Dear Darling (6 page)

“It’s okay. You go. I’ll see you at the weekend?” he questioned.

“I’ll be there, love you.” I hung up and threw myself on the bed, pulling the pillow over my head.

“Hey,” Mel said from her spot on her bed. Reluctantly, I pulled the pillow away from my face and turned to look at her. “I forgot to tell you. Some bloke has been looking for you. I can’t remember his name, but he stopped me outside the hall when you were away.”

“Do you know what he looked like?”

“Um, he had on a hideous pair of tracky bottoms. That’s all I can remember.” She was never good at giving descriptions; she only ever noticed the clothes. She was going to make a great designer.

“If you see him again, let me know.” Too focused on Eli to care who may be looking for me, I put it out of my mind. I mean, besides Eli and Chris, I didn’t talk to guys at all.

We made it through those tough few months, and Eli came back to school in May. He wasn’t completely better and still had a lot of pain, but he couldn’t afford to miss any more of his courses. His tutor had given him some catch-up modules, and he was eventually back on track by Christmas. We were both due to complete our courses in June, and we had already started to plan our future. We spent many nights staring at the stars, discussing where we would live and what we would do. We planned to move to Manchester, Eli had already been offered a job at Jodrell Bank, an observatory in Cheshire, where he would get to live out his dream of working in the space science industry, and I had an interview with a local newspaper in a few weeks. It was all coming together, and I was extremely happy.

Eli’s birthday came around quickly and I had started to panic about what to get him. I’d recently come across a company where you could name a star. It was perfect so I’d decided to purchase a star for Eli, the only problem was the price. Because I had spent so much money traveling back and forth when Eli was in hospital, I was still trying to pay back my credit card. Asking my parents to borrow money was out of the question. In the end, I decided to pawn my grandmother’s wedding ring, which had been sitting all but forgotten at the bottom of my jewellery box since I was fourteen. It wasn’t a decision I came to lightly, I spent hours going back and forth with myself about pawning it, but it wasn’t like I wouldn’t be able to get it back after the new year when my finances were straightened out.

The weekend of Eli’s birthday was a long one, and he decided we should spend it at Aaron and Jodie’s house so that we could wake up together on the morning of his birthday.

“Good morning, Birthday Boy.” I stroked his messy, morning hair away from his face as his eyes fluttered open slowly. He yawned, stretching out his limbs before smiling and reaching over to cover my body with his.

“Ew, morning breath,” I said, moving my hand over my mouth.

“What if I like your morning breath?” he breathed, moving my hand and closing his mouth over mine. Kissing me deeply, I could feel his erection through my pyjama bottoms. “Can I have my pressie now?” he whispered into my ear, sending shivers through my body, igniting my core.

“You will have to wait, it’s downstairs.” I wriggled underneath him.

“I don’t mean that present. I mean you.” The light in my brain flicked on and I stopped squirming and enjoyed the feather-light kisses he was trailing up my neck. Lifting my arms, he removed my top and continued kissing all the way down my body. Goose bumps spread across my arms and to my fingers. I closed my eyes, allowing all the sensations to sweep over me.

An hour later, we made our way downstairs for breakfast. Leaving Eli to talk to Aaron and open his cards and presents, I headed off to find my bag so I could give him my present.

“Hey, look what Aaron and Jodes bought me.” He held up a brown leather briefcase with his initials inscribed into it.

“That’s lovely. You’ll look great on your first day of work.” I smiled, hiding the envelope behind my back. He placed the case on the kitchen table and tapped his knee before holding his arms wide so I could slide onto his lap. I kissed his cheek and handed him the envelope. “Happy Birthday.” He carefully lifted the flap and pulled out the card. His eyes grew wider as he read the words, informing him of his named star.

“Oh, wow, Saff. You find the best presents. This is so cool. Thank you so much.” He passed a confused Aaron the card and turned me into his arms to hug me tightly. Pushing his lips to mine, he kissed me deeply.

“You’re welcome.” I loved the look on his face. Making him happy is what I lived for, and right at that moment, I had succeeded.

Eli had offered to babysit while Jodie and Aaron went out for the evening. Even though it was his birthday, he was still thinking of others. They hadn’t had a night out together for such a long time, and Eli was happy to spend the night in snuggled in front of the television.

I read George a story, his eyes fluttering closed with every word. As soon as he was fast asleep, I snuck out of his room as quiet as a mouse and headed downstairs.

When I entered the sitting room, the fire was going and every spare surface was covered in lit candles. I paused in the doorway and turned my attention from the glow dancing on the walls to Eli. He stood to the left of the fire with his back turned to me. I could see the tension in his posture as his hand moved through his hair, lingering on top of his head as he took a sip from the glass in his other hand. He hadn’t heard me come downstairs, so I watched him quietly for a few more seconds. He mumbled something under his breath and then quickly turned around. His focus lingered on me, transfixing me, capturing me.

His eyes quickly flashed from me to the coffee table, and it was then that I noticed the small black velvet box sitting on top of it. My heart leapt into my mouth. Words escaped me. He placed his glass of whiskey on the table and picked up the box. He pulled his ear nervously and then looked at the floor as if pondering the mysteries of the universe. Then, between one stuttered heart beat and the next, he carefully lowered to one knee. He tried not to show the pain flickering across his face, but I noticed it immediately and reached out to him. He held up his hand to let me know he was okay.

My legs turned to jelly and my stomach fluttered like a million tiny butterflies had become trapped inside me. My legs shook, trembling with nerves and excitement as I watched him open the box. I didn’t know how I managed it, but I took three steps forward.

“Saffron, I loved you from the first moment I saw you. I knew at that time that there would never be another person for me. You’re my light on the dark side of the moon. You’re my shooting star, my burning sun. You make my life complete, and I want to make you happy for the rest of your life. Marry me?” I could feel the salty tears trickle down my cheeks with every word he spoke. We were both still so young, but I knew that I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I had always known from the moment I saw him that I would one day marry him. There was no reason for us not to do this.

“Yes, of course I’ll marry you!” My heart melted as his face lit up with pure happiness. His smile was wider than I’d ever seen it, his eyes sparkled in the light, and his hands wavered as he took hold of mine.

“Thank you. You’ve made me the happiest man in the world and given me the best birthday present I could ever wish for.” He slipped the ring on my finger, and my breath caught in my chest. It was my grandmother’s ring.

“How? What? Where did you get this?”

“Mel told me that you pawned it and then stole the slip from your purse when you weren’t looking so I could get it back.” He smirked deviously. “I’m so sorry that you had to do that. I didn’t think about how much it cost for you to come to see me all those times. I will pay your credit cards off too.” I was shocked that Mel had done this, but also thankful.

“You don’t have to, I’m managing.”

“Hey, you’re going to be my wife, they are my responsibility too now.” He kissed me deeply, passionately, and I melted into his embrace. His hands found the hem of my dress and as he pulled it up, I lifted my arms so he could remove it completely. The heat from the fire flamed my skin as he reached around to take my bra off, all the while kissing my neck and sending shivers down my spine. Eternal were singing “I Am Blessed” over the radio as he laid me on the soft rug in front of the fire. He kissed all the way along my collarbone and then towards my heaving breasts, tasting every inch of skin as if it were the first time all over again. Taking the nub into his mouth, he twirled his tongue around, sending shivers through my body to my throbbing sex. He carefully and gently kissed a trail all the way down my stomach, stopping below my belly button where he ran kisses from one hip to the other. When he looked at me, my breathing stopped completely.

“I want to put a baby in there,” he said, his expression serious. I had never thought about babies until I’d spent time with George. Motherhood was something I now dreamed of. Everything in my life was changing, my path had taken a different direction, but it was a direction I was looking forward to taking.

Eli removed my knickers, cupping my sex gently and sweeping his fingers against me as he kissed his way back up my body to my waiting lips. His face hovered over me, the smell of soft mint and bourbon mixed together was strangely enticing. My hands found his hair and I pulled him towards my waiting lips. The tender and gentle Eli disappeared in those moments as raw passion swept over us. He took my mouth roughly, tasting every part of me, and I him. He stood briefly to take off his clothes, and I watched, admiring his toned, scarred body. He was pure man and all mine.

Our sweat covered bodies entwined round one another as we explored each other. His tongue tasted every inch of me, exploring places no one else would ever see. Those places were for Eli and Eli alone. As he entered me, filling me until there was no room left, I closed my eyes and locked my ankles around behind his hips. He made me feel like the luckiest woman in the world, and I was.

My body started to tense, a feeling inside that was now so familiar began to build. Eli’s tongue swept across my neck.

“I love you, Saffron. All of you,” he whispered, as an orgasm exploded through me. He quickened his pace as it ripped me apart and as I came down from my blissful state, I felt his thrusts falter, and then he stilled deep inside me, letting out a low, guttural moan before collapsing on top of me.

“I love you, too. All of you.” I whispered, my eyes fluttering closed with exhaustion. We moved from the warm glow of the fire to our room and crawled under the blankets. When he had my body tucked tightly against his again, he kissed my temple, whispered he loved me, and we both drifted into a peaceful sleep.

The night that you asked me to be your wife is probably one of my most special memories. As I look at my grandmother’s ring next to my own wedding band, it brings back all those fantastic memories. Our wedding was wonderful. I always dreamed of having the perfect fairy tale wedding. I wanted to be a princess, but you made me feel like your queen. I’ll never forget the moment I became Mrs Elias Vale.

Fear and excitement flowed through my body as I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my hotel room and watched Mel mess with the hem of my dress. My now short brown hair had been curled at the ends and small strands were pulled back with a diamond-encrusted clip. My mum had hired one of her friends to do my make-up and I looked stunning. My bottom lip trembled. Mel was a genius. At first I was scared when she said, “Don’t worry about the dress, I have the perfect idea.” Even though I had trusted her, there was this little voice in the back of my head that was terrified I would look like a meringue. I should have never second-guessed her. Every stich was perfect, and the smooth fabric hugged my figure in all the right ways. The bodice was intricately embroidered with tiny pearls and sequins and flowed into the most beautiful full train I had ever seen, which seemed to go on forever. It was so long that my bridesmaids, who also wore dresses designed by Mel, would have to help me down the aisle.

“Stop shaking, I can’t get the underskirt right,” Mel complained below me. I couldn’t help it; the nerves were getting the better of me. I wanted to become Mrs Elias Vale more than anything in the world, but I couldn’t stop my body from twitching.

“You look beautiful, doesn’t she, Eleanor?” my dad said to my mum as he entered the room. I looked at him through the refection in the mirror in time to see him inconspicuously wipe his eyes.

“She looks radiant.”

“Thank you.” I beamed at my weeping father.

“All done,” Mel announced as she stood. I stepped carefully off the box that I’d been standing on for the last twenty minutes and stretched my aching legs.

“We have ten minutes, darling. Do you have everything you need?”

“As long as I have Eli, I have everything I’ll ever need.” My mother placed a hand against her chest, smiling at my father. Mel rolled her eyes at all the emotion, but I could see the truth in her eyes. She wanted what Eli and I had, but not in a jealous catty way.

“I’ll go and gather the rest of the bridesmaids,” Mel said, coming towards me. She flung her arms around me, pulling me in tightly to her ample chest. “I’ll see you out there,” she whispered into my ear.

“Thank you so much for everything, Mel. I love you.” I could feel the tears start to build. “Now, go, before you mess up my make-up.” I motioned for her to leave the room.

“Love ya, chick.” She grinned before heading out of the door.

“I’ll go and make sure the registrar is ready. The room looks beautiful.” My mother had wanted us to get married at the church, but Eli wasn’t religious and preferred to get married somewhere else. I didn’t care either way, so here we were getting married in a beautiful hotel in Cheshire.

“Thanks, Mum. I love you,” I said as I gave her one last hug before she left. Pulling away she blew me a kiss before she turned out of the doorway. Then it was my father and me.

“I’m so proud of you, princess. You look so beautiful. I can’t believe my little girl is a woman.” There was a gleam in his eye, and I had to dab my eyes to avoid having my mascara run.

“Don’t make me cry, Daddy. You know you’ll always be my favourite man,” I said choking back the sob that threatened. He held out his hand, and I took it so he could pull me into a hug. It was familiar and he smelled like every childhood hug I had ever had. Aftershave and peppermint would always remind me of my father. I took a deep breath and let him go.

“Let’s go before Eli changes his mind.” I laughed at the joke. There was nowhere on this earth that Eli would rather be today, and he had told me so over and over again last night as we made love. My father, still looking as if he were going to cry, took my hand and walked me out to meet my future husband.

My bridesmaids, Jodie, my cousin Marian, and my matron of honour, Mel, all gathered around me, messing with the dress. The doors were closed, but I could hear the sound of chattering coming from the room behind it. Taking several deep breaths, I linked my arm into my father’s as the sound of “Glory of Love” by Peter Cetera flooded the room. Mel walked out first, leaving Jodie and Marian to carry my train. As soon as I walked through the thick double doors, I found Eli’s eyes. Everything else disappeared as I stared into those chocolate-brown pools.

He beamed the most beautiful smile when he saw me, and it took every ounce of restraint I had in me not to sprint down the aisle to him. Aaron stood next to him, and Chris was next to Aaron. When my father and I reached the registrar, my heart pounded furiously with excitement.

“Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” the registrar said, forcing my attention from the man I love.

“Her mother and I do.” My father’s voice was strong and confident as he turned to look at me. The smile he gave me was brilliant and unlike in the dressing room, he didn’t try to hide the tear that fell.

“I love you so much.” His voice broke as he looked me in the eyes and then kissed my cheek.

I kissed him back and told him. “I love you, too, Daddy. Forever.” He placed my hand inside Eli’s and took his seat next to my mum, who was crying uncontrollably. I held on to Eli’s hands throughout the entire ceremony. I didn’t even hear half of what the registrar said. It wasn’t until Eli let go of my hand that I was snapped from his gaze. He pulled a crinkled piece of paper from his jacket pocket, and I eyed him suspiciously. Then he cleared his throat and spoke the most beautiful words I’d ever heard.

“Saffy, I promise to love you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live, but I want to promise you even more than that. I promise to always treat you like the queen you are. I promise to light up your world forever so there will never be a dark side. I promise to be your Earth, moon, and sun for as long as we’re both on this planet. I promise to listen to you when you talk, to help you when you ask, to wipe your tears when you cry, and to hold you as you fall asleep in my arms. I promise that I will support you and encourage you in anything you wish to do, and I promise to do this with a loving heart and open mind. You are my morning, noon, and night, and I promise that I will love you, unconditionally, forever.” I could hear sobs from behind me as my mother cried with joy.

Wow! What does one say to that? I didn’t know that we were writing our own vows, no one had told me. It was so typical of Eli to surprise me. There was only one thing I could do to surprise him. Originally, I was going to wait until we were alone but I was already too excited. Taking a deep breath and with shaking legs and tears filling my eyes, I said,

“Elias, from the very first moment I saw you I knew that one day I would be standing here making these vows. There was never anyone else, and there never will be. You’re my sunlight in every photo, my start of every sentence, and I promise to always love you.” He smiled at me as I paused, and the registrar opened his mouth to continue the ceremony. Holding up my hand to stop him, I gripped Eli’s hand tighter. “I will always love you, but I need to take a little piece of my heart and give it to someone else.” His eyebrows creased in confusion, and I heard mumbled voices behind me from the crowd. “I need to share it with our son or daughter.” My mother let out a sound that I could never describe as Elias smiled widely and scooped me up, swinging me from side to side.

“You’re pregnant?” I had missed my period the week before and decided it was time to do a test yesterday. I had sat in the bathroom praying that it was positive. I’d planned to present the stick to him on the wedding night but after hearing those words I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“I am,” I replied with the biggest grin on my bright red lips.

“Holy shit, I’m gonna be a dad!” He pumped his fist into the air and jumped up and down before turning back to the registrar. “Can we hurry this shit on, I need to kiss my new wife.” I giggled as we exchanged the rings and were pronounced man and wife. Eli dipped me low, kissing me deeply as people cheered and whooped behind us.

* * *

Eli drew circles on my naked stomach as we lay
in bed that night. We had booked in to Forest Farm, and even had the same room we stayed in during our first time.

“Did you enjoy the party?” He asked, my legs still trembling from the orgasm he’d just given me.

“It was perfect. The best day of my life.” He leaned over and kissed my smiling lips.

“I can make it even better,” he murmured against my lips.

“You want to go again?”

“I want to spend as much time inside my wife as possible.” I could feel the smile spread against his lips as he trailed kisses along my neck and collarbone.

“I think that’s a great idea.” Grabbing his hips, I pulled him on top of me. “Husband of mine,” I whispered as he pushed himself inside of me for the second time as husband and wife.

The next morning, we packed our bags and headed to the airport.

“So, are you going to tell me where we are going?” I asked after we were both settled into the taxi.

“Okay, I think you’ve earned it. We’re heading to . . .” He paused, grinning at me the whole time as I sat willing him to tell me. “Barbados.”

“Oh wow. Really? Seriously?” Bouncing up and down on my seat, I couldn’t stop the excitement that flowed through me. A whole week in Barbados just me and Eli. I was too excited.

“Yep, all that sun, sea, sand and… you know.” He winked, and I blushed the colour of the sweater I was wearing.

“How long is the plane ride?” A thought popped into my mind as a wave of nausea flipped my stomach.

“Are you okay?” His eyebrows knitted together in a worried frown.

“Yeah, it’s just morning sickness. I hope the trip isn’t too bad.”

“Oh, I hadn’t thought about it . . .” he trailed off.

“Hey, it’s okay. You didn’t know, and I’ll be fine in a few minutes. We’ll nip and get some boiled sweets from the duty free.” I smiled widely, trying to reassure him that everything was perfect.

It turned out that my worry was for nothing, and the plane ride went smoothly. By the time we landed, it was dark and both Eli and I were exhausted, but we made it. The humid air clung to my body like dew on a blade of grass, and I pulled off the sweater I’d been wearing and threw it into my carry-on bag.

“Come on, let’s go find the hotel, wife.”

“Okay, husband.”

We spent a lot of time on the beach outside the hotel, sitting on the loungers, reading, and chatting about everything and nothing. We would sit outside in the evening gazing at the sky. Eli loved that there were barely any clouds at night and spent countless hours pointing out constellations and telling me stories about how they were named.

“Did you know that you can only see around a thousand stars right now? All those songs and poems you read about a million stars are false.” He turned to me and winked.

“I love the passion you have in your voice when you talk about the sky. It’s one of the reasons why I love you so much.” He stood and moved towards me before crouching and laying his head against my stomach. He had been talking to my stomach for the last few days, telling the tiny baby inside me all about space.

“Do you know how much I love you already?” he said with a quiver in his tone. It was quiet on the beach, and it was as if the waves themselves hushed so that they could listen to his whispered words as well. “My sperm donor was a bastard. I will never do those things to you, I swear.” I stilled. Not because he had cussed when talking to our unborn child, but because this was the first time he had ever mentioned his father.

“Please tell me what happened,” I said quietly, stroking his dark, silky hair as his head rested on my belly. I felt him shiver and then sniff as he moved his head and sat up.

“My father was a nasty drunk for as long as I can remember. My mum loved him fiercely, so she would let him get away with his bad moods and temper. He would often come home drunk and take it out on Aaron and me. He never once hit my mother or my sister, Shelley. I think that’s why she stayed, because he never touched her. She once said that it was because we needed to learn to be men. ‘A good slap never did anyone any harm,’ she’d say, ‘It’ll toughen you up for the future.’” He looked away from me and back to the sky, and I waited. I didn’t pressure him; I gave him the time he needed.