Dark Light of Day (40 page)

“What’s going on?” he said sharply, striding over to us. He either didn’t know or didn’t care that this trio of bullies could burn him alive. He shoved Brunus away from me and took my arm. I thought we were going to get out—no harm,
no foul, right?—but as we turned, Brunus stomped on my train. I heard the fabric rip just as a flash of metal appeared at Brunus’ throat.

“I heard they teach you Maegesters-in-Training how to use real weapons,” Night said. “Recognize this?”

Whatever it was, it wasn’t one of the ones from the wall in the dungeon. It was a small knife, but from the way Night held it, it looked deadly sharp.

“Apologize, or spend the rest of your life wondering if I’m going to sneak into your room one night to finish what I started here.”

“You’re the one who should be wearing the skirt, Nocturo. I heard you’re practicing medicine down in southern Halja with the rest of the women with waxing magic. Maybe you can use your stitching skills to sew up your sister’s dress.”

Brunus snorted, even with Night’s knife pressed to his neck. He wasn’t going to apologize. Night had to know that. Night finally lowered his hand and pushed Brunus off my dress.

I felt Brunus’ return thrust before he threw it. He shaped his magic like his beloved nadziak and swung it toward Night’s head. But I was faster. I shaped my magic like a rapier and shield. I blocked the nadziak with the shield and thrust the rapier toward Brunus, intending only to cut a lock of his hair—just to show him I was serious and that he shouldn’t mess with us. But my magic control wasn’t quite up to the job I’d assigned it. My magic nicked Brunus’ cheek, instantly burning and cauterizing it. The putrefying smell made me sick—but worse, way worse—was the instinctive feeling that rose up in me. I suddenly wanted to
kill
Brunus.

I shook myself and concentrated on dissolving my power. That’s where the feeling was coming from and it terrified me. Thankfully, my magic disappeared in a shower of sparks. No firecrackers this time; it was more like falling glitter.

Brunus’ eyes glowed hatred at me as he, Sasha, and Tosca retreated. But they knew better than to turn their backs before they rounded the corner. I slumped against the wall for
a moment as Night eyed me worriedly. I mumbled something about needing to use the bathroom and walked into the ladies’ lounge. I found an empty corner stall and locked the door. I stood there shaking for five full minutes.

I wasn’t scared of Brunus and the others. I was scared of me. Of what I was becoming.

E
ventually, I came out of the bathroom stall and tidied myself up. The ripping sound I’d heard when Brunus stomped on my dress turned out to be only a few threads. When I came out of the ladies’ lounge, Night was still waiting for me. I smiled at the concerned look on his face.

“I’m sorry.”

“
You’re
sorry? I’m sorry you have to put up with people like those three. I guess I always thought training to be a Maegester would be fun.”

I barked out a laugh. “Is training to be a Mederi fun?”

Night paused, thinking. “No, but it is fulfilling.”

“Fulfilling enough to keep doing it if you had a choice?”

“What are you talking about, Noon? Is this about Peter and his spell again? I told you, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But after tonight, I was more determined than ever to try.

I told Night that Peter and I had found the spell.

“You found the spell?” It was like a repeat of the discussion I’d had with Ari.

“Yes.”

“And you’re going to let Peter cast it over you?” Night said, frowning.

This time I gave the unequivocal answer I should have given Ari.

“Yes.”

N
ight walked me back to the ballroom. On the way, we ran into Peter, who held a tumbler full of something from the bar that smelled like it might spontaneously combust.
I knew that Empyr only ensorcelled its apple wines, so it was only alcohol, but Peter looked as if he was on his third or fourth of the night. Night deposited us both at a table along the wall and went looking for Ivy.

Fitz and Babette spotted us and came over bringing loaded plates of food. Apparently hunger had driven them to seek out sustenance for the night ahead. They were both grinning like idiots and I envied them. Beside me, Peter stared morosely into his glass. I spied Ari across the room talking to Karanos. Likely discussing whatever it was that Opiter and Septimus were handling in Rockthorn Gorge. I didn’t feel left out.

I wanted out.

Peter turned to me, his eyes bloodshot but fully focused. “Do you still love flowers like you used to?”

His question annoyed me. Of course I still loved flowers. I just didn’t like what happened when I touched them. I pointed to the silk flower in my hair to illustrate how silly Peter’s question was and sighed miserably. Peter reached out to touch my cheek. I turned my head away and he let his hand drop.

“Noon,” he said, “I only have one more spell to interpret.
The
spell. It has to be it. It’s the longest, most complicated spell I’ve ever seen.”

The excitement in his voice was contagious. A spot of tingly anticipation formed in my belly.

“I spoke to your father tonight,” Peter said, straightening and looking more sober by the minute. “I told him everything. He gave his permission on one condition. He wants a Show of Faith.”

“Permission for what exactly?” I said warily, remembering Peter’s words from the night we located the spell.
Just promise me, if I find the spell and cast it, that you’ll be mine…

“Permission to cast the spell, although what happens after that is up to you,” Peter said, scooting closer so that his knee now touched mine. “Your father’s aware of my feelings for you.”

I clutched my stomach and bit my lip, scanning the crowd for Ari. He was still talking with my father. Peter followed my gaze.

“I despise Carmine,” he said vehemently. “I have no idea what you see in him. He’s everything you don’t want to be.”

“Just because he has waning magic?” I said, suddenly defensive.

“Yes— No!” Peter fumed. I’d never seen him stumble over his words before. “I did some checking, Noon, asked around. Did you know he’s your dad’s number one hit man?”

“You did what?” I sputtered, barely able to form words myself now. “You’ve been investigating my boyfriend behind my back?”

The words slipped out. In my anger, I hadn’t really thought about what I was saying, or what effect it would have on Peter. He clenched his jaw so tightly; I thought he might crack a molar.

“Your boyfriend, huh?” he said in a quiet voice that pierced my ear like a skewer. “How well do you really know Ari, Noon? Do you know that in the year before he came to St. Luck’s he killed three times as many
rogares
as your dad’s former favorite? Rumor has it Karanos can’t wait to get him back in the field.” My heart dropped to my stomach. “Did you think Ari was going to graduate from here and start representing
regulares
with their divorce cases?” Peter laughed derisively. “He’s going to go back to what he does best. What he loves. Tracking down
rogares
. Do you really want to be with someone like that? You claim you want to be a healer? Well, you’re dating a professional killer.”

“How many?” I croaked, my voice nearly breaking.

Peter looked at me in confusion. “How many what?”

“How many demons?”

Peter shrugged. “I don’t know. Hundreds. Does the number really matter?”

No. It didn’t.

“What Show of Faith does my father want?” I asked Peter in a rush. I didn’t want to think too hard about what I was doing and change my mind.

“He wants to know that you’re in agreement and he wants proof that I can capably cast the spell. Oh, and the spell book. To secure the Council’s consent, your father wants me to give them the spell book as compensation for the loss of one of their future Maegesters. The Divinity’s not going to be happy about it, but it’s mine to give.

“And the trade is more than worth it,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. “I told you I had a surprise for you tonight. I do. Jonathan Aster’s spell book was full of arcane spells I’d never heard of before. There’s one in particular, you’ll
love
. It would be a perfect Show of Faith.” He gave me a winsome smile, his first of the night, and although it did nothing to make me feel better, I squeezed his hand, willing to cling to anything right now that might give me relief from what I was feeling.

Peter led me to the dance floor. On the way we passed closer to Ari than I would have liked. The emotions played on his face like lightning. Confusion, anger, and then, realization. He may not have known exactly what we were doing, but he was smart enough to figure out that if I was with Peter, it had something to do with the Reversal Spell. And, by the look on his face and the feel of his signature, he also correctly guessed that whatever I was about to do would lessen his hold on me.

Peter led me out onto the empty dance floor. Still holding my hand, he walked over to the band who had been playing light instrumental background music for dinner. They broke off midsong at Peter’s approach, which caused most of the guests to turn toward us. Peter stepped up to the standing microphone and turned toward the crowd. He gestured dramatically to me, riveting the crowd’s attention on me. I’d known our Show of Faith would be public, but I hated being a spectacle. I felt Ari’s penetrating gaze but kept my eyes on Peter.

“Behold Flora,” Peter said, lacing his voice with the soft sugary magic Angels used when putting on a show. “What if, instead of flowers, Flora’s first love had been an Angel?”

At those words, Ari started walking toward the dance floor. But Karanos held him back, leaning in close to say something in his ear. Ari’s only response was to switch his gaze to me. His stare was magnetic, as if he were daring me to look at him. But I was too scared. Scared of what I was becoming. Scared I’d change my mind about what I was about to do. Scared whatever it was Peter was planning wouldn’t work. Scared of Ari, the man I was falling in love with. The man I might have already fallen in love with. Because I didn’t want Aristos Carmine to have a claim on me. I didn’t want him to have a mark on my heart if it meant he could tell me what to do. This choice was about
me
. And the life I wanted to lead. And the man I might eventually choose to lead it with. Who wasn’t someone who’d killed hundreds of demons. No matter what the demons may have done to deserve it. Killing was killing.

Right?

I wanted no part of it.

Peter asked the band to play “First Blush.” The first high slow notes of the song sounded as the violinists drew their bows across their strings. Peter raised my hand with his and brought it down again, leading me into an opening bow for the crowd.

“A posse ad esse,”
Peter bellowed in my direction,
“corpus agito.” I drive to constant motion the body from being able to being.
It was a balletic spell. Suddenly, I felt as if I’d drank an entire carafe of Summer Queen.

The traditional couple’s dance for “First Blush” was a love story. I don’t know if Peter had cast a spell over himself as well, but he was a beautiful dancer. I supposed, being an Angel, he would have to have been. After all, dance was a form of expression and we were, in fact, telling a story. So it made sense that his movements were as elegant and articulate as his speech. For my part, I felt like a marionette. The spell Peter had cast granted me balletic grace but its source was Peter, not me, and we could never share or swap magic the way Ari and I had. I knew, to the crowd, we likely looked
dazzling, with me in my fiery orange swirling skirts and Peter dressed head to toe in blinding white. Both of us executed the technical, complicated dance moves of “First Blush” flawlessly, but to me, the dance felt cold.

I started having second thoughts about what I was doing.
Damn Luck and his warlords too, why couldn’t I just stick to a decision and stop second-guessing myself?
I looked over at Ari, still scared, but unable to just turn off my feelings. Apparently I had the same problem with my feelings as I did with my magic. At that moment, I would gladly have illuminated the entire room in a great big magical fireworks display if it would have burned off and cauterized the outpouring of feelings I still had for Ari Carmine.

He was a killer.

But then so was I, right? But I didn’t want to be. That was what this whole Show of Faith was about. Proving something to my father so that he would secure the Council’s consent and allow Peter to cast the Reversal Spell over me. Then I could become what I’d wanted to be my entire life: a warm, nurturing, life-affirming Mederi healer.

As if cued by my thoughts, the next dance move separated Peter and me so that we were each on opposite sides of the dance floor with our backs to one another. When I turned around, Peter had closed the distance between us. He stood before me holding a bouquet of white lilies, live ones. I froze as he offered them to me.

Peter had repeatedly warned me that
no
spell could protect plants from my direct touch. No waning magic user had
ever
held live greenery for more than a second. Casting a spell that would allow me to accept this bouquet without killing it would be just the thing to convince my father that Peter was powerful and erudite enough to pull off grand arcane spells. I reached for it with a shaking hand, my fingers closing briefly around Peter’s before pulling the ribbon wrapped stems toward me. I expected them to turn black before my eyes. I waited, clutching them in front of me with both hands. I realized from the lights and music that this was
the closing act of our story. The audience was deadly quiet, believing my natural hesitation to be a well-rehearsed dramatic conclusion. When it became clear that my touch was not going to kill the flowers, I raised them to my nose and breathed deep.

The audience erupted. People were shouting, standing, and clapping. No one noticed my grimace before I lowered the flowers from my face. Up close, they smelled horrible. All my life I’d dreamed of burying my nose in a bouquet, but when the moment came, it had not been nearly as satisfying as I’d expected. I knew then with a certainty I’d never possessed before that I’d feel the same about any spell cast to change the way Luck had made me. The feeling was amazingly liberating and I beamed with joy. I looked up in time to catch the expression on Ari’s face.