Darkest Before Dawn (9 page)

W
e pulled
up outside the lake house a little after midday. Jenna climbed from her car, talking into her cellphone. She shivered, reached inside the car, and pulled out a buff colored trench coat and shrugged it on. She strode away from her car like a woman in charge. I’d reassessed my impression of her over the last few hours. She was Institute, through-and-through. She probably never doubted herself while scrubbing demon blood out of her boots. She and Ryder would get along like a house on fire.

I took a few moments to absorb the serene surroundings. Sunlight sparkled on the lake to my right. The body of water lay embraced by sentinel pines as far as the eye could see. Frost-brittle grass crunched under my boots as we approached the white weatherboard house. Here, I’d learned how to draw from the veil. Here, Stefan had lied to me. Here, Akil had tried to kill me. Here, hidden in the metal memories of a sword, I’d witnessed Akil murder my friend. For somewhere so beautiful, it held many ugly memories. But there was good too. Among the embrace of trees, Stefan had taught me how to summon my element from beyond the veil. He’d opened my eyes to the truth.

As we approached the house, Jenna ended her call.

“What did you tell the Institute?”

She tucked her hair behind an ear. “That I’m still tailing you. Which I am.”

“You didn’t mention Akil or Dawn?”

“Not yet.”

She would though, and soon. “Did you tell them where we are?” We stepped up onto the wraparound porch and stopped outside the side-door.

“No.” She frowned at our surroundings. “I don’t know where we are. In the middle of moose country, by the looks of it.” She tightened her coat around her. “Is it always this cold here?”

I knocked on the door. There were no other cars parked alongside the house. Maybe nobody was home. I’d decided not to call ahead. It would only make the inevitable conversation worse, if such a thing were possible.

“Who we meeting?” Jenna asked, stamping her feet and breathing into her cupped hands.

“A friend.”

“Another prince?” She arched an eyebrow.

I smiled. “No, I don’t generally socialize with the princes if I can help it. They tend to want my head on a stake.”

“Unless it’s Akil.”

I winced. Even mentioning Akil’s name here set my teeth on edge. Nerves fluttered in my chest, stirring my parasitic hitchhiker. Speaking Akil’s name around Stefan felt like throwing gasoline on a bushfire. This wasn’t going to go well. I knew that and tried to steel myself against the inevitable.

I opened my mouth, about to ask Jenna to let me do the talking, when Stefan jerked open the door and rested his forearm on the jamb. He skipped an analytical gaze from me to Jenna. His piercing eyes narrowed a fraction. Jenna made a small, pleasantly surprised noise in her throat.

“Jenna...” He smiled easily. “How’s the wrist?”

Flirtatious laughter peeled from her lips. “Fine, thank you. It took a good few months to heal. Messed up my aim for weeks. Had I known we were seeing you, Stef, I’d have brought a tub of Ben and Jerry’s.”

My demon bristled. If I had hackles, they’d have shot up. An angry hiss sounded at the back of my throat. I cleared it with a cough and gritted my teeth to prevent any more demon noises escaping me. I locked a bright smile on my face. “You know each other?”

Stefan turned his back on us and strode into the open-plan lounge. “Sure, Jenna and I were... friends before I had a surprise vacation in the netherworld.”

I heard the hesitation in that word:
friend
. Whatever they had together was none of my business anyway. It’s not like I had what some might call a relationship with Stefan or like I went to hell and back for him.

I crossed the threshold and immediately felt the press of the protective symbols painted on the walls. My demon shrank back, which would likely be a good thing, considering that I was having trouble keeping my bright smile alive and the various colorful curse words from breaching my lips. My demon was jealous. And surprisingly, so was I. Jenna knew what ice cream he liked. It bothered me. I didn’t even know if he liked books or movies or what his favorite color was. If he liked take-out food or fancy restaurants. It hit me hard, the realization that Jenna knew him better than I did. They’d been friends. The one friend I’d had, Akil had killed. I had colleagues. I had acquaintances. I had lovers. But nothing real. Nothing lasting.

Jenna closed the door behind us. “I didn’t know you had a place in the mountains, Stef.”

Good. I knew something she didn’t. Oh, god, what was I doing? This was ridiculous. So Stefan and Jenna may have been an item. It didn’t matter. Of course he had a life before me. What did I expect? Besides, there were other, more important, priorities.

Stefan paused beside one of the two patterned couches huddled around a pine coffee table. His fingers danced lightly on the back of the cushions. “There’s a lot you don’t know, Jenna.” He slid his gaze to me. “What do you want, Muse?” The pale blue of his shirt complimented his dazzling eyes. He’d rolled the sleeves up like it wasn’t bitterly cold inside the house. Loose-fitting jeans implied a casual and calm persona. Almost. His power simmered around him. I couldn’t see it, but it crackled in the air like an electrical current.

“I need to talk with you.” To do this, to convince him to help me retrieve Dawn and Akil, I had to reel in my emotions. No matter what he said, I couldn’t let my feelings rule me or allow my demon to distract me.
Forget the past
, I told myself. I needed him to help me. Forget everything that broiled between us, simmering the tips of my fingers, tugging on my control, demanding to be free.

“I thought we’d already had this conversation.” Cool. Calm. No hint of anger. We were testing each other. That was good. At least I hoped so. I couldn’t quite tell if, below the chilled-out exterior, he was about to launch into a verbal assault. He couldn’t summon his demon, not inside the house. Maybe, if we stayed like this, we could have a civilized conversation, our demons packed away for a battle another day.

Jenna had stilled beside me. She couldn’t see the power he carried, but her instincts would be prodding her subconscious. I froze the prefect expression of indifference on my face and looked at her. She glanced at me, back at Stefan, read between the lines, and sighed. “You know what, I’ll take a walk around outside. It’s warmer out there.”

I kept my head bowed and listened to her leave. I might have felt guilty for pushing her away, if I hadn’t remembered whom she worked for. The door clicked closed behind her, and I was alone with Stefan. The weight of words unsaid virtually suffocated me.

“Can’t look me in the eye?” Stefan asked. “Guilty much?”

Anger sparked to life in my veins. I snuffed it out, closed my eyes, and took a deep, steadying breath. He would not bait me. When I opened them again, Stefan had moved a few strides closer. I opened my mouth, unsure where to start. I remembered what it was like to trace my finger down the line of his jaw and tease my fingertips across his lips. He looked back at me, unblinking, locked motionless as though encased in ice. A sliver of a smile hitched up one corner of his lips. It was subtle, just a hint of humor.

“Well?” he growled, his demon accent was rich and deep as molasses. He’d been hiding the accent from me at the workshop and from Jenna. My demon did a curious little purr inside my mind, rolling over like a cat falling over herself at the feet of her master. She wanted a piece of him. We both did.

I swallowed, waging my own internal battle to stay focused. “I listened to the message you left for Ryder.”

“Prying? Wow, that’s low.”

The anger was back, all my own. My demon still wallowed in the restrained power he radiated. Torn inside, I battled on two emotional fronts. “I’ve had a rough few days. Cut me some slack.” Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sighed.
Stay calm. Don’t fight.

He crossed his arms and regarded me coolly. Whatever he saw, it drained the tension from his body. “Alright, you’ve got ten minutes. Say what you gotta say and leave.”

“I... er wanted to check that you were okay.”

His gaze skipped away. He smiled. “Have you heard from Ryder?”

“No. He’s a big boy. He can look after himself.
Are
you okay, Stefan?”

“Of all the things you could ask, that’s your first?” He brushed a hand across his chin. “When the Larkwrari came through the veil, Muse, at the garden, it tore me apart. I held the veil open too long. It poured enough raw power into me that I should have leveled the city.” His eyes told me he’d wanted to. I knew that feeling. “Or died.”

I glared back at him. “Hurts like a bitch, doesn’t it?” My gaze said,
yes I’ve taken in that much power and nearly died from it. What do you want? A fuckin’ medal?

He laughed softly. “Look at you, Muse. Standing here, thinking you’re something hot. Must feel nice to have a prince on the end of your strings. Do you burn for him, Muse?”

He was hurting. I’d let him off the things he’d said at the statue, and I’d let it go now, but a time would come when I wasn’t going to let it slide so easily. “Don’t do this, Stefan. You’re better than this.”

“And how would you know? You had a few sharp things to say to me that night on the pier, right before I stepped through the veil for you. What was it? You never wanted to see me again. Well, you almost got your wish. Didn’t think it through though, did you?” He smiled. His words were born of anger, but his tone was flat.

I watched his face. The smug smile sat firmly on his lips, and laughter danced in his eyes. I didn’t see anger in his expression. He hid it perfectly. I was walking on thin ice. I lowered my voice, “You know I didn’t want to hurt you.”

His gaze wandered briefly. Perhaps the memories clouded his thoughts. Was he faltering?

I approached the back of the couch, deliberately keeping a barrier between us. “You said... you thought about me while you were trapped in the netherworld... That I meant something to you.”

He chuckled and sunk his hands into his hair, sweeping the blonde locks back from his face. His eyes had brightened. His smile tightened, almost twisting into a sneer. He moved back and paced behind the opposite couch. “You did, once.” He threw a glance my way, accusation in his eyes.

“Stefan...” I whispered. My breath misted in front of me. “I never stopped thinking about you.”

His glacial eyes blazed. “Were you thinking of me when you screwed Akil? Every time since? I lost years, Muse. For you. To keep that pyscho-prince away from you and Nica. The second you get back, you’re all over him. I wouldn’t even care if it was just time. Two years, pfft,” —he tossed his hands in the air “—it’s nothing. But I lost so much more than that. So, please forgive me,” he growled, “if I seem a bit tense.”

“I know you’re grieving. I miss Nica too.”

“You have no idea.” He snarled, turned on his heel, and stalked into the kitchen, out of sight.

I growled and shut down the acidic rage simmering in my gut. I wanted to march in there, yell at him, scream that I needed Akil to get Damien out of me, that I wasn’t screwing Akil, to yell that I never wanted any of this. My hands clenched, itching to throw something, a few punches, maybe some crockery.

Slowly, I entered the kitchen and hung back in the doorway.

Stefan leaned forward against the countertop, his back to me, hands splayed on the surface, head bowed. “You can’t be here. I can’t stand this.” His words grated as though he’d dragged them through hell to speak them.

“I’m sorry.” His shoulder muscles tensed beneath his shirt. I’d once slid my fingers over those broad shoulders and pulled him close, so close I didn’t know where he ended and I began. “For everything you think I did. Every day, I wanted to get to you, Stefan. I worked for Adam, did everything he asked. I hated every second of it, but I did it to get my demon back to go after you.” He had to listen to me, to hear my words. I couldn’t live with this any longer. Either way, he had to know my side. I had enough fetid darkness devouring my insides. I didn’t need or deserve his hatred. I needed him to understand in a way I hadn’t even realized until that moment.

“It doesn’t matter.” The muscles in his braced arms flexed like cables under strain.

A swell of emotion clogged my throat. “I’d have done anything to get to you. I never gave up. They said you were dead. I knew you weren’t.” I blinked back tears. The truth hurt. “I knew the netherworld would try to kill me. I knew Akil was there. Val too. I didn’t care. Even after the things Damien did, how he destroyed me all over again, I came for you.” Tremors rolled through my body. Memories flowed forth. I’d not dealt with the fallout from my time in the netherworld. The horrors I’d endured were still there, too close to the surface of my thoughts to hide from. My demon snarled at my weakness, despising my emotional humanity, but I didn’t care. If Stefan would just look at me, he’d see the truth exposed on my face. “Please believe me. I never gave up on you, Stefan.”

“You...” His breath sawed out of him. Veins of electric blue ice sparked across the countertop and snapped up the windows, cracking the glass. “You must.”

He shouldn’t have been able to draw his power. But he was. The air in the kitchen hardened against my skin. Ice frosted on my lips. I breathed in the burning cold. My throat tightened. My bangs collected diamond-ice. Frost dusted my lashes.

Stefan’s outline rippled. My focus phased out as translucent wings of ice sprouted from his back. The sunlight cascading through the window refracted through those wings and scattered countless shards of light across the kitchen. The entire room sparkled. He turned. His demon glared at me through crystalline eyes. I couldn’t see all of his transformation, just a superimposed ghost of what he truly was. Man and demon vied for the same space. My vision blurred. Power trembled beneath my feet and rippled through the air.

I stole a small backward step. Stefan abruptly appeared in front of me, filling my vision. He lifted a hand to touch my face. Dry-ice spiraled from his skin, rising like smoke. When his fingers brushed my cheek, the touch burned. I hissed and turned away. He was everywhere at once, the air I breathed, the thoughts in my mind, the embracing cold shrinking around me, closing into a deadly embrace. I couldn’t breathe. Ice crawled across my tongue and down my throat. Instincts screamed at me to run. I looked into his eyes and fell into the power swirling there, caught in his crippling beauty.