Daring the Wild Sparks (16 page)

“What all was he saying at the house?”

He hesitates and looks above me before whispering, “That he lost his Becks and his life was over.”

I scowl. “
Over
? What do you mean?”

Ricky nods and his eyes lock onto mine. “Yeah. He worries me sometimes.” I turn to glance at Finn, but am met with his back still. He wouldn’t… I can’t even imagine those words.

Ricky asks, “How was he when he got to your friend’s house?”

Dropping my arms and absently toying with my candle, I look back at Ricky. “Fine, but then his moods have been erratic this weekend,” I say quietly.

He nods again and peers past me. “Yeah. I figured.”

I anxiously play with a strand of my hair. “What has he told you? He won’t talk much.”

He sighs. “Probably as much as he’s told you, if not less.”

I roll my eyes. “He tells you more than he does me, Ricky, but he did say he has a ‘deep, dark secret’ that he’s admitted to me.”

Ricky’s eyebrows shoot up at that revelation. “He did?”

“Yes.”

He tilts his head and eyes me speculatively. “How do you feel about that?”

“Confused.”

His forehead wrinkles in confusion. “Why? You didn’t like what he told you?”

“That’s the thing. He said he’s told me, but he hasn’t. He hasn’t said anything to me that I don’t already know about.”

Ricky suspiciously looks down at the ground. “Oh.”

Ricky Tesco knows something.

And he’s going to tell me if I have to beat it out of him with my candle amongst a crowd of God-fearing Marylanders dressed in their Easter best.

I clear my throat and hastily ask, “Do you know what it is?”

He shakes his head, looking around, avoiding my eagerness. “I can’t tell you that, Hadley.”

“So, you
do
know?” I hiss and grab his arm.

He jerks his head to me. “Oh, no, no, no. Don’t put me in the middle of this. You know I can’t betray his trust.”

“But, he said that he’s told me this secret every time we’re together, Ricky. I don’t believe that.”

“You’ll have to hear it from him. I can’t say anything.”

“Does it have to do with his fear of marriage?”

“Hadley, don’t do this. I can’t.” He sighs and inspects the scene behind me. I watch his clean-shaven jaw tense. “Look, the only thing I can say is that he wants to tell you, and you said that he already has. I really don’t know why you don’t know then. That’s a disconnect that you’re going to have to work out with Finn.”

Exasperated, I beg, “Can you at least tell me if it’s a
bad
secret?”

He glances over my head again and elusively whispers, “It’s not a bad secret, okay?”

I decide to pull out the big gun. “After you and Finn left, Chrishelle proclaimed that Finn was going to propose to me before Julie made her announcement. Do you think that’s true?”

His eyes fleetingly widen before he rapidly blinks. Impulsively looking away, surveying the people around us, he shoves a hand into his pocket and grouses, “Damn it, Hadley. Don’t ask me that.”

I quietly gasp, “He was!”
Finn was going to propose to me
?

Ricky heaves a deep sigh and my heart starts to thunder in my chest.

Breathless, I once more implore, “Ricky, tell me something. Please.”

He briefly regards me, but can’t hold his gaze to mine for long. Irritably shaking his head and crossing his arms, he says, “I’m not going to betray Finn. I won’t do it. He’s my best friend, Hadley. Whatever he has told me, it’s between him and me.”

Hot on Ricky’s trail, I gleefully say, “That sounds like a
yes
!” I desperately want to believe it. I truly do, yet my weary heart doesn’t want to vainly hope, only to be smashed into jagged, little pieces all over again.

Ricky drops his arms and moves to put both hands into his pockets, but his candle stops him. He scowls and anxiously rakes his eyes around the people standing near us. “It’s not. Chrissie was wrong.”

“She was?”

He continues avoiding me. “Yeah. He wasn’t, so just forget about it.”

Ricky Tesco is lying. I know this because he’s a good cop, but a terrible liar. I think it goes against his nature. That’s probably why when his first wife accused him of cheating, he admitted to it. He couldn’t even lie about his affair.

I sigh in defeat. “Okay. I get it. I actually respect you more for being such a good friend to him.”

He visibly relaxes. “He’s like my brother.” Conjoined twins.

Holding my candle with one hand, I restlessly scrape hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear with the other. “I know.”

A hand unexpectedly pulls on my arm and I jerk in surprise. I peer up to see Finn standing next to a blonde-haired man with a coordinating goatee, and wearing glasses and a bright red, short-sleeved shirt. Finn moves his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to him. “Gary, this is my girlfriend, Hadley.” Glancing down at me, Finn says, “This is Gary Jenson. We went to high school together. Played baseball.” Finn leans down to me and loudly whispers, “He was our mediocre third baseman.”

“I see you’re dating our inept first baseman.” Gary laughs and holds out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Hadley.”

I take his hand with a smile. “Nice to meet you, too.”

Finn shifts and looks beside me. “Gary, this is my buddy, Ricky Tesco. Rick, this is Gary Jenson.”

“Hey, man, nice to meet you,” Ricky says, stepping forward and returning Gary’s handshake.

Finn explains to Ricky and me, “Gary and I were the only two that we knew of from our school whose mothers made them go to this church.”

Gary nods with a snicker. “We made up for it by sitting in the back pew and looking at comic books between our Bible readers.”

“We did,” Finn agrees with a laugh. “We had to pay attention when everyone else was kneeling or standing so that we didn’t get caught.”

I smile and stealthily observe the fire. I wish I knew Finn back then. Would he really have noticed me or would I be that girl he made fun of?

Walking through the church doors from the inside, a boy and a girl, dressed in white and black vestments, hold them open to allow a small procession of more kids outfitted alike to surge out into the crisp, evening air. At the end of the group is an older man donning white garb that matches his snowy tufts of sporadic hair: the priest from the looks of it.

They make their way over to the fire. Finn pulls me forward so I can get a better view of what’s going on. The pungent, perfumed smoke tickles my nose. It’s strange at first, but I soon become accustomed to it. I say a small prayer as to not rudely sneeze and draw attention to us. To me, mostly.

The priest reads from a book one of the kids are holding for him. Everyone around me does the sign of the cross and we all bow our heads in prayer.

Following the prayers, we watch as the priest puts pegs into the tall candle, says a blessing for each one and then lights the candle from the fire.

After the prayers and readings that complete the candle part of the service are finished, we wait for the priest and his helpers to enter the church with the large, now-pegged candle. After we stop for the second time, I notice little flames passing from one candle to another. Before long, a woman lights Finn’s candle. I look up at his face as he turns to me, giving me a slight smile, which I immediately reciprocate, hopeful he’s in a better mood. He angles his candle to mine, catching my tiny wick alight. We capture each other’s gaze, causing us to smile again, our faces faintly glowing in our small candlelight.

Since we’re at the back of the crowd and nearest the church doors, we follow behind a handful of people. Finn picks a seat in the back, where we stand in front of our bench as we wait for everyone else to file in. Ricky stands next to me on the end closest to the center aisle.

Inhaling Finn’s scrumptious cologne, I whisper, “I thought you wanted a good seat?”

Leaning against me, he whispers back, “The best.”

“Oh.” I guess he would have the inside track on where the best seats are in
this
house.

Finn asks, “Did you ever want to be stuck in the front row of a class?” I shake my head and he says, “Exactly.”

I look at Ricky, who is casually slicing his candle’s flame with his finger. That move doesn’t shock me in the slightest. Ricky is another daredevil. He just doesn’t advertise it like his other half.

People begin to spill into our pew and Finn steps closer to me, which also forces me to move closer to Ricky. Finn’s arm goes around me with his hand resting on my hip. Ricky stops playing with his flame and bumps my arm. When I give him a questioning look, he mockingly frowns at me. Stooping to my ear, he says, “When we sit down, don’t be trying to sit on my lap just so you can see. I think I saw booster chairs in the back.” I lightly shove his arm and he chuckles.

Finn whispers, “What’s going on? Is he bothering you?”

I smile up to his face and try not to stare at his delicious lips. “Yes.”

Finn looks over my head to jokingly glare at Ricky and I have to hide a loud giggle.

“What?” Ricky asks in genuine puzzlement, making me bite my lip and close my eyes so that I don’t burst out laughing.

Beautiful singing fills the church, but, unfortunately, I don’t know any of the words. I look to both of my male bookends, but they aren’t singing either. On the right side of me, Ricky stares at his candle, still fascinated by fire, I think. I had better not enlighten him about the invention of the wheel. That might be too much for him to comprehend.

To my left, Finn stares blankly ahead, but occasionally moves his fingers against mine, showing some sign of life.

After standing for a marked period of time, we sit and the readings begin. I wonder if Finn ever reads in front of everyone when he goes to Mass.

I cross my legs towards Finn so that I’m not accidentally brushing my leg against Ricky’s. That would be awkward, most likely more for me than for him. Pressed up against Ricky, I give him an apologetic smile. He puts his arm around me, squeezes me to his side and grins before letting me go, then propping his arm behind me on the bench.
Cocky
could also be Ricky Tesco’s middle name, for a multitude of reasons.

I glance at Finn who is peering around the church with an astonishingly peaceful look on his face.

My eyes drift to the stained-glass windows on both sides of us, practically ensconcing the walls with biblical scenes that are absolutely stunning. The blue, green, red, orange, and yellow ensnare the candlelight and shine magnificently. Other than staring into Finn’s eyes, this is the most extraordinary sight I have ever seen in my entire life.

From the rafters hang gigantic, circular, silver chandeliers that have large, pale yellow candles, made to look like real ones, interspersed on the curved metal.

This church is gorgeous and is a part of Finn. He used to sit in these pews as a little boy, a teenager, and now as a man. I feel so honored that he’s sharing this part of himself with me because I thought he never would. I only wish I had something like this to share with him in return. I have nothing that is remotely close to this. When I live with Finn, will he take me to Mass with him every week? I’d like that. I want him to share more of his life with me.

Finn reaches over my lap and picks up my hand, sliding his fingers until they’re snugly locked with mine. I look up at him and he smiles wistfully. He shifts and his leg bumps mine since we’re cramped. I move my leg away so I’m not crowding him as much, but he abruptly moves our clasped hands and uses his fingers to pull my leg back to where it was against his. It’s not at all a suggestive move, yet a tender one punctuated by his thumb sliding lovingly back and forth on top of my thigh. My heart feels like soaring out of my chest and up to the high rafters from his small, affectionate gestures. It makes me feel…
adored
. It’s almost as if he’s decided he wants
all
of me for comfort, not just for one thing.

I smile gloriously from… I’m not even sure what from. Maybe it’s a combination of the service and the love I feel rushing through me caused by his seemingly inconsequential actions. To anyone else they may be seen that way, but to me, they’re immense.

I tighten my fingers with his and he squeezes back, compelling my soul to sing louder than the whole congregation is. Tears even begin to sting my eyes from the amazing sensations filling my heart, mind and soul. I was anxious before the service, now I feel tranquil, joyful even.

I must be crazy or hormonal.

Probably both.

After blinking the looming tears away, I curiously glance at Finn, who is absently staring at the floor and twirling his lit candle indiscernibly between his thumb and index finger. I doubt he even knows how exultant he has made me feel. I wonder how
he
feels right now. Is he having a spiritually divine experience like me? Probably not since this isn’t his first time at an Easter Mass. I’m such a novice.

Ricky nudges me, causing me to jump slightly. For the second time today, Jackass Be Nimble and a cricket with suicidal tendencies invade my mind. Ricky’s gaze falls to my lap, where Finn’s hand securely holds onto mine. He raises an inquisitive eyebrow and I counter his with a tenacious one of my own, followed by a light elbow jab to his arm. Knowing he’s satisfied that his sidekick seems content, Ricky flashes a bright grin and playfully rolls his eyes at my razzing.