Crimes of the Heart (23 page)

Devon watched her every move, each little flourish with her hand to emphasis a point, each change in facial expression, and how her Cupid bow lips formed her words. He’d just kissed her minutes ago, yet it seemed like ages. He longed to taste her once again.

The slight flush in her cheeks made her more beautiful than ever. And her occasional giggles brought a wide smile to his mouth. He wanted her to always be this animated, this excited, especially when she was with him.

He followed the little wave of her hand and an icy sliver of dread stabbed his middle. The sudden image of the feminine handwriting in several ledger books gripped him with a fierceness he couldn’t shake. He’d been curious about it the first time he’d noticed the elegant sweeps and circles. Then, just hours ago, it had hit him hard, a piece of the puzzle he hadn’t figured on.

Dear God, don’t let it be true, for Jewel’s sake
.

A desire to comfort her had him leaning close. On impulse, he caught her silky smooth hand in his. Dropping a kiss on her delicate fingers, he inhaled the wonderful rose fragrance she always wore.

She halted in mid-sentence, clearly taken aback. “What was that for?”

Thick emotion rose in his throat as he tried to express himself. He failed. “Just because.”

Because I love you with all my heart. Because I’m sorry you might get hurt all over again.

Something inside of him withered as he imagined how devastated she would be at the news of his impending discovery; he was certain now he’d track down the answer to all his questions before long. Could he do that to her, to his dreamer?

The once carefree atmosphere changed dramatically. Tension pulsed in the thick air. She locked gazes with him and his heartbeat picked up speed. Pretense washed away in that moment. “I’m scared, Devon.”

Did she know something? Did I give it away somehow? Or is she referring to us?

He chose the latter. Lacing his fingers through hers, he hoped he lent her support and strength. “I am, too, dollface. I wish there was some kind of blueprint I could follow here.”

That brought a trembling smile to her face. “I could make a joke about your construction background, but I won’t.”

Grinning, he said, “Good, don’t.”

Taking a shuddering breath, she said, “I tried to handle this all on my own. You know, keeping it all inside.” She shook her head, her glossy, black hair dancing around her shoulders. “But, I found out when it comes to you I’m no good at that. Everything else, fine, no problem. You, it’s a completely different story.”

A hollow ache behind his rib cage swelled. “I never was good at relationships. Not with the people I care about, not where it counts.”

Searching his gaze, she asked softly, “What’s to become of us, Devon?”

“I wish I knew. For the first time in my life I’m trying harder than ever.”

A tear glistened on her dark lashes and his heart twisted. “What do you want to become of us?” Fear and hope mingled in her question.

Gulping in a shaky breath, he tried to explain as best he could. “If it wasn’t me, I’d say forever,” he choked on the last word. Clearing his throat, he went on, “But someone like me isn’t granted forevers.”

Deep lines formed between her brows. “Why not you? In your mind is it only given to the privileged? And what about Sean? Doesn’t he deserve more, doesn’t he deserve us together forever?”

He groaned, not only at her inquires, but at the tear that slid down her beautiful porcelain cheek. “I can’t change how I was created or how dirt poor I was and how forbidden you were. But Sean is different. Even though I wasn’t here, he got a good start with you, all the love he ever needed.”

She gasped. “That’s it, isn’t it? They didn’t show you how much you were loved, did they?”

The ache he’d experienced moments ago expanded to encompass his heart and soul. “Sometimes it was as if I was a mistake that could be swept under the rug.”

With both hands she gripped his, giving him support and empathy. “But I thought he adored you? You said…”

“At times it seemed as if he did.”

Dawning entered her violet eyes as she whispered, “He never attempted to make it easier for you, did he? Never stood up for you in public.”

“I was invisible in front of everyone he knew.” The bitterness crept into his words of its own accord.

“Dear God, he shunned you and made it all right that everyone else in town did, too.” A puzzled look crossed her face.

He tried to pull away at the painful probing, but she resisted, not letting him. “I made it sound worse than it was.” He shrugged, trying to shrug away the overwhelming pain as well. “Really, it was nothing.”

“The hell it is,” she challenged, bringing him up short.

Carefully, he spoke aloud, trying to make sense of it all, “I guess as long as he was still alive there had always been a chance that he would acknowledge me, but when he died the hope of being recognized as my father’s son vanished.” He gulped hard. “Now it’s too late. He’s gone, gone too soon.”

She gasped once again, clearly realizing something important. “You blame my father for taking away that chance, don’t you? That’s one of the main reasons behind the revenge against my dad.”

Something inside him shifted at her perception, at the truth. He’d never quite related the two together until now, until she opened his eyes to it. He swallowed again at the bitter discovery; he’d never get what he truly wanted,
his father’s
acceptance.

“After all that, his not championing you, why fight so hard to clear his name?”

When he remained stubbornly silent, she demanded with a fierceness that surprised him, “Why?”

He should have known she’d press to make him feel this time, too. “Because I owe him that much, all right?”

“Why, for God’s sake?”

“Honor. Reputation. Family pride,” he ticked off in rapid succession.

Her grip tightened, nearly cutting off his blood supply to his fingers. “It’s for you too, isn’t it? This is your way of righting the wrongs not only against him but you as well.”

The words pierced his tortured soul. His mission had always centered around his dad. Now as Jewel pointed out, he reexamined his motives closely.
If I clear him, then I clear myself.

As the startling revelation bathed him in wonder, he pulled free of her touch, trying to gather his composure. “I…never saw it that way before.”

I never wanted to be so selfish. But, it’s true. If I can get people to see him in a different way, then they’ll surely look at me in a new light, accept me.
 

Frowning, he turned to Jewel and witnessed the understanding shining in her eyes. She knew. A soft smile stretched across her trembling lips. Clearly she didn’t hate him for it. “
Your
redemption, that’s what you’re looking for, too.”

With each layer she peeled back, exposing the vulnerability of that wounded boy, she accepted and loved him. Wonder and awe washed over him. Humbled, he could only stare at her speechless.

The sudden sound of a door slamming shut caught his full attention and dragged him out of the agonizing truths.

“Mom, Dad, I’m home. Where are you? Hmmm, something smells great.”

“In here, honey,” Jewel called out softly.

A few seconds later, Sean bounded into the room, dropping his laden backpack on a nearby chair. “Pot roast, my favorite.”

“Mine, too,” Devon said, happy to be free of the hauntings of the past. He brightened at the sight of his slightly disheveled son. “Have some and you can tell us how your day went. Then you and I can discuss our special project in private.” He winked at his son and got a wide smile for an answer. They’d plan the upcoming construction of the greenhouse for the lady they both loved.

Jewel chimed in, “Have mine, I’m not really hungry.”

Eyeing her, Devon noted how she had trouble meeting his stare. A light flush colored her cheeks, making him curious.

Sean’s excited chatter drew his gaze as the boy sat opposite him, sliding his mother’s plate in front of him. “We had the best time. Kev found this really cool stuff we’re going to use during the Halloween party. It’s green and really slimy.” He took a bite, and then mumbled how delicious it was.

“How can you talk about that and eat at the same time?” she asked, holding a hand to her middle.

Devon looked from her hand pressed against her belly, and then to the grimace crossing her face. The pink in her cheeks vanished, a sickly pallor taking its place. Concern for her welfare prompted him to say, “Ah, Sean, maybe you can skip the gross parts until after dinner.”

“Sorry, Mom,” he said sheepishly, and then shoveled in more food.

She sent him a weak smile. “Tell us how school went today. How did you do in that spelling quiz?”

As Devon listened with half an ear, his mind spun with worry. She never had a weak stomach. Not once while growing up had she even twitched at the sometimes bloody sights, disgusting sounds, and overwhelming scents of the stables. So, why now?

Swallowing hard, he glanced from his wife to his son, and then back again.

No, it can’t be. I’m jumping the gun here. She’d have told me if it were the case.
 

A niggling doubt sprang to life. She hadn’t the first time, had she? Fear clutched his heart.

What the hell am I going to do now?

“Frankly, Scarlett, you look marvelous,” Devon said in his best Rhett impression as he entered their bedroom on Halloween night.

Jewel giggled, batting her eyelashes at him. Warmth flowed through him at the secretive looks she shot him. In a thick Southern accent, she said coyly, “Why, I do declare, you say the sweetest things.”

Tonight she looked both delicate and beautiful. The carefully applied makeup hid the shadows under her eyes that had taken up residence a few days ago. And the green velvet dress, slit in the middle to reveal the lighter green underdress, with the gold and green braided sash that once fitted perfectly was now loose in the waist and snug in the bodice.

The question that lurked in his mind for the last two weeks haunted him now: Why wouldn’t she tell him? The signs all added up, from the sudden displays of sickness to the weight loss and everything else in between. They were the very same signs he’d witnessed years before yet never absorbed the enormity of them. She hadn’t trusted him to stay then. Was that what she was feeling now?

Suddenly, he grasped ahold of a thread of a thought.

She must be worried about the reason for me staying. It will always bother her whether I stayed for her or the baby she’s obviously carrying. That’s why she never told me about Sean twelve years ago
.

He gulped hard at the new piece of the puzzle falling into place. How could he have missed seeing it? It was crystal clear. Deep down he knew he couldn’t abandon any of them. But after all this time of her doubting him would she believe anything he told her now? She shouldn’t; he never gave her reason to.

She twirled for his inspection, the lush fabric and hoop skirt flaring out even more. When she stopped, she fingered a big, fat sausage curl, asking him, “Do you think I’ve got the look down so people will guess right?”

The vulnerability in her quivering voice tugged at his heartstrings. As he spent more and more time here the soft side of her emerged, the real Jewel beneath the cool, calm and collected lady she tried to portray herself as. Every day he fell in love with her, losing a little more of his heart to her. He wondered when the hurting would begin; it always did when he loved someone so much.

Brushing aside that troubling thought, he winked at her. “If they don’t they’re deaf, dumb or blind.” That seemed to cheer her. Holding out his arms, he asked, “What about me? Could I pass for Rhett?”

The heat of her traveling gaze scorched him, igniting flames better left unlit right now. Slowly, she scanned his frame, and then back again as he dropped his arms to his sides. As the coil of desire inside him grew tighter, he resisted the urge to reach out to her. Once he touched her, he knew it would take an act of God to separate him from her at this moment.

Breaking the pulsating silence, he choked out, “Well?”

Fire shone in her violet eyes when she met his, sending a low, deep ache to his middle. “Simply dashing,” she whispered hoarsely.

Unnerved by the swirling passion, Devon went to drag a hand through his hair. He stopped the instant he recalled the gel used to slick back his hair. Instead, he gestured to the door. “Shall we join our ghoulish son and his equally gross friend?”

Jewel chuckled at his accurate description, and then swept across the room to join him. The grin he wore did strange things to her. Maybe the painted-on thin mustache added to his overall roguish appeal, she thought as he hooked her arm through his and led the way downstairs. Or it could possibly be that in the black period suit, vest and silk ascot her husband stole the breath from her lungs. Whichever it was, Jewel sensed the promise of a delightfully, wicked evening.

***

A half hour later, putting the finishing touches on the hard boiled eggs now surprisingly looking like white mice, Jewel’s heart filled to overflowing. The sound of Devon, Sean, Cyrus, and Kev in an animated conversation drifted to her. In the foyer, they plotted the last details of the scavenger hunt and double-checked on the surprises in the haunted house.

She giggled as the image of the four of them huddled together in conspiracy sprang to mind: Cyrus in his straining, swashbuckling attire; Kev wrapped in ripped sheets and doused with dripping fake blood; Sean’s distorted monster face and arms covered with realistic gore; and debonair, heart-stopping Devon.

“What a team,” she muttered as she carried the tray to the heaping table in the dimly lit dining room. The cat followed behind her. “Oh no, you don’t. These aren’t real.” She nodded to the side table where she’d already set up the desserts. Spotlighted in the center stood a remarkable likeness of the gray feline in cake form. “I’ll save you a slice of that, all right?”