Cursed Heart (Cursed #2.5) (5 page)

“Why what?” I respond with a smile.

With my left hand, I caress the side of her face. Leaning her cheek into my touch, her skin is so soft. She’s so beautiful. The bruises along her face are changing from a light red to a deep crimson color. I can only hope that I’m not hurting her with my gentle touch.

“You don’t know me, yet you’re here helping me, taking care of me.”

Grabbing for her hands, I hold them tightly with my own. I can’t do much for her, but right now, I can show her that I care and I want to be here for her.

“There’s no simple explanation for it, Gretchen. All I know is that I’m supposed to be here for you. Don’t question it, okay?”

Wiping the falling tears with her tissue, she lets a smile stretch across her lips. She’s accepting my compassion and support; that’s all I can really ask of her right now. It fills my heart with hope—for what, I’m not sure—but I’ll take whatever she’ll allow me to give her.

Allowing her some space, I move from the bed back to the chair. Resting my feet up on the bed, I try to relax, waiting for the moment she’ll need me. Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I think back to the times that I wanted so badly to have that one person in my life. Growing up, all I ever found were people that wanted to push me away. No one has
ever
needed me the way I needed them. The women that served as my foster mothers were cruel, abusive, and only wanted me around when there were household chores. The men that acted as fathers pushed me around, belittled me, and made me feel as though I was worthless. My self esteem as a child and adolescent was slim to none.  I can only thank God that I got out and on my own when I did. Now that I’m an adult, and looking back, I want nothing more than to show love and compassion to that one person that will need me more than I could ever need her.

Opening my eyes and looking next to me, I realize that this woman could be that very one.

I peer to the side of the room as the curtain slides to the side and one of the ER doctors walks in. Approaching Gretchen, he extends his hand to her with his introduction.  He asks her questions related to her pain, the symptoms she’s experiencing, and evaluates the bruises along her face and on the back of her head. Detailing the results of her scan, he confirms that she does have a severe concussion. The news of the tests builds more rage inside of me and the need to find the fucker who did this to her is intense.

The conversation between the two is detailed and he ensures her that she’ll receive a prescription for the pain. As he’s explaining any additional side effects, Gretchen shows a sense of humor that surprises me. After all that she’s been through, she’s still able to smile, laugh, and look at the positive side of everything that has gone down.

She truly is an inspiration—one that I should be able to follow and learn by. No matter what life throws at us, it’s important to think of the things that we have…right now I have
her
. She’s the rock that can pull me from my darkness and show me the light through those bright green eyes. There’s no question in my mind, I want her in my life, and she can help me become the man I want and need to be.

As the doctor leaves the room, I move from the chair and stand next to her.

“Are you always this way?” I ask in a curious tone.

Scrunching her brows, she looks up at me with a confused expression.

“What way?”

“You’ve had one hell of a night, Gretchen, yet you’re still acting as though nothing has happened. Your responses are short, carefree, almost as if you don’t have a worry in the world.”

I’m simply in awe with the way she’s handing everything.

“You really don’t know me very well, Christian. I’m a high stress head case. Believe me, it’s best that you stay as far away from me and my shit as possible. You’ve been nothing but nice since I met you a few hours ago, but really, you can go home now. There’s no reason for you to stay here. I’m sure you have a life to get back to or someone that wants you back home.”

Her words feel like a slap across my face and pain radiates down into my limbs. My heart pulls at my chest and a feeling of loss seeps into my pores. How could she possibly think that I don’t want to be here with her right now?

I know I have nowhere else to be but by her side…she doesn’t know this, though.

“As much as I don’t know you, Gretchen, you don’t know me, either. I have a lot of shit on my plate, too, and this place is the only escape I have. Believe me when I say this is the only room I want to be in right now. Didn’t you ever learn not to judge a book by its cover?”

Rolling her eyes in my direction, she shakes her head at me. She’s fucking driving me nuts. As much as I want to be here with her, I can’t stand that she’s thinking so negatively of my gestures. All I want to do is help her.

Why is she doing this?

Is she trying to push me away?

“Well, you should. It’s unnerving to sit here and want to help when all you seem to do is push away those that want to be near you.”

She moves to sit up in the bed, a look of pain flitting across her face.

“You have some nerve; you don’t know what I’ve been through tonight, let alone in my lifetime. Don’t you judge me, either.”

What the fuck?

She has a lot of nerve telling me what
I
should be doing. I’m not the one who is sitting in a bed because of poor judgment. The rage I’ve tried so hard to push back tonight is coming to the surface. Not only have I tried to be here for her, but the prick and the asshole obviously have some connection to her…they have to care about her, even if it’s just a little. I have no choice but to walk away. Turning my back to her, I pause for a moment—I need to get something off of my chest.

“I don’t know if you’re just clueless or intentionally push people away, Gretchen. All I know is that there are two guys somewhere in this place that care about you. They may not show it right now because they’re more focused on your other friends, but maybe one day you’ll learn to follow your heart instead of your brain mashed up in that thick skull of yours.”

With those last words, I again walk away from my mysterious stranger.

Storming through the ER, I rush to the elevator to catch my breath. Once inside, I lean my head into my hands and breathe out a loud burst of air because all I want to do is scream.

How could things between us turn so bad so quickly?

I need to get myself out of here, like now.

Busting through the elevator doors, I move to the employee lounge to grab my things. As I slam my locker door, the sound of metal slapping metal echoes throughout the small space. My head is pounding, my heart’s racing, and my mind is filled with frustration because of
her
.

As I move through the rest of the hospital toward the parking garage, a million thoughts enter my mind.

What did I do wrong?

What could I have done to change the way things happened between us?

What will I do now that I know very well that I’m not wanted nor needed by the one person I thought could help me overcome my darkness?

Chapter 7

Pulling out of the parking garage, I slam on the gas pedal, creating a screeching sound along the pavement. My mind is enraged, my thoughts a jumbled puzzle. I don’t know what the hell just happened or where I went wrong, but this is my life and things like this just seem to happen.

I’ve known there was something about her since the first moment I set eyes on her in the diner. I wanted nothing more than to move to her and stand up for her. Today, I thought she was brought back into my life for a reason, but apparently I was wrong. As much as I had hoped I could be the one to help her in her time of need, all she wanted was to push me away.

I can’t stand for that anymore. The days of me being torn, tattered, and abused are in my past.

Throughout my life, all I’ve ever known is people that would take me as a fool and toss me to the side. My foster parents and siblings, my peers, coworkers, and even strangers looked to me as if I was an object, not a man with a heart and soul.

When will I finally be able to find that one person that will make me realize that I’m worth more than shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe?

Slamming my hands against the steering wheel, I let out a groan of frustration.

As I pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex, I’m unsure as to how I got here. My mind was so busy dwelling on my life that I drove home on autopilot.  Parking the car, I get out and move up the stairs to my home. It may not be much, but 
it’s what I have right now. With a pounding headache, I push open my door, toss the keys onto the table, and make my way into the kitchen. Reaching for a bottle of Jack, I unscrew the cap and take back a big gulp. The amber liquor burns my throat while I slam the bottle down onto the countertop. Waiting for a moment, in hopes that the numbness will soon set in, I stare across the room at the hole in the wall. With the amount of rage building up inside of me, I feel like I could punch a hundred more holes in the walls of this place, but what good would that do? Instead, I tip the bottle back against my lips and take two long swallows. Gagging on the fire building in my throat, I screw the lid back on and toss the bottle into the sink. Stomping my way back to the bathroom, I feel like an overgrown child. She’s made me a fucking mess, a torn man full of emotions…do I want her or do I hate her?

Regardless of the pain she’s
 causing me right now, all I know is that I need to rid her of my thoughts.  
A nice hot shower will do me some good and hopefully relax the stress in my sore muscles.

Shedding myself of my scrubs, I pull the curtain to the side and set the water all the way to hot. Before stepping in, I glance to the mirror, staring back at my reflection. My face looks tired—my eyes surrounded by dark circles. I reach my fingers into my hair and tug on the strands. Pain shoots into my scalp and it actually feels pretty damn good. Pressing the palms of my hands onto the sink, I feel like shit for leaving things the way I did with her. I should’ve taken the time to tell her exactly what I was trying to do, but instead, I let the rage take over and had no other choice but to walk away.

I’m turning into the monster I want to hide from. I hate that my emotions are all over the place with her. Thinking clearly is not an option when it comes to her. In one breath, I feel like I could fall for this girl, and in the next, I can’t imagine what she’s thinking of me.

Is it a lost cause?

Is it worth the pain and hurt?

Is it just me or is she feeling the connection I don’t want to forget?

Trying to clear my thoughts, I step into the shower under the scalding hot water. Letting the water hit my skin and the steam pull me in, I lean into the shower wall and tightly close my eyes. The first vision that comes through my mind is of
her
. No matter what I try to do, I can’t rid myself of the memories of her walking into the diner as they flash before me. Her messy blue hair, her brilliant green eyes, and the look of pain sprawled across her beautiful face.

I can’t deny the connection I feel; she’s the one and I can’t let that go.

Damn it to fucking hell.

I may be hurt and angry right now, but the more I think about her and the way she looked at me today, I can’t help but feel things I probably shouldn’t. Running my eyes over her image from head to toe, my body turns on me as my cock grows with curiosity, excitement, and desire. For a brief moment, I feel a sense of guilt as I grab my length in my hand. This may be wrong, but right now I don’t fucking care. It’s the least she can give me after pushing me away. Reaching for the bottle of conditioner with my free hand, I let go of my dick and squirt the liquid into my palms. While rubbing it together with my fingertips, I think about the release I desperately need right now.

Slowly starting to stroke my ache, all thoughts of anger and regret turn into obsession and desire. My mind goes back to her and the way her body swayed as she walked to the table. Feeling even more turned on by her petite form, I increase the speed of my strokes. Pleasure starts to overwhelm me and I can’t help but pump my hand faster and faster. Resting my arm back against the shower wall, I lean my head against my forearm. Ecstasy begins to fill my senses the faster I stroke. Letting out a groan, my eyes roll into the back of my head and my balls start to tighten. I see her—her hips, her tits, and her eyes. The moment comes as my imagination goes into overdrive and I feel my release take over. My legs begin to shake and my entire body goes numb. Just the thoughts of her turn me on to a level of want that I’ve never known before. Slowing my motions, I look down to see cum falling from the tip of my cock. My moment of bliss is over and the last thing I’m left with is that I wish she was in here with me.