Dads: A gay couple's surrogacy journey in India (12 page)

Today's the day. Today we'll hear the news about the beta pregnancy test and the long awaited answer (it's only been three weeks, but it feels like ages!) whether or not the IVF treatment was successful.

Until we know, we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed, keep biting our nails, keep pacing the house, and try to remain hopeful. Needless to say that the coming hours are among the hardest of my life…

I am at a loss for words… 

This e-mail just reached us from Mumbai (excerpt):

“We are very happy to inform you that the value is 590.81 mlU/ml

which is a value for pregnancy.

Congratulations!! You are pregnant!!!!”

It seems that Alex and I can expect a delivery sometimes next April. I'll write more tomorrow about what the numbers mean, how to interpret them and other interesting facts. Right now, I'm incapable of writing more. I just want to go out and hug people, cry some more and be happy…

There are pregnancies and there are IVF-pregnancies. Oddly, when you look at the tables over how 'far' a mother is in her pregnancy, you have TWO tables, one for her last period (for naturally occurring pregnancies) and one describing the actual date of fertilization. Since historically mothers didn't know when their eggs were fertilized, the pregnancy date was set to start at her 'last' period (gestational age). Smart. Which is approximately fertilization (embryonic age) plus 2 weeks.

So gestationally, we are five weeks pregnant, or in our second month, while the embryonic age is only three weeks. Easy, once you get it...

For us, however, we know the exact date (and probably the hour if I asked) of conception in our neat little petri dish. We have great values for our beta hCG tests (the third and final one being conducted today), followed by a HOST of other tests over the course of our first trimester including:

•several ultrasounds

•blood screenings for surrogate and her husband

•urine tests

•double marker tests and additional scans…

Counting days… We're now at three weeks

and two days (23 days).

The pic was taken two days ago...

The good thing? We're now counting weeks, not days anymore, although Alex and I still proudly display our chart on our fridge showing each day that's passed with a little line. The only difference between our lines and the 'normal' way it's done is that we have the diagonal line at seven instead of five, to better count the weeks.

Our agency has this amazing spreadsheet, showing us every little test and when approximately it is taking place. We even have a preliminary date of birth, which is set for April 20th. Actually, it's more like Friday the 19th, as we had our ET (embryo transfer into the surrogate) done on day four, rather than day three, which another online calculator
confirms
.

But as the spreadsheet says, it's more likely that the baby will come earlier, particularly given a tall father and a tall mother (or maybe I should say egg donor). But then again, you never know with mother nature, do you? :)

It seems that our second day beta hCG was really high, nicely doubled from the first test (the third one is being done today and we should expect values at around 2300 (depending on timing), but I won't find out until Monday. Given the high values, comparing to several online forums and other parents with whom we are in touch, it seems that more than one of the three embryos implanted have taken hold, which opens up an entirely different scenario. Twins would be an option, but triplets are illegal in Indian IVF treatments and one would have to be removed. That, again, is a risky procedure for the other two embryos. Oh my… My head is spinning.

But, let's be positive and hopeful. Right now, we are pregnant. We can plan for a trip to Mumbai in
April
next year…

You know, this feeling when you're about to become a parent is odd. Alex and I find ourselves discussing how to renovate the house to fit our new family, we will likely have to get rid of our new beautiful car for something more practical. Our car is the size of a stroller and wouldn't be able to hold one. We'll also need to buy all these things for the kids it's crazy… LOL

I had a long talk with my father yesterday, and he is looking forward to being a granddad. My brother and Alex's sister are also excited. Heck, even my bonus sister in Tucson can't wait to be an auntie again. We all share in this amazing adventure and when we announced the first result on Facebook, our timeline literally erupted with cheers, congratulations and wishes for the best. Alex and I are deeply humbled and very happy of course. We're still cautious in our optimism, as so much can still go wrong in the weeks and months to come (even after the infamous first trimester…) 

But the feeling that we have our family, friends and loved ones in our corner with us is filling both of us with great joy and happiness. Not to mention, the team in Mumbai at
SurrogacyIndia
and our amazing surrogate mother. Thank you! <3

Waiting.

And then some… Not my strongest suit. I've always said that “s/he who waits for something good, always waits too long…” Patience is for people with nothing left to live for!

Well, in this specific case, we don't have much of a choice. We HAVE to wait. 38 weeks to be exact, or another 35 weeks.

Because, today marks the 35th day of our pregnancy, or if you want to use the ordinary numbering of pregnancy (which makes searching for stuff online really complicated), we have completed our seventh week of pregnancy.

That is why searching online for information about a 35 day embryo is so tricky, because you never really know if it’s 35 days or 35 − 14… Oh well.

Besides, right now, you're looking more like an amphibious animal, a salamander or tadpole, than a human being. Yet I'm fascinated by the rapid development you're going through. But, yes, in all honesty, right now the frustration over the long wait is slightly taking over… Another 33 weeks. Wow.

A couple of weeks ago, we were out looking for strollers and a new car, but a) it was way too early to actually buy anything and b) we've done it, there's really not that much else to do at this stage, which makes the waiting even more painful.

So we sit here, hoping for news from
Mumbai
. We did receive a nice calendar which includes all the important dates and I know from an e-mail that the first ultrasound is scheduled for today. With a bit of luck, we shall have the results by Saturday.

The reason for this ultrasound is twofold. First of all, the doctors want to see where the embryos have made a home for themselves in the uterus because it is vital that they are placed in a way that ensures a smooth and healthy pregnancy. If they are placed too close to the
cervix
(the lower end where the baby eventually will travel through at birth), there might be a risk for premature termination.

But the main reason to conduct an early ultrasound after IVF is to determine how many of the three embryos have taken hold. You've probably heard of “
Octomom
,” where some quack in the US implanted twelve (!) embryos into a woman, who subsequently gave birth to octuplets. The other day, I saw a TV show
episode
about a family in Arizona with sextuplets, again, after IVF. There are not enough laws governing IVF treatments in the US so irresponsible doctors will implant as many embryos as you want, turning these women into rats or dogs instead. Luckily, her doctor has since
lost
his medical license!

Aside from the physical risk to the mother, aside from having to look after so many children (having seen one episode is enough to understand the impossibility of it), there is the aspect of the children's health. When Suleman's babies were born through a Caesarean, they weighed approximately a kilo (2 lbs) each, which is about a third (!) of what should be expected. They all required hospitalization in the premature ward for over two months.

In our case, and this is still standard practice, although some clinics are moving to implanting a single embryo, three embryos were implanted four days after conception. From all the countries I've heard about, the implantation normally takes place between days three and six.

Since we can assume from our beta hCG levels that we have more than one embryo, the ultrasound will determine what is really going on. Worst case, we have either none (terminated after the beta hCG test) or we have three babies growing. In the last case, one of the embryos, determined by the doctors, will be removed. According to Indian law governing IVF, triplet pregnancies are not allowed as a measure to protect the mother. While there is, of course, a sting of pain associated with that, I totally agree as we wouldn't want to jeopardize the health and well-being of our dear surrogate angel in any way… Not to mention the successful outcome of our pregnancy.

The ultrasound could also reveal a single or twin pregnancy, in which case all would be well and as planned. We should get the results by Saturday and I really can't wait.

As we enter into the eighth week of our pregnancy, not only can we start to see the end of the first shaky trimester, but I am slowly trying to come to terms with being patient. I think it would be easier if I was working, instead of lying around at home all day, but my
back and shoulder pains
keep me horizontal most of the day. I've got an MRI scheduled for next week and hope it won't be serious. In the meantime, Alex and I try and prepare for becoming parents by continuing to open our senses to articles about child rearing, kids in traffic, schools, diapers, and all those other things we had previously just ignored.

It's like discovering a whole new world out there, and it is so exciting, not to mention slightly easing our wait. I have a hunch that we'll be quite stressed out in preparations before our departure to India in April.

Btw, if any of you out there have any tips for the best twin stroller or the best hybrid family car (we are caring about the environment) that can hold a twin stroller, please let us know. I mean we don't know yet if we'll actually have twins, but it kinda seems that way, and our little “Topolino” (Fiat 500) won't be able to hold a stroller unless you strap it to the roof… LOL

Anyway, time for me to go back to bed and lie down. My back is acting up again…

I'll keep you posted about the results on Saturday. I hope all will be well!

I haven't been writing for a long time because I have been waiting (and sadly I still am) for the detailed results of our first ultrasound.

We got the preliminary results last Wednesday in an e-mail, but I've put off blogging about it because I really wanted to see the detailed report to be able to make more sense of the numbers (although I have no real clue what I'm looking for). I am more than a little bit disappointed that we still haven't received the report, I really am. Here's why:

We seem to have a twin pregnancy. Both Alex and I were through the roof with the news, until I read the e-mail in more detail.

“The scan reveals non-identical twin fetuses which correspond to the weeks of gestation. Fetus A shows bradycardia hence the doctors will be giving her hCG to support the growth. The cardiac activity of Fetus B is well maintained. The rest of the scan findings are well within normal range.”

So we have one fetus with a lower heart rate than what is normal at this stage. Naturally we are worried sick. When you google
bradycardia
, you learn that the seriousness of the affliction really depends on the actual heart rate, and not having seen the report, we really don't know how bad it is.

If the heart rate is just slightly too low, it doesn't have to mean anything, but if the heart rate is really low, then it is a clear sign that the fetus isn't going to make it.

I did ask the doctors and their response was that it might be a sign of “
vanishing twin syndrome
.” Which, of course, threw me completely off course when I read it, because that made me think that A was an identical twin where one of the twins was being absorbed. Apparently, I was wrong and the doctor was referring to A was being the twin (of B…)