Cry Me a River PG-13 Edition (12 page)

As in that fleeting, shadowy, misty strife

Of semblance with reality, which brings

To the delirious eye, more lovely things

Of Paradise and Love - and all our own!

Than young Hope in his sunniest hour hath known.

Edgar Allan Poe

SATURDAY MORNING - RIVER

Dear Daddy,

Today is your fiftieth birthday and I wish I could see you one more time.  This past year was going so well and then everything went to hell in the last month.  I miss you so much.  I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you and miss you. 

I can’t help but think how different life would have been if you’d been here.  Momma wouldn’t have been the pathetic alcoholic she turned out to be.  She was weak and never tried to make life better.  No one from her side of the family talk
s to me, it’s as though I never existed.  Momma burned all the bridges with her family and they turned away from both of us. 

So, I met someone…who’s perfect in many ways, but he’s had it rough this year.  We met almost five weeks ago.  He goes to the meetings I do and he has a little girl.  He’s a chef and you don’t know this about me, but I love to bake.
  He’s complicated and wrong for me, but there’s something so right about him and that makes me want to know more.  Maybe nothing will come of it…

Don’t quit watching over me…and help the police find who it is that’s been terrorizing me. I love you so much….Daddy, don’t forget me - I’ll never forget you, I promise.

Love - Snuggle Bunny River

I read through the letter and just like the years before, I crumple it up and throw it away.  Tears
burn my eyes, but I don’t allow them to fall.  I curl up with the teddy bear my daddy gave me for my fifth birthday and fall asleep.

____________________________________________

Jed is like a mouse, you know he’s there, but he’s quiet.  We talk but he doesn’t let you get into his life.  He talks only about the world and work, which is refreshing not to worry about someone else’s drama.

The phone ringing wakes me up.  Garrett’s number comes across my caller ID. 
Garrett’s number has come up for three days in a row.  He never leaves a message, which makes me wonder if it’s really Caide trying to trick me into answering his call. This time I’ll answer and if Caide tricked me, I’m going to scream.

“Hello,” I answer gruffly.

“River?”

“Yes, this is River.”

“Oh, hey, this is Garrett.  Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?”

I let my defenses down and slump back onto my bed
, which I haven’t made in three days.  “Sure, what’s up?”

“Look, I don’t typically get involved in the he-said, she-said drama, but that night was innocent.  That crazy girl came out of nowhere and Caide had a little too much to drink….he tried to keep her from falling, in turn, he fell.  She had been around us for less than two minutes before that happened.  Caide had talked about you all night, he’s crazy for you.  A blind man
can see how much he likes you.”

“He kissed her though.”

“No, he didn’t.  She kissed him; he was pushing her away when you walked up.  He’s been like a lost puppy this past week; I think you should hear him out.”

Oh shit, he’s going to hate me.  No wonder he hasn’t come to my sessions, he’s pissed at me.  “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“I’ll talk to you later, Garrett.  Thank you
, for telling me.”

“Okay, bye.”

I sit up in bed and swallow the lump in my throat.  What if I’ve lost him?  I think of all the mean things I said to him that night, and I drop my face into my hands and cry.  I’ve been on the brink of tears for the last few days and now the flood gates spill over and I may never be able to stop them.

My father’s favorite song was Cry Me
a River sang by Ella Fitzgerald.  He named me River because he said he’d cry a river if he ever lost me.  I turn on my playlist of all the songs that remind me of my dad.  I have five versions of Cry Me a River, and I’m still in-love with Ella’s version. 

The tears cleanse me of all the stress I’ve been feeling. 

____________________________________________

“Jed, what does
break in the case
mean?  Did they arrest Lance?”  We’re sitting in my living room.  Jed is sitting on my black couch, which he says is swanky.  He thinks everything in my house is ‘swanky’ - it sounds funny when he says it in his Barry White voice.

“No, this guy’s name is Jacob.  They found his fingerprints on the bomb debris.  He’s on a watch list for making explosives.  The State Investigator said they’ve had him on their radar for a while.  There was an explosion at a church in Charlotte two years ago, they’re pretty sure it was him.  His fingerprints were found there, but the bomb was clean.  The same type of bomb is what was used at your place.  They told me that he wasn’t working alone.”

“Oh my God, that’s horrible.  Did anyone die at the church bombing?”  My hands start to tremble as I think about what could have happened if anyone was at work.

“I don’t know any of the details, there’s going to be a press conference in ten minutes.  We’ll probably be called in tomorrow for another interview.”  Je
d tips his head side to side to pop it, he does it all day long like a nervous tic.  I’d tease him about it, but he’s so serious I don’t think he’d find me funny.

“Have you talked to Caide or Garrett since you found out?”

“No, I’m going to text Garrett.  Something’s gnawing at me River; I hope you don’t take this the wrong way.”

Ah oh.  “Shoot.”

“At the club, you say you saw Caide there.  Was he alone?”

“He said he was waiting on someone, his friend Stewart I think.”  Where is
this going?

“What is your last memory that night?” 

I close my eyes trying to remember.  “I was talking to Caide in the hallway, I told him about my one drink limit.  Lance was the one who was strange acting after we’d been there for about five minutes.  He went to the bathroom and came back acting like a prick.”

“Remember, I’m a cop before I’m anything else….do you think Caide could have drugged you?”

Would he drug me?  “No…that thought hasn’t crossed my mind.  Caide is trying to get his daughter back, what would be the point of drugging me?  Anyway, Lance admitted he drugged me, he gave the box of pills to Caide.”

“Did you see him give the box of pills
to Caide?”

“No….he wouldn’t have done it
, Jed.  He’s a regular twenty-three year old male, who happens to be successful.  I’ve been around him day and night; he’s dedicated to his career and getting Lucy back.  Besides, he was at the club when we walked in…I think.”  Right?  No, he wouldn’t jeopardize his chances of getting his daughter.

The next time I talk to him, I’ll
ask, but it could piss him off.

____________________________________________

Caide’s number comes across my caller ID.  I need to talk to him.  I want to talk to him.  Four rings… I can’t NOT answer any longer.

“River, are you okay?
” Caide’s voice, a voice I’ve been dreaming about asks.

His voice sends chills through my veins.  He cares, he still cares if I’m okay.  I’ve shunned him over something my eyes tricked me into believing.  All of the stories about him being a player… hell, by his own admission in our meetings when he said he handled stress with sex. I didn’t give him the chance to prove to me he didn’t pursue to that girl.

Eeeep!  He wants to see me at 6:00!  I shouldn’t be this happy, but I’m glad to be through with the last seven days.  Sleep deprivation and a broken heart have overwhelmed me since I left that night.

In two hours I’ll see him again.  Jed insists on following me, even though they have someone in custody.  If I have to hear about his
cop instinct
one more time, I’m going to scream.  I’ve come to love Jed, but he can be a pain in the ass just the same.

Is it a date?  I should shave my legs just in case.

Just in case, what?

Just in case, you’re losing your mind
, and just in case you rub your legs against his for whatever reason that might be.

Maybe
, he’ll run his hand along my leg.

If he’s trying to get into your panties.

Why does he have to try?  I’ll rip ‘em off and toss them in his soufflé.

You’re going to toss them in a soufflé?

Now, I’m crazy… I’m having a full-on conversation with myself in my head, so Jed doesn’t suspect I’ve gone off the deep end.

Girl, you can’t go off the deep end
.  You jumped about four weeks ago.

____________________________________________

I park next to Caide’s Mustang and double check my hair.  I give it a second fluff with my hands and nervously get out of my car. 

Jed parks on the opposite end of the nearly empty parking lot…next to Garrett.  I bet they’re making a gentleman’s bet about my panties ending up in my pocketbook.   They can guess all night long. 

I smooth my sundress down as I walk up to the doors.  Caide opens the door to let me in and I
drink in the site of him.  He has on a sky blue button down shirt that reflects the color of his eyes.  Parts of me tingle without physical contact.  Oh no, this could get messy. 
Aren’t you wanting messy?
I ask myself.

“Hey you,” he whispers.

“Hey you, too,” I whisper back.  Without thinking about it, I stand on my tippy toes and kiss him on the lips.   He wraps his arm around me and we start walking backwards with our lips melded together.  Jed and Garrett can let their imaginations run free, I intend too.

We walk all the way to his office and never stop kissing.
  My heart is beating uncontrollably with anticipation, hopeful sex is what’s coming next. 

He opens a door to what I assume is his office, because if it isn’t his office, someone else has great taste.

“God, I’ve missed you, River,” his mouth kisses a line to my ear and whispers, “I don’t want you to leave me again.”  Caide says as he stands up. 

“I’ve missed you too Caide.  I’m sorry for over-reacting.”

“It’s okay, I think it helped me realize how much I’m smitten with you.”  He kisses me softly.

“Smitten?  How old are you?” I tease.

He smiles and hands me my clothes.

“You want me dressed?”

“Hell no…but its part of the restaurants motto… No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service.  I should look into having that changed.  Naked eating would be much more interesting….although it could be blinding too.” 

“I thought we were cooking here… where are we going?”

“I know a steakhouse run by a great couple, I thought we’d go let my dad cook us a steak.”

“I love that place - I’m starving!”
  I walk over to the make-up station and check my face and hair. 

Caide washes his face and hands and checks himself in the mirror.  He
sits down at his desk and puts his laptop back on it. 

“What are you doing?” I casually ask.

He looks up and smiles.  “I’m making sure the security cameras are all working.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” I saunter over to him and massage his shoulders. 

Caide turns his chair around and pulls me down onto his lap. 

“I
don’t know if you realize how beautiful and exotic you look today.”

“
Thank you,” I reply and feel my face flush at his words.

____________________________________________

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me.

Edgar Alan Poe

CAIDE

“Alex, has the private investigator found out why Jacob gave Lance the drugs?  Has he looked into her ex-boyfriend in Raleigh?  Kyle beat River bad enough that she ended up in the hospital.”  I study Alex’s face as she writes notes.  “Is everything okay?”

She looks up at me
from taking notes.  “Yes, everything is going as well as I’d expect from a case like this.  I’m guessing you still haven’t broken things off with River, I hope she’s worth the risk, Caide.”

I take an exasperated breath, “
She is not the enemy, Alex.  Jacob was arrested two weeks ago and I haven’t heard anything but a lot of flim-flam.  I’m going to Al-Anon meetings twice a week and the parenting classes, that’s what they wanted, and I’m doing it.  My love life shouldn’t make any difference.  She’s not an addict of any kind, she’s a business woman, and everyone can go to hell.”

“A judge might find that you’re putting Lucy’s life in danger
, considering everything going on in your life.”

“I’ve hired security and I’ll get a bodyguard for the nanny and Lucy.  Alex, be realistic here, people of fame have craziness in their lives and judges don’t keep their kids away from them.” This conversation is beginning to wear on my nerves.

“Those people live in Hollywood; this is Emerald Isle, North Carolina.  You don’t read any drama from the famous author in New Bern.”  Alex sits back and takes a drink from her bottle of water.  “Judges out here don’t deal with fame, but they
are
familiar with wealthy people.  Is River still staying at your house?” 

These visits with Alex are quickly becoming worse than going to the dentist.  “No, she’s not living with
me; she has stayed over a few times.  I’m beginning to wonder why you have a problem with River.  I’m almost twenty-four years old; you’re acting like I should be a monk. It isn’t like I’m getting married, I’m
dating
someone.  River is educated, has her own money, and she’s a good person.  Run a background check on her if you’re so worried what the
judge
with think.”  I study Alex’s face and it hits me.  “You’ve already run a background on her, haven’t you?”

She pulls a folder out and sets it in front of me.  “Of course I have, so will the other attorney.  River isn’t perfect, she has a juvenile record.
”

I sit back…stunned at the way this meeting is going. 
“She has a SEALED juvenile record, don’t we all?  She shop lifted nail polish and a DVD when she was fifteen, hardly an offense worth not dating over.  My friends and I stole a small fishing boat to go party on when I was fifteen.  What does that tell me about River and me?  It tells me, we were both fifteen years old at one time, and we lived on the edge…being suburban white kids living in a coastal community and all.  River is a good person; actually, she’s amazing and I’m not breaking up with her.”

Alex’s face breaks out into a smile.  “Caide, that’s exactly how you need to be…remember if they try to throw it in your face about events that happened when you were a kid, that it doesn’t matter.  You’re a father, and it sounds like you’ve met someone who understands you.  I didn’t know what her record said, but you did, and that means you both are being open about your past.  It sounds like you really like River.  Maybe, this court stuff was meant to happen, without it, you wouldn’t have met her.”

“You’re such a jerk, Alex, you had me ready to rip your head off.”  We both laugh, releasing the tension in the room.  “I want to see Lucy; I haven’t seen her since the day after her mom was buried.  Can’t we ask the judge to grant a visit with Lucy?  I’m willing to do a supervised visit, whatever it takes.  I need to see her.” 

I’ve been thinking about Lucy so much recently.  The more time I’m with River, the clearer it becomes that Heather and I weren’t good for each other.  River and I connect at a much deeper level than Heather and I ever did.  We’ve gone to the beach together and partied with everyone a few times. 
She blends in, yet she stands out.

“Caide, I’ll check with their attorney…don’t hold your breath. 
These things can be tricky and their attorney is a
grade A
pompous jackass.  I need to get out of here, but I’ll give you a call if I hear from them.  By the way, your segment about chicken enchiladas was awesome!  I made them last weekend, they were amazing.  You should consider opening a restaurant, it would be a hit.”

I love hearing from people who’ve made one of my recipes.

“I’ve thought about it, but honestly, I make money without having to worry about the ins and outs of a business.  My parents work their butt off to stay in business.  There are so many chain-restaurants popping up everywhere, local places are failing left and right.  I’ll stick to YouTube and Foodie Network.  I hope to talk to you soon.”

____________________________________________

River and I are driving along highway 17 North parallel to the Carolina coast, destination unknown.  We agreed we’d find a small town along the coast and spend a couple of days.  My show is on hiatus for three weeks, so it leaves my days free.

I check the
rearview mirror to see if Jed and one of Garrett’s guys are behind us to ward off any bad-guys. 

River is content with her Kindle in her hands as she absorbs a vampire novel.  She’s in a pair of khaki shorts and a yellow golf shirt.  We’d agreed we’d go somewhere neither of has ever been.  It’s pretty simple for me, but I don’t tell her that.  Heather always wanted to fly off to the Caribbean for long weekends.  She said road trips
were boring and would make her back hurt.

River raises her head from reading, “Kitty Hawk is in the Outer Banks, I’ve always wanted to go there.
Let me check out bed and breakfasts in the area.”

“I’ve never been to a B&B before, what is it like?”

“Well….I’ve never been to one either.  I know they make you breakfast and you get a room with a theme.”

I tap the steering wheel to the beat of a My Chemical Romance song.  “Theme, like the
Red Room of Pain?
”

The look on River’s face is priceless with her mouth gaping and her eyes wide open.  “How do
you
know of
Fifty Shades of Gray?
”

“I’m primarily around women all day long who jabber about books and sex.  They especially like smutty books.  Becky said I should audition for Christian Gray
, and the girls are always talking about the
Red Room
.”  I’m happy to install one and learn a little BDSM with River.  I smile at the thought.

“Oh, you’d make a great Christian.  I’m not so sure about flogging and spankings, I wouldn’t mind some handcuffs
, though.”

River Murphy has an inner
freak; I’ll have to get some handcuffs.  “I’ll make sure to fulfill that fantasy for you.  What type of
theme rooms
do they have?  Is it like a jungle theme and a bed up in a tree?”

She rolls her eyes at me and we laugh at the absurdity of a jungle room. 

“No, Caide Palmer, there isn’t a jungle room.  Typically, they are historical homes and the rooms are done in different colors with historical romantic decorations.  Rooms don’t have a TV and most are pretty classy.  I’ve looked at a few for a trip I want to take to California.  I want to drive I-40 from the beginning in Wilmington and the end in California.  I thought it would be fun to stay at bed and breakfasts only.  Some of them are very pricey, but many are the same price you’d pay at a hotel, and the breakfast isn’t a box of cereal.  This Bed and breakfast in Kitty Hawk is Cypress Moon Inn.  The rooms look nice and remote enough that no one should find us.  If you’re okay with it, I’ll call and reserve two rooms.  Should I see if they have three rooms?  I don’t know if the guys want to bunk up.  Oh, that would be hilarious if they don’t have a room with two beds.”

“That would be pretty funny.  Go ahead and get them their own room if this place has enough
bedrooms.  I’m getting hungry, we’ll stop to eat and tell the guys the plan.  Do you have signal on your phone?”  I ask.

“Oh crap, no I don’t.  I did a few minutes ago, it has been coming and going throughout the drive.”

____________________________________________

Cypress Moon is a two story cottage that overlooks the Albermarle Sound.  I can’t imagine anything more tranquil than a few days hiding away here.  We lucked out that a wedding was cancelled and that left all o
f the rooms available.  The innkeepers George and Lisa are gracious as we tell them why we’re traveling with bodyguards.

Lisa
recognized me from my show and told me that she uses three of my recipes for her guests.  I could see she wanted to ask me questions about cooking but was respectful of my vacation.  If I have time I’ll see if Lisa wants to talk to me.

Our room is simple yet beautiful.  One wall has multiple windows that look out to a gorgeous view of nature.

“River?”

“Caide?”

“Do you know how bad I want to ravage your exquisite body?”

“Why no I
don’t, Caide Palmer.”

“
Oh my little River Murphy, you drive me wild.” I’m still on my no-sex thing but it’s getting harder to follow my own rule.

“Is it a good wild or are you still making me wait for you?”

I put my hands on her shoulders and look into her eyes.  “We’re going to wait, I want this to be right and I want it to be perfect.  I don’t want us to have regrets and bodyguards standing around waiting for us to be mangled.  You have to believe me when I say this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

She smiles shyly
and my heart pounds so hard, as though I’ve run a marathon.  This girl is into me, and I’m into her.  She should throw on some running shoes and run, because I’m not good for her.  My baggage is heavy, can she handle it? 

I shake my head, attempting to rid myself of negative thoughts.

We make eye contact…not speaking a word, but a thousand things are being said in her eyes.

I wrap my arms around her and we fall onto the bed.
  I trace my finger along her jaw to her chin. 

“Caide?”

“Yes?”  I lean my head back so I can see her better.

“I really like you and I’ll wait as long as it takes for us to know each other.  I’m not going anywhere, even if my brain tells me to run.”

“Don’t run, it will pay off in the end.”

The moon is casting light along the sound and the water sparkles like a million diamonds.  We take our glass of tea out onto the porch and listen to the waves as they crash along the shores.
  The ocean air is cool, a total contrast to the afternoon scorcher we had.

I have my arm over River’s shoulder and she has her
head against my chest.  The innkeeper brought us a couple of throws to use outside if we decided to take a walk along the shore.  No matter how hard I tried to convince Jed to let us walk alone, he refused.  We refused to have them follow us, so we camped out on the porch. 

“Do you believe in angels, Caide?”  River lifts her head and looks up at me.

“In a way, I do. Why?”

“I wonder what Heather would say about us being together.  Sometimes, I feel like she’s the one who orchestrated this elaborate plan to have us meet.  Do you think she and I would have liked each other?”

I’ve wondered this too.  “I think she would have liked you before she got hooked on drugs.  I don’t really know if she would as a drug addict.  I like to think she’s happy that we met.  Heather loved me…she loved her fix more….but she loved me nonetheless.”

“In a strange way, she did bring us together.  From what you’ve told me, I think we would have been friends too.  I can’t wait until I get to see you with Lucy.  I bet the two of you are too stinkin’ cute together.”  She snuggles her head in closer and pulls the blanket up higher.

“Kids grow so much at this stage, and I’m missing everything.  When Heather was alive, she’d send me text pictures of every milestone.  I have a tough time going through my photos because I remember the captions she gave them.   I’m not getting any updates or anything, and it’s killing me,” I admit.

“I bet it is.  Hopefully, we’ll be able to put this all behind us next month.  For what it’s worth, I think you’re a great daddy.  You’re a fighter and so damn sexy.  I’m madly in-like with you.”

I clear my throat nervously….for a split second, I thought she was going to say she loved me.  “Back atcha kid.” I kiss the top of her head and find solace in this moment.  “River?”

“Uh huh?”

“Will you still like me when I have a child taking up my time?”

“I like to think I will.  It will be an adjustment, but I have faith that we’ll figure things out.  Will you still want to date me after she comes home?”

I pause a moment to absorb the words.  This girl in my arms is the most perfect human I’ve ever known…. What would she think if I told her I’m falling in love with her?  “Of course I will date you.  Not to put you on the spot or anything, but would you like to go to my next parenting class?  Before you answer, I’m not saying I’m looking at you to mother her…but there’s some helpful information.  The next class is going over what to do in household emergencies.  One of the classes will be an infant-child CPR certification.”