Dads: A gay couple's surrogacy journey in India (27 page)

Sascha's first mug shot 

aka passport photo

We spent a quiet day, feeding him, bonding (skin to skin so he can get accustomed to our scents, which is a critical part of the bonding procedure), sleeping (his dads taking turns at intervals), eating, enjoying that first precious day as a family. 

And that's when the shock and tears from the first day really were replaced by something else: love. I've so totally fallen in love with this child, his smiles, his little quirks (the way he says I'm hungry, making little suction noises, the way he - sorry - farts, pees, etc.) Looking at his perfect little hands (three times the size of the tiniest ‘prenatals', but still!), his feet, his face, his tiny nipples, every part of his body is fully developed, albeit not in adult proportions, but it's all there.

Cute, eh?

Sascha is not a crying baby (yet, for all we know). He whimpers a lot, and he makes a lot of noises even when he's asleep (which is a good thing, because we know he's breathing!), but he rarely cries. He doesn't like to be naked (cold?), and the nurse’s sponge bath was no hit this morning, and he's not too thrilled to have his diapers changed (I guess since it's cold again), but as soon as he's fed, he smiles (yeah, some people say it's gases, but the expression is still adorable). He's started to look at us (his eyes didn't really open until Friday), his gaze trying to follow where the voices come from. The development is so rapid, we're simply over the moon, and both Alex and I are totally crazy about Sascha.

It's amazing how trusting these small little creatures are. Whenever he's uneasy or whining, one of us rushes to his side to see what's wrong. Sometimes he's just dreaming I guess, other times, he wants to know we're still there. One touch to his little hands and he'll grab your finger and hold it, being soothed, or a belly rub or a stroke across his cheeks. A smile and he's content once again, sleeping quietly.

Oh those eyes...

The trip in the car (45 minutes) to the
hotel
was a breeze, no complaining the entire time although I doubt that the baby seat is very comfortable. 

Am I tired? Yes! Exhausted? No. We nap more (new to me, definitely, grabbing sleep whenever/wherever I can), but I'm not ‘not functioning,’ quite the contrary. We're getting used to this whole concept of bottle feeding (takes forever to get it ready), and Sascha is a slow eater, taking half an hour to finish his 60 ml, falling asleep after just minutes. But we've learned how to coax his reflexes (parents are devious that way) to get him to continue to eat even while he's asleep (or appearing to be).

We've been parents for four days now, and I'm amazed how fast the transition has been, from being a DINK couple to (almost) fully fledged experts on diaper changing and bottle feeding a newborn. Grant you, Sascha is an easy child (compared to some of our hospital neighbors), but then again, he's our son. 

What did you expect? ;-)

Sascha's hotel crib, filled with gifts and baby necessities.

We are so blessed to be staying in this amazing hotel!

PS: Some stats for those of you who care for this kind of thing: Born w36, at 3.31 kg, 49 cm length, blood type B+ (just like his father and genetic mother).

In the United States, the Supreme Court (SCOTUS) is hearing arguments about two very important pieces of legislation with regards to human rights yesterday and today.

Great feeding position with plenty of eye contact,

i.e. unless there's a flash light…

Our little guy eats well, albeit slowly.

At the center of the debate is marriage equality, whether or not marriage is between man and woman. As a legally married gay man, to me the answer is given, like duh! However, the opponents, devoid of any real arguments beside “I don't like it” are using children as their main argument. They claim “every child needs a mommy and a daddy...”

Oddly, that is a recent argument, or no court would ever have granted sole custody to a mother after divorce (removing the “daddy” from the equation), no single parent would ever have been allowed to raise their children through the eons. This is just BS, but hey, we already knew that, right?

Tomorrow, my and Alex's son, Sascha, will turn one week. I've been a father for seven days now. I'm feeding my boy, I'm bathing him (albeit still carefully with a wash cloth), I'm changing his diapers, I'm talking to him, hugging him, kissing him, and every time he looks at me, I know for a fact that it really doesn't matter if a child's parents are female or male. The only thing that really matters are if the parent(s) have love for their children.

The fact that I love a man and married said man, doesn't alter my perception of my son, my love for him, my need to care for him, protect him, the pride I feel for every new achievement, be it 10 mg more formula he eats per meal, the way his eyes focus more on us every day, etc.

Father and son share an afternoon nap,

tired of eating or holding the bottle...

Sascha keeps us on our toes, for sure. He prefers to sleep during the day (which is nice, allowing us time to get stuff done), but at night, he's up every couple of hours, eating slowly, very slowly. And yes, we're tired, we both are. Wanting to stay in touch with family and loved ones during the day, everyone wanting updates and photos and news, it's difficult to nap. Also, we still have much paperwork to do and so days go by quickly and before you know it, it's 7 pm and time for dinner and we haven't napped at all.

As things go, our little family is adjusting. Last night, Alex was so tired that he barely woke to Sascha's whines (aka “I'm hungry!”) and so I was up from 1 am to almost 4 am feeding the little guy. He is a connoisseur, that's for sure, savoring every milliliter he eats. Later today, Alex reciprocated and gave me a chance to take a bath and finish reading a book. And we both realize that between sterilizing bottles, feeding and changing Sascha, our own needs for grooming and doing “I” stuff slip in our priorities. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, it's a mere observation. Right now, we're both sharing this work, and I wonder how I'll get this done when Sascha and I are alone at home, and Alex goes back to work. Hopefully, by then, we'll have found our routines, and maybe, just maybe, the little guy will eat his 40 ml in less than 45 mins…

Here at the hotel, people are great. Sascha, the hotel's youngest guest, has become a bit of a celebrity and every day, new staff members knock on the door bringing little gifts and flowers for a chance to look at his dark green-brown eyes (beautiful color, never seen before. I wonder if he gets to keep it), the smile he fires off or how he pouts when he's displeased with our service.

Today, India celebrated
Holi
, and we took a ride through town, trying to catch a glimpse of the festivities without putting Sascha at risk of the colorful powders used. We were not very successful, but we saw plenty of “soiled” people in the streets, and Alex got to see a part of town he'd never been to. Mumbai is an amazing city with a population twice as large as all of Sweden, in an area not much bigger than Gothenburg.

Anyway, I'm mumbling… So much going through my head right now. Plenty of time to think, little time to actually “read”, but Alex is on feeding duty, so I got a chance. I'm on night patrol again, it seems! ;)

Be good, love each other, regardless of whatever. Make the world a better place!

Love & Light!

No, Sascha is no Mohammed, or Jesus, or Buddha. He gets very cranky the moment his food is late, and he has certainly inherited both his fathers' temperament and short fuse.