Dearest Series Boxed Set (37 page)

W
hen I see
my sister in the stands, I jog over, but I almost stumble when I realize who she brought. Dani is wearing the letter X across her snug-fitting shirt.

I turn back to my sister. “Shit. You went all out. You haven’t done the t-shirts since high school.”

After our “heart-to-heart” last week, I was sure Clem wanted to murder me in my sleep, so I was more than surprised when she called a few days ago and asked for tickets to my game. She told me she wanted to move forward, that she wanted me in her life. I can’t even express what that meant to me.

Clem reaches over to give me a hug. “It’s my way of making up for missing so many games this season.”

The girls are wearing the letters that spell my name, but I’m only drawn to one. “X marks the spot.” I don’t intend to say those words out loud, but I do.

My sister’s eyes follow mine, and I realize she sees me staring at Dani, who is talking quietly with Jenna.

Clem nudges me. “No, Jax.”

I get the message. Off limits. I want to tell my sister that I know, that I remember what happened the last time, but I don’t.

But damn it, Dani looks good. Fresh-faced, wide-eyed, laughing with her friend.

I half listen to my sister talk about my game, and as I’m about to head back to the field, she punches me lightly. “Go kick some ass, Apple Jacks.”

I smile and then look up into the stands. I don’t know why I look. Nothing ever changes. My mother never comes. You’d think it wouldn’t bother me anymore, but it does. This is the game I play. I pretend to still be her son, return her calls, see her when she beckons, and the bills get paid. Yeah, there’s a lot of love. Part of me doesn’t understand why my sister couldn’t do the same thing—do things my mother’s way—but the other part respects the shit out of her for cutting the cords.

As I run back, I swear I can feel Dani’s eyes on me. Either that or I’m turning into a fucking nutcase. She wouldn’t even look at me when I was standing two feet away, so I don’t know why she’d be staring now.

One thing is for sure, though. Having Dani in the stands makes me play like my life depends on it. I score two goals, including the game winner. My coach is pleased as a fucking peach when I walk up to the bench.

“Son, good game. I liked the fire I saw in you.” He pats me on the back and leans toward me like he wants to impart some kind of parental advice. “You’re an amazing athlete and my best forward, but you’ve been missing that spark. You had it today. Keep it up. Don’t let anything distract you.”

The way he says that gets under my skin. I want to tell him that I’m not the screwup he thinks I am, but it’s not worth it. But he’s right that something’s been missing. I don’t know if it’s because my sister and I have cleared the air or the fact that her roommate came, but today I cared, and I haven’t cared about anything in a long time.

My roommate Nick joins me on the walk back to the locker room. “I forgot how hot your sister is.”

I turn to him, and in all seriousness, want to threaten every bone in his body. “She’s off limits, dickhead.”

He smirks and punches me in the arm. “I know. But how about her friends? Damn, they’re gorgeous, especially that one with the pink in her hair. You know how I love those BU girls.”

That doesn’t make me feel any better.

I shoot him a dirty look. I know he’s just jerking my chain, but I’m still pissed about it. My sunny disposition takes another nosedive later that day when Daren stops by my condo.

“I need to talk to her,” he says gruffly.

I don’t need to ask who. I know he saw my sister in the stands today.

“Do you really want to do this?” He just got engaged to my sister’s former best friend, and now he wants to talk to Clementine? “I think she has a boyfriend now. Some guy named Gavin.”

“Yeah, I met him. He looked like he wanted to punch me.”

My head jerks toward Daren. “When did this happen?”

“At your game during half time.” He smirks. “He didn’t look excited when I hugged her. Either time.”

I bark out a laugh. “You’ve got balls, brother. I should deck you for him.”

“Yeah, but you won’t. I don’t want to make the moves on her. I’ve put her through enough shit. But I need to apologize. I never manned up to her and said what needed to be said, and when I saw her today, that all came crashing back to me.” He wipes his hands on his jeans. “Jax, I miss her. She was always there for me, and I fucked up, royally. But I know you two haven’t been the same since I screwed up. That’s not fair to you guys.”

I walk toward the window and pull back the curtain.

“What are you doing, Jax?”

My head turns up toward the sky. “Checking to see if pigs are flying since it looks like you got your head out of your ass.” I duck because I know what’s coming. The pillow whizzes past my head, and I laugh. “You’re losing your touch, Heisman.”

A
s I finish putting
out the snacks on our coffee table, I decide I have to ask.

“Do you think she’s ready for this?”

Jenna gets a mischievous smile on her face and winks. “Too bad if she’s not. Clem’s been holed up for weeks, and it’s time to live a little.” Then she leans closer to me. “This is why she loves me. I push her. Trust me. She needs pushing.”

“You know her better than I do, but if she knocks you over the head with a dildo, I’m out of here.”

Jenna laughs. “She’s going to have a great time. Besides, Gavin will thank us for keeping his girl fully stocked.”

I can admit that Clem might need a little pick-me-up, but I’m not sure this is the way to go about it. The coffee table is littered in neon-colored phallic objects. The vendor has spread out an assortment of toys that looks like candy-flavored sin. I’m pretty sure Clem is going to have a heart attack when she sees this.

The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of bizarro drama.

Clem’s dirtbag professor who stalked her a few years ago was at it again. Fortunately, the asshole is behind bars now. She’s even worked out things with Daren, who looks at her like she walks on water. It’s funny to see Clem with her little entourage of hot guys. Between Gavin, Daren and Jax, she’s the envy of every girl on campus, not that she’s the kind of person to care about things like that.

Of course, this means I see Jax constantly. Now that he and his sister have worked through their issues, I swear he’s always over here hanging out.

We continue to have painfully awkward conversations that generally end with me ducking into my room. It would be so much easier if I could disconnect from my attraction to him, but my body wants him the way a diabetic lusts for fudge. I swear his pheromones must be super charged because if he’s in the room, my follicles stand on end like he’s magnetized.

I know Clem appreciates that she’s close with her brother again, but it makes it pretty damn hard to forget about him.

It’s sweet to watch them together. They’re always giving each other shit, but they never push too far. It makes me ache to see my mom.

I’m lost in thoughts about Chicago when a gasp makes me turn my head.

“What the fuck is this?” The horror on Clem’s face makes me laugh.

“You’re early!” Jenna pulls her through the front door. “We’re having a sex toy party. Girls only of course. And Travis.” She winks at me. “People are getting here in about twenty minutes.” Jenna turns Clem toward her bedroom and sends her off to change with a pat on the ass.

“You can get her to do anything,” I muse. “You’re the Clementine whisperer.”

Jenna snorts as she reaches for her phone. “I have to get her in the right frame of mind. Time for a few rounds of Out-Skank.”

Out-Skank is Jenna’s sexting game. The winner usually gets a free dinner or a drink the next time we go out. I’m guessing tonight’s winner will get something from the coffee table of sin.

She shows me the text she sends Clem:
“I want to rub your nub, baby.”

A minute later, I hear laughter coming from Clem’s room. She writes back:
“I want to waggle your man meat.”

Jenna and I giggle, and she hands me her phone to respond. I write,
“Waggle me in your hot muff and tell me some slut smut.”

We erupt in laughter, and Clem walks out ready to join the party. For the first time since I met her this fall, she’s all smiles and laughter. Wow. Clementine actually giggles. I didn’t know she was capable of making that sound.

When the party gets started, I can’t help but blush when Denise, the sex toy consultant, demonstrates how to use the various instruments. One rotates, another vibrates and whirrs, the purple one strokes one spot and the pink one gyrates the other. For the life of me, I had no clue that women had so many erogenous zones to manipulate.

I pick up a small jar of Nipple Nibbler balm.

“That’s one of my biggest sellers,” Denise says, pointing to the item in my hand. “It plumps the nipple and makes it tingle with a lovely warming agent. It tastes like cinnamon and doubles as a fabulous lip gloss that makes your lips look fuller.”

Jenna practically knocks me over reaching for it. “I want one! Ryan is going to love this. Does it come in a jumbo container?”

All the girls laugh. Jenna and Ryan’s sex life is legendary. I’ve accidentally walked in on them twice. Both times I was pretty sure their positions were threatening the laws of gravity.

Travis leans over Jenna and grabs the container and twists open the lid so he can take a whiff.

“Hmm. Yummy.” He cocks an eyebrow. “So, uh, can this stuff nibble other stuff? Like, if it ends up on my junk, it won’t hurt my Balzac or anything, right?” Leave it to Travis to refer to his man parts by referencing a French author.

I have to hand it to Denise. She doesn’t blush at his question, instead kneeling in front of Travis to assure him that this is an all-purpose balm.

Fortunately, the orders are done privately in one of the bedrooms. I decide to splurge on a purple vibrator and a pink rabbit thingy that stimulates the nubbin. In the gift bag, I also get a complimentary Nipple Nibbler balm and a little ring made of this green stretchy plastic that reminds me of a giant gummy bear.

When I’m done ordering, I walk back into the living room and grab a seat next to Jenna. I pull out the green ring and lean over to her, whispering, “What’s this for?”

“Omigod! How cute! A cock ring. What a great stocking stuffer!”

I look at Clem. She looks at me. And while we both turn deep shades of crimson, everyone laughs.

R
yan
and I are sprawled out on my couch playing
Grand Theft Auto
.

“So did Jenna throw you to the dogs tonight?” I screech the convertible through a busy intersection, avoiding a near-collision.

“No.” Ryan snickers, and I turn my head long enough to see the wicked grin on his face. “She and Dani are throwing a sex toy party.”

The controller slips out of my hand, clattering on the floor.

He shakes his eyebrows at me. “It’s like a tupperware party but with vibrators and shit.”

The thought of Dani and sex toys makes my dick hard. Okay, this might have something to do with the fact that I’ve been damn near celibate all semester with a few minor exceptions, but the last time I tried hooking up with a girl, I accidentally called her Danielle, and she threw her shoe at me. I’m tired of being with other girls and thinking about her. Dani barely acknowledges my existence, but here I sit with a raging hard-on for her.

I’ve never pined over a girl. I need to get my shit together.

My hand dips to grab the controller, and Ryan laughs. “Apparently, Jenna wanted to cheer up your sister.”

Uh, yeah, the boner is gone. “Shut the fuck up, asshole.”

“She’s been through a lot.”

I shoot him a dirty look. No one needs to tell me that.

He says, “Jenna is on a crusade to cheer up Clem. She was thinking we could all go rock climbing this weekend. You wanna come?”

“Yeah. Count me in, but no more talk about sex toys.”

Ryan slaps me on the arm in agreement and resumes the game.

By Saturday afternoon, the temperature has dropped. I froze my balls off this morning during our game, but we won. I probably shouldn’t be rock climbing. My coach would have a fit if I got injured, but the promise of seeing Dani is all the encouragement I need. When I pull up to the park, I immediately spot my friends and jog over to the climbing wall. I sign the little “I won’t sue you if I die” waiver and leave my ID with the attendant.

Jenna, Ryan, Clem and her boyfriend Gavin are huddled next to the wall as they wait for their turn to climb. I hug my sister, making a point to scruff her hair.

“Hey, loser.” She grabs my arm. “Did you win this morning?”

“Of course.”

“Sorry I had to work. I wanted to see you play.”

A lot of people might say things like this, but she means it. I can’t count how many of my games Clem has attended over the years.

I give Jenna a hug and then shoot the shit with the guys.

The roar of a motorcycle behind us gets my attention, and I turn to see Dani hop off the back of the bike. The guy she’s with is pretty built, and he looks older, maybe mid-twenties.

I’m pissed, but I tell myself that she can do whatever she wants. She’s not mine, and I have no reason to be jealous.

“Hey, guys,” Jenna chirps, her perkiness getting on my nerves.

“Hi.” Dani walks up with that guy. Her nose is red from the cold, and her cheeks are pink. Goddamn it. She’s beautiful. When she sees me, she smiles, but there’s something sad in her eyes that digs into me. “This is Brady.” She turns to him. “I think you’ve met Jenna and Clem, but this is Jenna’s boyfriend Ryan, and this is Clem’s brother Jax.”

I don’t know why, but hearing her say my name does weird things to my chest. Brady nods, and I nod back.

“How did your econ presentation go?” she asks me, her eyes peering out beneath long lashes.

I can’t believe she remembers that. I mentioned it last weekend when I was hanging with Clem and Gavin.

“I survived. Barely.” It wasn’t my best work, but I eked it out.

There’s that smile again, and for a second I forget that we’re with all of our friends. Her date moves closer to her like he’s staking his claim, and she turns her attention to him.

We all stand around for a while, and I try to keep my back to them to avoid feeling like a jealous lunatic, but after a while, I can’t resist. Brady has Dani curled up into his side like he’s trying to keep her warm. My first reaction is to rip his head off his body. They’re joking around, talking quietly, and the next thing I know, she’s stepping away laughing.

“If I fall, it’s your fault,” she tells him. Dani tucks her sweatshirt into her jeans, re-ties her ponytail, does a handstand and starts walking around upside down. After a minute, she flips onto her feet, and we all clap. She laughs, and the light in her eyes threatens to kick me on my ass.

“What else can you do?” Jenna asks.

Dani shrugs. “Almost any gymnastics move, really. I can still flip and do all the mat routines. It’s the bar that always did me in. I have a hard time finding my balance up there. I guess I get scared easily.” Her eyes catch mine before they dart away.

“That was amazing, hot stuff,” Brady tells her, pulling her into a hug. She rolls her eyes and hugs him back. Her phone buzzes, and she pulls it out of her back pocket.

“That’s Travis. Can we stop by his place on our way back?” she asks Brady as she stares at the screen.

“Sure. He still owes me from that poker game.”

“I can’t believe you hustled him.” She shoves him playfully, and he laughs. They’re clearly close, but he hasn’t kissed her, so I’m not sure they’re official. Something about that gives me a glimmer of hope, which is stupid because I shouldn’t be trying to put the moves on my sister’s roommate.

Ryan bumps me with his elbow. “She’s a sweetheart.” He says it under his breath so I’m the only one who hears. When I don’t say anything, he murmurs, “They just started going out a few weeks ago. I don’t think they’re serious.” I nod like I don’t care, but he won’t drop it. “Jenna says she’s super loyal and has become a good friend to your sister.”

That right there is what I need to remember. That I shouldn’t mess with my sister’s friend. Clem’s been through enough bullshit. The last thing she needs is for me to break her roommate’s heart.

As Ryan moves up to strap into his climbing gear, my eyes drift back to Dani. She’s standing a few feet away, and when she points another glance in my direction, gravity shifts beneath my feet.

“You okay, man?” Gavin asks. He stands there studying me, and I mask whatever emotion just threatened to choke me.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Thinking about all the shit I need to do before school is out on Wednesday for Thanksgiving.”

He nods, and his eyes drift toward my sister who is staring at him with a lovesick grin plastered on her face. It’s weird to see her with a boyfriend.

Even though she and Daren dated most of their senior year of high school, I never saw them get mushy. I never knew if they felt weird around me or if that’s how they were. Seeing her with Gavin, though, I can tell he’s different somehow. Just… more.

“Do you mind that I’m stealing Clementine for Thanksgiving?” he asks quietly as we watch Jenna scale the wall.

“Not at all. I’m going skiing in Maine, so I’m glad she’ll be with you.” It’s kind of a relief that he’s looking out for her. Someone needs to. My parents sure as hell don’t.

I’m still pissed at my dad. I had just talked Clem into meeting with him for coffee when he texts about a “European acquisitions SNAFU” he has to “untangle.” I could fucking punch him in the nutsack for bailing on her. But when I broke the news to Clem this morning, she didn’t sound surprised.

I turn to face Gavin. “So… meeting the family?” I’m not surprised he’s taking this step, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about the whole thing. I don’t want my sister to have to deal with anymore disappointment.

Gavin takes a deep breath, the weight of what I’m really asking evident in the sudden tension in his face. “I love her. I want her to meet the people who are the most important to me.”

I cough, uneasy for some reason. I lean toward him. “That’s nice and all, but if you break her heart, I’ll beat your ass.”

He laughs and nods like he’s on board with my plan. “No worries, man. She’s it for me.”

Part of me, the suspicious part, wants to run a background and credit check on the guy, but that sounds too much like my mother, a thought that chills me. The other part of me, the sane part, knows he worships my sister.

He’d fucking better.

Dani’s voice catches my attention as she talks to that guy Brady.

“I don’t know.” She looks up at him shyly. “I’ve never done anything like that before.”

Brady nods. “Travis says you can put it on your list, whatever that is.” He tosses his arm around her, and my gut hurts.

She covers her face. “He told you about that?”

Now I’m curious.

“It’s art, Dani. Relax. But you don’t have to be naked if you don’t want.”

That really fucking gets my attention.

Jenna is rappelling down the wall and yells, “Who’s getting naked?”

Dani pushes Brady’s arm off her shoulder and yells back, “No one. No one is getting naked.” She realizes we’re all staring, and she sighs. “Travis wants me to model for some nudes he has to do for class, but we’re talking
Playboy
nudity, not
Hustler
nudity.”

“There’s nothing wrong with
Hustler
nudity,” Ryan says under his breath, making me bristle.

“I bet you’d look beautiful, Dani.” Jenna wiggles out of her climbing gear and beelines it to her roommate. “Brady, are you doing nudes too, handsome?” Jenna looks over to Ryan and winks. He laughs like he doesn’t care. I don’t get those two. They never seem jealous. Must be nice.

Brady grins back, and that sick feeling in my stomach returns. “Travis wants to contrast my tattoos with Dani’s bare skin. She has that one tat I did on her back, but she’d still make a great canvas.”

I get several things from this conversation.

One, he inked Dani’s tattoo. I saw it the other day when she ran out to do the laundry and was wearing an off-the-shoulder shirt. I think it’s some kind of star.

Two, I’m guessing to contrast Brady’s tats with her skin, they’re going to have to be close or touching. Naked. Judging from his expression, he’d like this.

And three, I definitely want to beat his ass.

Just as I’m thinking I should talk to her, get her attention away from this guy, someone yells my name.

“Jax! Oh my God!” A curvy blonde bounds toward me and throws her arms around my neck like she hasn’t seen me in years. I turn my head just in time so she ends up kissing my cheek instead of my mouth.

As she starts to pull away a little, I’m well aware that my friends are watching this with interest. Except Dani, who has her back to me. But Brady is watching.

“Hi, doll,” I say uneasily. That’s right. Doll. Because I can’t remember her name.

“It’s been too long, Jax. What, since spring break, right?” The girl’s arms are still wrapped around my neck.

“Yeah, I guess.” She’s pretty in a been-there-done-that sort of way.

A brunette calls out to the blonde, “Jasmine! There you are…” A smile creeps on this other girl’s face. “Wow. Jax.”

Shit. This can’t be good.

But it gets worse when the second girl strolls over and places her lips on mine despite the fact that her friend Jasmine is wrapped around my body.

Then it dawns on me.
Cancun.

Last spring, the soccer team and a few BC soccer groupies headed down for a tropical getaway.
Jasmine and Judi. They annoyed the fuck out of me by saying “J-squared” all night like they were some elusive mathematical equation.

“Jax, you naughty boy, you got away without giving us your number,” one quips.

Yeah, just the way I like it.

I’m about to blow them off when I catch Brady and Dani out of the corner of my eye. He has his arms around her and is whispering in her ear. She nods slowly, glances at me, and burrows herself back into him before he kisses the top of her head.

Jealousy eats through me like a worm. So what do I do? Embrace my inner asshole.

Reaching around so one chick is tucked under each of my arms, I gear up to put on a show. “My apologies, girls. Nick told me he had your numbers. What are you doing over Thanksgiving? The guys and I are going skiing. Wanna come?”

Jasmine purrs into my ear, “Yes, I want to
come
.”

Someone snorts behind us, and when I look up, I see Clementine shooting daggers at the girls before she sticks her finger in her throat to pretend like she’s puking.

I laugh, but it lacks enthusiasm.

After we exchange numbers and the J-squared duo leaves, my sister grabs my arm. “What is wrong with you? You’re going to catch something from those girls. Did someone drop you on your head as an infant?”

“You can’t blame a guy when that falls into his lap.”

Clem shakes her head at me. “Why can’t you date a nice girl? Perhaps someone who doesn’t announce wanting a three-way like she’s ringing a dinner bell?”

That’s easy. My eyes connect with Dani, who’s strapping into her gear and getting ready to climb. “Nice girls have the good sense to stay away from me.”