Dancing the Maypole (34 page)

“I wouldn’t do
that!” snapped Cosmo.

“You would!”
said Cecil. “Today was a perfect summer day. All you had to do was
smile and pretend to be charming, but no, you insisted on informing
every pretty woman we met in which county she was more likely to be
murdered by a future husband.”

“Since I come
from a less bloodthirsty county, I’m statistically less likely to
kill my wife. I think that a useful thing for a lady to know.”

“It’s only
useful if you wish to die a bachelor,” said Cecil. “Ruin your own
life. The next time you see me speaking with a pretty young woman,
stay away. Spend the next forty years waking alone in your bed, but
don’t ruin my life. I need a wife, before I go mad like Papa.”

Clenching his
jaw, Cosmo ignored his eldest brother. “Aunt Agnes, would you say
that’s a useful thing for a single lady to know?”

“Oh
yes…very!”

“See? Aunt
Agnes thinks it useful.”

“Aunt Agnes is
being sarcastic,” said Cecil. “She probably thinks you’re an oddity
that belongs in a curiosity cabinet.”

“No she
doesn’t…” Cosmo glanced at his aunt and uncle and couldn’t help
wondering if their proximity meant they’d been kissing. He pushed
the embarrassing mental image from his mind, but found himself
staring at the couple. How could his uncle bear to kiss the marble
woman let alone…? Cosmo blushed as his Aunt Agnes returned his
stare with a faint smile as if she’d heard his thoughts and found
them amusing. “Do you think me odd?”

His aunt stared
back as if mentally debating the answer, “Cosmo, if you and I were
shipwrecked on a desert island, I’d be very grateful for your
company.” The thought of being stranded with Agnes conjured up the
horrifying image of him living as man and wife with the older
woman. His cheeks darkened as certain mental images made him feel
sick. He was considering an escape to his favourite coffee shop,
when limping footsteps entered the room.

“Ah, Peter,”
said Agnes, I see you survived Isabel’s instructions. It must have
been rather warm down there; you look flushed.”

Cosmo turned to
see his father standing in the doorway looking like he’d been set
upon by a mob of starving pickpockets. His curly hair was standing
on end, his cravat was half untied and his clothes looked
dishevelled as if he’d been rolling on the floor.

“The room was a
c-c-cursed oven.”

Cosmo stared up
at his father in fascination as the older man’s face seemed to
fluctuate every few seconds between a smug grin and an angry
grimace.

“I need air.
I’m g-g-going out.”

The prospect of
spending an hour alone with his father made Cosmo forget the heat.
“May I join you Papa?”

His father’s
angry scowl didn’t promise a pleasant walk. “Non.”

“Why not?”

“Parce
que…”

“Because
why?”

“Parce
que!”

“He probably
doesn’t want to listen to one of your monologues on how to die a
bachelor,” snapped Cecil.

Cosmo turned to
glare at his brothers. “Is it so hard to be pleasant to the fourth
son for an hour in the drawing room?”

“Oh no,” moaned
Cecil, “not the fourth son lament again.”

“We never hear
Robert singing the woes of being a fifth son,” said George. “Maybe
being a fifth child is less painful?”

“Don’t mock
me!” shouted Cosmo. “I’m cursed sick of being treated like a parish
foundling. We’re in a drawing room. Why can’t you pretend to be
pleasant to me for an hour?”

“At least he
knows which room he’s in,” said George.

“There is
that,” replied Cecil. “We shouldn’t have to lock him in an
attic.”

“Oh yes, mock
the fourth son! Papa, that is the sort of diatribe I’ve had to
endure every day of my life…” Cosmo turned back to receive parental
recognition of his grievances, but his father had already left the
room. “Typical! As soon as I need some fatherly support, Papa
disappears.” Jumping up, Cosmo tugged on his waistcoat as if the
action could smooth the wrinkly ache from his chest. “As soon as
I’m twenty-one I’m going to disappear and you’ll have to find
someone else to sneer at. In the mean time, I’ll be in the dining
room waiting to be fed and waiting to take your money. If you’re
lucky I’ll be held up by some footpad and shot through the heart.
You won’t have to endure another minute of my boring company. I’ll
be dead!” Giving his brothers’ one last glare, Cosmo left the room,
counting the weeks till the day he’d inherit financial control of
his life. He’d never have to see his family again.

Long evening
shadows pushed Peter to hurry and finish his toilet. In less than
an hour he’d be expected to stand next to Isabel and make a fool of
himself. If he didn’t have few minutes practice with Isabel one of
his sons might wonder how they’d spent the afternoon. His razor
paused near his chin as he mentally relived his euphoric afternoon.
He was lost in the memory of Isabel’s last kiss when a knock on the
door made him jump. Swearing under his breath, he leaned forward to
examine his face in his dressing table mirror. In the twilight, the
blood oozing from the small cut on his chin looked brown. “Blast!”
The unseen hand knocked again. “Yes?” The door closed behind Cosmo.
“What now son?”

The boy visibly
bristled. “I need to speak with you.”

“I’m shaving!”
Peter resumed scraping his lathered face with his cutthroat razor.
“Your Aunt Agnes expects me to humiliate myself in forty
minutes.”

“I’ll wait till
you’ve finished. I’m used to waiting.”

Cosmo’s
accusing tone jabbed Peter in the stomach. Rolling his eyes, Peter
slammed down the razor and fumbled for his handkerchief. Pressing
the linen to his bleeding chin he limped to the bed and sat down.
“I’m listening.”

“I wish to go
to the seaside. Cecil offered to give me ten pounds if I leave
tomorrow morning. He’s desperate to get rid of me, and I’m happy to
oblige him.”

Peter scowled
as he saw a vision of his honeymoon cut short by news that Cosmo
had been killed by drunken sailors enraged by the boy’s favourite
sea facts. “No. You’ll remain here with your b-brothers.”

“I’m tired of
following Cecil and George like a spaniel. They treat me like…”

“No!” barked
Peter.

“Why? It won’t
cost you a…”

“You’re not old
enough to visit the seaside on your own.”

“Charles went
on his own last summer. He was old enough. I’m the same age!”

“Charles is
sensible…” Peter cringed as Cosmo’s eyes widened in outrage.

“Sensible?
Charles ran off to save a blind woman from a blacksmith.”

“He’s
infatuated,” said Peter. “You’re still learning how to speak with
strangers without unintentionally offering offence.”

Cosmo’s eyes
chilled to black ice, “You think I’m a senseless idiot?”

“No of course
not…” Peter cringed at the lie. “You’re young! You need your older
brothers.”

“Why do I need
them? They never spend time with me…”

Peter rolled
his eyes. Peter’s plans to spend a few minutes with Isabel were
fading with every tick of the clock. “It doesn’t matter how much
time they spend with you. They’re your brothers. They’ll make sure
you aren’t pummelled to death by a drunken sailor with arms as
thick as a mast.”

“They’d
probably cheer the sailor on. I thought Charles was my best friend.
Do you know what he said to me?”

“Son, I don’t
have time for a d-d-detailed account of your latest squabble. I
need to finish shaving.” Peter stood up hoping his son would take
the hint and leave.

Cosmo bristled
in resentment, “If I was your daughter you’d always have time for
me.”

The truth of
the accusation struck Peter’s heart making him feel guilty. “Cosmo,
I’d have more time for you if you d-d-didn’t always choose the most
awkward moments to share your concerns. I’m expected in the…” Peter
squinted at the clock on the mantel. “Blast! I have thirty-five
minutes. We’ll finish this later.”

“You always say
we’ll finish later, but there’s never any time left for me.”

Peter sighed in
exasperation. “I have five sons and only so much time. When you’re
a father you’ll understand.”

“Oh I
understand Papa. You think I’m a boring senseless idiot.”

“I never said…”
The door slammed behind Cosmo ending the conversation. “Children!”
Ignoring an oppressive sense of failure, Peter finished shaving and
pulled a clean shirt over his head. He was forcing the bone button
at his neck through a tight buttonhole, when another hand knocked
on the door. “What now?” Cecil closed the door and leaned against
it with folded arms, instantly giving the room a relaxed air. Cecil
was an easy person to like. His inability to lie meant there was no
need to second-guess the man’s mind or wonder what he was thinking.
Having his eldest child appear minutes after his fourth, created an
uncomfortable contrast. Of all his children, Peter preferred the
company of his first-born. If he were honest, Cosmo did come last
on the list. The revelation confirmed his failure as a father.
Picking up the carefully folded cravat Peter wrapped it around his
throat and began the monotonous chore of tying it into a
presentable knot. “Cecil, what were you thinking? Why the d-d-devil
did you offer Cosmo ten p-pounds to visit the seaside? Every time
he travels five miles on his own he ends up in a p-pickle.”

“You know he
hates going places on his own. I didn’t think he’d take up the
offer.”

“Well he did,
and now my son hates me because he knows I think he’s
senseless.”

“I’m sorry
Papa, but Cosmo was so annoying today…”

“I don’t care!
As the eldest son you inherit responsibilities along with the
family silver. If Cosmo is with you, it’s your duty to watch his
b-back not pay him to get himself killed. Do you think I enjoyed
saving your Uncle John from endless scrapes? I could have k-killed
him myself on more than one occasion. Thankfully John is now too
b-busy saving Joan to need saving. Cosmo is your brother and he
needs you.”

“I know Papa,
but every time Cosmo sees me talking with a young lady he insists
on joining the conversation. Can’t you send him on a grand tour
with Lucius…at least long enough for me to find a bride? This
afternoon a sweet young lady was smiling up at me, simmering my
blood. Before I could ask if she’d be attending the Assembly Rooms,
Cosmo was asking her if she knew she was less likely to be murdered
by a husband born and raised in Oxfordshire. If you’d seen the look
on her face you’d understand my frustration. She excused herself
and ran to some male acquaintance who turned to stare as if we were
sewer rats. If I ask her to dance, she’s sure to have a sore
ankle.”

“Then she’s a
fool,” said Peter.

“A tempting
pretty fool,” sighed Cecil.

“Marry a woman
who makes your chest ache as well other p-parts son. A loveless
marriage is hell.”

“Not many women
want anything to do with my various parts after Cosmo starts
sharing his favourite facts.”

“I’ll speak
with him…again,” said Peter.

“Don’t waste
your breath; he thinks his facts are charming. The only women his
facts will charm are the ones in need of a man who has a good
income, a house full of servants and a pantry full of food.”

“That’s what I
fear…” Catching sight of the clock Peter made a face as he grabbed
his trousers and pulled them on. “Find Cosmo and g-give him ten
pounds. In future, don’t offer your brother money to get himself
killed. I’ll ask Lucius whether he knows of any cousins planning to
embark on a tour the continent in need of company. If Cosmo wishes
to go, he will.”

“Thank you
Papa.”

Peter fastened
the last button on his waistcoat as the door closed. Slipping into
his shoes, he was combing his hair when a third knock on the door
disturbed a pleasurable daydream. “Yes?” This time it was Isabel
who closed the door and leaned against it. Her nearness made him
feel instantly giddy. His heart sank as he realised she wasn’t
smiling. “Is something wrong?”

“May I
interfere?”

“Bien sûr!”

She visibly
relaxed in relief. “Cosmo is upset…”

Peter groaned
in irritation, “He wanted to recount a d-dialogue with one of his
brothers. I c-can’t shave and listen to a story; I’ll cut my
throat. I want to live long enough to hold you as my wife.”

“He says you
think he’s a senseless idiot. He says he’s felt unwanted all his
life.”

“Cosmo is not
unwanted. I love all my sons.”

“Perhaps if you
talked to him…”

Peter glanced
at the clock. “Now? We need to rehearse…”

“Who cares
about that? Your son is upset!”

“If Cosmo is
upset he won’t listen…he never listens.”

Glancing at the
closed door behind her, she tiptoed up to him. “Who listens when
they’re upset?”

The whispered
words made his knee throb. Any moment one of his sons would burst
into the room. The thought kept him from pulling her into his arms.
He could hear the sea roaring in his ears as he tried to fill the
emptiness in his chest by caressing her cheek. Resisting the
temptation to lean over and kiss away her unhappy expression Peter
clenched his hands behind his back.

“What
happened?“ asked Isabel.

Returned to the
subject of his fourth son, Peter grimaced in irritation. “Cecil
offered Cosmo ten pounds to go to the seaside. Cosmo asked for
permission and I refused. The boy c-can’t travel five miles without
an incident…”

“He’s old
enough to die for his country. Don’t you think he’s old enough to
visit the seaside?”

“He would be
old enough if I could trust him not to share one of his g-gory
facts with the wrong people and end up p-pummelled.”

Isabel’s pursed
lips made it clear she disagreed. “He’s a man. Let him go with your
blessing.”