Craved (Twisted Book 2) (21 page)

Can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.

Hurry up :)

At 15.05 I park at one of the apartment buildings in Sea Point. I get out of the car, look up at the grey ten-storey building, squinting against the bright sun, and anxiously sigh. I take my phone out of my pocket to check for more SMSs from Saad that could shed some light on this what-the-hell-am-I-doing-here situation. There are none. I walk towards the neat frontage, adorned with square-cut shrubs and colorful flower beds. I look up the number on the intercom and press the button.

I wait for an answer while a wide range of nasty scenarios swings through my mind: from a trap in which I’m abducted for sex slavery in some foul harem in Dubai, to twisted images of a swingers’ party at which I’m drugged and forced to participate.

I’m a fathomlessly damaged person and will never be able to enjoy life like normal people do. For once, Julia, can’t you relax and see things as they are?

‘Julia?’ The voice of a not-so-young woman rings out. Busy arguing with myself, I forget to answer.

‘Julia?’ The voice gets more demanding.

‘It’s me.’

‘I’ll be right there.’

I shift on my feet and look around, fighting with the anxiety that is having a party in my guts.

Calm down, Julia. It’s the middle of the day, the apartment building has hundreds of other people around. Nothing bad is going to happen
.

A few minutes later a blond woman in a yellow linen skirt suit hops out the front door.

‘My name is Margaret, very nice meeting you.’ She shakes my hand with a wide smile and a calculating stare, and walks me inside. We get into the elevator and she presses the number 10.

‘Would you like a glass of water, Julia? Or anything else? Sparkling wine?’ she offers as soon as we walk into the apartment.

‘Yes please, water is good.’ I swallow, feeling dryness in my mouth.

‘Come inside and take a seat.’ She walks into the open-plan kitchen. Some tension gets released, as I understand that there is no one else except for Margaret and me.
At least the swingers’ party is out.
I ignore her suggestion and walk past the contemporary, low, bright orange couch with colorful cushions, stunning yellow glass coffee table and weirdly designed curved floor lamp. I go straight towards the roomy, furnished balcony that fits even a sunbed. I take a deep breath of fresh sea air, basking in the warm sun on my face and relishing the boundless turquoise of the sky and steel blue of the ocean.

‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ Margaret walks over with the glass of water. ‘What do you think?’

I take the glass, look suspiciously inside it, and decide not to drink, ignoring my thirst
.
I swallow again, feeling an even worse dryness in my mouth than a minute before, and look at Margaret without returning her enthusiasm that’s so confusing to me.

‘Why don’t you tell me why I am here?’

My eager tone makes her frown. ‘Mr. Amari didn’t tell you?’ She is genuinely surprised. The wide, playful smile is back on her face.

‘No...’ I turn away, ashamed. ‘He just gave me this address and...’

‘Oh Julia, I apologize if this situation has made you feel uncomfortable. I am a property agent. Mr. Amari is my client. I’ve been asked to find an upmarket apartment in this area. If you like it, it’s yours. He’s paid for twelve months in advance, and asked to execute the lease in your name.’

‘What? Are you serious?’

She laughs, showing the set of perfect white teeth. ‘Let me show you around, then you can tell me what you think.’

Margaret’s tour offers detailed description. She begins with the only but ridiculously spacious bedroom and vast, incredible, en suite bathroom. I follow her, moving my eyes from the paintings on the walls to the other luxury features and finishes Margaret points out, but don’t hear what she is saying. My totally confused mind is trying to restart – replacing my disturbing suspicions with the jaw-dropping thrill of this surprise.

What a dumbhead I am! Who the hell would hijack someone with a copy of a passport? Or even dumber – a copy of my passport for a swingers’ party? Seriously, Julia?

My phone rings. I pull it out of my bag, smile at it, and press the answer call button.

‘Do you like it?’ Saad's voice is warm and excited.

‘I don’t know what to say.’

Margaret smiles and courteously walks out of the room.

‘You didn’t like it?’

‘Are you kidding me? It’s amazing! It’s the best surprise ever!’ I add, calmer, ‘You shouldn't have. I was perfectly comfortable in that house.’

‘Enjoy it, beautiful,’ he says, pleased with himself. ‘I want to spoil you. And what the hell! I want to be able to Skype with you! Besides, you won’t need to fight over the shower or your yogurt any more.’

We giggle.

‘Would you like to have dinner with me on Friday?’

I sit down on the edge of the bed, then lie down, feeling the soft coolness of the sheets, look up at the white ceiling adorned with different geometric shapes of luminaire and grin.

‘I’m all yours. Can’t wait to see you.’

I lie, but what the hell – the man has totally deserved it.

‘Great! Don't go to work on Friday, and don’t worry, I’ll send someone to your manager on Thursday to sort out the fines and fees for you.’

41

I arrive home. I almost run, I am so excited, burning with the desire to share the news with Natalia. I find her in our bedroom. She is sitting on her bed, gazing out the window.

‘You will never believe what I am going to tell you!’ I drop onto the bed next to her.

‘I also have some news,’ Natalia says with a weak smile. ‘But you go first.’

‘Is something wrong?’ Fear trickles through my body. ‘Did Mom call? Is Dad okay?’

‘No, don’t worry. It’s good news.’ Natalia’s face is still smiling, but it doesn't show even a trace of gladness.

‘Okay, you first, then. You make me worry. Tell me what it is.’

She sits up straight, takes a deep breath and fixes her eyes on mine.

‘I am pregnant. Tom and I are going to get married.’

No fucking way!

‘I found out a few days ago. Told Tom. He took it surprisingly well and offered to marry me right away.’

I raise my eyebrows but say nothing. Natalia, who has always preached about and argued for a happy and fulfilled life without husbands or kids, especially if the marriage is not for love, tells me she is going to marry a man because he knocked her up. Okay, maybe Tom is a great guy, and she enjoys spending time with him and his handsome phallus, but as far as I know she doesn’t love him.

She’s such a hypocrite!

‘Oh Nata, congratulations!’ I hug her tightly, hoping she will not see the reproach written in capital letters on my face.

‘You don’t have to pretend. I’m not looking at this situation through rose-tinted glasses. I’m more terrified than happy about it.’ She inhales sharply, looks away, and silent tears run down her face.

‘Oh gosh...’ I mumble – as always, feeling disoriented when I see Natalia in such a state.

‘I didn’t want or plan it. If not for the pregnancy, I wouldn’t even consider marriage. You know I’m not in love with him. He’s a nice guy and everything, but marriage and baby?’ She wipes her tears with her T-shirt sleeve.

I get up to get her some tissues, find the tissue box empty, and grab a toilet roll from another shelf. I rub her back while she wipes her face, thinking what to say.

Natalia doesn’t need my counseling – she simply needs to get things off her chest.

‘And even so, I feel a relief! Some kind of way out for me, an escape.’ Her wet eyes are turned to me, but it’s like she doesn’t see me. ‘I am so tired, Jul. I understand Lena and others like her. They don't want marriage and kids for the marriage and kids, but for the long-awaited escape. To have a home, to hide behind someone. You know? Just to relax and be able to breathe again, without waking up every morning with that persistent smoldering anxiety in your chest, wondering how else life is going to kick you. To hand over responsibility and feel weak and human again.’

‘And yet it didn’t work for Lena! Maybe the escape part is just an illusion? With married life there will be other responsibilities, other worries and problems. Life will still kick you. The only difference is that you’ll service only one man. Maybe what you need is just a few weeks off? A vacation, to think things through?’

She smiles through tears. Her eyes are sad and unfocused. ‘I’ve worked hard since I was sixteen years old. All these years of non-stop plowing without even a moment of compassion for myself. I’m tired. I need a break.’ She sighs and gives me a woeful smile. ‘Do you think I’m that tough? That I don’t have insecurities and fears every single night I go out onto the floor? I might just try this thing with the baby and the marriage. Maybe I’ll be lucky, and it’ll work out?’ She is looking at me as if asking my permission. But I understand it’s not my approval she’s seeking; she’s trying to convince herself.

I take a moment before I reply. ‘You know? I think you are right. Try the family thing. If it doesn’t work, you can always get divorced and do something else.’

Natalia gets up, walks to the wardrobe, and checks her red, swollen face in the mirror on its door. ‘I’ve turned into a drama queen lately. I wonder if it’s the pregnancy hormones already?’ she titters, then turns to me. ‘You said you had some news too?’

‘Well...’ I smile, trying to recover the lost excitement, ‘Saad heard me complaining about our “horrible” living conditions and rented me an amazing apartment in Sea Point with gorgeous views of the ocean. The lease is in my name for the whole year! Paid upfront!’

Natalia covers her mouth with both hands and squeaks. She grabs my hands and starts shaking them, while laughing hysterically. ‘This is freaking awesome! So he thinks we are suffering here, huh? I wonder what he’d do if he saw our apartment in Kherson?’

‘That’s true!’ we laugh.

I open my purse, pull the keys out and shake them in the air.

‘Do you want to have a look?’

Natalia squeaks again, checks her wristwatch, stops for a moment to think and then starts to instruct: ‘Let’s pack for work. We’ll check it out, then grab a bite, and go to the club straight from there.’ She stops on the way to the wardrobe.

‘I am so glad, Jul, that good things are happening to you. Life is finally being kind to you. You deserve it.’ She turns and goes back to packing. ‘It’s all going to be good. You and your new rich boyfriend. Lena is out of rehab. Mom said that Dad is doing better. We are finally going to be okay again.’

42

‘Hello?’ I was still in the shower when the phone rang. I rushed out, wrapping myself in a towel, and pressed the green button, without looking at the number.

‘Julia?’ My mother's voice tenses me instantly.

Since her confession, our conversations are no longer as regular. It feels awkward, pretending that those things haven’t been said. I suspect she feels awkward too. As if we crossed a line, and there is no going back to a normal mother–daughter relationship. I intentionally miss her phone calls and get her news from Natalia.

‘Oh, hi Mom, how are you?’

‘I tried to call Natalia, and then Lena, but I couldn’t reach them.’ Her voice trembles; she pauses, and exhales deeply. ‘He’s gone…’ Because her voice is calm, I don’t get the meaning of her words.

‘What do you mean? What happened?’

Oh God, please let it be something else. Please. Please. Please.

‘Your father is gone. He passed away an hour ago.’

I’d imagined this moment thousands of times, but my worst anticipation didn’t come close to this violent discharge of shock and hurt that immediately hits my mind and body. I lean against the wall and close my eyes.

‘Oh Mom...’ I choke on my tears and can’t say anything else.

‘He passed away in his sleep.’ Her voice is so calm, it’s creepy. ‘He is in a better place. A place where there’s no pain or suffering.’

‘Oh Mom… and we were not even there for him.’ My crying turns to weeping.

‘Don’t say that Jul. He knows… he knew why you couldn’t be here. He knew you girls loved, supported and fought for him.’

I’m buried by this avalanche of pain. It’s all-embracing, and paralyzing. It’s hard to breathe.

‘I called the doctor and the police for all the legal certifications. I also organized the transport to take him to the morgue.’

‘How are you, Mom?’ I realize that her calmness is her way of coping with pain.

‘I don’t know. I am tired.’ I hear her open the window and light a cigarette.

‘I… Jul, don’t get me wrong for saying this, but I feel relieved. I couldn’t watch him suffer any more. He was exhausted by the pain and fear. He wanted to let go. I could see it in his eyes. And now he’s free.’ I hear her quiet sobbing.

‘Oh Mom…’

‘He will be missed. Terribly…’ she says, and we both cry, now, without holding back.

‘There is someone at the door, the doctor I guess.’ She clears her throat and sounds almost composed again. ‘Julia, call your sisters. I will call you back as soon as I have sorted things out here.’ She pauses, taking a deep breath. It’s grueling. ‘I love you my girls.’

‘I love you too, Mom.’

We hang up. I wash my face with cold water, trying to get rid of the misty turmoil that has clogged my head, and dial Natalia.

She hears me out, whispers, ‘Oh God. I'll be at your place now,’ and hangs up.

When she arrives I notice her red and swollen face right away. We hug without saying a word and let ourselves cry on each other’s shoulders.

We decide to fly home first thing in the morning. While Natalia is searching for tickets online, I try to reach Lena. Unsuccessful, I call Mark.

‘She hasn’t been home since last night. She drew ten grand from the credit card and disappeared. I guess she’s using again. I want nothing to do with that woman ever again!’ Before I can say anything, he puts the phone down.

‘What the hell is wrong with her?’ Natalia exclaims. We fall silent, both thinking of what to do next.