Dark World: The Surface Girl (9 page)

              “So um, I've been waiting a whole year to meet you.”
             
Duh. We both went through the tests a year ago when we turned fifteen, so obviously you've been waiting a year. So have I. But I've been DREADING this for a year...
             
“Look, um. I'm young, you know? I'm only sixteen. I still have forty-four years left. I know you've been waiting a year and I'm sure you've been excited-”

             
WOW, really?!? Could I sound more egotistical if I tried?! Where is this even coming from? I'm the shy girl, the dreamer, the insecure one!
             
“-but we have two whole years of bi-weekly dates before our wedding. I'd like to take it slow, do you understand what I mean?” This was strange. I suddenly found myself being polite as if I cared about his feelings at all. I
didn't
care. Connor's very existence represented everything I resented about Doctrine.

              I had to be honest with myself. I wasn't being semi-polite in order to shield poor Connor's feelings, I was doing it because I knew the government was listening. I knew if I drew attention to myself or appeared to be uncooperative, they could watch me more closely which meant they would watch my whole family more closely. That would put us all in that much more danger. Even though I was my parents daughter, it was suddenly my responsibility to protect them now instead of them protecting me. For their safety, I couldn't outwardly reject Connor. I forced a fake smile to tug at the corners of my lips. I pressed my hands into the couch and shifted diagonally to face him. “I'm sorry,” I forced myself to say. “I'm just nervous.” That certainly wasn't a lie. Connor did not seem phased.

              “Oh don't worry, I don't expect you to like me right away. No one really does.” I raised an eyebrow. Was he
trying
to sound pitiful or was he stumbling with his words just like I was? “I'm shy, you know? It takes a while for people to get to know me.” Fair enough. I could relate. “But I resolved to try and change that with you. I want you to know everything about me since you're going to be my wife.”

              I wanted to punch him in the face. I wanted to turn around and claw my way through the door with my bare hands if I had to. Who cared if my nails cracked down to the quick and who cared if my fingers bled? I would take the pain, the punishment, even being put to sleep long as I could get away from this freak. I didn't care what the cost would be for me to run.

              But I cared about Mom, and I cared about Dad. I pressed my hands deeper into the couch and forced myself to stay.
              Connor started talking, pretty much shoving past his statement that he was shy. At first I tried to listen as he told me about his parents, his interest in science and how he wanted to work in the labs studying genetics and viruses (yuck) but eventually his words all seemed to blend together and my mind wandered. Where was the little girl? Even if she was a liar she was still just a child. Did Reese go back to find her? Was she all right? Was she scared?

              What if the girl wasn't lying? What if, somehow, her indication that she came from
up there
   was true? Even if she wasn't lying, she was dirty, smelly, and skinny. Her rough appearance made her life seem like a struggle. Could I live without the immediate comforts The Complex provided? Part of me wanted to believe I could. I would take a life without bathing powder and steady meals it if meant being
free
, being with Reese, not having walls and ceilings always surrounding and limiting me. I would take a hard, unpredictable life if I could escape from listening to Connor talk about the time he got to dissect a fruit fly under a microscope. My mind wandered back to him after that statement because I felt sadness for the fly. Reese would not have done that. Reese would have refused. He would have wanted to save the fly even if he knew he couldn't, just like he tried to save the butterfly.

              By the time the buzzer sounded that indicated this “date” was coming to an end I felt like I had been sitting on that couch for a lifetime. My muscles were stiff, and until I shifted to stand I hadn't consciously realized I had been tensing them. I reached down and ran my hand over the bottom of my dress so the thin green material would cover as much of my legs as possible. “Oh gosh, sorry, I've been talking all this time and I haven't given you a chance to tell me more about yourself! I'm such a jerk!” No arguments there.

              “It's okay... next time.” I knew next time meant in two week but I didn't want to think about or acknowledge that in the same way I hadn't wanted to think about or acknowledge tonight. Connor took a few steps toward me and my muscles tensed again. I couldn't help it. When he tried to slip an arm around my waist, my legs swung backwards. I tried to laugh very softly to cover my actions. “Sorry, um, I'm not ready for that yet.”

             
Or ever. Not with you.
             
“My fault, I should have asked first. I shouldn't just expect to be able to do that because you're my wife –
going
to be my wife.” If he hadn't corrected himself, I might have lost control. I might have ran, or my palm might have connected with his cheek and not in a pleasant way. I was NOT his wife yet. Not for two whole years. I closed my eyes briefly and Reese was there. He caressed my cheek and whispered in my ear that everything was going to be okay because he was home waiting for me. I took a small breath and opened my eyes. I held out my hand in an offer to shake. It was the best I could do for now. Connor awkwardly shook it and smiled. Even his smile wasn't attractive. It was overly toothy and way too eager.

              “I'll see you in two weeks,” I forced myself to say. I turned around just as the door opened. My flatfoot escort was standing right at the door as if he hadn't moved the entire time I was inside. He probably hadn't. I forced my chin up again in that same 'I am doing this because I choose to, not because you are forcing me to' stubborn facade and marched out the door. This time, the flatfoot quickened his steps behind me as I headed for the exit to the tram.

              The ride back to my division was thankfully projector-free, the only sound being the rumble of the tram. The flatfoot said nothing. My fingers clasped the metal rail as if it were a lifeline while the tram was moving and my mind was on anything but Connor. He was exactly as I feared; plain, uninteresting, no one I could ever see myself growing to love. Did I really feel nothing for him at all or had I pushed him away on purpose? I frowned with displeasure as that unwanted thought poked intrusively at my mind. It was a fruitless question because the more I unwillingly pondered it, the more I realized that it wasn't about hating Connor, it was simply a combination of my heart belonging to someone else and being opposed to what Connor represented that set him up to be doomed to mean nothing to me.
              I shouldn't let myself get discouraged. My whole life I have known that I would be forced to marry at eighteen to a mate that our governments genetic matching system paired me with, but I also woke up this morning
knowing
all of us in The Complex were sealed from an unlivable outside world,
knowing
my feelings for Reese would forever go unrequited and
knowing
that my father was nothing more than a simple man who loved my mom and I and worked in the artificial gardens. I didn't know what my dad was involved in yet or what he was going to tell me, but I now
knew
that no supposed facts in life were as solid and unyielding as I was lead to believe.

              The flatfoot was quick on his feet as we exited the tram. I paused for a moment and bent over as my stomach churned, but thankfully the moment of nausea passed and I hurried after him. He nodded curtly to me as we approached the door to my barracks and then turned and walked away. I was quite glad to see him go. A shiver ran through my body that I had unintentionally been holding in for quite a while. I felt dirty. I wanted this dress
off
of me. Connor had eyed it just like I feared he would. I wanted to douse myself in bathing powder and scrub my skin with my body brush until it turned red. I was tainted.

              I couldn't go inside just yet. What if Reese was around the corner? What if he had spent the whole evening just as sickened as I was at the thought of Connor's eyes on me and his hands wanting to touch me?

             
STOP IT. You're holding on to a fantasy. Reese kissed you because you thought you were dying. He was proving to you that you weren't. He was helping you. Stop trying to turn it into more than that.

             
But, what if it
was
more than that? What if my panic attack was only an excuse and Reese had been waiting for a chance to show me how he felt?

              Big things were happening. I was just forced to meet my mate. My dad was involved in something secret, maybe something bad. Either way, it was dangerous and scary. There was a little girl loose in The Complex that I wanted – needed – to know more about. Yet, my mind kept going back to one person only. Reese.

             
Am I absolutely insane?
             
I pressed my thumb to the pad and entered my barracks. I froze in my steps. Dad was on the couch, just like earlier today, only there were two flatfoots standing at his side while the division GP hovered over him. My whole body began to shake.
             
THEY KNOW! THEY KNOW MY DAD IS BREAKING DOCTRINE! THEY'RE GOING TO DRAG HIM TO THE TRANSITIONAL CONTAINERS!

             
GP Nolan walked over to me and smiled softly. “My, Ruby, you've grown up! Your father tells us you met your mate tonight. Congratulations! There's nothing for you to worry about here, we're just trying to trace down how your father is the first in the division to show symptoms of a new strain of nasopharyngitis.”

             
Oh, no. Please no.

             
Dad sneezed again.

Chapter 4

              R-0844, or GP Nolan as I knew him, spoke without a care in the world. If he had no ulterior motives, why were there flatfoots in our barracks? My whole body went numb. I slowly sank into our living room chair. My knees pressed together tightly and my fingers curled over each opposing hand. My teeth sank down into my tongue. The sting was a less than pleasant sensation, but if I were to relax my jaw I wasn't sure what my mouth would do. How could so many things go haywire in just one single day?

              Where was Mom? I glanced toward the kitchen. There she was, standing by the sink, her face whiter than Connor's had been. Her hand was shaking so ferociously that she could barely lower the tea bag into her cup of warm water. If the flatfoots saw how frightened she was, they might get suspicious! Dad was not available to be her rock right now so I would have to do it. Ignoring the sting and possibly the blood that was filling my mouth, I stood. As slowly and casually as possible, I nodded politely toward the GP and then turned and walked to my mother. My hand moved over hers and finally, the tea bag was lowered. “It's okay,” I whispered to her. “They'll be gone soon.” I heard Dad speaking but his voice was low and I couldn't make out the words. I wanted more than anything to rush back to him, to stand between him and the flatfoots and demand they leave our barracks this instant before I tore off their heads and kicked them down the hallway like recreational balls. I ran after them with rage once before when I was only ten, what was stopping me from doing the same thing right now?

              It wasn’t just my age. At ten years old all I knew and cared about was that I loved Grandpa Logan and the government was unfairly putting him to sleep. Today I turned sixteen and simultaneously learned that the limited world around me that served as my prison might have an escape after all. I also learned with certainty that being genetically matched with a compatible mate did not stop the heart from wanting what the heart wants. The Complex, the government and Doctrine could not squelch my natural human desire and instinct to explore, discover, and find out the truth, whatever that may be. I couldn't demand that the flatfoots leave my dad alone because there was too much at stake. My father's secrets had to be protected. Without even knowing what they were, I knew that it was now partially my duty to help protect them.
              Mom's eyes were wide and they blurred with tears of fear. I curled an arm around her back and tried to give her a gentle, reassuring hug. Her hand still trembled as she tried to pick up her cup of tea. I pulled out a kitchen chair. “Mom, sit.” She sat. I had a feeling that if I told her to walk in a circle and make a monkey noise she probably would have obeyed me like a mindless robot. Compliance was how she reacted to fear. Her hand fell from the teacup to the table. She was a statue again, just like the day they took Grandpa Logan. I knew it was weak of me but I had to turn away. The memories were starting to cloak me like fire and they were burning my flesh. I wished I could be like Mom. If I couldn't run away physically, I wanted to run away in my head. I could simply close my eyes and go to another place where nothing scared me or limited me. I could fill the crevices in my mind with Reese again and I knew if I did that, I would be all right.

              But I couldn't let myself escape. Not physically, and not into my own head. Dad needed me. I stood up straighter and taller as an invisible string tugged at my spinal chord. I walked back into the living room like I had nothing to prove and nothing to hide. I sat back down on the chair, pressed my knees together once more and leaned forward refusing to let intimidation and fear cause me to shrink away. Unless someone told me otherwise, I had every right to hear the conversation between GP Nolan and my father.

             
Protect Dad.

              Remember Reese.

             
These convictions gave me strength. These two men gave me strength.
              “Can you give me an approximate time in which the symptoms began? Any symptoms, including but not limited to stuffy nose, fever, headache, sneezing?” I shifted my eyes cautiously over to my father but he was sitting calmly as if this interrogation did not bother him in the least. He was a master at keeping his cool in terrifying situations. How long had he been involved in whatever he was involved in? How much time had he been given to perfect this facade? I had been given less than a day. Hours, only. I did not possess his skills, but I was trying my best.

              Dad shrugged. “I think I only started sneezing this morning.” I raised an eyebrow. Something was off about that. I recalled learning about nasopharyngitis in science class and how after being exposed to the virus it took one to three days for symptoms to present themselves, but hadn't he only run into the little girl earlier this morning? If his encounter with her had been earlier, she wouldn't have still been clutching his torn shirt, would she? How could he already be showing symptoms if he had contracted the virus from her?
              “Have you traveled anywhere unusual over the last three days?” GP Nolan asked him.

             
I knew it.
             
One to three days. Dad nonchalantly shook his head.

              “I've been working strictly in Garden 19 for the last two weeks. I've worked alongside 0-719, 1-004 and 0-832. Distributors arrived toward the end of my shift on Monday to transport some of the harvest. I don't recall their ID numbers but I'm sure if you pulled up the shipment schedules you could find out easily enough. I haven't participated in any social activities for at least a week so the only others who would have been exposed would be my wife, and my daughter.” I inwardly cringed. Despite my dad being so calm and cooperative, did he
have
to mention my mother and I? Thank goodness she didn't hear that, she was in no emotional state to deal with even more fear. GP Nolan sighed and nodded toward one of the flatfoots.
              “Put in a communication to Connecticut and have them quarantine C-2246,” he nodded toward me, “Ruby's mate with whom she was meeting with tonight. His family, too. Anyone he's had contact with after he met with Ruby.” How did GP Nolan know Connor's ID number, and why? Maybe Dad told him before I arrived back. At least, I hoped that was the explanation. “Just as a precaution, to prevent the virus from spreading inter-divisionally.” Flatfoot One briskly walked to the door and exited.

             
Good riddance, Asshole.

             
I wanted to say that out loud so badly. My teeth sank back down into my already stinging tongue. I shifted my eyes back to GP Nolan. He was slipping plastic gloves over his fingers. I bit down even harder. “Hold out your finger please.” My protective instincts were too strong to hold back any longer.

              “Wait – please, please don't hurt him,” I found myself pathetically begging even though my voice was barely louder than a whisper. GP Nolan turned to me with an almost amused expression etched on his boyish face before quickly shaking his head.
              “Miss Ruby, I'm not going to hurt him. I just need a bit of his blood in order to test the amount of agglutinins.”
Wow,
I was an idiot. All he was going to do was prick the tip of my dad's finger. Agglutinins were simply antibodies that the immune system creates to fight a virus. I understood why he was doing it; the amount of antibodies would tell him roughly how severe the cold is (measured by how hard his body was fighting it) and that would give him an approximate idea of how long it would take my dad to fight it off. I sank back down into my chair. I focused my gaze on the backs of my hands as the GP collected his sample. I didn't notice he had turned back toward me until I heard him speak. “I would like you and your mother to confine yourselves to your barracks for forty-eight hours, just as a precautionary measure. Have either of you displayed any symptoms?” I quickly shook my head back and forth. I felt the paper flower slipping out of my hair and before I could grab it, it fell from behind my ear. I didn't even hear it hit the ground.
              “No, neither of us,” I answered quickly. GP Nolan curtly nodded.
              “Still, just as a precaution.” He turned back toward my dad. “Robert, please remain confined for the time being. I'll be in touch once I receive your test results, and we'll have a better idea of your contagious-window and when you can return to work.” The GP stuffed his plastic gloves and the small vial of blood into his shirt pocket. “I think we're done here.” Flatfoot Two turned on his heel and briskly headed for the door. I hoped he could sense how much I hated him even though we both knew I couldn't say it. The GP glanced at me one last time and offered a small smile before exiting. I wanted to rush to my dad and hug him. I wanted to tell him how scared I was and how amazingly well he kept his cool, and then I wanted to be selfish and demand the answers he had promised but I knew my mom was still in the kitchen, still a statue, and terrified out of her mind. I stood. Dad looked up at me with calm eyes but there was something new in his gaze; appreciation. He spoke no words but I understood his wishes nonetheless. I knew I would have to wait for his explanation. I just hoped he knew that I couldn't wait long.
              I headed back into our kitchen and sat down next to Mom. Her stillness was frightening. “Mom?” I said softly. She barely blinked. “Dad's all right. He's fine. It's just a cold. Remember earlier today when you didn't want me to worry? Now I don't have to and neither do you.” Her hand finally relaxed and her fingernails stopped pressing into her palm. “Mom, do you want me to help you to your chambers?” She pushed her chair back and stood but she was still silent. I swallowed past a lump in my throat and tried to shove away the searing hatred I had toward the flatfoots. I wished they would all get put to sleep. It sickened me how they existed only to elicit terror. “...Mom?”

              “Yes,” she finally answered me. “I'd like to lay down now.” I gently curled my arm around her waist and walked her to her chambers. I helped her sit on her bed. She slowly raised her eyes to gaze upon my face. “Oh, Ruby, how was your date? Tell me all about it!” I blinked with absolute surprise. She was a zombie only moments before and suddenly her tone was bright and curious. It was as if she had just snapped out of a trance she didn't seem to realize she had been in.

              “Um, it was..” I should lie to her. I didn't want to lie because she was my mom, but she had been put through more than enough fear today already. “It was good, Mom. Connor is very nice. I think I'll really grow to like him.” It was frustrating to me how I felt like my words were a slap in the face to Reese, even though he has never been, and never will be mine. The creases on Mom's brow-line immediately softened with relief.

              “Wonderful! See, I knew this would work out! I know you were hesitant but I was sure if you gave him a chance, you would see how right this boy is for you. Do you have faith in the matching system now?” I sank my teeth into my sore tongue yet again just so the sting would jerk through my body as a reminder to keep lying no matter how wrong it felt.

              “Yes,” I said as calmly as I could. I even forced a smile to tug the corners of my lips upward. “I'm sorry I worried you before. Things will turn out all right.”

              “I'm very proud of you.” Her pride was based on a complete and utter lie. “You've really grown up, Ruby. You're making good choices. You're being a good girl. That means you'll be a good wife and a good mother and because of those things, our kind can continue to survive. Do you understand?” I forced my chin to nod. I was sad for my mom that she considered this kind of existence a life. “You look tired.” Finally, a statement that was entirely true.

              “I am. It's been a long day.”
              “Well, I think we've all had a long day. Why don't you go get some sleep.” I nodded once more.
              “I'm going to go talk to Dad for a minute and then I'll send him in,” I assured her. “I'm going to bed, I promise.” I leaned down and gave her an obligatory daughterly kiss on her cheek. She smiled up at me gratefully. I fought not to look away. I hated deceiving her but it was the only way I could protect her. I turned and walked out into the hallway.
              I approached the living room and sighed. I leaned against the wall and ran my hands over my face. Exhaustion
was
starting to take me over. My eyes were heavy and my body sluggish. Even if I
could
sleep with all of these unanswered questions swimming around in my mind, I knew my dreams would be disturbing and unsettling. I slowly approached my father.

              Dad looked up at me with drooping eyes just as tired as my own. They were filled with tremendous sadness, and although I still had no answers, I felt such empathy for him. I sat down on the couch next to him and focused my eyes to focus on the backs of my hands.
              “You're only sixteen,” Dad finally broke the silence. “You're still so young.” He sighed. I didn't bother to tell him that only a few minutes ago, Mom was just telling me how grown-up I seemed. Dad raised his hand and pointed toward the bathroom. I followed his gaze and I understood.

              I rose first and slowly walked away from the living room. I stepped inside and backed up toward the grooming cabinet where excess bathing powder and a few other hygiene items were stored. Dad entered and softly closed the door behind him. He turned to me and sighed. “Ruby, I don't want you to end up like your mother.” My eyes immediately narrowed. A rush of defensiveness boiled through my system and pushed away my exhaustion.