Darkest Before Dawn (15 page)

Twisting like an eel, I leveraged my wing under me and pushed off the floor. Akil pulled up short. Had I been thinking, I’d have realized he was capable of more than this sparring session, but I was too far gone to care. I swung a fist, he ducked, twisted, and struck viper fast, punching me in the gut. My breath whooshed out of me, but as I buckled, I saw my opportunity and hooked my arm around his neck, yanking him back against my chest. My teeth found his shoulder and pierced his hot flesh once more. He roared and bucked beneath me. Then a vise-like hand caught my leg and tugged. I clung on like a pit bull, fangs in too deep to be wrenched free. He danced back and rammed me into a wall. I snarled against his hot, spicy flesh, ground my teeth into the wound, and swallowed the gush of rich blood.

The stakes changed when he brought Mammon to the party. One minute I was clamped onto Akil’s back, the next I sat lodged between Mammon’s enormous wings. His blood boiled in my mouth, and finally, my humanity reasserted itself. I pried my teeth from his leathery skin, suddenly and acutely aware I was clinging to the back of a Prince of Hell.

He reached a muscular arm back, clamped a huge hand around my upper arm and shoulder, plucked me off him as easily as removing a tick, and tossed me aside. I hit the floor hard and rolled before twisting onto my front, breathless, bruised, snarling and snapping my rage.

Mammon, a mountain of rippling black muscle and sizzling embers, eyed me with delight. He shook his wings out and rolled his massive shoulders. Hot ash rose from the fire licking across his skin. When he took a step toward me, a low warning growl rumbled through my entire body. Ash rained from my skin. Red-hot hunger slithered across his otherwise black eyes. I shivered with a peculiar mix of adrenalin, desire, and unease.
What the fuck was I doing?
This was real. I was here. In Akil’s apartment. Facing off with a Prince of Hell. Mammon’s infinitely dark eyes read me, waiting, almost baiting me with the promise of violence. I straightened up to my full height—he still loomed over me—and shook my demon off. She retreated with a wicked slice of laughter that pulled my human lips into a smile.

Mammon tilted his head. His tongue licked across black onyx lips, and he dissolved away, leaving a bedraggled and abused Akil behind. He reached behind his left shoulder and hissed a curse. “You almost tore my shoulder open.” His voice was muffled, the words not quite clear. Crimson blood streamed down his neck and over his shoulder, soaking into his shirt, but the wounds had already closed. He pressed the ball of his thumb to his nose and frowned when his hand came away bloody. “And broke my nose.” That’d be the reason he sounded as though he had the flu. I tasted his salty blood on my lips and suppressed a groan. My demon stalked my thoughts, asserting her desires over mine. To bloody another demon was a power trip. To bloody a prince had my demon panting with lust. Holy hell, I’d virtually propositioned Mammon, the outcome of which didn’t bear thinking about.

I wiped my mouth, alarmed by the blood on my lips. “Why didn’t you tell me Sam was an Institute spy?” My voice had turned cold and flat. Good. I didn’t have it in me to outthink or outmaneuver Akil. Let him believe I didn’t care. Splatters of blood speckled my clothes. The hot-copper smell filled my head and flipped my stomach over. I was a mess, through to the bone.

Akil gave me a bored look, as though disappointed I’d blame him. “It wasn’t significant.” He shrugged his jacket off and laid it over the kitchen counter. Peeling off his shirt, he balled it up and tossed it in the trash. I’d torn several deep gashes in his chest, taken a chunk out of his neck, and torn open his shoulder. Yeah, I’d completely lost it. But I’d come back. That was a good thing, right?

“What do you mean it wasn’t significant? Don’t pull that shit, Akil. I’m barely under control here.”

“I’d noticed.” He gripped the bridge of his nose and, with an audible grinding of bone, set it right with barely a twitch.

I swept a hand back to tuck my hair behind my ear. My fingers shook. Now that I’d noticed the tremors, my entire body decided to join in. I clamped my arms around me, trying to crush the quivers away. “You knew all along. Was that why you killed him?”

Akil’s glances revealed an uncharacteristic concern as he rinsed a towel beneath a tap and wiped the blood from his face and chest. “His betrayal would make a convenient excuse. Would you think differently of me had his deceit been my singular motive?”

I blinked.
Yes, I would
, I thought but didn’t reply. The man Akil murdered had been a stranger to me, but Akil had still killed a man. Just because Sam worked for Adam, didn’t make it right.

“It matters not why I killed him, just that I did. If you’re looking to absolve me, don’t waste your time. I took pleasure in it. He was a pretender in your bed. My only mistake was not killing him sooner. The Institute tests my patience. They wanted you. They still do. Their insolence—”

“Is astounding. Yes, I know. You told me that once.” I backed up and pressed a hot hand against my forehead. “Akil... You should have said.”

“And ruin the only taste of freedom you’ve experienced?”

I dropped onto the edge of the couch, mouth open. Had he just told me he’d lied to protect my illusion of freedom? He looked back at me, eyes so damn understanding that it hurt to meet his gaze. I laced my hands in my hair and slumped forward. The world was wrong. Everything I relied on, the truths I’d come to cherish, were unraveling around me.

“The Institute has a hit out on Stefan,” I grumbled. “He’s gone wild. Dawn is probably terrified and alone somewhere in the netherworld. Levi wants to offer me up to Asmodeus on a platter. I’m losing control.” I hissed in a sharp breath. “I was going to kill that man... on the street. It was all I could think of. I wouldn’t have stopped at him either.” I lifted my head and found Akil standing in front of me, holding two glasses of wine. Smears and dribbles of blood marred an otherwise perfect chest. Cuts crisscrossed his arms. He had blood in his hair and a smear across his cheek.

“I know.”

“You stopped me.”

“Yes.” He hitched his bare bloody shoulder. “And experienced your wrath first hand. Which was... uncomfortably arousing.”

I groaned and hid my face in my hands again. “Damien’s soul-lock is getting stronger. I think he helped loosen the reins on my demon.”

“Indeed, as I warned you he would.” The couch shifted as he settled beside me.

I sat back, took the wine from Akil, and gulped it down without stopping for breath, then handed the empty glass back to him. His lips twitched. “Why me?”

He roamed his heated gaze across my bloody and torn clothing. “If you ceased battling your other half and embraced the truth of what you are, you’d have your answer.”

“I’m just a wretched half-blood girl caught in a storm.”

Akil tasted his wine and smiled. “Muse, you are the storm.”

I
woke
in Akil’s bed, thankfully alone. He’d found some clothes I must have left behind years ago —boot-cut, low-rise jeans and loose V-neck sweater—and left them out for me. The clothes were a tight fit. I’d gained some muscle in recent months. The fact he’d kept the clothes at all disturbed me on a level I didn’t dare think about. I had a long list of things that were best not to dwell on. Losing control, failing Dawn, eyeing up Mammon for violent and bloody demon sex, breaking Akil’s nose, and how I wanted to rip Adam’s spine from his flesh and beat him with it.

I ditched my trashed clothes from the night before—retrieving Ryder’s cellphone and my sidearm—showered, helped myself to breakfast, and found a note left on the kitchen counter. Akil had handwriting you’d expect to find in an antique tome, consisting of elaborate flourishes that seemingly flowed into one another with no room to breathe. I eventually deciphered his archaic patterns. He’d written
“be discreet”
and
“keep control.”
Beside the note, he’d folded
The Boston Globe
newspaper. A surprisingly sharp image of Stefan and me flexing our demon muscles adorned the front page. The headline read: Demons Slaughter Enforcers.

I headed home, my head filled with uncertainties and the residue of emotional fallout. Levi would come for me. Of that I was certain. My father unfortunately hadn’t forgotten about me. Plus, I’d broken out of Levi’s cage. He wasn’t finished with me either. Dawn was, in all likelihood, with my psycho-brother, and I didn’t know enough about Val to go after her. Even if I could find him, I wasn’t strong enough to avoid his sex-on-legs mojo. If he tried that shit on Dawn, I’d go nuclear on his immortal ass. I could drain the fire from him. And technically, he wasn’t permitted to kill me. Still, I needed a plan before I went charging after Val.

What do you do when you’re swimming with sharks? You make sure you’re the biggest, most badass thing in the pool. I was already a primetime topic—even made the front page. A demon celebrity for all the wrong reasons. Could I use that? Should I encourage it?

Arriving outside my apartment, I noticed the door was ajar and instinctively reached for my gun. Val? No, he couldn’t enter without an invitation. Akil? He wouldn’t bother with traditional means of entry, not now he had his own personal invite. He was more likely to appear while I was in the shower.

I gave the door a shove. It creaked open and revealed Stefan draped in my couch, boots propped up on the coffee table, and Jonesy curled in his lap, belly up, receiving tickles under the chin.

An unexpected surge of joy tugged a smile across my face. Then I remembered the circumstances surrounding our last meeting, and my smile died. I slammed the door closed and holstered my weapon. “Are you insane? They’ll be watching my place.”

“Well.” He sighed, and lifted the pliable Jonesy off his lap, “I wasn’t about to interrupt your sleep-over at Akil’s.”

But he didn’t look angry, more mildly amused. “How did you–?”

“You’ve still got Ryder’s cell. Plus, someone snapped you going feral in the street and sent it to the news stations. Akil’s image was blurred, but I don’t know any other guys in suits who could throw a flaming demon over their shoulders and disappear into thin air.”

I snaked my arms crossed and tried to read him. His smile held a tight line, and his focus was off, as though he looked through me, not at me. I shifted my element and tried to gauge his power, but he was shut down, his demon behind lock and key.

“Akil kidnapped me.”

“He stopped you from hurting anyone.” He looked away, seeming to admire the framed symbols on my walls. “How many Enforcers did I kill?” His voice had leveled, like still waters with something dark lurking underneath.

My throat tightened. “Seven,” I whispered.

A grimace tugged on his features, and at the same time, a brief lick of his element danced over my skin. “Something is very wrong with me. I can’t stop the demon—”

A knock at my door startled a yelp out of me. Stefan’s irises sharpened to an azure blue.

I held up a hand. “The Institute doesn’t knock.” I opened the door.

Lacy waved a newspaper in my face. “Holy crap, Charlotte Henderson, is this you? Are you a demon?” She grinned. “You must tell me everything. Do you have wings? I can’t make it out in the pictures. They’re all fuzzy, but it sure looks like you, just kinda... y’know, if you were burned to a crisp.”

“Lacy, it’s sort of a bad time.”

She flicked her hair out of her face and gave me a knowing smile. “Is Akil here?”

I winced. “No.”

“Aww, c’mon... You’re, like, famous. You have demon friends. Did you kill those Enforcers?”

“No.” I gasped.

“That’s cool, I knew you wouldn’t. When I read it, I thought, no way, that’s not Charlie... Hey, who’s the ice dude? There are more pictures online. They’ve enhanced them an’ everything. Are his wings really made of ice? You two looked, kinda... y’know, cozy.”

“Lacy, I’ll answer all your questions. Okay? Just don’t mention you know me, please. I mean it. I like it here. I don’t want to have to move again.”

“’Course, you’re my friend, Charlie, and if I get to meet some hot guys, bonus. Are you an’ Akil, like, an item? I was thinkin’ maybe, if y’know, if it’s cool, you could give him my number?”

Stefan opened the door wider, rested his forearm on the frame, and gave Lacy the ‘you-have-to-be-kidding-me’ stare. “It’s Lacy, right?”

She blinked up at Stefan, mouth open, eyes wide. “Uh-huh.”

“Akil likes to call hell his home. Maybe you’ve heard of Hell? Fire and brimstone? Eternal damnation? There are demons there who will tear off your skin and wear it as an apron. Akil is a Prince of Hell, so what do you think he’d like to do with your pretty skin, Lacy?”

She closed her mouth. “Equal rights for demons, dude. Don’t discriminate.” She showed Stefan her hand, palm out. He growled, low and threatening.

“Okay, you two... Lacy, please give me a few days for all this to settle down and for me to work out some kinks... and I’ll happily teach you all about the dos and don’ts of demons. I highly recommend you don’t piss them off.”

“Sure.” She grinned, glared at Stefan, and then stalked away.

Stefan slammed the door and loomed in front of me. “Do not tell me you invited Akil into your life again?” His eyes flashed electric blue.

“Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“She asked if he was here...
inside your apartment
.”

Now he gets pissy? Now he cares?
I scowled back at him. “He coerced his way in via my landlord, alright? You know he’s in denial about... everything.”

He straightened and drew back. “You smell like him. It drives me crazy.”

“I smell like him?” I cringed. “Do you know how weird that sounds?”

“I can’t help it. My demon...” He growled again and turned his back on me. A coil of power I hadn’t realized had tangled itself around me, unraveled as he strode away. “My demon’s messed up, Muse. He’s in my head the whole time... I can’t shut him out like I used to. The things he wants... I want...”

“I thought you said you wanted the freedom.” I said quietly.

He stopped and bumped a clenched fist on the back of the couch. “I do, and that’s the problem. The Enforcers, that was just the start.”

“That was an accident.”

He turned. “Was it? You seem so certain. I wasn’t thinking. I just... acted. It wasn’t until later, when I came down off the power-trip, that I knew I’d killed them.” He scowled. His shoulders slumped. “And I didn’t care.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s the truth. I used to know where the demon ended and I began, but the lines are blurred. I’m starting to want what he wants.”

Everything he said felt familiar in ways I didn’t want to admit to. “What does he want, exactly?”

His gaze danced about the room, as though seeking the right words, and sucked in air between his teeth. The resulting hiss sounded almost demon. “Revenge... on the Institute.” He closed his eyes. “My father, Akil, the netherworld. Everything.” He twitched his head and dropped his chin. When he opened his eyes, the slippery touch of raw elemental energy crawled over me. “I’m not decided about you yet. We–I swing from revenge, to... something else.”

“Maybe you just need to vent.” My words were as pathetic as they sounded. No amount of venting—like we had at the park—was going to help.

His smile quirked. “Vent? I’m terrified of what I’m capable of, Muse. Right now, standing here, I know there’s ice in the atmosphere miles above us. I can draw the cold down and freeze the air in your lungs before you could summon your demon to stop me. These symbols don’t do anything. I don’t need to draw from the veil. It’s in here.” He curled a hand over his chest. “You felt it.”

I had when he’d driven his power into me in place of a kiss. My demon purred her pleasure. I mentally slapped her back. “Okay. Maybe I can help you. We could go to the mountains. Get away from everyone. You could throw your power around all you wanted without hurting anyone.”

“I’d hurt you.” His steeled gaze confirmed it. “I’m afraid of what we could do together. We’re too dangerous. It’s worse when I’m around you. My demon gets... distracted.”

I knew that feeling. My demon was doing the same, purring and pacing, strutting around my head like a cat in heat. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

“I know one thing, I can’t be around people. There’s no way I can stay in Boston. Enforcers will be watching the lake house. There’s only one place I can go where I can’t hurt anyone.”

My breath hitched. “The netherworld.” He gritted his teeth and didn’t deny it. “If you go back there, your demon will win.”
I’ll lose you again.
He couldn’t go. I’d already experienced a world without Stefan, and it was an insipid place. He reminded me what it was like to be alive. He loved life. At least he used to. His dark half and his lust for mischief had twisted into a thirst for revenge.

“I think I have to.”

I shook my head. “It took Akil ten years to make me human. If you go back there, you might never be human again.”

“What choice do I have? I killed seven people, Muse. Seven. I stole their lives and I did it”—he clicked his fingers—“like that. I don’t want to be that demon.”

“Stefan—”

“No, Muse. If Ryder comes after me, I’ll kill him.” His voice fractured. “I will. My demon will. It’s all the same.”

I worried my lip between my teeth. “This isn’t right.”

He sunk his hands into his hair and blinked too-bright eyes up at the ceiling. “Tell me about what’s right and fair. I fought my entire life to control this thing inside me, and I failed.”

“No.” I was losing him. He was going away from me. “You didn’t fail. We just need to figure out a way to control him again.” The words tumbled breathlessly from my lips. “Akil tamed me...”

“You were a young girl, Muse.” His wan smile humored me. “He had years. You barely had enough control of your element to light a candle. I’m too far gone. I have too much power.”

“I’m not giving up on you.”
Shit.
Tears blurred my vision. I gulped the knot in my throat. “Just... just don’t do anything. Not yet, okay? There must be a way.”

“There is.” His smile softened. “I walk away.” This was goodbye.

I staggered back and bumped against the counter. It was all my fault. I’d driven him through the veil to begin with. I’d started everything. “No. Please don’t. I’m sorry.” Panic ripped away my fears and doubts, and the words I’d wanted to say since he’d returned spilled from my lips. “I tried to get to you. I would have followed you to the netherworld if I could. I only wanted to live when I told you to get rid of Akil. I didn’t mean for this to happen. What you saw outside the lake house between me and Akil that night, it wasn’t what it looked like. I didn’t bring Akil back. I brought you back. Akil was just... there. I needed him for the bastard inside me. When you found me in the library with Nica, I tried to save her. Damien was too strong. I did everything I could. I tried to do the right thing. I’m not perfect. I fuck up—too often. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m scared too. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I didn’t... I couldn’t...” Cool tears skipped unchecked down my cheeks.

He stood granite still, eyes glistening. I’d told him everything, the truth, all of it. But it wasn’t enough. The truth couldn’t change the past. He clenched his jaw and stayed demon-still, not daring to close the distance between us: just a room, but it felt like a canyon.

“Say something,” I blurted. “Dammit, shout at me, curse me, fight me if you want to. Just tell me you won’t go.”

“You’ll be alright.” His eyes said ‘
Goodbye.’

“No, no, don’t do this...” I stepped forward. He recoiled.

“Don’t... Don’t come near me.” He held out a hand. “I’m...” His image shimmered, element surging. “Please, stay back, Muse.”

This was insane. It was wrong. It wasn’t fair. “You won’t hurt me.”

“I will,” he snapped, and then more softly said, “I can’t control it.”

Gritting my teeth, I chained my emotions down. If he walked away now, I might never see him again. “Okay... Alright. But wait. Just... don’t leave yet.”

“If I wait, it will only get worse.” His words settled around us like snowflakes.

I shook my head, dislodging tears. “Not yet. I...” I had to keep him there with me. I would find something to help him. Akil would know a way. I’d do anything. “I need your help. You asked me once for help. You wanted to kill my brother. You know what he’s doing, don’t you? You know he trades half-bloods.”

“Yes.” He replied gruffly. “I’d planned on asking for your help, but then I crossed the veil with Akil, and nothing mattered after that.”

“Val has a little girl. Dawn. She was Levi’s, but Akil stole her and dumped her on me. I can’t abandon her. Val took her. She’s a half blood like us. I have to get her back, and you’re the only person I trust to help me.”

He fluttered his eyes closed and inclined his head, fighting an internal battle. When he spoke again, his demon shadowed his words, lowering the timbre to a jagged growl. “If I do this, you let me go. You don’t try to stop me.”