Cursed Heart (Cursed #2.5) (8 page)

As I rush to my car, I kick the side in with my boot. Getting into the driver’s side seat, I slam my fists into the steering wheel. I need to get out of here before I lose my mind.

Pulling out of the lot and onto the highway, I drive…to where, I don’t know. I need a way to vent these frustrations, to scream at the top of my lungs and find a way to forget
her
.

Taking a moment to plan out my course of action, I turn off onto the next exit. I need a release, a way to fight through the rage coursing through my veins. The only way I know how to do that is to drown my sorrow in a bottle of Jack. Following the road about another half mile, I turn off into Dukes. If nothing else, a few shots should help me numb the pain. If not, I’ll just go home and drink myself unconscious.

I pull the car into the lot, park, and get out, slamming the door shut. Moving into the establishment, I feel like the biggest loser.

Who the fuck goes to a bar in the middle of the day?

Me, that’s who. A man with no sense of worth or a life to call his own.

As I walk to the bar, I see a few other patrons sitting around eating lunch. Yeah, food would be a good idea right about now. I haven’t eaten anything substantial since dinner last night with Etty.

Her name alone, crossing my mind, brings pain to my chest.

Taking a seat on an available stool, I wait for the bartender to recognize my presence. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that he’s walking in my direction.

“Hey, man, what can I get for you?”

Looking up at him, I decide what will be the quickest way to numb my pain and heartache.

“I’ll take a double Jack, straight up, and a bottle of Miller Lite.”

“Sure thing, pal, do you want a menu to go along with that liquid lunch?”

I stare back at him, a look of disgust drawing across my face.

“Nah, man, I’m good,” I spit back at him.

As he walks away, I begin to scan the bar. A couple is sitting to the left and a single man to my right. As the bartender comes back with my poison, I can feel a presence come from behind me and take a seat on the stool next to me.

Tipping back the glass of amber liquor, I swallow hard and look to my right.

“Hi,” she says in a somber tone.

Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I face forward and reach for the bottle of beer.

“Looks like you’ve had just as bad of a day as I have.”

Ignoring her chatter, I lift my now empty glass, signaling for the bartender to give me another double. I watch as he walks my way and takes the glass from the bar.

“Hey, Jenn, haven’t see you in here for a while. How are things?” he asks in the female’s direction.

“Ugh, don’t ask,” she replies in an uncomfortable tone.

“Alright then,” he remarks. “What can I get you?”

She pauses for a moment, turning her body toward mine. Resting her hand on my shoulder, she says, “I’ll have whatever he’s having. It looks like we could both use the company of something strong.”

“Yeah, okay, Jenn,” the bartender says with a laugh.

Removing her hand from my shoulder, she turns to face forward. We sit in silence for the next few seconds, minutes…hell, maybe even hours, both drowning in our sorrows for different reasons. Feeling as if I shouldn’t have a care in the world, I’ve lost track of how much I’ve had to drink.

“Well, it was nice chatting with you, but I really should get out of here before I can’t walk,” she slurs.

Looking toward her, I see green eyes that I didn’t notice before. They’re captivating, and for a quick moment, I feel myself drawn into her gaze.

What the hell is it with me and these green-eyed women?

Extending my hand to her, I introduce myself.

“Hey, I’m Christian.”

A smile pulls from her lips as she reaches for my hand.

“Hi, Christian, I’m Jenn. Glad to hear that you actually have a voice.”

Letting out a subtle laugh, I reach for my beer and take down a long swig.

“Well, it was nice to finally meet you, but I need to get out of here.”

Finishing the remainder of my bottle, I slide it across the bar.

“Yeah, I should pitch out, too. I’m not in any shape to drive home….and home is a ways off. I better start walking now.”

“My place is only a block down. You’re more than welcome to come and crash ‘til your buzz wears off,” she says with a giggle, hopping down off the bar stool.

My eyes light up with her invitation.
What else do I have to lose right now?

“Sounds good, let me clear up our tab and I’ll be right out.”

She rests her hand on my shoulder and flashes me a wink.

“Perfect, thank you, Christian.”

Pulling out my wallet, I toss some cash onto the bar before stepping off the stool and walk out of the bar.

As I push through the doors onto the sidewalk, Jenn is standing on the corner waiting for me. I step in closer to her as she wraps her arm through mine.

“It’s your job to keep me safe, so I’m staying close,” she whispers, looking up at me through her long lashes.

A smile pulls from my lips and I follow her lead to her place.

In this moment, I’m living in the here and now. It’s totally out of character for me, but
fuck
it. There’s been far too much emotional shit bringing me down with Etty and I need to find a way to forget.

Tonight, with this girl, may be just what I need to rid myself of my thoughts.

Following along, Jenn brings us up to the front of her building. She removes her arm from mine and moves to the door. Pushing a key into the lock, she turns the knob and enters the building. Moving closely behind her, I can smell the sweet scent of her perfume and shampoo. My senses are in hyper drive, and once again, I lose myself in her.

She reaches for my hand and pulls me through the hallway and up a set of stairs. Standing in front of her door, she turns to face me.

“Look, I’m not one to bring random guys into my home, but I’ve had one of the worst days of my life today and I need the distraction. There are no expectations once you walk through that door, and honestly, you can leave as soon as you feel sober. I just don’t want to be alone.”

A tear falls from her eye and my heart immediately feels for her.

“Believe me, Jenn, I know
exactly
how you feel. The reason I was in the bar was to forget about the day I had. No expectation is just fine with me.”

A small smile pulls from her face and a sparkle lights up her green eyes.

“Thank you,” she says before opening her door and leading us into the front room.

Standing in her apartment, I feel a sense of hope. If nothing more, I have this girl to lean on for the night. Being with someone who’s hurting as much as I am is just what I need. I don’t know what has happened to her to cause her sadness, but for right now it seems as though we both need one another.

Knowing that someone else needs me is one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced, but we’ve made it clear that there are no expectations. Having just been broken and feeling the knife go through my heart, I can’t let myself attach to anyone again. Jenn may need me right now, but tomorrow, she could also be the one to push me away. My walls are up and I’ll be damned if I ever let another woman break them down…I don’t want to feel pain like that again.

Chapter 12

One Week Later

Being back to work, I thought I’d be able to keep my mind off of her, but I can’t. All I’ve been doing is moving through the motions of my day to day routines. Thank god I know my job and how to do it well; otherwise, I could be fucked with the lack of attention I’ve been able to provide. I rarely speak to my coworkers, so my quiet demeanor is of no surprise to them; they actually prefer that I keep to myself. The less workplace drama the better…well, in my opinion, anyway.

It’s been a week since I walked out of the diner and set my sights on those beautiful green eyes for the last time. Every night, I try to lie in bed and think of how I could’ve done things differently. I would have done just about anything for her, but obviously the love I wanted to give wasn’t good enough.

I haven’t been able to sleep, eat, or think. Loss fills my soul and all I can do is want her that much more.

Unable to function, I’ve gone to see Dr. Jonestown twice this week. Talking through things with him isn’t as easy as I thought. Rather than discussing what happened between Etty and me, he’s been more concerned with digging deeper into my past. Something about finding the underlying concerns and the root of where my initial anxiety started. It’s helpful in some ways, just not where I need it the most. He’s prescribed me sleep aids to help ease myself into a restful sleep at night, but they haven’t been working—nothing has.

I’m devastated, heartbroken, and wishing there was a way out of this.

My shift is over in an hour, so I make my way out of the elevator and through the emergency room to see what’s going on. Sifting through the crowds of nurses and doctors, I hear a conversation about an accident that has three ambulances bringing in a critical patient and three others with minor injuries.

This should be interesting and may even make the rest of my shift go that much faster.

The bay doors open and the paramedics come rushing in with a female. Watching as they move her into an open room, I await my next transport. Another set of paramedics bring in a male. A swarm of doctors rush to his side as everyone begins to scream orders of emergency tests and medications. My eyes follow along as they move him into a room. I can hear the head nurse calling his name and my mouth drops to the ground.

“Daulton, can you hear us?” she asks over and over again.

Shaking my head, I try to figure out if I heard her right.

It can’t be…can it?

Moving closer to his room, I try to listen and see anything I can. I catch a glimpse of the man’s face—it’s Dault…Etty’s Dault. There are so many people swarming around him. Blood covers the gurney, his clothes, and the scrubs of the nurses.

As much as I hate the man lying in that room, pain shoots through me as regret pulses through my veins. I’d never wish harm on anyone; no one deserves to go through what he is right now.

A nurse comes barreling next to me, pushing me out of the way.

Taking a few steps back, I watch as group of paramedics come through the bay doors with another male patient. As they push him into a room, I recognize him as one of the guys that came by the house while I was with Etty.

While I try to place each of the patients that have come in, an ache pulls in my chest. What if Etty was in the car with them? Where is she now? My breaths become shallow and my mind becomes dizzy.

I couldn’t bear to know that she’s been hurt.

My head snaps up as the final patient is brought in through the doors. I immediately walk toward them to see it’s Steve. A guilty sense of relief hits me hard as I quickly walk away before he recognizes me.

I need to get out of here, fast.

Moving through the emergency room, I hit the button to the elevator, not so patiently waiting for the doors to open.

The intercom system through the emergency room goes off and my attention is pulled to the monotone voice.

Code Blue….Code Blue

The doors to the elevator open and I move inside the metal box, waiting to be taken to the next floor.

I can’t even begin to think about what has just happened downstairs. Rushing into the employee lounge, I grab my things and head down the side stairs to the emergency room.

As I walk through the ER, I can see that the doctors have left the room Dault was in and the bed is now empty. If he’s gone, what will Etty do? She’ll be torn apart. I haven’t a clue where she is, but I have to try and find her. If she was with them, maybe I’ll be lucky enough to catch her.

Looking around the waiting area, there’s no sign of her. Unsure if she’s even here, I walk around to the other entrance of the hospital and spot her walking out the front doors.       

Running through the side door, I try to find her.
She has to be out here, I just saw her leaving.
Moving closer toward the entryway, I find her resting herself
up against the concrete wall. Watching her from a distance, I can see that she’s closed her eyes. I can only imagine that she’s saying a silent prayer for Dault.

As much as I think I’ve fallen in love with her, I can’t imagine what she’s feeling if she loves him half as much as I love her. I can’t believe I’m the one that has to tell her this—she’s going to hate me—but there’s no other choice. I didn’t see any of the others in the ER; I hate to think that she’s here all alone. She has to know, and I feel it would be better coming from me than some random doctor. She’s going to be devastated…destroyed…but I will be here to pick her up and make her whole again.

“Etty,” I call.

As I run toward her, she opens her eyes and turns to face me.