Daughters (10 page)

“What have I told you about that language, Rachael?”

“But it’s okay when you say it.”

“You’re not me.”

“Thank God.”

“Alright, that’s enough.”

Rachael left the room.

Ben let out an audible sigh. “One minute she’s okay, and the next minute she’s impossible.”

“It’s okay for her to ride back with us,” Claire said.

“Not after she acted like that.”

“Aw, c’mon, Ben. Let her come with us. She’ll be fine.”

“Okay, but if she acts up, you have to promise me you’ll tell me.”

“We promise,” Claire said.

Rachael was nowhere to be found. Finally Jonathan opened the front door and looked outside.

“She’s in our car, Ben. Must have overheard us talking.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.” Ben shook his head. “I have some things to do here to close up the house, so I’ll pick Rachael up at your place on my way home.”

As Jonathan would later tell Marie, he and Claire weren’t sure who more enjoyed the ride home in the back seat of their car, Marie or Rachael. They talked about every subject imaginable and like two schoolgirls, they laughed at the silliest things.

When Ben showed up at the Brooks’ home, Rachael’s pouty face was back on.

“Did you behave yourself?”

Rachael, who had behaved herself just fine, was about to say something when Jonathan jumped in. “Ben, why don’t you two join us for dinner? We were planning on going to that new Italian restaurant on Main that just opened up.”

Rachael clasped her hands. “Please, Dad? Please?”

Ben rolled his eyes and smiled. “I can see when I’m being railroaded. Okay, we’ll go.”

“Ben, can I talk to you for a minute…in private?” Marie asked. They disappeared into Jonathan’s office.

When Marie and Ben emerged several minutes later, Rachael had a scared look on her face.

Marie looked at Ben. Ben looked at Rachael. “Maybe we should tell her now,” Marie said.

“Tell me what?” Rachael asked.

“Well, we weren’t going to say anything until it got closer to the date,” Ben said, “but we want you to know that Marie is coming back here for Christmas, and…”

“Really? What a gas!”

“What?”

“A gas, Dad.” She rolled her eyes. “That’s great.”

“Well, excuse me, Miss Almost Teenager. Anyway, here’s the deal. If you want to, you can ride to Atchison to pick her up and…”

“What? I can do what?”

“If you keep interrupting me, you’ll never hear the rest of this.”

Rachael rolled her eyes and pretended to zipper her lips.

“As I was saying, Marie has invited you to stay overnight with her and then ride back here the next day.”

Rachael stared at Marie. “Really? But ride with who? How would I get there?”

“By limo, of course.”

“Are you kidding?” She made a face. “Me, in a limo?”

“Now I may bring my girlfriend, Karen, back with me. I haven’t talked to her yet.” Marie paused. “You’ll like her, Rachael. She’s a lot of fun. Sound like a deal?”

“Are you kidding? I’m all fired up and ready to go.”

“Okay, young lady. That’s enough.” Ben turned to Marie. “‘Fired up’? I don’t know where she gets this language.”

The Brooks children and grandchildren came by the house for breakfast the following day to say goodbye to Marie. Walter arrived mid-morning.

Marie waited for the right moment to thank Claire when they were alone. “I don’t know how to thank you,” Marie said in a tight embrace. “I had such a nice time.”

“I told you this before, but it bears repeating. You are always welcome here, Marie. You’re family now.” Based on the look on Claire’s face and hitch in her voice, Marie was fairly certain she meant it.

The snow had let up from the previous day, but the roads were still hazardous, making the ride home longer than normal. “So what are you thinking, dear daughter?” Jonathan asked after they had ridden the first mile or so.

“What am I thinking?” She turned her body toward his. “I’m thinking you have made me a very happy person. You have no idea.” She held his gaze. “I mean it.” She reached out for his hand. “My life has changed. I mean
really
changed. But it’s going to take me awhile to process it all.”

“Tell me more.”

“For starters, I have a family now. Mom has been gone for almost eight years. That’s a long time to be without family. Well, except for Karen. She’s like a sister to me. But other friends and the people you work with come and go. A family is there forever.” She heaved a heavy sigh. “For me, family is everything.” She paused to reflect. “I have to say, these past two weeks I have felt stronger and more confident than I ever have before. And safe.” She nodded. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that.”

“You don’t feel safe back in Atchison?”

“It’s just that there’s this constant kind of underlying anxiety I have, like something bad is lurking around the corner. Even though I know in my brain I’m safe, I still don’t feel safe. I don’t know exactly how to explain it.”

“I think I may know what you mean.”

“And then there’s the emotional security, like I felt with Richard—during the good times, I mean. I felt that again these past two weeks, and I have to tell you, it felt good.”

“But you’re a successful businesswoman. That must have taken a certain amount of strength and confidence.”

“Maybe so, but I never
felt
it. Everything I did was a struggle. And, then of course, there’s the identity factor. For years I knew just half my identity. I had practically no family history. Now I feel a connection.” She paused. “I know all about your God-given identity. But knowing who your parents are, well, that’s a whole other layer.”

Jonathan stared out the window. “When I think of identity, I think of what makes a person an individual, what a person does with his life, what gifts they have to offer. But I hear you saying it’s much more than that.” He glanced at Marie and smiled. “I understand that, which proves you
can
teach an old dog new tricks.” His face turned serious. “Claire and I want to help you with this. You deserve at least that much from us. I just hope it’s not too late.”

“No, it’s not too late.” She gave him a big smile. “Just knowing you is a major milestone for me. And the more I know about you, the more I know about myself.” She thought through her next words. “What do you think Claire really thinks about me?”

“Hmm.”

“And be honest, please.”

“Honestly…I don’t think she knows yet how she really feels. She goes from feeling empathy toward you and harboring no ill feelings, which she knows is the right thing to do, to being angry about the whole affair. And unfortunately, I think the more she thinks about it, the more questions she has about our own relationship.”

“I must have really messed things up by coming into your life. Everything was probably perfect before I showed up.”

“No, far from it. We’ve had our share of family issues just like anyone else. Claire will be fine. I’m sure of that. In fact, I noticed a change in her attitude toward you during your stay. Did you sense a change?”

“Yes, I did. I was just hoping it was real and not because she felt she had to.”

“Let me tell you something about Claire. She doesn’t do or say very much just because she has to. Look, I don’t want you to worry about her. You let me do that.” He looked out the window. “It won’t be long before you’re home. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

“As a matter of fact, there is. Two things, actually.”

“Go ahead.”

“When Claire and I and the girls were at the Hotel Baker, the other patrons looked at us like we were from some other planet. Claire said it was because they were curious, but I wasn’t so sure. Exactly how are you treated by the whites in this town? I mean, what do you think when people stare at you like that?”

Jonathan sighed and stared out the window for a few seconds. “I think it’s easier for me than it is for Claire. With me, I gained a good reputation selling horses before anyone even realized I was a Negro. So when they did find out, I was already established in the business community. But with Claire, it’s a whole other matter. She can’t join the afternoon tea clubs or go to lunch with ‘the girls,’ so to speak. There’s no one for her to relate to in this town.”

“She said most other Negroes here are poor and keep to themselves.”

“Not most.
All
of them. But Claire is strong-willed. If she wants to have lunch at the Hotel Baker, then by God, she’s going to have lunch there. And unlike in the South, she can.”

“I guess I understand that.” Marie paused. The next thing she was about to say was more difficult. “There’s something I need to get off my chest.” She took in a deep breath. “Mom always told me you loved us very much but couldn’t be in our lives. I believed her, but that didn’t mean I didn’t still feel abandoned by you.” Her voice cracked. “And when I was pretty sure you were a Negro, which was long after she died, I felt betrayed by her as well. Maybe there was no other way, and I’m sure she thought she was doing the right thing…but I just had to tell you how that felt for me.”

Jonathan squeezed her hand. “I know, Marie. Believe me, I know.”

Walter dropped Marie off at her apartment and then drove Jonathan to Rita’s Bed & Breakfast where he would stay the night. Marie had made the arrangements for him. She had stayed there while looking for a permanent place to live, and Rita had been her friend ever since.

The last thing Jonathan said to Marie was, “‘Til next time, sweetheart.”

CHAPTER 6

Library Cards

“Okay, start at the beginning. I don’t want to miss even one small detail,” Karen said. “But first, do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? Can’t tell you how many times I went to the phone to call you, and then stopped short when I remembered you weren’t there.” She paused to take a breath. “What did I do before you?”

“I missed you too. And I kept a journal so I wouldn’t forget anything.” Marie got up to get the journal and came back with it, two glasses, and a bottle of red wine. “I have a second bottle…I have lots to tell.”

The two women talked well into the evening hours, Marie doing most of it. A bottle-and-a-half of wine later, Marie finished with her account.

“So I’m getting some mixed signals from you. Are you happy about the way it went?” Karen asked.

“Yes, all in all, I am. Melvin actually apologized for his behavior. I forgot to tell you that. And Claire…well, I think Jonathan knows her best, and he said to give her time.”

“But she was better by the end of the visit?”

“Definitely. Maybe not all the way, and who knows, maybe she’ll never be. I wouldn’t blame her.”

“So you learned more about Jonathan’s relationship with your mother, more about his family, his roots.”

“Yes, and they are the most beautiful people, Karen, and the way they all welcomed me into their family, into their lives really, just makes me feel so good.”

“So do you think being with them has changed you?”

Marie thought about her question for a few seconds. “No. It hasn’t changed me. But being part of their family has changed how I perceive myself.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know. Just the fact that I feel like I’m part of a family now. That makes a big difference.”

“So do you have this whole thing figured out now?”

“No. I don’t have
anything
figured out. I just feel better somehow, like I belong somewhere.”

“As long as you’re inside their home.”

“What do you mean?”

“The same old world still exists outside of their home,” Karen pointed out.

If she wasn’t such a good friend, Marie would have challenged her statement. “My trip was just a beginning. I’m not going to abandon my idealistic dreams just yet.” She thought about the Serenity Prayer Claire had left on her pillow and wondered if Claire and Karen were more alike than she and either one of them. “But I didn’t tell you about the best part of my visit.”

“What?”

Marie told Karen about her plans for Christmas and that the invitation had been extended to include her.

Karen’s head jerked backward. “You’re kidding! They want me to come too?”