Crushing Desire (7 page)

“Oh, Reena, must you cover yourself like that?” Lily pulled the thick modesty piece from Reena’s hands.

Emily rolled her eyes, and Reena frowned at her.

“You are too beautiful to hide away behind lace and Buffons,” Lily continued, placing the silken cloth back on the pile.

“I have been trying to tell her that for years.” Emily hoisted her eyebrows at Reena, daring her to dispute the fact.

“Don’t be silly.” Reena’s fingers twitched, and she glanced at the charming modesty piece. “It’s no more than a bit of fluff. Something to make my dresses more attractive. I’m not hiding from anything.” As she spoke, she plucked the material out of the pile again and handed it to the waiting seamstress who put it in a bag.

Lily stared at her with soft eyes and shook her head. “You’re a hopeless case, my dear.” Emily nodded in agreement, and they laughed as they headed for the next store.

While they were walking into the store, Reena spotted the Dubois Brothers. Dan, Michael, Martin, and the youngest Dubois brother, Henry came toward them. The men swarmed around them, complimenting, chattering, and making them laugh. Lily and Emily didn’t appear to notice that Martin had sidled closer to her. He leaned into her ear, his eyes still on the others.

“I was hoping to find you here. I wanted to apologize,” he whispered.

Reena glanced up at him. There was a darkened spot beneath his right eye, and his expression seemed more serious than she’d seen it in a while. “Whatever do you mean?” she asked, her attention sliding to the shop’s door.

“I’d had a bad time of it the night of the ball. I shouldn’t have allowed myself so many drinks, please forgive me. I promise not to do it again.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Unless you ask me to.”

Reena couldn’t help it; she grinned, eyes rolling heavenward, and slapped him lightly on the arm.

“Well,” Martin said loudly. “We must insist on escorting you delightful ladies to your noon meal. There are dangerous fiends lurking about waiting to snatch young beauties such as you.”

“That would be lovely.” Lily’s hand fluttered up to her chest.

They left the shop together, the men joking and entertaining the women while they walked. It wasn’t long before the twins began to argue and then wrestle. The women laughed, watching Martin hold Michael’s leg, and Michael hold Martin’s neck. Both men appeared as though they were about to topple, hopping about precariously.

 
After a long meal filled with laughter and conversation, the women were once again about their shopping. Emily hadn’t said much, knowing of the alleyway and the kiss, which had made the boys infatuated with her wicked side. Lily, not knowing it, couldn’t stop talking about how romantic the brothers were.

“The rivalry that the twins have over her! Oh, and the dashing older brother, so handsome.” She gazed up at the sky, her hands clasped before her. “It was all simply too romantic.”

Lily hadn’t stopped talking about it since they left the restaurant. Reena couldn’t stand listening to her friend gush when she was so clearly mistaken. If she knew the truth, she wouldn’t speak so.

Reena ignored the sinking of her stomach and nodded as Lily took her arm. “Martin was so terribly sweet. You are so lucky that he cares so much for you.”

Reena shook her head as they entered a sizable store filled with exotic figurines and chess sets of stone, ivory, and marble. She walked around the building, staring at the intricately carved pieces on an ivory chess set. Lily stood in front of a marble statue of Adonis. Reena could hear her soft giggles and moved to where she stood. Following Lily’s gaze, Reena’s came to rest on the anatomically correct statue. Her cheeks flushed hotly, and she averted her eyes.

“Lily, you should be ashamed,” Reena said, a smile on her lips. “Look away.”

Lily leaned in and whispered. “If I’m to be an old married, I must prepare myself.”

They broke into fresh peals of laughter.

“And what is so terribly funny over here?”

At the sound of the familiar voice, they turned, keeping close together in an effort to block the statue. Before them, in all his splendor and glory, stood Joshua Sinclair. Reena wondered how many people they would run into today, and why of all times they had to run into him. And why here with the statue of a naked man behind them? She bit her lip, unsure for a moment of what to say with the devastating kiss having been their last interaction.

Lily started to laugh nervously. Reena elbowed her, but the giggle was infectious, and soon they were in hysterics all over again. Joshua’s face was covered in a knowing grin, and he craned his neck, looking around them. His eyebrow cocked when he saw the statue, and that being his sole reaction made Reena double over with laughter. The girls were near cackling now, and Joshua’s grin widened, showing his deep dimples.

“Perhaps I should escort you ladies out of the company of this...” Joshua glanced at the statue again, “gentleman.”

Grateful for the mood breaking laughter, Reena smiled up at him.

9

Joshua extended one hand to the girls and the other toward the door. He picked up the plain wrapped package along the way and told the storekeeper to bill him.

Reena’s cheeks blazed, and she was gasped for breath. Her eyes were red, and tears streamed down her cheeks, still he had never seen a more beautiful woman. She saw the world in a fresh and new way, a way that he never could. Seeing the beauty in things he had long taken for granted and noticing the things that he had long forgotten. He escorted the girls into the street, turning a reprimanding eye on them. They stood, wiping their eyes and trying to breathe while their giggles subsided.

Reena was lucky to have Lily for her friend and Emily as well. They were staunch in their protection of her and loyal no matter the situation. He was glad that Reena had chosen them, penchant for nude statues aside. Averting his gaze to hide his amusement, Joshua remembered the way they had looked, standing guard for their Adonis, their laughter ringing out in the store. He wondered what one said in a situation like this because words failed him.

Emily exited the statuary shop, joining them.

“Shall we?” He lifted a hand, indicating the next shop to them.

Reena walked next to him as they stepped into the store. The small shop advertised exotic items from far places. Joshua picked up and examined a few of the items on the nearest shelf. It seemed, though, that many of the trinkets were made locally. He returned the item back from where he’d retrieved it and glanced over at Reena. She stood nibbling her bottom lip as she studied one of the decorative hand-crafted pieces in her hand. He ran his thumb over his fingers, the memory of her body suddenly coming back to him. The remembered loss of control made him cringe. His intention had been to teach her a lesson. To show her how unsafe her actions had been. When he’d kissed her, though, her soft skin beneath his hands, and her supple mouth had been his undoing. In his mind, his fingers still caressed her yielding flesh, molding it to his. His lips still tasted the sweetness of her mouth, her utter surrender to him fresh in his memory. If he hadn’t gotten control of himself...

Closing his eyes, he ignored the clenching in the pit of his stomach and tried to rid himself of the memory of her touch. He had to keep his body, and more importantly, his mind well regimented.

“What did you get?” she asked, shaking him from his thoughts.

For a moment, he merely stared at her. She pointed, indicating the box he held. “Oh, this.” He leaned in, whispering so only she could hear. “Not the statue, if that is what you were hoping.” Reena’s slippers were all at once of great interest to her. “I purchased a magnificently carved ivory chess set. I shall have to show it to you one day. The queen reminds me very much of you,” he said, still near her ear.

9
 

The intimate way he leaned into her, and the way his breath fanned her neck while he spoke made Reena shiver, but his words knocked the breath from her. He thought of her when she wasn’t around. The idea caught her off guard. Before she had a chance to process it, Lily was there.

“Reena,” she said, with an apologetic nod to Joshua, “You have to see this.”

Lily grasped her wrist and pulled her off toward the corner. Reena let out a shaky breath, walking to a shelf lined with jade. Lily lifted a charming box from the shelf and started rambling about the exquisite detail of the carvings that covered it, but Reena couldn’t focus on what she was saying. Joshua’s words still rung through her mind. She couldn’t imagine what, if anything, his revelation meant. Their relationship had always been a bit of a mystery to her. Did he care for her? Did he want her too, or was it all a little girl’s fantasy? She kept trying to forget it—to forget him—but she always seemed to find hope in the little things.

 
Lily went on, but she didn’t hear her words. She glanced at Joshua. He stood nearby, apparently admiring a small jade elephant, but she thought that she saw his eyes flicker from her to it when she moved.

Had he been watching her?
No.
Surely, he saw her as nothing other than a friend. There was no use in trying to fool herself into thinking there was more. She glanced back to Lily and tried to focus on the necklace that Lily now held. But her mind kept wandering back to Joshua, his new chess set, and his apparent thoughts of her. She needed to talk to Emily.

9

Later that evening, Reena lay on her stomach on the soft bed in her room. Lady-like manners set aside, she lounged with her friend in the soft splendor of blankets and pillows.

“Reena, you love him. Perhaps if you went to him and you told him, he would come to court you,” Emily said.

“But what if I was imagining the entire thing? What if he was merely being polite, and I was seeing the whole affair as being more than he intended?” Reena inspected the white lace that trimmed the pillow she held. “What if he thought the chess queen looked like me because she was tall, ungainly, and had big feet?”

 
“Oh dear girl,” Emily laughed, rubbing Reena’s arm with amused sympathy. “You still don’t realize it yet, do you dear heart? You are an attractive woman. Not all men want what society deems perfect. Some men prefer different kinds of beauty.”

Emily sat up.

“I believe that there is a man for every woman. There is a man somewhere in the world that will value every woman’s special type of beauty. How will you ever know if Joshua is the man who will appreciate your loveliness, if you never give him the chance to see it?”

Reena swung her legs off the bed and brushed once at the large wrinkles that had creased into her dress. Facing the mirror, she also faced herself. She was passing pretty, but far from beautiful.

“What if he isn’t? What if the man that will appreciate my beauty lives in Scotland, or France, or somewhere else?” Reena toyed with the bodice of her gown. “What if I don’t appreciate his beauty? What if we don’t even speak the same language?”

Emily laughed again and stood from the bed. She moved to stand before Reena, her dress miraculously free of wrinkles.

“Reena, my girl” She took both of Reena’s hands into her own. “You’re man will find you if he must.”

Reena sniffled and stared at their joined hands. “But I don’t want another man to find me,” she whispered

Emily loosed her hands and pushed Reena’s chin up so her downcast eyes met Emily’s. “Dear heart, you have options.” She wiped a stray tear, which had tracked down Reena’s cheek. “You can sit back and see what happens. Let life take its course and take what you are given. Or, you can consider your other options. You do have some wonderful men courting you.”

Reena gritted her teeth.

“You can enter a nunnery and give your life to God,” Emily inclined her head in a conspiratorial fashion, “though we both know you’re far too strong willed for the life of a cloistered nun.” They both smiled, but then Emily’s face turned serious, her gaze searching Reena’s. “Or you can fight for what you want. You can try to win Joshua for yourself.”

Emily took Reena by the hand, leading her to the small chairs that faced the window. She sat in the chair across from Reena’s.

“We could come up with a plan to snare him. Something that would make him admit his feelings for you, good or bad.”

Reena inspected her hands.

“You would devise a good plan, I know,” Reena said. “You always come up with good plans, and more often than not, they work.” She worried her thumb pad over her smooth fingernail. “But do I really want to wonder, for the rest of my days, if he was mine only because we tricked him?”

 
And if he found out about their plans, would he hate her forever? Would she hate herself for the lies? No, she couldn’t and wouldn’t trick him. Reena cared so much for him, and she couldn’t do anything to hurt him. She had lived her life with thoughts of him always foremost in her mind, and she shouldn’t forgive herself if those thoughts were filled with betrayal and lies. No, she wouldn’t trick him, even if it meant she would be alone forever.

“No, Emily. Schemes and plans are necessary from time to time, but never in matters of the heart.” Reena looked out the window. “I know my feelings for him must be dreadfully tedious to you, and I apologize for that, but I cannot trick him into caring for me. I should never be able to live with myself if I did.” Reena spied a small bird flying from a treetop, no doubt off to find food for its young. It landed and snatched something from the ground, and then took off again, returning to its treetop. The knots left her stomach, and her shoulders relaxed as she watched the bird feed its young amongst the peaceful beauty of the green trees. Smoothing her skirt, trying again to flatten the wrinkles, she continued, “I’ll think on what you said, but I’ll not scheme against the man that I love and always will love.”