “you need to be more careful.”

“I’m fine.” I turn my head back to the man standing outside my window, annoyed that Nathan is already back to being rude and detached. Sure, I had said I was fine, but how did I know? People always say they’re fine when they aren’t. He didn’t have to take my word for it so fast.

The man outside is still peering down at us. Great, now I had to deal with the mess Nathan got us into. The man sighs loudly then starts knocking on the window again, even though I’m looking right at him.

“Roll down the window,” Nathan orders, “let’s see what he wants.”

Was he crazy? Of course I wasn’t going to roll down the window! We were in a strange town, in a strange neighborhood; with a strange man we knew nothing about pounding on our window! Why would I let him in the car? “I’m not opening the window! He could be a axe murderer or something!”

Nathan rolls his eyes. “That guy? He’s like 85, I think I could take him.”

“Oh, yeah?” I ask. “Can you take a gun? Because I can’t.”

Nathan laughs loudly, and tries to reach over me to roll the window down, I swat his hand away.

“Come on, that man has no gun,” he says, laughing again.

“You don’t know that! We know nothing about him, or where we are! This isn’t our turf!”

Nathan shakes his head, a smile still plastered on his face. “This isn’t the 1970’s and we aren’t in a gang fighting over who gets to run what neighborhood, we’re in a little apartment community with a cute old man who wants to chat with us.”

Bang. Bang. Bang. “Hello! Hello in there! I can see you in there!” The old man’s screaming down at us now, like we don’t know he’s out there or something. Wonderful.

“At least crack the window or something for the poor guy,” Nathan offers helpfully.

I sigh and do what he says, it was clear this guy wasn’t going anywhere, and if I had any hope of finding Stephanie’s mom’s apartment I clearly needed to get rid of him.

“Oh, hello there,” I say with a fake cheer in my voice. “How are you doing today?”

“We didn’t order any food! Now maybe you can pass this along to your supervisor, or something, so everyone gets the message because it happens way too much.” He lets out a really loud sigh like he can’t believe he has to deal with this again. “Now, this is Garden View, you want Garden Gates, it’s a few blocks over, if you just take this road here-“