Crash Into You (4 page)

He raises his eyebrows at me again.

“I mean so that you can get some sleep before we go find her. I would pay for it and we could get one with two beds,” I rush on, “and we could talk about the article too, when we wake up, or whatever. But I know this isn’t your problem or issue and if you want to go home I’ll take you right now and just come back in the morning myself. I’m totally willing to do that, I just thought it would save me some time in the car, not to sound selfish, or anything because, again, I know this isn’t your issue.” I bite my lip nervously when I’m done, waiting for his reply. I had barely taken a breath in between all that, too anxious to stop talking.

Nathans looking at me like I’m crazy, like I have six heads, or something. Finally, he shrugs. “Whatever, fine.”

“Oh, my god, really?” I’m practically jumping out of my skin I’m so shocked, I had honestly expected him to say no way in hell he was staying.

Nathan rolls his eyes, biting open a thing of peanut butter cups with his teeth. “Don’t act so shocked, like I don’t have a heart, or something. I’m not going to let you drive an extra 5 hours just so I can sleep in my own bed. A bed is a bed, besides, tomorrow’s Saturday, it’s not like I have a lot going on. It’s really no big deal.” He states the last part of his sentence really slow, probably just to make it clear that him agreeing to stay has nothing to do with him caring about me.

Yeah, I get it.

“Well, thank you, anyway,” I say softly.

“Well, it’s about the article, anyway,” he says in-between bites of chocolate, “I have to do what I have to do to make sure it turns out great.”

I want to point out that he’s been saying that all day long and we’ve yet to talk about the article at all. I want to say that if he was really so concerned and worried about the article wouldn’t he be bringing it up a lot more? But I don’t, partly because I don’t want to start a fight when he’s doing me a favor, and partly because I’m scared then he will start bringing it up all the time. The article, I mean. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s important, and I really care about it and about making him look his best, but I’m enjoying this time. The time we spend talking about things that aren’t related to an article, even if it is just stupid small talk about random things, it reminds me of how it used to be. It reminds me of what was, and it feels nice, and right.

“Right,” I tell him. “So, shall we?”

He laughs loudly. “We shall.”

***

Twenty minutes later we’re inside the cutest little hotel room ever. We looked up Stephanie’s mom’s work and went to the street it was on, deciding to look for a hotel that was near by so we wouldn’t have to do too much late night driving, or worry about finding it in the dark. Lucky for us we didn’t have to look very far at all. The diner itself is kind of old and rundown, an older building with yellow paint chipping off in every which direction, a few plants outside, and brick steps leading up to the front doors. It looks nice enough, tiny and old, but nice.

When we pulled into the parking lot to get a better look, as if fate knew we were coming, across the lot, in the very back of the parking lot was a tiny hotel. I’m not even sure I would really even call it a hotel, it’s so small. It looks like it has at most about nine rooms. It’s still cute though, painted a light green, with a little homemade sign on the outside of the main door that says; come on in we’re open! And best of all, the diner is literally within walking distance. If we really wanted to, we could walk over there at the start of Stephanie’s mom’s shift.

“Look at that,” I say, cutting off the engine and pointing to where the tiny inn stands in the back part of the lot, “it’s perfect, you can’t get any closer than that.”

Nathan looks horrified. “That place? No way, it looks like the kind of place that doesn’t get taken care of very well, probably germs floating all over the place, I can’t get sick before the playoffs, coach will kill me and so would the entire team.”

“Oh, come on, it’s fine! It looks really clean to me.” This isn’t exactly the truth, but it’s not a lie either. I mean, who could tell how clean it is from here? “You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover,” I point out.

He roles his eyes at me and I bring the car to life and start driving over to the old building, he must not care that much because he doesn’t stop me, and not long after we were opening the doors to a little room, taking it all in. There were two beds, a little coffee table separating the two of them, and a tiny T.V. lining the back wall. There’s a little tiny wooden table with plastic flowers and a coffee pot on the other side of the T.V. I find myself sighing in relief at the sight of the coffee pot, immediately wishing I had some cream and sugar to make a little cup of coffee, but coffee with no cream and sugar was better than no coffee at all.

The walls are painted in plain white, the comforters a pale blue, with fluffy pillows sticking out. The room smells like scented candles and pumpkin, I feel myself let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding in, I guess I was more relived about Nathan not being right about the room than I thought I would be. Especially because when we pulled up, he had jumped out of the car right away, slamming it behind him, and running inside to pay for the room. I wanted to ask him where he got money, but I figured Missy and my dad had probably taken care of it. I had remembered my dad always telling Nathan to not worry about getting a job, he would take care of anything he wanted or needed, basketball was Nathan’s number one job he would say, and I guess it still was.

“See,” I say, looking around the room, “it’s nice.”

And it was, not huge, but nice and cozy.

Nathan shrugs, “it’s okay.” He’s unpacking all the food he had in the car on the little table now, I guess deciding if he wants anything else to eat at that moment.

Of course he wouldn’t admit it was cute, not like he really wanted to be here, or anything. I pull open my purse and take out the little bag of goodies Nathan had come back from the office with. I guess he had told the woman inside the main office that this was kind of spur of the moment, and we didn’t have much of anything with us. She had given him two plastic bags filled with little odds and end, a tiny toothbrush and toothpaste, floss, shampoo, soap, mouthwash, and a few other little things.

I held it close to me now, grateful for it, I had no desire to go out and buy anything else tonight. I was grateful to just be in one place, still and waiting. A place to just sit and relax, processing my thoughts. And Nathan, I was thankful to be in a place with Nathan.

“Well,” I say, starting to make my way toward the other side of the room, “I guess I’m going to just go and freshen up.”

Nathan grunts, his eyes still on his food, barely noticing I’m gone.

I close the door behind me and shift my body on the top of the sink in the tiny room. It’s not a big room, leaving only enough room for the toilet, sink, and small shower. Still, at least I’m alone; at least I can think in here. It was really weird going from the wellness center where I was alone for the majority of the day to coming back here where it seemed like in general people were always around. Sometimes I felt like because I was processing things so much on my own for such a long time, that I needed that space to do it again. Like maybe I need that space to fully understand what the hell is going on.

Like right now, for example. I was in a hotel room, towns away, with Nathan. That was crazy. If someone had told me a month ago, or a week ago, or even a day ago that this would be happening there was no way in hell I would have believed them. And now here we were, and he had agreed to it, he had agreed to get in the car and make the drive with me. He had agreed to stay here with me all night, even if it meant getting a hotel. I know I should just go with it and be happy that he was doing it, but I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t stop playing it over and over in my head. That was the problem with caring about someone so much, you over analyze every single thing they do until you can’t take it anymore.

Like right now, don’t get me wrong I was so happy that Nathan had decided to stay with me. It made my heart ache in my chest it made me so happy. But there was another part of me that was still annoyed at him. A part of me that didn’t get why he would bother staying if he was still going to be on edge with me the whole time. He was still hot and cold, one minute being civil to me, the next treating me like he could care less what I do or when I do it. I was trying really hard to put myself in his shoes, to understand how weird this must be for him too, he had thought I had just picked up and left him behind without having the courage to even say anything to him about it. Then I had just showed up here again, thinking that him and me could still be civil. I was clearly messed up in the head, but so was he. What was he even doing here if he hated me so much? Unless it’s just really all about the article and it has nothing to do with me. The thought makes my stomach turn, but part of me thinks that must be it.

I jump off the sink, ripping open the bag Nathan gave me and taking the toothpaste and toothbrush out, I brush my teeth quick, then rinse my mouth out with the mouthwash. I run a hand through my hair and look at myself one last time before I open the door, hit the light, and walk out of the bathroom. If Nathan was here all about the article, and all about business like he said, that was just fine with me. I would show him just how about business I was too, from now on; it was all about the article.

But when I look around the room, ready to jump right in, I realize that’s impossible. Nathan’s already curled up on one of the beds, fast asleep.

Nathan’s still fast asleep when my alarm goes off at four am that morning. I groan, way to tired to deal with such a life-changing thing first thing in the morning. But I jump up anyway, knowing I don’t have that much time. I had decided that getting to the diner right on time was important, I had more of a chance of being able to talk to Kathleen first thing in the morning than I did later, when the breakfast rush came in, or whatever. Plus, if I remembered correctly, Nathan would wake up around four or four-thirty every morning, ready to get his morning run in. When you’re used to waking up at a certain time every day eventually your body gets used to it, waking you up at that time weather you have an alarm or not. The last thing I needed was Nathan waking up and deciding he was going to come with me over there to see Kathleen. Sure, I wanted Nathan here with me, but not over there with me, that would be a huge disaster.

Once I slip my shoes on, I open the door slowly, letting the morning breeze blow in and get caught up in my hair. I wrap my arms around me, shivering a little at the coldness of the early hour. I spot Nathan’s sweatshirt he was wearing on the chair by the door and pick it up without thinking, wrapping it around me. I would be back before he even realized it was gone. He wouldn’t even miss it.

With every step toward the diner I find myself getting more and more nervous. I really had a feeling this was going to be a complete disaster, I barely even knew Stephanie, how was I supposed to try and convince her mom that she didn’t belong in the wellness center? I push those thoughts out of my mind right away, reminding myself that I can’t be filled with negativity if I want to make it through this.

I pick up my speed a little bit, thinking about how when I get there, at least I can have a cup of coffee. I hadn’t fallen right asleep when I had come out of the bathroom to find Nathan passed out last night. Instead, I had laid in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything. Finally, at around one in the morning I had dozed off into a restless sleep. It was only a few hours, but at least it was something. For a while after my mom died, I had barely slept at all. I would just lay in bed all night, unable to sleep, and then I had started to get creative. I would take long drives all around taking in all the pretty views, or go for a run, or I would write. That was my favorite, curling up with a piece of paper and a pen, just getting all my inner thoughts out. Oh, and coffee, lots of coffee. So much so that it had become my major weakness and addiction. Not having it in the wellness center had almost made me go crazy. Especially when I wasn’t sleeping that much there either, imagine having little sleep and no coffee everyday. I felt like a complete and total zombie.

My heart catches in my chest as I remember how soundly I would sleep next to Nathan. When I was in his room or he was in mine, when I was in his arms, it was like all my issues with sleep had just disappeared, almost like they were never there to begin with. Nathan made me feel at peace, like no matter what happened, everything was going to be okay because he was there. The sleep I had with Nathan had been the most sound sleep I had gotten in months.

I stop in front of the tiny entrance to the diner now, taking in the scene inside. It’s pretty dead, not many customers in at the early hour, only a few drifters, maybe a local or two. There are two women inside working, both in their early to late 30’s. Here goes nothing, I take a deep breath and open the door, taking my first steps inside.

The diner is really cute on the inside, much nicer than the outside portrays it. There’s red tables spread out all over with matching chairs, a few booths line the walls, and a long counter lines the entire back wall, high top chairs up and down the entire thing. The paint is fresh and a few nice pictures line the walls. It’s a simple place, but clean, and nice. The smell of breakfast food fills the air and I find myself sniffing instantly. Mmm. Pancakes, eggs, bacon. All my favorite foods, suddenly my stomach is grumbling.

I wait for a minute by the door, but no one comes over to seat me, so I end up picking a small two-person table right by the door. I figure it’s best just in case I need to make a quick get away. I mean, I had no idea what I was walking into here. What if she tried to call the cops on me? Another reason it was a good thing Nathan wasn’t here for this, I might need him to bail me out! Ha-ha.

A cup of coffee is placed down right in front of me. I look up and come eye to eye with one of the woman I had seen through the window. She smiles at me genuinely, and places a thing of cream and sugar down next to the cup of coffee. “You look like you could use this.”

I would have known it was
her
even without the nametag that was clipped onto her apron. She had Stephanie’s eyes, or I guess it was Stephanie who had her eyes. She was a small woman, just like her daughter. She had light brown hair and soft features; she was beautiful in a natural type of way.

“I’ll give you a minute with the menu,” she says, setting a menu down in front of me and turning her back to me.

“No, wait!” The words are out of my mouth before I realize what I’m doing, I know this is rushed and all wrong, I know I have no idea what I’m going to say yet, but I have to do something, and fast.

She stops, turning her tiny back around to me, the same smile on her face. “Oh, you already know what you want?” She pulls her little pad and pen out of her pocket, ready to take my order.

Part of me wants to chicken out right then and there. Part of me wants to just let the whole thing go, order breakfast, then go on home. It’s not like Eric, or anyone, would ever know. I could just say I had told her and that it wasn’t up to me what she did with the information. But Eric had just forgiven me for lying to him about Nathan, and had that big talk with me about honesty. I mean, let’s face it the only reason I was here in the first place was because I had lied. Not to mention I knew deep down this was the right thing to do. I had to gather up my courage and make this work, make this happen.

“No.” I push the menu away from me as if to show how serious I am. “I’m not here to eat, I’m here to talk about your daughter.”

Kathleen drops her pad a little bit, but the same smile stays glued to her face, a little confusion creeps into her eyes. “I don’t have a daughter.” She doesn’t say it in a bitchy or mean way, more in a genuine way.

Did I have the wrong person? Was that even possible? I glance down at her nametag again, unless Eric had gotten her name wrong. That wasn’t likely, Eric wasn’t wrong often. I glance back up at her eyes, Stephanie’s eyes, and I know I have the right person.

“Yes you do, Stephanie,” I say the words slowly, worried that as soon as I say her name an alarm will go off, or something.

A look of fear and anger comes into her eyes, her smile now completely gone. “Look,” she says, taking a few steps closer to the table, “I don’t know what she owes you, but I haven’t talked to her in years, so if you think-“

“No,” I interrupt, “no, it’s nothing like that. I met her recently. It’s… it’s a really long story, but I met her inside of a facility for troubled teens a few months ago, she was my roommate and-“

“She’s in jail?” Kathleen asks, shocked.

“No, it’s not a jail, although it might as well be. It’s a facility that parents can check their kids into if they think they need help, or counseling, and they can pretty much keep them there as long as they want, and Stephanie… she was my roommate, like I said…” I’m stuttering now, getting really nervous. I don’t know how I was thinking this would go, but this sure wasn’t it.

“Who put you up to this? Did my ex husband put you up to this? Look, I have a life here, a good life.” She sighs and takes a step away from me. “Get the hell out of here.”

I jump up after her, practically running to keep up with her fast pace. “No, Stephanie sent me, she needs you. She needs your help!”

Kathleen swings around, clearly pissed off. “I’m not buying into whatever it is you’re trying to sell here, please leave.”

“I’m not trying to sell anything!” I’m practically yelling now, and I see the few people who are in there starting to look at us, but I don’t care. “She’s in this place called the wellness center, and it’s awful they-“

“If you don’t leave right now, I’m going to call the police,” she cuts me off.

I open up my mouth to talk again, but she pulls her cell phone out of her pocket as if to prove her point on how serious she is. I have no choice. I turn around, defeated, and even more miserable than when I started.

I feel her eyes on me the entire time I walk across the diner and through the door, it’s not until the door swings shut behind me that I see her turn around and start walking toward one of her few customers.

I had failed, she didn’t believe me, she thought I was full of shit. Just like everyone else these days. Was anyone ever going to believe anything I said? I was so sick of this, so sick of everyone and everything. I deliver one swift kick to the garbage can outside of the diner, causing the top of it to fall off and go flying across the lawn.

“Hey now, what did that trash can ever do to you?”

It’s Nathan. He’s standing at the bottom of the steps, looking up at me with raised eyebrows. I notice his t-shirt and remember I stole his sweatshirt, oops. He doesn’t look cold, he looks hot, I avert my eyes and take the steps down to him two at a time.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go that well?” he asks.

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” I walk past him and head back across the parking lot, toward the hotel. “Come on.”

Nathan hesitates a second, then sighs and starts to follow after me. I’m walking way too fast for comfort, but I’m so mad that I can’t help it. Of course, Nathan has no problem keeping up with me.

“What happened?” he asks, not even the slightest bit out of breath like I am.

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter, no one cares.” I pick up my pace even more, partly because I’m upset and partly because I just realized the more distance I get between Nathan and the diner full of truth, the better.

“Of course it matters, if you’re this upset, it must matter.”

I can feel the tears starting to form behind my eyes, and I jog the last few steps to the room, desperate to get inside before any tears escape from my eyes. “It’s nothing, I just need to shower, I feel gross and smell like car.” This makes no sense, since my car is brand new, but whatever, I’m just babbling at this point anyway. I reach into Nathan’s sweatshirt pocket and pull out the keycard, sticking it into the slot, and opening the door.

Nathan follows me inside and the door slams shut behind him. He let’s out an annoyed sigh, back to treating me like I’m ridiculous. “Whatever you say, then maybe we can get on the road. No offense, but I’ve had just about enough fun for one 24 hour span.”

I don’t even look at me, instead heading straight to the bathroom.

“No problem,” I say, slamming the door shut behind me.

It’s not until I’ve safely locked the door, turned the water on, and allowed my body to slip down to the floor that I finally surrender to the tears that have been waiting to spill out for what feels like forever.

***

Twenty minutes later I feel clean, refreshed, and at least a little bit better. I had tried my best, that’s all anyone could ask of me. It wasn’t my fault that Kathleen hadn’t believed me. That clearly had more to do with her and Stephanie’s relationship as mother and daughter than it did with me. Kathleen didn’t even know me, so for me to take this personal was silly, it wasn’t even about me. I would just have to explain it to Eric, and if he didn’t get it then he could just march up here himself and talk to that crazy woman for himself.

No way I was going back inside there, I wasn’t getting taken to jail for Stephanie, I had tried. So why did I still feel so horrible? I decided the only thing I could do was get myself home and talk to Eric, hopefully when I told him what was going on he would be able to make more sense of this than I could.

I swing open the door of the bathroom, a cloud of steam following me. Taking a shower had just been an excuse to get away from Nathan, but I had to admit it had made me feel a little better. My hair was all wet, and Nathan’s sweatshirt felt soft on my skin, I felt refreshed. And now we could get on the road and I could forget all about Stephanie, Kathleen, and the stupid wellness center for the next few hours. That sounded great to me.

Only Nathan’s not in the room when I come out of the bathroom, I glance around the room, but it looks deserted. Great, this was typical. He was probably already in the car, waiting for me. Why did he have to be so rude?

I grab my purse off the table at the front of the room and swing the door open. I was honestly getting sick and tired of how rude he was, it was the last thing I needed at this time of the morning, especially considering what had just happened. Hopefully he would sleep the whole way home so I didn’t have to deal with his horrible attitude.

But the cars still dark when I get to it; I peer inside the window, thinking maybe I’ll find him sleeping in the front seat. Nothing.

And then I see him, walking slowly across the parking lot, the diner in the distance behind him. His arms hang down at his sides, his usual confidence gone from his over all representation of himself. He looks amazed, shocked even, and a little bit confused all at the same time.

And right away, I know he knows.