Cruiser (16 page)

“No, Rey. Cruiser’s the only one. I’m sorry.”

His eyes flash. “He’s been feeding you lies!”

“Rey—”

“Don’t believe a word he says, Lex. He doesn’t give a crap about you. He never has.”

“You’re wrong.”

“You’re the only girl who liked me first. All other girls chose Cruiser over me.
That’s why we’re meant to be together.”

“You’re
wrong
.”

His
eyebrows shoot up. “What?”

My palms sweat at the
thought of telling him this. I know it’ll crush him even more. “Cruiser and I were together on the night of the accident. That’s why Rosie ran into the street. We weren’t watching her because we were in my room.”

His eyes pop open. “You had
sex
with Cruiser?”

“No!” I scan the halls. A few kids are watching us. I lower my voice. “We just made out. I had feelings for him, Rey. I guess I’ve always had. But then you and I grew so close, and I fell in love with you. But…” I swallow before saying my next words. “I think he’s the one I really love.”

He presses his lips together. “That’s not true. You’re lying to me.”

I swallow
again. “Why would I lie? You know that when we were growing up I was closer to him.”

He steps away, his chest expanding and contracting.

I hold out my hand. “Rey, I’m sorry—”

He storms off
, punching a locker on the way.

Cruiser

Why do I always let them force me into dressing up in this crap?

I’m not the one going on stage. Not the one with the violin captivating the audience. So why am I
wearing a suit and tie and shit?

“Boys, it’s time to leave!” Mom calls.

I bet if Rey was talking to me, he’d tell me to drop dead and not come to his performance. But the thing is that I love to watch him play. I don’t get jealous, don’t go down the whole “Why didn’t I stick with this” route. I just like seeing my brother up there doing what he loves best. The parents are a different story, though. They always look at me that way, the “This could have been you if you didn’t quit everything you tried.”

I get in the car.
Next to Rey. He’s got his violin in his arms, holding it protectively. He doesn’t like putting it in the trunk because who the hell knows what could happen to it there. He looks really nervous. This is where I’d calm him down, tell him he’ll do great. Not sure if it helps shit, but he’s appreciated it at his last recital. Guess my services aren’t wanted tonight.

“Why are we just sitting here?”
Rey asks.

Mom twists around
in the passenger seat. Looks at Rey. “Isn’t Lex coming?”

Re
y gets a sour expression on his face. “No, she’s not coming.”

“Honey—”

“Can we just leave?”

Mom nods. Turns back around. I see her and Dad exchange a look. Yeah, probably worrying what happened between them. I bet Rey would pin this on me
, make me look like the bad guy in front of my parents.

Hell, I don’t care.

I look back at Rey. Hell, I care too much.

We get to the hall and pile out of the car.
The parents and I head to our seats while Rey goes backstage. That leaves an empty seat next to mine. Lex’s.

I wish she were here. Wish she and I could be together.

The lights in the auditorium dim and the first kid performs. Looks to be eight years old. Reminds me of when I was a kid, when I performed.

Someone drops in the seat next to me. The familiar smell reaches my nose. I glance up. “Lex?”

Can’t really see so well in the dark, but it’s her. “Hi,” she whispers.

“What are you doing here?”

“Your parents paid for the ticket. It’s only fair that I came.” She leans forward. Damn, I feel her hair on my arm. “I also came to support Rey.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“I feel so bad for everything that happened. I still want to be here for him.”

I shake my head. If I were Rey, I wouldn’t want her anywhere near me. But I don’t say that to her. It was sweet of her to come.

Rey’s the second to perform. Plays the song he’s been practicing for days. Not that I’m an expert on classical music anymore, but to my knowledge, he nailed the piece. The audience seems to agree because they clap like he signed a treaty for world peace. Lex claps, too, enthusiastically. For a minute, I think back to those days when she clapped for me. I wonder if she’d clap for me if I still played. Hell, who cares? That part of my life is over.

When the next kid plays his violin, I get twitchy. I lean back in my chair and drop my hand on the armrest
. Lex’s hand is already there. Damn. This feels good.

Her head turns to me.
Did she smile?

Things run through my body. Not sure what. These hot and cold things that make me twitch more.
I can’t sit here like this. I get to my feet. “Going to the bathroom,” I mutter before marching away. I get out and lean against the wall. My heart rate is as erratic as the waves of an ocean during a thunderstorm. Damn, what the hell am I going to do?

A few minutes later, I see Lex heading my way. Holy shit. I couldn’t see this before because of the dark. She’s dressed in this sexy, black dress.
The hem reaches just above her knees. Spaghetti straps. Low cut. It makes me want to…

I glance down at my outfit. Some would say I look…dashing in this ridiculous suit and tie, but I don’t want to look dashing in front of Lex. I want to look hot.

No, I can’t. And why is she out here? I wish she didn’t follow me. That’s a lie. I’m glad she followed me. But hell, I can’t be with her.

Lex

Cruiser’s leaning against a wall, slamming a fist into his palm as his eyes rake over me. He looks so good in a suit.

“Ladies’ bathroom’s over there.” He motions with his thumb.

I take a small step toward him. “I’m not looking for the bathroom.”

He raises a leg up the wall, pushing some
hair out of his eye. He stares at the space in front of him. His hair falls back into his eye. I reach up and push it aside. He catches my hand in his. “Lex.” He sounds like he’s in pain.

“You’ve been
avoiding me,” I say.

He links his fingers through mine and stares down at them. His hand is so big and mine’s so small. He massages my hand with his thumb. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore,” he murmurs.

“Talk to me. Please.”

His brown eyes bore into mine. I can see the regret inside. He tugs me closer until his thigh brushes mine. His pants feel soft against my bare legs, like he ironed them only hours ago. He’s still holding my hand. “I want you so bad
, Lex,” he whispers.

I raise my hand to his face. He catches it
again. “I want you, too.”

“He’s my brother
.”

“What do you mean?”

Tears are in his eyes. He gathers me in his arms and pulls me close. He murmurs against my temple, “How can I choose between you two?”

“You don’t have to.”

“He’s my brother. My twin brother. My best and only friend.”

I look up at him. “What are you saying?” Tears threaten my eyes.

“Maybe we should wait. Until he cools down. Until he gets used to the idea of us.”

I draw out of his arms and swat the tears. “You really mean that?”

He turns and punches the wall softly. “I love him.”

Standing behind him, I lay my hand on his shoulder. “I understand that.”

He faces me. “I can’t stand him not speaking to me. It hurts. So bad.” He runs a hand across his eyes. “Fuck.” He comes toward me and takes me in his arms again. “All I want is to be with you. But it hurts Rey. It really hurts him. I don’t know if I can do that to him.” He steps back and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.”

I know it hurts Rey, and I can’t bear to do this to him, either. But I’m losing Cruiser. As long as Rey’s here, he and I could never be together. I grab a tissue from my bag and wipe my eyes. Then I hold one out to Cruiser.

He shakes his head. “I need…I need to leave. I can’t…” He studies the area. “I can’t be here. I just…” His eyes flit to mine. He grabs me and presses me against his body, then closes his mouth over mine. I feel myself melt into him.

He pulls out of the kiss. “We’ll give you a ride.”

I shake my head. “I’ll take a cab.”

“I can’t let you take a cab.”

“It’s okay. It’ll be too awkward in the car.” My purse must have fallen on the floor when he grabbed me. I pick it up and sling it over my shoulder. Our eyes connect.

His hands fist
at his sides. It looks like he wants to grab me again. Instead he walks away, not looking back.

I watch his form grow smaller and smaller, my vision blurred by tears. Then my knees give in and I slide to the floor. I’m wearing an expensive dress, but I
don’t think about that. I just sit on my knees, the tears gushing out of my eyes.

I
’ve lost them both.

Cruiser

I haven’t talked to Rey for forty-eight hours. That’s the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking. Even when we were kids and got into fights, or when I was pissed at him for getting the parents’ praise
,
we always made up within a few hours. The thing about it is that this time I don’t know if we’ll be cool again.

I lift the dumbbell. Up and down, up and down. Been working out for only a few minutes, but I seem to have less energy than usual. Less drive. I drop the weight onto the floor. Stretch my arms. All this Rey-Lex stress is affecting me, body and soul. I grab a towel and wipe my neck.

I haven’t seen Lex since last night. Been cooped up in here all day. I couldn’t stand to see the hurt in her eyes. I had to do it. Both she and Rey mean the world to me. The two most important people in my life. I can’t choose one over the other.

Rey will get over this. Eventually.
I wish Lex would wait. I’d wait an eternity for her if I had to. If she loves me like I love her, she’d do the same. She’d understand how much Rey means to me.

I toss the towel onto my bed and sit on the floor.

Mom shrieks from the kitchen. Not like she saw a mouse. An excited one. I shake my head. For once in my life, I’m glad my mother interrupted my thoughts. I don’t want to keep thinking about these things over and over again.

“We are so proud of you, son,” Dad says.

What’s the commotion down there? I’d check it out if my muscles had some energy. If I wasn’t so damn defeated.

No need, though. Someone’s running up the stairs. My door springs open.

“Cruise!”

Rey.
His face is flushed and light pours out of his eyes. He scans my room. Sees me on the floor at the foot of my bed.

Then he steps back. Yeah, I guess he forgot about our not-speaking terms. He rubs the back of his neck.

Who’s going to be the bigger man now? I get to my feet and move closer to him. “Whatup?”

He
hesitates at first. Then he half-dances to my bed and sits down. Never seen Rey this giddy before. I plop down near him. “Good news?”

“Yeah.” He bounces on my bed, making me dizzy. Like a little kid who made the honor roll. Wait, that’s Rey. He’s been on the honor roll forever.

“I got a call from a recruiter at Kelman’s Music Academy in L.A.” He’s beaming. Cheeks are higher than a guy on stilts. The light in his eyes has quadrupled. “He was at my recital last night. He offered me a spot at their school!”

Now this is a cause for celebration. Before our “breakup” Rey was in this shitty mood because he didn’t get any calls from the last recital. Said he was a failure, a loser. Said he was going to wait tables for the rest of his life. I told him how stupid he was because he always had things to fall back on. Business, politics. But the guy couldn’t be calmed. That’s the thing abo
ut Rey: he can’t stand failure.

“Congrats, bro.” I bump his fist. “Told ya you had nothing to worry about. I believed in you.”

He looks embarrassed. Eyes drop to the floor and palms flatten on my bedspread. “Yeah.” He looks up. “Sorry, Cruise. You’re always here for me.”

Rey and I don’t talk about this kind of stuff because we don’t need to. We just get it. Some things we just don’t talk about at all. Like the accident. I don’t
want to talk about Lex, either.

“So when do you enroll?” I ask.

“He gave me the option of starting next semester in their high school division or enrolling for college once I graduate.”

“H
mm. What you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I really want to start my music career, but next semester is in two weeks. So soon.”

“Yeah.”

These things are popping off all over my body.
Rey’s leaving. Rey’s leaving.
I can have Lex all to myself
. This is too good to be true. Things like this don’t happen. Only in the movies. Ship the brother off so the guy can have the girl without the guilt. I’m not in a fucking romance movie.

We’re quiet. Not sure if we’ve officially made up. But my twin te
lepathy tells me we’ll be cool.

“I’ll see you later, Cruise,” he says
, getting to his feet.

“Yeah.”

He holds out his fist and I bump it again. Then he gets to the door and closes it behind him.

I grab my dumbbells.