Crave Me (The Good Ol' Boys #4) (10 page)

“Hey,” I greeted, walking up to Alex from behind.

She turned to face me and smiled shyly. “Hey.”

I hadn’t seen her much since that day on the dock. There was no point to it. I fucked up and she knew that.

I sat down next to her on the bench, surprised to find her at the pier. It wasn’t a place she came to often. I had been hanging out at Charlie’s house all day, throwing back a few drinks and shooting the shit.

“Whatcha doin’ over here by yourself?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I come here to think.”

I understood that all too well.

“About Lucas?” I blurted without thinking.

She immediately looked over at me, shocked and dismayed. I reassuringly smiled with an arched eyebrow and a mischievous look on my face. The last time we talked about her and Lucas was half a decade ago. Never once bringing it up after that day on the dock. Maybe she thought I forgot, or maybe she pretended like it never happened. Whatever the cause may have been, a lot had happened since then.

I wasn’t the same boy anymore.

And she wasn’t the same girl.

“It’s okay, Half-Pint, I’m not Jacob or Dylan. All I want is for you to be happy with Lucas, with Cole, shit even with a chick if that floats your fancy.”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “No girls.”

I laughed, “A guy can dream, right?”

She grinned, nudging me with her shoulder. “How long have you known?”

All our lives.
“Long enough.”

She nodded with understanding as she turned to look back out over the water.

“The boys—”

“I know,” I interrupted, already knowing what she was going to say. “In all fairness though, they’re just looking out for you, Alex. It’s what we’ve always done. It’s not coming from a bad place. You know we love you more than anything.”

“I know.”

The boys had definitely done some damage when it came to their relationship, and maybe I had my part in it too. Over the last year I thought a lot about my childhood, about the things I couldn’t change and for the first time…

I didn’t want to.

Every memory, every moment, every life event brought me to this place in time where I was content and comfortable in my own skin. Finally, finding some solid ground to the rocky foundation that had always been placed beneath me.   

“I don’t think you do. I know you, Alex. I’ve known you as long as I’ve known them. You and Lucas have always had a special unbreakable bond. When I was a kid, I used to be jealous of your relationship. It wasn’t because I wanted you in that way or anything, it was more because I never had that connection to anyone. You’re like my little sister and that applies to all of us,” I revealed, knowing it was the effects of the booze I’d been drinking all day.

Part of what I said was true and part of it wasn’t.  

Half-truths, so many lies. Too many lies.

But I still found myself saying them because it was what she needed to hear. And at the end of the day, she was all that ever mattered.

To all of us.

“Except you and Lucas complete each other. You balance each other out in a way that we all do for one another, but you had your own dynamic going on.”

She nodded in understanding.

“As the youngest, I’ve always felt like the odd man out with the rest of the boys. I guess that’s why I try to do everything to the extreme. I need to make up for it or something,” I admitted out loud.

I had nothing to lose anymore.

I’d lost it all already.

When I realized that, was when I started living.

“Austin,” she murmured, completely surprised by my outburst. “I never knew you felt that way.”

I shrugged. “I’m good at hiding things, we have that in common. The boys have never made me feel like that by any means, at least not on purpose. It’s still there, though. You know Lucas always tells me that we’re a lot alike, and I never understood what he meant until they left,” I paused, reflecting on what I was about to confess to her. The alcohol making it easier to do so.  “Both of us wanting to be one of the boys.”

She gazed at the side of my face. “I’ve never thought that about you. Not ever.”

I nodded. “And I’ve never thought that about you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you felt that way, does it?”

“No,” she half-whispered.

I smiled sadly and bowed my head for a few seconds, only looking back up when I was ready.

“I graduate in a few months.”

“Three months,” she stated, like she was counting down the days until she would really be alone.

I glanced at her, smiling, and it eased the worry she felt in her heart.

“You going to miss me, Half-Pint?”

“Always,” she bellowed, her eyes blurring.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my chest, kissing the top of her head and letting my lips linger. I had eaten some food and put some gum in my mouth before I left, to cover up the stench of alcohol. Alex was too innocent and naïve to realize I had been drinking. Which only made me pull her closer to my chest.

“I will always be here for you, it doesn’t matter where I am. I will always take care of you, and I will always love you. You’re my Half-Pint,” I vowed, my voice breaking.

As hard as it was for her to know that I was leaving her, it was just as hard for me to be leaving her. Even though I wanted nothing more than to get the fuck out of this town. 

She sniffed. “Ditto.”

“One day we won’t care what the boys think about us or what we do. On that day, we will both be extremely happy,” I said, silently praying it would be true. 

That was the hardest pill to swallow.

“So…” I brushed off the sentiments. “It’s Saturday night and Charlie’s throwing one of his raging parties. Let’s go,” I urged, standing up and reaching out my hand for her. “No,” I coaxed, shaking my head before she could answer. “I don’t want to hear your bullshit excuses about this or that. You will have fun with me. You will drink. You will dance. You will party. And that’s a fucking order.” 

She giggled and rolled her eyes. “Okay.”

I wanted to spend one night with her where I didn’t think about tomorrow or the next day or the day after that. How things might change between us after I left. How we may not be as close to one another as we had been this last year without the boys around.

I wanted one night where we could both let go.

Be free.

Show her how much fun it was to just not give a fuck anymore. What anyone thought, wanted, or needed. To see that life didn’t start and end with her Bo. That there were other possibilities in this world where she might be happy, and I wanted to take pride in being the one person that opened her eyes to that.

I drank.

She drank.

I danced.

She danced.

We laughed.

We smiled.

We lived in the moment. Where it was just me and her. And it was one of the happiest days of my life.

“Stop walking so fast,” she rambled, holding onto my hand tighter.

“Stop walking so slow,” I replied, slightly slurring.

“Hurry your asses up!” Jason yelled from in front of us.

“Where are we going?” she asked, already forgetting what I told her.

“The cops are coming. The party is being relocated.”

“Oh yeah,” she giggled, and it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard.

I opened the passenger door for her and closed it when she was safely seated inside. I ran over to the driver’s side, jumped in, and threw my car into reverse. Her body jerked forward from the momentum, and she started to giggle.

“Turn the music on,” I said.

She had a hard time finding the knobs, fidgeting from one to the other.

“Half-Pint, you’re drunk,” I chuckled right along with her.

“I love this song!” she shouted when she found the station she wanted.

I watched her dance around in her seat, singing at the top of her lungs. I’d never seen her so fucking happy before, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me love her just a little bit more.

I banged on the steering wheel, dancing right along with her. The music switched over to a slower song as we pulled up to a red light.

I caught her leaning back in her seat, lazily looking over at me from the corner of my eye.

“I love you, Austin. I love you so, so, so much.”

I looked over at her and spoke with conviction, “I love you more. I will always take care of you and don’t you ever fucking forget that. Now put your fucking seatbelt on.”

“Oh yeah.” She sloppily grabbed the strap behind her head as I started driving again.

“It won’t go in the buckle,” she giggled again.

“Here.” I took it out of her hands. “Grab the wheel.”

“Mmmkay.”

The car started swerving a little.

“Austin, I don’t think I should be doing this.”

“I’m almost done.”

I would never let anything happen to her. I didn’t care how long it took me to put her goddamn seatbelt on. I wouldn’t stop until she was safe.

I felt her looking down. “You need to put your seatbelt on, too,” she hiccupped.

“Done,” I stated, ignoring what she said.

She smiled at me before facing forward as I grabbed the steering wheel again. We went back to dancing around.

“Austin, you pussy, can’t you drive faster than that?” Jason shouted out his car window next to us. “If I beat you to the woods, you pay for all the beer.”

“You’re on!” I yelled back.

“I don’t think—”

“Hey,” I interrupted. “What were the rules?” I reminded with a huge smile on my face.

“To have fun,” she beamed.

I turned the radio up louder and pushed down the accelerator with my foot. She danced around some more and I focused on driving faster than him. I hated when my friends thought they could do something better than me. That only added to my will to kick his fucking ass.  

The paved road ended and we had to drive through the woods till we reached the party. My car started to recoil from the dirt and grass, making her body jolt all around. I went faster, wanting this to be over and for her to be comfortable again. She pressed her hands against the dashboard, trying to hold her body steady from the impact around us.

I expected it when she yelled out, “Slow down!”

“We’re almost there!”

I could sense she was scared. Which only pissed me off further and fueled my need to beat him for making me cause her any distress.

She turned down the radio.   

“You’re going too fast.”

“Relax, we’re fine,” I soothed.

I knew these woods. We were fine. I’d been partying in them for years. She gasped every time I took a sharp turn. The cars headlights only illuminated a few feet out in front of us, so I could understand why she was hanging on the edge of her seat. I decided to take a short cut and swerved left and then right. We would get there faster that way and then we could go back to having a great night. Like none of this bullshit had happened.

When I saw the clear path in front of us, I heard her breathe a sigh a relief, and I knew I had made the right decision.

Except it was too soon…

My heart dropped and pure panic took over, locking up my senses. A tree laid out in front of us a few feet ahead, probably a result from one of the last few hurricanes.

“AUSTIN!” she screamed bloody murder.

It vibrated throughout the car, and I immediately looked over at her with regret and sorrow written clear across my face. I slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. The tires spun in the mud, causing us to slide closer and closer to our destiny that waited with open arms. Alex’s screams and the sounds of branches whipping by filled the small, vacant spaces. She instinctively placed her arms over her face, and my whole life flashed before my eyes within seconds.

My parents…

My brother…

The boys…

Alex.

Half-Pint.

Her.

That’s when I remembered I didn’t have my seatbelt on. It was her life or mine.

Hers or mine.

Hers or mine.

Hers or mine.

I. Chose. Hers.

Everything from there on out happened in slow motion. I threw my body towards the passenger seat, placing my arms over her tiny frame, desperately trying to hold her back. Glass shattered all around us as metal screeched at our sides. I felt my body being thrown backward as if I was flying through the air.

I shut my eyes and awaited my fate, praying to God for the first time in my life, to please, please…

Save her.

And then…