Daughter of Darkness (37 page)

“I work out,” I said, reaching for the blanket to cover my nudity.

“I’d better start working out harder myself to keep up with you.”

He rose and put on one of his uncle’s robes that was hanging on a closet door. He looked at his watch.

“Our food should be here any moment,” he said. “I need some nourishment after that.” He sat on the bed and took my hand, gently playing with my fingers. “Why should I be so lucky? I keep asking myself that.”

“Maybe you’re not.”

“I love it when you’re modest.” He sighed and looked around. “My uncle’s returning next week. We’ll lose our love nest for a while.”

Longer than a while, I thought.

“I’ll figure something out,” he quickly added. “Don’t worry.”

“I’m sure you would,” I said.

“Will, not would.”

We heard the doorbell.

“That’s the food. Don’t move. I’ll bring it all in here. We’ll spend all our time in bed until we have to leave. Consider this our honeymoon.”

I said nothing. It was all going the way it was supposed to go.

“What do you want to drink now?”

“Just some water again,” I said.

“Coming right up. Whew,” he said, laughing. He dug his wallet out of his pants, smiled, and then went out to get our food.

“You want any help?” I called.

“Don’t you move!” he shouted back. “I know a good thing when I see it.”

I looked around. My body felt as if it was cooling down, the madness of my lovemaking dissipating. Outside, a cloud moved over the sun, and an ominous shadow washed over the window, darkening the room for
a few moments. I felt a chill, like what someone might feel if he or she knew he or she was being watched. Was Ava there spying on me?

I heard him returning, proclaiming how delicious it all smelled.

“We’re making a mess here,” I said after he had brought in the food and set up plates on the bed. He threw off his robe and sat next to me, putting pillows behind our backs. I didn’t think I would have any appetite, but, maybe because of our lovemaking, I was suddenly ravenous. He laughed at how fast and how much I was eating.

“I had better watch my fingers,” he joked.

I paused, recalling Ava’s description of Mrs. Fennel when she ate. “Watching her eat is like watching a starving dog eat,” she had said. Just a suggestion that I would be anything like Mrs. Fennel was enough to ruin my appetite. I pushed the plate away.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to stop you.”

“I’ve had enough,” I said. “I’ll help you clean up.”

“No, you won’t. I invited you. You just stay here, comfortably.” He rose and began gathering things. He saw me glance at the clock. “We’re fine. Don’t worry. We have plenty of time,” he said.

“Okay.”

Let him cherish and enjoy every moment
, I thought. Maybe I would feel less guilty. I tried not to think of it. Instead, I imagined what life was going to be like in a new home, in a new place, and with a new baby sister as well. Like Marla, I had no loyalty or affection for the school we were in now. I didn’t mind moving away,
but I also had no illusions about what would await us somewhere else. Close friendships with other girls would always be forbidden. Most likely, I wouldn’t be going to school much longer, if at all, anyway. Daddy might find something for me to do in Louisiana until it was time for Marla to take my place. Maybe he’d send me to college as he had sent Ava.

Buddy hurried back and dove onto the bed. The whole frame strained.

“Buddy, you’ll break it.”

“Unc would understand,” he said.

“Understand? Why? Did you tell him about me?”

“No. I haven’t told anyone about you.”

“Really? Why not?”

“Superstitious.”

“What’s that mean?”

“My grandmother lived with us when I was just a little boy. She always warned me, warned everyone, not to be too proud and not to brag about what you had; otherwise, the Evil Eye would find you and take whatever it was away from you. I can’t help it. I’m not shy or overly modest. I’m just… superstitious. Besides, most of my friends are idiots and wouldn’t understand how strong my feelings are for you. They’d mock me, tease me. Who needs it, right?”

“Yes.”

“What about you? Tell any of your friends about me?”

“No. I don’t really have any friends.”

He pulled his head back. “I can’t believe that. Not only do you have friends, but I’m sure you have a trail of boys sucking up your shadow.”

“I don’t,” I said.

“Why not?”

“Maybe I’ve outgrown them.”

“I’ll believe that more than anything else. It doesn’t matter,” he said after a moment of thought. “You have me. I’ll be not only your lover but your best friend, and I’ll fill every free moment of your time seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year.”

I laughed. “Not even married couples do that, Buddy.”

“We’re more than just any married couple could be. We’re… soul mates.”

I looked away. Ava was right. This wasn’t hard, but that didn’t make it any easier for me to do.

“So,” he said, lying on his back and putting his head on my lap, “tell me about your father. I’d like to know as much as I can about him before I meet him.”

“What do you want to know?”

“What’s he like? All I know is he’s away a lot. He likes classical music, and oh, yeah, he’s immaculate,” he said, laughing. “I’m just teasing,” he said when I didn’t laugh. “If you don’t want to talk about him, that’s fine.”

“Of course I don’t mind talking about him. I love talking about him. If anyone is sophisticated, it’s Daddy,” I began. “He’s always aware of the newest fashions. He speaks four languages, plays the piano, goes to concerts and the theater in London, New York, and Paris. He knows the richest, most successful people, here or in Greece or Rome. And he’s handsome, devastatingly handsome. People who first meet him think he’s a member of some royal family. No one is more elegant than Daddy.”

Buddy sat with his mouth open.

“What?” I asked.

“Do you always call him Daddy?”

“What else should I call him?”

“Holy smokes. It sounds like I’m going to meet a Greek god or something. Now you do have me nervous.”

“Sorry. I guess I do go a bit overboard when I talk about him.”

“That’s okay. It’s wonderful to think so highly of your parents, I guess. I mean, I look up to my father and my mother. My father’s a pretty bright guy, and he keeps himself fit.”

“Oh, Daddy looks years younger than he is.”

Buddy nodded. Then he paused, tilted his head, and gave me a coy smile. “He doesn’t walk on water, does he?”

“No, but I think he could,” I said, and he laughed.

“I do love you, Lorelei. I’ve never seen or heard a girl talk like you. You’re special.”

“That’s what Daddy says.”

“He’s right. I guess he is a genius, and if he’s so intelligent, he’ll immediately see how deeply and sincerely I care for you and approve of me. Hey,” he said after a moment. “You don’t look happy about that.”

I brushed his hair off his forehead. “No matter what, Buddy, I’m very happy I met you, got to know you.”

“Great, only don’t make it sound like the last scene in
Casablanca
or something. There’s always tomorrow when it comes to us, Lorelei. Tomorrow forever.”

“Tomorrow forever,” I repeated.

He shook his head. “Looks like I have to do more convincing.” He sat up to kiss me.

This time, I tried to control my passion so he could take the lead in our lovemaking. I wanted it to be softer and gentler and take longer, too. I tried to tell myself that this was the way Ava wanted it to be, but I felt it was more. With each caress, each kiss, we seemed to tighten and solidify the connection between us. This was the reason making love was the most intimate thing you could do with someone else, I thought, but only if you did it like this, with concern and care and not selfishness. In those precious minutes, you visited each other’s very soul, and if it was real and meant to be, you were like one person ready to share every joy and every sadness.

When we were finished, I was crying softly.

He smiled at my tears and kissed them away. “I hope those are tears of happiness,” he said.

“They are, but they are tears of sadness, too.”

“What? Why?”

I didn’t answer. I rose and reached for my clothing instead.

“What are you doing? It’s only a little past eight. We’re only twenty minutes away, and you told me we had to be there no earlier than ten.”

“I want to go home now,” I said. “Just get dressed.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Get dressed,” I repeated.

He started to dress, but he looked very unhappy. “Did I do something wrong, say something wrong?”

“No.” I turned to him. “I wish you had,” I said, and walked out of the bedroom.

“Huh? Why?”

“I’ll wait for you out back,” I said.

Before he could reply, I left. I wanted to be alone for a few moments to argue with myself.

What are you doing? Are you mad? Daddy is waiting. What possible excuse can you give, and what good would even the best excuse do? You would have failed, and Daddy would be in grave danger. Mrs. Fennel and Ava would be furious.

Ava was right. This was too easy. But it shouldn’t be this easy. I shouldn’t be delivering someone as wonderful and good as Buddy. I should be delivering the type of young man Ava delivered and Brianna delivered—lustful, selfish, deceitful men who had hoped to use them for pleasure and leave them. I didn’t have to use any guile or any seductive tricks to capture Buddy. Besides, he had captured me as much as I’d captured him. It couldn’t be. It wouldn’t be.

You’re the one who won’t be
, my other self replied.
That’s what won’t be if you don’t bring him to Daddy. You will be cast out and be less than an orphan.

“What’s going on?” Buddy asked, coming up behind me.

My heart was pounding. Thoughts and words became jumbled in my brain. A hot flush came over me and was quickly followed by a chill that almost made my teeth chatter. My body was in turmoil, a part of it in rebellion, a part of it opposing that rebellion.

I took a deep breath.

“We don’t have to wait here any longer,” I said. “We can wait for him at my house.”

“Oh. Yeah, I suppose we could. That makes sense. You’re a character. You scared me, jumping up like that. Talk about your impulsive person.”

I turned and looked at him. “It occurred to me that you should have more time.”

“More time?”

“To meet my younger sister, our housekeeper, and even Ava. That way, you’ll be more comfortable when you meet Daddy.”

He nodded. “Sure.” He leaned toward me to kiss me.

“Let’s go,” I said, walking away and into the house.

He followed quickly. “You certainly can be confusing,” he said when I opened the front door. “First, you were adamant about keeping me away from your house, your father, and now you can’t wait to bring me to him.”

I turned to him. “Yes. I know. I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. I’m just amused. You’re full of surprises.”

We headed for his car.

I’m sorry
, I repeated, but only to myself, and under my breath, I whispered, “I don’t think I have the strength not to bring you to him.”

20
 
Tomorrow Forever

Buddy couldn’t stop talking as he drove. I knew that my abrupt decision to leave immediately disturbed him, even though he agreed it made sense to go to my house and spend some time with my sisters before my father arrived. Try as I would, I couldn’t pretend to be as enthusiastic as he was about our future relationship. I knew most of his effort was going toward getting me at least to sound half as excited as he was.

“Now that I’m going to meet your family, you’ve got to meet mine. Maybe next week, we can take a drive down to Long Beach. You’ll love my mother. She’s pretty hip and very pretty, if I may say so myself. Most of my friends tell me she looks more like my older sister than my mother. She dresses in up-to-date fashions, likes a lot of the music I like, and has a bubbly personality.”

“Bubbly?”

“Yeah, you know. She’s always up, and if something unpleasant happens, she always seems to find something positive to say. You know the type.”

“No, I don’t,” I said.

“Why not? Your father doesn’t sound like a depressing
guy. May I ask if he’s seeing anyone? Romantically? I know he’s had some tragedy, with his first wife dying and the mother of your younger sister deserting him.”

I didn’t answer. It was much darker now. Twilight had thinned away, and shadows found every vaguely lit place to invade and occupy. To me, it felt as if they were closing in on us. A sliver of the moon flashed between buildings and trees. For some reason, when the light from cars passing us in the opposite direction illuminated the inside of Buddy’s car, I looked at my reflection in the window and, instead of myself, saw the face of the woman who could be my mother. I imagined her whispering,
How are you going to live with the sound of his scream?

When we made a turn onto Sunset, he asked me what street he should turn on to get to my house.

“Just keep going,” I said.