Darcy's Passions (14 page)

Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed really glad to see them all; anything was a welcome relief to him at Rosings.The colonel enjoyed Elizabeth Bennet's company; she was the type of woman with whom a man could talk easily; they compared notes on Hertfordshire and on Kent; they discussed places they visited; and they considered the possibilities of new books and music.

Darcy tried to ignore the rest of the room and concentrate on his aunt's diversions, but his cousin and Elizabeth possessed so much life when they spoke it was difficult to ignore them. Even Lady Catherine could not draw her attention from them, and, as usual, Darcy was lost to the woman. His eyes strayed to where the colonel and Elizabeth sat, and he looked upon them with much curiosity.
Was Edward taken with Elizabeth?
The question he considered since coming to Rosings resurfaced. Could he lose her to his own cousin? Why not to Edward? Darcy did not want her, or so he told himself.

Eventually, Lady Catherine's scruples would not allow her to control her curiosity; she demanded to become part of their conversation. “I must have my share of the conversation if you are speaking of music.There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.And so would Anne, if her health had allowed her to apply. I am confident she would have performed delightfully. How does Georgiana get on, Darcy?”

“Georgiana attends to her lessons studiously.” Darcy waited for her reproof to his sister, but instead it was directed toward Elizabeth.

“I often tell young ladies that no excellence in music is to be acquired without constant practice. I have told Miss Bennet several times, that she will never play really well unless she practices more; and though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome to come to Rosings every day and play on the pianoforte in Mrs. Jenkinson's room. She would be in nobody's way, you know, in that part of the house.” His aunt called out to her.

Darcy could not believe Lady Catherine offered Elizabeth such an example of rudeness and ill breeding at its height. He often, of late, found his aunt's continued rudeness shameful although he made no comment. He was a man torn between two worlds. Like Elizabeth, he clearly had his own connections sometimes lacking in propriety, but how could he criticize his aunt without criticizing his own standards? Did not Lady Catherine, because of her social standing, deserve some latitude in her opinions? He knew he often erred on the side of prejudice, especially when it was someone of impeccable ancestry; he admittedly had a value for rank and consequence, which blinded him a little to the faults of those who possessed them. So, where did the answer lie? He did not know how to accept one form of impropriety and condemn the other.

 

As the evening progressed, Darcy looked on as his cousin maneuvered Elizabeth to the instrument and drew a chair near to enjoy
the music and her company. His heart ached with his cousin's treachery; Darcy wanted desperately to replace Edward, to be the one to whom she directed her attention, and to swim in the green pools of her eyes. Staring intensely, he visualized himself next to Elizabeth. Lady Catherine tried to engage him again in trivialities, but his mind rested with Elizabeth; only to Elizabeth did he pay his attentions. He rose from the settee and walked deliberately toward the pianoforte; commanded by his heart, he stood where he could have a full view of Elizabeth's countenance.

She could not help but observe this change in Darcy's attitude toward her; when the music allowed, she turned to him with her usual provocative smile and said, “You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all this state to hear me? I will not be alarmed though your sister
does
play so well.There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”

Ah,
he thought. He so missed this playfulness. His heart jumped in his chest; the connection between them was still there. She teased him deliberately. He assured Elizabeth he had no design to alarm her. “I shall not say you are mistaken because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own.”

Darcy watched as Elizabeth enjoyed the picture he painted of her nature, and she was content with laughing at herself; he would gladly abandon his reserve for her lightness; he would gladly abandon his life for her love. Eventually, she turned to Colonel Fitzwilliam, but she still possessed Darcy. “Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in part of the world where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit. Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is very ungenerous of you to mention all that you knew to
my disadvantage in Hertfordshire—and give me leave to say, very impolitic too—for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out as will shock your relations to hear.”

Darcy relished this moment; he missed her so; she had impertinence, true, but Elizabeth never excited angry annoyance in him. “Miss Elizabeth, you may speak as you see fit. I am not afraid of you,” he said smilingly.

Colonel Fitzwilliam enjoyed the way Elizabeth affected his cousin, and he egged her on. “Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of. I should like to know how he behaves among strangers.”

“You shall hear then—but prepare yourself for something very dreadful.The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball—and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances! I am sorry to tell you, but so it was. He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny the fact.”

So, Elizabeth still desired an apology for his actions at the assembly hall.
He could handle that; it was long overdue; Darcy planned an apology since her time at Netherfield. “I had not at that time the honor of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party.”

“True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ballroom,” Elizabeth retorted. Maybe in retrospect, the reason lacked soundness; Bingley offered Darcy an introduction, which Darcy refused. He owed her more of an explanation.

“Perhaps,” said Darcy,“I should have judged better had I sought an introduction; but I am ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers.” There—that should allay her objections and tell Elizabeth he felt sorrow for his impolitic behavior.

Elizabeth enjoyed teasing Darcy's usual reserve, and she spoke to his cousin once again.“Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill-qualified to recommend himself to strangers?”

“I can answer your question without applying to him,” Edward offered Darcy a cut. “It is because he will not give himself the trouble.” Darcy could not believe the colonel would say such provocative lies; he knew Darcy to operate as a gentleman; Edward, evidently, wanted to discredit him in Elizabeth's eyes.

Yet, those eyes still belonged to Darcy; they had not broken contact since this repartee began. He offered, “I certainly have not the talent which some people possess of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.”

That should allow Elizabeth an opportunity to see his cousin for the flatterer he is. Her eyebrow shot up, and Elizabeth's amusement flittered across her face.With a smirk of a smile, she said,“My fingers do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women's do. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I would not take the trouble of practicing.”

At the moment, Darcy rationalized neither of them needed anyone else's approval and offered a compliment saying, “You are perfectly right.You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting.We neither of us perform to strangers.”

Lady Catherine interrupted his revelry by coming to the instrument and once again criticizing Elizabeth's musical ability. Lady Catherine evidently did not appreciate his attentions to Elizabeth and planned to “remind” him of his duty to his cousin Anne by touting Anne's presumed musical talent. Ashamed for his aunt's behavior toward Elizabeth, Darcy assumed a haughty countenance. Elizabeth received Lady Catherine's remarks with all the forbearance of civility and unknowingly received Darcy's renewed regard.The colonel and Darcy took turns requesting her continued presence at the instrument until the carriage took her back to the Parsonage.

Darcy lay under the counterpane, stretching his limbs to relieve the tension the evening entertained. He spent the last few months declaring his freedom from Elizabeth Bennet, but the evening persuaded him to reevaluate his feelings once more. It seemed since Elizabeth Bennet entered his life, Darcy spent numerous hours debating about succumbing to her charms. He knew he was lost to her; Elizabeth would be the mark by which he would judge all other women. He still could not justify pursuing Elizabeth, but Darcy could also not give her up. Unless he did something soon, the quandary in which he found himself would further rob him of his sleep and his waking sanity.

If he could not rid himself of his obsession, then Darcy had to rationally plan how he could achieve Elizabeth's regard and not associate with her family. Of course, that would be impossible. He could tolerate the company of Miss Bennet and probably her father he supposed. Would regularly seeing them be enough for Elizabeth? Pemberley was a good distance from Hertfordshire; it would not be easy for Elizabeth's family to visit; he could arrange business in town when Mrs. Bennet and the younger sisters came to stay. He would have to guard against those connections having too much influence on Georgiana, however.The Bennets could be brought to Pemberley when others were not expected. It could be achieved; it would be worthwhile if Darcy could earn Elizabeth's love; a few moments of intolerable disdain would be pale indeed to all the pleasures of Elizabeth's company. Receiving Elizabeth's love and devotion was a prayer he recited more than once these last few months. “The prayer the Devil answers,” he chuckled out loud as the darkness enveloped him. Images of Elizabeth at the pianoforte frequented his dreams, and her smile was all for his pleasure.

 

Dawn came early for Fitzwilliam Darcy; he found himself wrapped in the bedclothes and turned askew; his battle with himself and sleep took its toll on his resolve, but he made a decision during those long waking hours. Pushing himself from the mattress, Darcy
swung his legs over the side of the bed and reached for the bell cord to call his man.Today he would seek out Elizabeth's company; today he would begin to win her heart; he knew Elizabeth to be at least aware of his interests although she probably was unsure of its depth; he gave her mixed signals up until this time. Now, Darcy would show Elizabeth despite his concerns with her family, he would apply himself to winning her love.

Today would be the first day of the rest of his life. Following his morning ablutions, Darcy dressed carefully trying to create an appearance of a gentleman open to new possibilities. He set out through the parklands surrounding Rosings, but he knew unconsciously his destination was not to be the park itself; he was to make a call on the Parsonage.The little over a quarter mile path was well worn, and its passage was short lived, and before he knew it, he stood outside Hunsford. He could not alter his choice; his entrance into the gate at the Parsonage would be well known. So noted, Darcy rang the bell and was soon admitted to the inner room. He expected the Collinses to be about, but he found only Elizabeth in attendance. Having planned to engage the household's occupants in conversation, his apprehension increased; although it was a pleasant surprise, he had to shift his emotional being to face Elizabeth one-on-one.

“Mr. Darcy, what a surprise!” she began, sounding a bit uncertain.

“Miss Bennet, I apologize for invading your privacy,” he stumbled along trying to sound uneventful, but feeling aroused by her closeness. “I understood the Collinses were within. I pray I have not interrupted your solitary pleasures.”

“An interruption does not necessarily have to be unwelcome, Sir,” she curtsied.“I am afraid Mrs. Collins and her sister went into the village. I hope your appearance here does not mean your family at Rosings has taken ill. Are Lady Catherine, Miss de Bourgh, and your cousin, the colonel, all in health?”