Dawn Annis (14 page)

Chapter 18

When the ladies finished their walk, Kate excused herself and went to her room. She undressed, put on her nightgown and climbed into the bed. It had been a long day, full of surprises. She let out a long happy sigh. She still felt Shane’s touch on her lips and her body. Remembering, she shivered in delight and a bit of fear.

Did she dare trust her feelings? Or his, for that matter?

She didn’t know. Her heart ached. She wanted to believe Shane cared for her. To believe the burgeoning love she felt was returned. Her excitement made her stomach tip and she shivered again, smiling. Kate snuggled down beneath the quilts, warming herself in the chill with pleasant thoughts and dreams.

Drifting off to sleep, a knock at the door woke her. She sat up. Shane? She hoped so. She jumped up from the bed. She grabbed her robe, stuffed her arms into it and closed it tight beneath her chin. She rushed to the door. Once there, she slowed herself, forcing herself to steady her breathing and pounding heart. She opened the door a crack and peered out into the hall. Indeed, it was Shane standing outside her door.

“M’lord, to what do I owe this honor at such a late hour?” Kate said with a brief smile.

“M’lady, please forgive my intrusion. I was just now able to break from the lads and their plans. I dinna believe I’ve ever seen them so excited. ‘Tis like new lifeblood is running through them. I wanted to say ‘goodnight’ to ye and tell ye what a truly wondrous day I had in yer company.”

Kate seemed to contemplate her bare feet, and then looked up at Shane, shy.

“Thank you. I, too, enjoyed the day.”

“Would ye mind if I joined ye for a wee bit? Just to talk to ye,” Shane asked, putting his hand up in a surrendering gesture. “I dinna mean to disturb. If yer uncomfortable . . .”

Kate smiled as she open the door a bit wider, allowing Shane to step into the room. It wasn’t proper, him being in her room. All sorts of assumptions could be made if anyone saw him enter her chambers. However, she didn’t care. She found herself in extraordinary circumstances. From finding herself in a homeless state, to her kidnapping, to her acceptance by the clan, to her finding herself a new home. Nothing about her life right now was proper.

“You are not disturbing me and I don’t feel uncomfortable. I am sure if I had anything to worry about, it would have occurred by now.”

Shane stepped inside and walked over to the fireplace.

Kate followed.

“Shall we sit here by the fire?” Kate stirred the embers and added more wood.

“Aye, ‘tis still a wee bit chilled in this old house. Will be warming up soon enough and then we’ll welcome the cool the stones have to offer.”

Shane sat in one chair putting his booted feet on the nearby hassock. Kate sat in the other with one foot resting underneath her.

Shane stared into the fire for so long; Kate considered he may have changed his mind, deciding not to speak with her after all. Glad he had come, she used the time to admire his handsome face. Burnished by the firelight, his eyes observed something past the fire and into a realm unknown to her.

She didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t want to be without Shane. When the feeling came over her, she wasn’t sure. She only knew it to be true. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to feel his arms around her. She wanted to feel warm and safe, to feel loved.

When she watched her fill, she asked quietly. “Are you well?”

Shane started from his reverie and turned his head slowly then smiled.

“Aye, I’m fine. I was just thinking about a sweet lass I know just a wee bit about. I admire her a goodly amount though she is a mystery to me.”

Kate laughed. It occurred to her Shane was speaking about herself. She shifted and leaned against the back of her chair, bringing her other leg up.

“Thank you for the compliment, kind sir.” Kate lowered her chin in an acknowledgement to his words of praise. “I am no mystery. Just a very simple woman caught up in a situation through none of my doing.” Kate paused. “Well, I suppose some of it was my doing. I should have told Iain straight away Sidney had died, leaving me penniless and there was no ransom to pay. I suppose that would have made things much simpler. Knowing Iain as I do now, he would have just let me be.” Kate held up one finger. “I did not know Iain then. For all I knew, he was going to kill me if he did not receive his demand.”

“Nay, he would not have killed ye.” Shane laughed. “He probably would’ve comforted ye for yer loss, put some coin in yer pocket, and taken ye where ye wanted to go.”

Kate laughed as well.

“I do believe you are right in the assumption. He really is a dear, sweet man.”

“Aye, dinna let him hear ye say that.”

Shane and Kate laughed. As their laughter died down they both quieted in a companionable silence. Shane watched the flames of the fire. “Katie, my dear, what happened that ye married the bastard Colquhoun?”

Kate frowned at the abrupt question and then sighed, thinking for bit.

“I tried to please my father. He was very keen on the idea and had arranged most of the courtship. I didn’t have many beaus and certainly no other offers. My mother didn’t want me to marry him. Smithers definitely didn’t . . .”

“Who is Smithers?” Shane asked.

Kate paused. She felt the heat on her face and shifted in the chair.

“Smithers was my manservant. He took care of me.”

Kate relaxed, realizing Shane had no idea Smithers was here. He knew of the monk visiting, of course, but would not have put the two together.

Shane was puzzled as he watched the emotions pass over Kate’s face. Now he understood a bit more of the rumors he had heard in England as well as the man Andrew Colquhoun had been referring to while in the tavern. While he still didn’t know the full story, here were more pieces to the puzzle.

Kate continued. “Smithers was my mother’s manservant and when I was little he took care of me. When I married Sidney, he came with me. He became my manservant at the time and has been with me since.

“Colquhoun dinna object to ye having a manservant rather than a maid? Where was Smithers when Iain took ye?”

“He didn’t have a choice. I was brooking no argument on the subject. It was the only thing I ever stood up to Sidney about. Besides, he didn’t care much what I did as long as I was available when he wanted me around. He was more interested in my father’s shipping business. Unfortunately, I had not discovered that bit of news until it was too late.” Kate shrugged, giving Shane a small smile. “I could not have done anything about it. Sidney and my father had struck their bargain.”

So far his direct manner had not put her off. Would she, he wondered, be willing to share more? Knowing the Colquhoun brothers from the gossip he had heard over the years as well as the few facts he had gathered in England, he knew her marriage had been an unhappy one.

“Did ye love him?”

“Oh, I probably thought I did at the time. Had myself convinced of it, actually. It didn’t take me long to discover what I felt wasn’t love.”

“If it weren’t love, what was it?”

Kate hesitated, and then said, “My father wanted the marriage and I knew if I refused, he would have forced me into it anyway. I suppose, looking back on that time, I wanted to believe Sidney loved me and that I loved him, and when we married I would be such a good wife it would somehow change him. It didn’t, of course. After a couple of months he moved me to Dumbarton and I saw very little of him, usually when he needed me in England for some reason or other. Or when he came to the cottage.”

Kate’s words caught in her throat, her last sentence ragged and broken.

“He hurt ye, dinna he?” Shane stated.

Kate could do no more than nod. A tear escaped, flowing down one cheek.

“Och, lass. I’m very sorry.”

Shane stood and stepped over to her chair. Gently, he picked Kate up, his arms around her. She leaned into his solid chest. Seating himself with her on his lap, he cradled her. His concern for her grew as her eyes welled up with tears. He set aside his baser instincts as she began to speak. “Mother died shortly after I was married. Sidney moved me to Dumbarton soon after. My father did not object nor did I ever hear from him.” Frowning, Kate stared at the floor. “I miss my mother very much.”

But not her father? Shane made a note to ask her about him later.

She began speaking again as if in a trance, staring at the floor. Tears made their way down her face.

“Sidney took a great deal of pleasure in humiliating me. I never really understood it. I suppose the signs were there if I had known what to look for. His smile didn’t ever seem to reach his eyes. You could see in his face, he always seemed to be calculating his next move. He wasn’t kind to anyone. He didn’t feel the need to be kind or giving of himself. Now that I have had time to reflect, I should have seen it. It wouldn’t have mattered, my father was determined I marry Lord Colquhoun.”

“When Sidney died, I have to admit I was, honestly, thrilled. I thought to myself, finally I would have my life to myself. I planned to continue living in Scotland, quietly, enjoying my gardens and peace. I’m not very proud of myself for those feelings. But I was relieved.”

Kate stopped and met his gaze.

“I haven’t shocked you, have I?”

“Nay, lass.”

“Then Sidney’s brother, Andrew, arrived and told me Sidney had lost everything. He had gambled it away. Andrew paid off the creditors, so it is all his now,” Kate said in a small voice. “Even my little cottage. Gone.”

Her sorrow poured out of her. Shane held her close, stroking her hair and wiping her face with his powerful, calloused hand.

“Let it out, lass. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.”

They sat quite a while before the flow of tears began to ebb. Shane offered Kate his handkerchief. She gratefully accepted it and blew her nose and wiped her face. Once her face was cleaned, Shane set her head down onto his wet shoulder.

“Rest yer head a wee bit.”

Kate complied, hiccupped, and then said, “I imagine I have been storing up for a while now. I am usually much better at keeping my feelings to myself.”

“It was time for the dam to break.”

“I thought I had adjusted to Sidney and his cruelties. I think the loss of my home was the final straw.”

“Och, lass, yer heart. ‘Tis been sorely treated and the hurt was storing up. It needed to come out to make room for what ‘tis meant to be in a heart.”

Shane held her close with his arms around her.

Looking down at her hands, her fingers absently playing with her robe she asked. “What should be in a heart?”

“Och, Katie, that ye even need to ask,” Shane said gently, hurting for her. “Love, lass, love belongs in the heart.”

Shane grabbed Kate’s chin gently with his fingers and brought her head up so he could see directly into her eyes. Fighting his desire for her, he knew this was not the time to press her with his passion. He was feeling it all the same, warring with it. Controlling himself, he gave her a gentle kiss. He kissed her forehead and the tip of her nose.

“Let’s get ye to bed. ‘Tis been a long day. And ye have had an even longer evening. Ye must be tired.”

Shane stood up, putting Kate on her feet. He walked her over to the bed and pushed her down into its soft folds. He kissed her again on her forehead and tugged the quilt over his charge. He tucked it under her chin. When he rose and started to walk to the door Kate stopped him.

“Don’t go,” she whispered.

Shane turned back.

“I’ll sit with ye until ye sleep.”

“No, don’t go.”

Shane observed Kate, feeling his desire rise. He knew he could bed her if he tried. He checked himself. This beautiful girl was vulnerable, she trusted him. He would not take advantage her. The feelings he had for her were strong. He would not press her.

Kate drew the bedding aside. Shane put it back over her and lay down beside her, drawing her into his arms with the quilt between them. He held her tight against him, her back to his chest. His arm rested protectively over her.

Chapter 19

A fortnight had passed since Shane spent the night holding Kate while she slept. During those weeks, Kate saw his determination, his intelligence, and his kindness.

This was a man who did not just give direction. He was in the muck with the rest of the men, working alongside as one of them. Kate had laughed, when one day after working on a particularly clogged ditch filled with debris years in the making, he returned to the castle covered in mud. He resembled a great brown owl, the whites of his eyes providing the only contrast.

“Dinna ye dare laugh,” Shane said gruffly.

Kate teased as she giggled. “M’lord, if you gave us a ‘hoot’, the picture would be complete.”

“I’ll give ye a hoot,” Shane grouched then chased after Kate.

She shrieked as she ran from him. Shane caught her and held her to him, covering her in muck. She was bowled over by the enormity of feeling passing between them. Staring into his eyes, it startled her for an instant. Then Kate blinked and the moment was gone.

Tearing her thoughts from the lighthearted moment, Kate knew she had to focus on the present. She endeavored to live up to the standard the clan had set for themselves with her work in the gardens. She listened to the various suggestions given to her by the women of the clan and added quite a few of her own. Shane often helped. He stood by her while she explained her choices and the reasons behind them. Soon the gardens were expanded.

“Darcey, I believe we have a good start to our project,” Kate said, exploring the gardens.

“Aye, that we do,” Darcey whispered in her ear. “I think they—” She pointed to the women of the clan tending to the plants and working with soil. “—are eager to jump in and do their part.”

Kate watched the women. “They seem to accept my help.”

“They are happy to see the changes the MacGregor has brought us. They are encouraged by his dedication to his family and clan. They are weary of sending their men off to war with the damn Campbells, not knowin’ who would come home and who would not. The pain of waiting for a man to return is a heavy burden.”

“Oh, dear. I can hardly imagine.” Kate put her hand over her heart, feeling their pain.

“No greater than the burden of watchin’ their children go hungry when there is not enough to eat or hearing their ragged cries. They know all the plans in the world willna stop the raiding and feuding with the Campbells and others. Tis’ the Highland way. They hope the good the MacGregor is creating will make venturing so far from our borders not as necessary as it has been in the past.”

Kate hugged Darcey tight. “I hope so, too.”

Shane and Kate, together with their enthusiasm, motivated the people of the clan to achieve a great deal much sooner than she could have hoped for. The dreams he’d shared with her were fast becoming a reality. She could see his gratitude toward his clansmen for their faith in him and their efforts to bring about his vision. Soon crops were planted in many fields, the livestock cared for, and the gardens expanded and cultivated. She shared with Shane and the clan a growing feeling of pride and accomplishment.

At night, however, Kate discovered a very different man. Each evening after dinner, Shane knocked on her door after she had retired to her room. They talked about the day’s events, discussed the progress, and planned the next day’s workload.

Shane lingered, always reluctant to go back to his own rooms. Kate knew it wasn’t proper, him being in her rooms alone but she didn’t bother with it. The time spent with him was precious. She did not want to see him leave when it was time to part. She enjoyed his company immensely and was quick to bring up a new topic to discuss. She discovered her feelings for him were more than a schoolgirl’s crush. The relationship with him did not include humiliation and pain. It was one based on mutual respect. He didn’t make rude comments as Sidney would have about her stupidity. Shane listened to her opinions and valued them. He was very serious at times. He was passionate about bringing changes to his clan and his own life. He was funny at times. He laughed with her, not at her. He cared for her comfort. He cared for her feelings.

Shane loved spending his evenings with Kate. He learned how caring and giving she was. She was smart, funny, and delightful. He was open and felt easy in her company. He enjoyed their discussions. Her questions and answers to his were compelling. They constantly evaluated and reevaluated their progress, making changes when necessary, keeping what worked.

He had not kissed her again. He had not slept in her bed again. It was a choice he wrestled with. He warred with himself, not wanting to take advantage of this beautiful but vulnerable woman before him. But soon their passions for one another boiled to the surface.

Shane rose to leave after having spent yet another pleasant evening in Kate’s company. He had said his ‘Good night’ and was off to sleep alone, once again. He strode part way to the door and was forced to turn back by his warring mind. He walked to her, a frown on his face. He reached for her hands, holding them both in his.

“Katie, I canna come in here every night and just talk to ye. I look at ye and smell yer sweet scent so close to me. I go back to my room and I canna get ye from my mind. Katie, I spend the long night wishin’ ye were in my arms.” Shane paused.

He then said quickly, “Ye canna deny the feelings developing between us. I want to hold ye so bad I canna think straight. Ye are holding my mind and ye are holding my heart.”

Kate smiled shyly and squeezed his hands. She said in a soft voice, “M’lord, I do not deny the feelings I have for you. I thought maybe . . . since you have not tried to kiss me. . . Maybe you had decided you would rather not.”

Shane saw her vulnerability in her eyes.

“The life I had before you I knew how to do. I adapted. I don’t know how to do this.” Kate gestured with her hand first at Shane and then herself. “This is new to me.”

Shane’s frown deepened. He released her hands and placed his own on either side of her face and drew her toward him, staring at her intently. He kissed her gently, his tongue exploring her mouth.

She reached up and put her hand along the back of his neck, urging him toward her. Shane placed his arm along the small of her back, compelling her to rise onto her toes, feeling the length of her body against his own. Holding her, he traced his other hand down her slender neck, marveling at the softness of her skin.

He laid his hand across her shoulder and moved down to her breast. He paused, cupping her breast, feeling the weight resting in his palm. He didn’t want to frighten her. He wanted to give her the opportunity to stop him if that was her wish but she pressed herself firmly against him, urging him on. His thumb found her nipple through the linen shirt she wore, testing and teasing it into a tight bud. Slowly he broke their kiss. He bent his head and suckled her breast, circling her nipple with his tongue. The feel of his mouth and the fabric against her skin sent his senses reeling.

His lips found hers once more. Her arms around his neck, Kate pressed against Shane’s body until his leg found its way between her thighs, taking joy in the intense pressure he found. His hard grip held her, scorching lust behind every caress, burning desire turning his body and hers hot with need. Hard. Burning. Unforgiving. Her hunger and his, urgency. His lips found hers once again.

Shane broke the kiss, her rapid breath mingling with his, nerves taut. Kate gazed intently into his eyes. Shane found her sleek neck with his lips, caressing as his hands roamed across her body, kneading her breast, finding her waist and down her hips. Kate responded.

Her hands moved to his muscular arms, holding on, her grip fierce sending warmth to his groin. He hardened and ran his hand down the length of her, holding her hard against him. He slipped his hand under her skirt to find her treasure nestled between her thighs.

His fingers slid past her curls to the velvety softness awaiting him. He thrust first one then two into the slick and swollen folds. Kate, head back, arched in his arms at his touch. Her knees buckled. Shane withdrew, plunged his fingers inside her again and again, pushing her higher and higher, faster and faster, until she splintered into her release, her cry muffled by his lips.

Shane held Kate as she found her way back down to earth. He cradled her in his arms, kissing her sweetly. He brushed her hair back from her face, her curls forever escaping their pins. He would not find his release this night. This was her time, to find her pleasure in him, to find her trust in him. Trust he would not hurt her. Trust that he would put her before himself.

Shane kissed her gently on the nose. Kate gave him a soft smile, gazing into his tender eyes. She kissed him along his jaw line and he shivered lightly. Stopping her, he cupped her face in the palm of his hand and ran his thumb along her lower lip.

“My sweet, beautiful, Katie,” he whispered. Giving her a long, languorous kiss, he set her from him.

“Good night, my love. Sleep well.” Shane open the door, gave her a lazy wink, and he was gone.

Shane went back to his room, his thoughts filled with Kate. He had wrestled with himself and reined in his desire for her. He knew she had been hurt, knew she needed to feel safe. Particularly with her own desires.

Shane didn’t know what that bastard Colquhoun had done to her. He could guess. The boy he had seen was cruel. The man he had heard about throughout the years had suggested a disposition violently destructive without scruple or restraint. Colquhoun had violated Kate. He had used her viciously. Shane didn’t doubt it.

She would not be hurt again, not by any man. He would love her slowly, gently bringing her to him. He would not let any man near her. She was his to care for and protect.

Morning dawned bright and warm. Shane slipped his hand into Kate’s as she reached the bottom of the staircase, lifting her hand to press a kiss to her delicate fingers.

Kate blushed beneath Shane’s smile as she remembered the night before.

Shane smiled, shook his head slightly, and kissed her fingertips again. They walked to the table to break their fast with the rest of the noisy clan. She caught Smithers’ eye as she crossed the hall. He smiled and nodded once in silent greeting.

Kate helped herself to some bread and cheese. She took a sip of water as she watched people eating and talking. Others were laughing.

Lost in her own musings, she was startled when a young woman asked her a question about the garden. Giving herself a shake, Kate offered her full attention.

“M’lady, the women are planning to move some of the tiny seedlings they had started into the larger gardens. Would that be agreeable to ye?”

“Yes, I think it is a fine idea. I believe they are ready, do you?”

“Aye. Did ye have plans for the workload this afternoon?”

“I do.”

They bent their heads together to lay out the plan for the day’s work.

When the woman went to tell the others of their plans, Kate could over hear Shane talking to the men as they shared their own plans. The pens for the pigs needed to be mucked out and repaired. And the heavy snow from the last winter had weakened the stable roof.

“We need to ride the fields today, Iain.”

“Aye, wouldn’t hurt to have a little look.” They continued to talk about fields and livestock.

A group of boys made their way to the laird.

“MacGregor, what can we do to help this day?” An older boy, serving as spokesman for the little band.

Kate watched, curious as to Shane’s response.

“Cook has requested fresh fish for the evening meal,” Merta announced.

Shane studied the youngster. In silent accordance, Shane’s grey eyes met bright blue ones slightly hidden by a tousle of bright red hair. The boy nodded and turned to his compatriots. Off they went, contributing with a fun-filled day of fishing.

Kate was finishing up with her meal when she spied a little girl, tears running down her face with her thumb in her mouth. The girl stood some distance away, considering her with huge blue eyes. Kate stepped off the dais and went to her knees. Opening her arms and motioning for the girl to come forward, Kate waited while she drew up her courage. After some consideration, the little girl came forward bringing her doll. Wordlessly she handed the doll to Kate, pointing out a hole in the linen with the straw poking out. She pointed to a boy across the room wrestling with his friends.

“Did the bad boy hurt your baby? ’Twasn’t very good of him.”

The little girl nodded solemnly.

“Well, we’ll just have to fix her up, won’t we?”

The girl nodded again, this time with more assertion.

Kate stood with the doll in one hand and a tiny, slightly sticky hand in the other. She walked across the hall to the kitchens to a small room she used to make teas and poultices for Seamus.

She laid the doll down carefully on the table then picked up the girl and set her on the stool.

“I think some sweet lavender will help, don’t you? Maybe a wild flower or two?”

The child nodded, her eyes wide with interest. “Will it hurt?”

“Not at all.” Kate placed several small flowers on the wound. She tore a rag into strips and wrapped a strip around the poultice of petals she had created, tying it into place and was rewarded with a brilliant smile. She helped the girl down, gave her a quick peck on the cheek, then gave the doll a peck and sent a much happier little girl on her way.

Kate returned to the hall to find Shane waiting for her. He walked up to her and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek.

“I’ll see ye this evening,” he said quietly. Then he gave her a lazy wink and strode out of the door, giving her no chance to reply.

Kate spent the day musing over her burgeoning relationship with Shane. As she helped to transplant seedlings and then later weed the gardens with the other women she thought about her feelings for him.