Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4) (14 page)

I got kicked out of the dorms a few months into my sophomore year of college for smoking pot. I was surprised that it took that damn long for the resident advisor to smell it coming out of my room. It was just some damn weed. It comes from the earth for God’s sake. It was already legal in several states.

I didn’t understand why I was getting so much flack for it. The parents on the other hand, lost their shit because of this.

I moved into Dylan and Jacob's apartment, as Lucas happened to be moving back to Oak Island. His mom was diagnosed with stage three-breast cancer, and he’d ended up knocking up some chick.

It took everything inside of me to bite my goddamn tongue, knowing the news nearly killed Alex.

Karma’s a bitch.

We all took the news of his mom getting cancer pretty bad. I was the last one to find out. They waited until I was visiting to sit me down and tell me. It was Lily’s, Lucas’s baby sister, sixteenth birthday. For some fucked up reason they thought that was the best time to tell me. I barely let the news settle before I called up some random friends that night and got shitfaced at The Cove downtown.

The night was full of fucking surprises.

Just one right after the other.

Dylan and Jacob promised Alex we would come visit her in California for spring break. Between the news of Lucas’s mom and his bundle of joy being born soon, she needed her boys. At least that’s what she told them. It was her freshman year of college. She was living with Aubrey in an apartment, both of them attending UCLA. The same college Cole was attending.

Which was more than just a coincidence, even though she said he had nothing to do with it, and the sad part was…

I believed her.

We left Half-Pint’s apartment before sunrise our last day in California to go surfing. We rented some boards for the day, since we didn’t have ours. I hadn’t been on a surfboard since before the accident. It was the best feeling in the world. I loved being back on a board, watching the sun come up. There was nothing else in the world that compared to being out in the water when no one else was around. Watching life just come awake right before your eyes. It was the most peaceful feeling. Once the sun came up, a light breeze kicked up, causing the wind to blow against my face. Tasting the salt water and sand. Being one with Mother Nature and all her glory.  

By noon my back was killing me, the throbbing sensation radiated everywhere and all at once, almost crippling me. I barely made it back to the shore, the white water had to drag me back in. I actually had to lay there against the current. The pain was unbearable. My back spasms were so fucking bad. I didn’t think I would be able to move again.

“What the fuck you doin’?” Dylan asked, hovering above me with his board under his arm.

“Relaxing,” I simply stated, glaring up at him through silted eyes.  

He reached out his hand to help me up and I grunted in pain, leaning over once I stood.

“You alright?”

“Just fuckin’ peachy,” I rasped out.

I stood, breathing through the pain. In and out, steadying my body in an upright position.

“Austin, you’re not going to your physical therapy anymore, and you’re popping those painkillers like fuckin’ candy. It’s masking your pain, it’s not fixin’ it.”

“Jesus Christ, man. It’s not even noon yet and you’re on my balls. You guys don’t fucking get it, you don’t know what it feels like after that physical therapy bullshit. I can barely walk and I’m in bed for days after one session. I can barely take a goddamn piss without holding myself up against the wall.”

“No shit. But the more you do it, the easier it will get.”

“You want to hold my cock too, McGraw? Would that make you feel better? Last time I checked you didn’t have a medical degree and you hadn’t flown out the window of a fucking car,” I argued.

“Who’s fault is that, Austin?” he spewed, regretting his words immediately.

“This was a good talk. I’ll see you back at Alex’s apartment.”

I took a cab back to Half-Pint’s place, leaving the boys to surf some more. I hadn’t gotten my license back yet, not that it mattered. I wouldn’t be able to drive in my current state of pain. By the time I flagged down a cab, I was seeing stars from the severity of the throbbing. Of course I didn’t bring enough painkillers with me either. I honestly didn’t think surfing would take me down like that.  

I paid the driver and slowly made my way into her apartment. As soon as I opened the door, the sound of someone moaning tore through the foyer. At first I thought it was Aubrey, but she barely left her room, avoiding Dylan like the plague. They’d broken up suddenly almost two years ago, and things were still awkward between the two of them.

“Cole, you have to stop, we can’t do this right now.”

I stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I heard her voice. All the blood drained from my face.

“The boys could come back any second. I don’t want them to find out this way,” Alex pretty much panted every word.

“They’re surfing, darlin, just lay back and enjoy what I do to you.”

My feet moved on their own accord. There was no stopping it. Her door was cracked open and what I saw was almost as crippling as the pain in my back. Cole was on his knees on the side of her bed, his face buried between Alex’s legs.

I scoffed, backing away from the door before they heard me. I’d never be able to look at Alex the same way again. My heart broke a little more that day. Any illusions I had all these years were shattered in that moment, and it wasn’t because of Bo or Alex. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

I
was never a choice.

I
wasn’t even in the running.

I
was never good enough.

I took a quick shower, downed some painkillers, and got the fuck out of there. The last two nights I had hooked up with some random chick. As luck would turn out, she loved my cock and welcomed me with open arms when I knocked on her door.

All I wanted to do was forget, so I spent the entire day wrapped up in her pussy.

Doing just that.

“You going to the fraternity party tonight?” she asked, laying her head on my chest.

I shrugged. The last thing I wanted was to be around Cole, Alex, and the good ol’ boys. I wouldn’t mind staying right where I was, going another few rounds with her.

She peeked up at me through her lashes. “You want to have some fun tonight?”

I grinned, thinking she read my mind and was talking about fucking again.

She rolled over and grabbed something out of her nightstand drawer. She placed two blue pills with an engraved star stamp on my chest.

We locked eyes.

“You want to fuck like a God?”

She swallowed the two pills that were in her hand and before I could answer, she ordered, “Open your mouth and follow me down the rabbit hole. I promise to be gentle,” she purred.

My mouth parted, answering the question for me. I swallowed back the pills and waited...

****

“What are you on, Austin?” Alex asked, sitting on the hood of her car. I stood in front of her keeping my distance.

My eyes were so fucking dilated. I had a hard time focusing on her face and not on the streetlights behind her. Everything was breathing, thriving, and vivid. I couldn’t focus on more than one thing without my eyes twitching and my body feeling alive. Like I had woken up for the first time, like I was living for the first time, like I was seeing clearly for the first time. The thought alone made me take a breath from the sensations that coursed through my blood.

After the chick and I fucked each other’s brains out, she wanted to check out the party. I just wanted to move, I couldn’t stand still. I walked into the party for a few minutes and walked right back out as soon as Alex and the boys walked in. There was no escaping them.

My back didn’t hurt.

My heart didn’t hurt.

Nothing fucking hurt anymore.

“Just weed, Half-Pint, relax. You sound as bad as the boys,” I stated.

It didn’t take long for her to follow me outside.

“I’m worried about you,” she coaxed.

I laughed.
Yeah, you looked so fucking worried about me while Cole was eating you out.

“Don’t be, I’m fine.” I leaned in close to her face and spewed, “Now, you and Cole? You fucking him, Alex?” Having no filter.

The drugs had taken over, and I welcomed the feeling with open arms. Spending way too many years keeping my mouth shut for everyone else.

She gasped, jerking back. “Jesus, Austin.”

I rolled my eyes, walking away from her, needing to move again. My body tingled everywhere.

“Oh, come on, Alex, we’re not kids anymore. I know you get… wet,” I crudely baited. Not giving a fuck anymore.

She immediately jumped off her car, walking away from me. I grabbed her arm a little too hard, just wanting to stop her.

“Oh my God, stop! I’m joking. Calm down.”  

“Let go of my arm,” she harshly demanded.

I did.

“You’re lying. What are you on?” she repeated, sounding like a damn broken record.

I sighed, wanting her to stop asking and blurted, “Ecstasy.”

“Why? Why are you doing this?”

I smiled big, backing away. “Why not, Alex? You only live once. Might as well fucking make it count, right?”

“Austin,” she murmured, trying to reach for me.

I pulled back my arm, already knowing what was coming. There was no way in Hell I was letting her ruin my high. After everything I’d been through the last few years, I fucking deserved it.

“No! Don’t look at me like that. I’m having fun.”

She eyed me, disappointed in my behavior.

I put my hand out in the air, surrendering. “Fuck it. I’m out of here.”

“Austin!” she shouted after me, but I ignored her and kept going.

I walked around aimlessly for I don’t know how long. There was a park up the road I found myself wandering toward. I wanted to look at the stars. Be in the moment. Fucking forget about her. Fucking forget about all of them. I laid down on the slide, tucking my arms behind my head, and peered up at the sky.

Lost in the beauty of the world.

The silence all around me.

The quiet before the storm…

“What the fuck, man?” Dylan roared, walking up to me with Jacob beside him.

That didn’t take long.
Nice of you to join me, boys, but if you came here to lecture me, I suggest you turn the fuck around. I’m not going to take any shit from either one of you,” I calmly stated, causing them to jerk back from the impact of my response.

I was in no fucking mood for more bullshit. I just wanted to look at the goddamn stars.  

“Jesus Christ, Austin,” Jacob rebutted. “What are you doing? This isn’t you.”

I scoffed, standing up right in front of them. “Who am I? Huh? You tell me, boys, because I have no fucking idea anymore. I have spent the last twenty-one years of my life marching in line with all of you. I’m done. Do you hear me? Fucking done.”

Today was the last straw…

No more going back for me.

Just clear skies ahead.  

“What the hell are you talking about? You’re not making any goddamn sense,” Dylan countered, folding his arms over his chest. “Fuck, man, we know you went through some shit with the car accident but—”

“You don’t know a goddamn thing. Your head’s been so far up Aubrey’s and every other girl’s pussy, you can barely see straight.”

Dylan immediately stepped toward me ready to throw down, but Jacob placed his arm across his chest.

“Relax,” he ordered in a rough tone, looking back at me. “This the way you want to play it? We’re your friends not your enemies, asshole. You need to remember that while you’re on this path of self-destruction that you so intently feel like continuing. What’s next? Cocaine? Huh? What’s it going to take for you to get your fucking shit together, Austin? Rehab? Fucking overdosing? Do you have a fucking death wish, bro? Please tell us so we know what to expect from your path of God-knows-what.”

I snidely smiled. I was done fucking protecting them. They wanted to act like I was the fuck up. They wanted to pretend like they were so fucking perfect, well then they had another thing coming.

Lucas with his God-given attitude of never hurting Alex, when all he did was that. Knocking someone up killed her in ways I couldn’t have done in the car accident.

Dylan fucking anything with tits and an ass, flaunting it in Aubrey’s face, not giving a shit about the hurt it caused her.

And then Jacob… fucking Jacob.

“That’s… fucking… rich… coming from you, Oh, Mighty Jacob.” I shook my head with a devious stare directed only at him.

I could see Dylan from the corner of my eye. He seemed just as baffled as Jacob was. They really were fucking clueless, such goddamn hypocrites. Acting like they were better than me, when they were anything but.