Dave Cameron and the Extraterrestrial (8 page)

Read Dave Cameron and the Extraterrestrial Online

Authors: V Bertolaccini

Tags: #extraterrestrial, #science fiction horror, #alternative universe, #horror comedy, #david cameron, #downing street, #action comedy, #alien comedy, #interdimensional voyager, #ufo humor

BOOK: Dave Cameron and the Extraterrestrial
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After some thought he thought they had shot
down something thinking it belonged to someone such as Russia, but
he no longer thought it was of alien origins and was some form of
advanced technology that was part of some confidential project.

While Cameron finally got up to go to the bar
one of his feet seemed to go astray and caught the side of a wall
and he flew forward and through the air and landed on his arms, and
he saw that he had embarrassingly did it in front of a group of
woman at a table and he launched into doing a perfect somersault
across the floor, to cover it up being stupid, even though he
already looked stupid by his standards, and, to his surprise, they
clapped at it and he wondered why he could do a somersault as he
had no knowledge of ever doing so, which lead him back to wondering
what all the missing information in his head was!

Cameron
suddenly had an idea and wondered if there was anyone in the bar
that knew him and he could question! He was desperate to
investigate ways of getting his true identity!

He wandered
around and found a pensioner slumped at the end of the bar with a
whisky and realized that he had seen him there on many occasions
and was clearly a local, and had been visiting there for some time,
and he sat near to him, avoiding going to near him as he did not
want to put him off.

After a few
minutes he started to realize that he was drunk and after making
attempts to talk to him and not even getting a reply he realized he
was far drunker than he had realized and he was not even able to
communicate.

It annoyed him
more than anything and he realized that it could be the only
opportunity he might ever have to question someone there, as they
would surely move the army camp away in the near future, and he
would be put faraway and too far to visit the place.

He had to do
something! He had to find something that would get him what he
wanted! He needed to!

It surprised
him that at the same time as him looking for something the
pensioner was collapsing in a heap over the bar and even started
falling over and off his stool, and the barman rushed around and
stopped him and propped him back in his seat, and Cameron decided
to take action and help him further and he immediately started
helping the barman shift him against the bar so he would not
fall.


I
wouldn’t worry about him so much!” the barman announced, seeing
Cameron’s worried face. “He’s always in here, and gets like this
most of the time!”

Cameron nodded,
looking more happier that he was a local that did hang about the
bar and that he surely had seen him with the three soldiers
drinking there, and he started thinking of ways to question
him.

Who the hell
was he? Why would none of these blasted soldiers give him anything
on his identity! No matter what he did they refused to say anything
and it was driving him crazy!

So when the
pensioner started slipping off his stool again, and the barman
left, he moved up to him and started telling that man how drunk he
was and that he should take him home and he decided to take him out
the door to a taxi, which he had seen parked outside!

Yet after
trying to get the man up and to the door, with him collapsing all
over the place and over the floor, he got annoyed and started
wrestling with him and lifting him up and he started trying to stop
him and he started pulling him across the floor by the legs, but he
awoke more and started clutching part of the bar to stop him, and
he grew more annoyed with the pensioner and his behavior and
immediately broke his grip on the bar and pulled him away from
it.

He gripped his
legs and dragged him across the floor, while looking about making
sure that nobody interrupted him, but the man kept getting a grip
of places and objects and he furiously tugged him away, forgetting
that he was to get him to give him information on his identity,
with nothing else in his drunk mind except getting him to the
taxi.

For quarter of
an hour he dragged and pulled at him, from when started getting him
to the door, and once he was finally outside he thought his mission
would be completed but he continued grabbing things like drainpipes
stopping him, and it had clearly rained and he ended pulling him
through puddles and mud, and he pulled a drain at the side of the
road up, and he finally got him to the taxi where he explained to
the driver that he was a relative and had to get him home in his
drunken state, while the man shouted and swore, and they got him in
the back of the taxi and locked the door, and Cameron rushed into
the front seat with the driver.

Cameron
realized that he never knew the man and he never had his address
and that he had wasted his time, and he wondered why he had not
asked the barman as he surely was a local man.

To his surprise
the taxi raced away without the driver asking for his address and
he sat for along time waiting for the outcome.

To his surprise
the taxi took him straight to his house and Cameron paid him more
for his help and he drove away, leaving Cameron considering what to
do.

The problem was
still there and the man refused to budge or talk to him when he
questioned him and he kept showing him his face features so he
would recognize him, and the pensioner sat slumped on the ground
staring up at him as though he thought he was crazy, and no matter
what he said he never replied.

Deep down he
was starting to realize the truth and he never knew him and that
the plan was a disaster and he would not be able to do anything
again.

He grew annoyed
with him and dragged him along the pavement by the legs, broke his
grip on a lamppost, and pulled him up his pathway kicking and
screaming, with him pulling up chunks of concrete from the pathway
as he yanked him in jerks along it and dumped him in a heap on his
doorstep, and rolled the pensioner around in a ball until his face
was visible to show to his daughter, who came over to the door.


Thanks
very much!” she answered, when he told her of the incredible deed
he had done her.

Yet as he
turned to walk away, she moaned back, “But what happened to his
wheelchair?”

He immediately ignored her and rushed away,
and rain came blasting down, and as they vanished behind him he
watched the pensioner waving his fist at him, and he wondered over
and over why he had not used the taxi to get back, instead of
having to walk through pouring rain, soaked through, tired, and he
realized that the taxi driver had actually known him!

 

Chapter 15

 

The Dream

 

During the night Cameron’s dreams went into
overdrive and it was beyond belief that he could dream such things
and began as a fight for survival with his body constantly altering
to stop it being destroyed by a colossal infernal!

He seemed to escape by darting out of it into
a dark forest.

The dark wood was unrecognizable even though
he did not know why, as it looked normally, but he enjoyed it and
his body seemed to reform to it, and he considered what could have
occurred and what was happening, and what his mind was generating
for him.

It was strange and it seemed to adapt to the
surrounding environment it had set itself in and he realized he was
now some form of creature lurking in the long shadows of an unknown
wood, and he realized he had to be a werewolf and that he had been
forming into it and he treated it like his body’s hideous reaction
and revenge on him for his treatment of it and his hangover, and he
watched shadows of his formation like a monster demon wolf creeping
about and he contemplated the vast dangers to his survival for no
reason, and the contemplation of how he could survive without the
technology that he had, and he wondered if it was his body’s way of
informing him of something!

He realized his body had gone crazy and he
considered opening his eyes and waking but he was so tired he could
not even be bothered doing that, and realized that he would have to
have more rest and it was perhaps what his body wanted him to
know.

He had sensations of being trapped out on a
strange celestial fantasy wood with unknown forms and realized as a
werewolf creature he had to fight to survive and he fought to
escape from the vicinity.

While he shifted monster shadow shapes of him
shifted strangely through the wood and he watched a small black cat
shift near him, and he examined it, and wondered if he was going to
eat the thing and his body decided to alter his appearance to be
more like it and his colossal monster form altered to it.

His strange giant cat shadows shifted in the
moonlight, probing into the dark, and he shifted on like a cat and
studied everything in his surroundings, expecting the worst hideous
encounters to be lurking there.

While he propelled himself on he adapted and
formed more powerful legs, razor-sharp claws, and creature fangs,
and occasionally thick tentacles formed and expanded from his neck
and slithered around, and while shifting his head tendrils formed
from his ears and shuddered frantically testing the air for signs
of dangers and life forms.

His monstrous cat shapes silhouetted
everywhere as he made incredible leaps through trees, further than
any other creature, and he sensed distant humans within the wood
and realized that the cat formation he had taken took its energy
from the consumption of small animals and he decided to wake
himself!

 

Chapter 16

 

The Complaint

 

Cameron was tiredly resting on his bed,
dreamily falling asleep again, wondering if he could have a similar
dream as the night before and examine what happened and wondered if
he could alter it to his original self and he might recall his
memories of himself.

He curiously watched a new soldier march in
the tent and ask two soldiers something and dreamily march up to
him afterwards and stand upright in front him.


Malone wants to see you now!” he said
firmly, and saluted, and Cameron ignored it and rolled over and sat
on the edge of the bed, feeling drowsy.

Cameron watched him march away and realized
he had done something again, and grabbed a bottle of whisky from
beside his bed and downed some to try to wake him, and shifted to
the door!

Once in Malone’s tent he realized that he was
only slightly annoyed this time, and he examined Cameron’s face and
tried not to look surprised about something, and suddenly poured a
drink, examined his face from the side of his eyes and gasped, and
stopped himself asking him something and looked away.


Sit down!” Malone ordered, clearly
annoyed now.

Cameron realized he never had a clue what he
wanted him for.


Cameron!” Malone eventually whispered
annoyed. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Malone’s staring eyes penetrated deep into
his brain trying to grasp his thoughts and looked away.


Have I done something!” he inquired,
not knowing what it was he meant.


There has been a complaint about you
again!” he announced loudly, studying him again, seeing if he would
react. “This time it’s authentic!”


What about?” he gasped, wondering who
would complain about soldiers and to them, and he realized that the
last complaint might have been made up by him.


Some people don’t like you,
Cameron!”

Cameron was humiliated and tried to get what
he was going on about and realized he should ask the complainers to
tell him and he would try to solve the problem, and grasp what they
were going on about! People should stop complaining about nothing,
and things they never liked the look of and save it for real
things!

He wondered if he could believe their
complaint as he was sure they were talking utter rubbish!

Malone himself must have more people
complaining of him than anyone, especially from the soldiers, and
from the things he was responsible for, and he wondered what the
hell he was up to.


The people of this country could do
without you!”

He stared deep in his eyes again, and looked
away disappointed.


Did you go to the pub last night and
get drunk?” he curiously asked, calming himself.


Yeah!” he replied annoyed, and even
more annoyed at his persistence in not saying anything. “There were
hundreds of people drunk, lying in bushes, and vomiting all over
the pavement, and throwing beer cans! The place was totally covered
with people drinking and partying, and there were wild orgies in
rooms!”


Is that all! What else was there? Was
there physical action?”


Physical action! Yeah! There was this
woman playing with her
crotch doing a striptease!”


That
sounds fun! What else?”


She
gently rubbed her hands rhythmically across her thighs, sensually
rubbing oil into her skin, and loosened his pants and pulled them
to her knees and started massaging herself!”


Rubbing
oil!” Malone moaned. “What next?”


She
continued on going ...”


But what
the hell has it to do with what I’m talking about ...!” Malone
shouted, furiously.


Nothing
then!”


Cameron!
This country needs you! And not for you to hang about perverted
bars!”


What did
you want to know if I was there for then?”


I was
checking if you were there! There was a complaint about you having
a fight with a disabled pensioner and dragging him out the bar and
rolling him about in puddles ...!”

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