Death of Cupids (The Blood of Cupids MC) (3 page)

Ryan

“But that’s where I live.  I never left
Philadelphia.”

She might as well had just told me that I was the sole
reason she left in the first place, that she took one look at me and thought
I
could do better. 
When Grace had left me alone with my thoughts in our
bedroom, I truly believed I was going to lose my mind.  After all this
time, was she really here?  This time, would she stay?  Even after I
had given up hope that my mother would return, I never stopped imagining our
reunion.

I imagined running into her at my track meet in middle
school.  She was riddled with guilt for leaving and admitted that she
would sneak into all my sporting events just to watch me win.  I imagined
seeing her at the movies where my girlfriend, Jessica, and I would go every Friday
night when we were eleven just to sit in the last row and make out.  She
would pull me aside, point her finger in my face, and tell me that was no way
to treat a lady.  Then I’d roll my eyes as I was given the
birds and
the bees
talk.  I imagined looking up in the stands at graduation and
seeing her smiling face among the crowd.  She was so proud of me and so
disappointed in herself for missing so many years with her son.  We’d then
sneak off to a diner and catch up over milkshakes and apple pie.  By the
end of the night, it would be as though she had never left.

But she did leave.  And she never came back.  Pops
was at all my track meets, cheering me on and taking me out for celebratory
sundaes afterwards.  Pops was the one who warned me that girls like
Jessica were fun in high school, but there was something so much better out
there, and I should never stop looking for her.  Pops taught me about sex,
but he also taught me about love.  Pops was the one sitting in the stands
at graduation and the one who then took me out for milkshakes and apple pie
while we stared in awe at my diploma.  Pops had always been there for me,
and now, with my long lost mother sitting in my living room, I realized how
much I really missed him.  I wished it were he sitting in my living room
instead of this woman I barely even recognized.  I had just found out I
was going to be a father.  I wanted Pops to take me out to celebrate.

I didn’t want anything to do with her.

“I hadn’t realized you stayed in Philadelphia.  My apologies.”

She stared at me, and I could see my own hurt in her
eyes.  “Grace, would you mind giving Ryan and I a few minutes alone?”
“No.”  I stopped her.  I didn’t want Grace to go anywhere. 
“Whatever you have to say to me, you can say to Grace.

Grace pulled my hand into hers and squeezed.  “It’s
okay, Ryan, I’m actually feeling a little woozy.  I’m going to take a
shower.  You guys can… catch up.”  She rose to her tiptoes, kissed my
cheek, and paused at my ear.  Before nodding at my mother and turning
away, she whispered, “I’m only a few feet down the hall.” 

I just stared at her, Anne Marie Carter, my mother.  I
didn’t know this woman.  I didn’t want to know this woman.  I didn’t
want this woman to know me.

“So you’re living with Grace Brennan.  I can’t tell you
I saw that one coming.”  She finally said as we heard the water begin to
run from the shower.  “I don’t know if anyone told you—”

“I know the whole story.”  I cut her off.

Of course I knew the whole story.   The tragic
tale had been following me around since September.  The last time Anne
Marie had seen me, Pops was planning on running away with the wife of a rival
motorcycle club member, the woman he had fallen in love with, Grace’s mother:
Emily Brennan.  As their love was forbidden, they hid it from the world,
communicating mostly through letters.  They tried to call it off, but
their love was too strong, and they always seemed to find a way back to each
other.  After years of this illicit affair, after they couldn’t handle the
separation any longer, they finally decided to run away together.  That’s
when mom left.

That was also when Emily Brennan was brutally murdered.

After that night, the rivalry between the clubs escalated
exponentially.  For twenty years, the
Blood of Cupids
and the
Walking
Shadows
were at each other’s throats.  Verbal treaties were ignored,
alliances with other clubs were made, and everyone always seemed to be on the
verge of a full on war.  That’s when Grace and I met.  That’s when
Grace and I fell in love.

That’s when Grace and I risked everything and lost
everything.  Well, we lost
almost
everything.

“I have no right to ask you how you and Grace,” she held her
breath, “came to be.”

“You don’t.”

She wasn’t looking at me.  “And I’m sorry about your
father.  I know how close you two were.”

Of course we were fucking close.  You left us!
 
I wanted to scream at her.  Instead, I reeled it in and politely
replied.  “Thank you.”

“And with all my heart, I am sorry that Sean has sunk his
teeth into you.  I always feared that he would one day take all his
aggression out on you.”

“Yeah, well it’s not just me.”  I started.  “He
holds a pretty strong grudge against Grace too.”

“What do you mean?”  For the first time since Grace had
left the room, she looked up at me, making eye contact.  She seemed
interested.  She wanted me to keep talking, and for some reason, I wanted
to keep talking.  A strange sensation filled my chest, and I was compelled
to continue telling her about Sean.

“None of this started until I began seeing Grace. 
Well…” I stuttered, “Until he found out I was seeing Grace.”

“How’d that happen?”

I sat on the edge of the couch, recalling it all. 
“Grace had come to a match of mine to warn me that her father was planning some
sort of attack, and in the process ended up being shot in the arm.  Sean
and Pops were with me when I found her, and Pops somehow recognized her. 
The way he looked at her… you know,” my eyes darted to hers, “I had never seen
him look at anyone that way.”

It was true.  And until that moment, I hadn’t really
thought about it.  The night Grace was shot was very stressful for
me.  I had been the one to stage the plan of attack, but when I saw Grace
among the crowd at the boxing match, I panicked.  I couldn’t let her be
there.  I couldn’t risk something happening to her.  In my panic, I
commanded her to leave, which was what ultimately got her shot.  It wasn’t
until I had found her lying in the field that I finally learned her last
name.  That was the night when I realized I had fallen for my enemy.

But Pops, he changed that night too.  While he had
always been a supportive and mostly caring father, I knew he was broken. 
I had always assumed it was due to my mother leaving, because it had happened
at the same time.  Every smile was washed with grief; every laugh was
stunted with pain.  Every word he uttered allowed you to know he had lost
something very important to him and he would never get it back:  Until he
saw Grace.

While sitting in the hospital, waiting to hear of her
prognosis, I saw something I hadn’t seen from my father in so very long:
hope. 

“It’s impossible that she’s not a part of this.”

“She can’t be.”

“How well can you know someone after a week?”

“Pops.  You know me.  You know I don’t get involved. 
So trust that I’m right about this.”

“Okay, say you are right about her… Are you willing to be
the reason she winds up dead?”

In the instance I thought he was trying to talk me out of
stepping into a catastrophe, but he was really speaking from experience. 
He blamed himself for Emily Brennan’s death and wanted nothing more than to
keep me from having to live with the same regrets.  That must have been
why when Sean aimed his gun at Grace and fired, Pops jumped in front of the
bullet.  Pops died saving Grace.  He must have seen that moment as
his second chance.

“Of course he recognized her.”  She broke me from my
thoughts.  “She looks exactly like her mother.”

Well that was a new twist.  “You knew her mother?”

She laughed, kicking back her head.  “Yes, I knew Emily
Brennan.”

“How?”  Since finding out about their affair, I had
assumed my mother left because she knew there was another woman, but not
because she actually
knew
the other woman.

She looked around, trying to find a way out of the path she
had begun, but upon realizing I was not budging, she continued.  “I’m sure
you know your father and her were planning on running away together.”

“I did figure that out.”

“Well, before they did, Emily came to visit me.”

“What?”  I did not know this story.  I slunk down
into the cushion next to her, prepared for her to resume the account.

“So first, your father told me of his intentions. 
Things hadn’t been so great for us since he had joined the
Cupids
, so I
honestly wasn’t surprised.  Still, as you can imagine, I was angry.” 
She took a deep breath, and I watched her eyes glaze over.  “He told me he
was taking you, and he advised me not to fight.  I mean there wasn’t much
I could fight.  I had no job, no money of my own, and I had been so
distracted with what was going on between your father and I that I honestly
wasn’t being a good mother.”

I couldn’t argue with her.  The memories I had of her
from my childhood weren’t necessarily happy ones.  When she was home, she
and Pops were fighting or she was on the couch, blankly staring out of the
window.  She barely paid attention to me, aside from answering a few
homework questions here and there.  Over the years since she left, I had
romanticized her.  I told myself she had no reason to leave; everything
was perfect.  I realized now, they were far from it.

“One night when your father was at one of his church
meetings, Emily stopped by the house.  She told me she was in love with
your father, but for her own peace of mind, she needed to speak with me before taking
action.  She told me of her little girl and that she couldn’t imagine
being without her, and she knew that your father wanting to take you with him
must have been very difficult for me to hear.  She said, and I still
remember this like it was yesterday,” she kind of laughed as she said it, “I
wanted to meet you so that you would have a face to put to the name, so that
you would know who you were hating.”

Pops never told me any of this; everything I knew of his love
life I had figured out from Grace and Sean.  Now I was hearing it all from
a person whose side of the story I had never expected to hear.  It was…
strange.

“What happened then?”  She had my attention.

“I made a mistake.”  She took a deep breath, looking
directly at me.  “I called your Uncle Sean.”

She was the one who called Sean.  The pieces were
starting to fall into place.  I had a good idea what turn the story was
about to take.

My face must have given me away.

“Ryan, please understand I had no idea what he was going to
do.”

“You… you knew this whole time that it was him who killed
her?”

She shook her head, focusing on the ground.  “I did.”

She went on to tell me about how Sean came over, outraged at
the news she had just told him.  He had known of the affair, even had
helped them pass their letters back and forth, but he had only done it to get
closer to his brother.  Apparently Sean and Pops had been inseparable
growing up, but since finding their way into adulthood, they had gone their separate
ways.  Pops had gotten married, had me, and their relationship suffered
even more.  After Sean had joined the
Cupids,
he asked Pops out for
a night on the town, hoping he could entice him to join the club.  That
was the night he met Emily, the night of her bachelorette party.  Since he
met Emily, things between Sean and Pops were like old times.  Pops wanted
into the club, he couldn’t stop thinking about this new woman, and he wanted a
way to impress her.  While Sean was happy to have his brother back, what
he was coming to realize was how popular James was making him among the club
officers.  They loved James, so in turn loved Sean.  One even hinted
that the two worked so well together that they were fast-tracking them to
officers. 

Five years flew by, and there she was, threatening to take
his brother away.  She was threatening Sean’s shot at presidency.  He
couldn’t let that happen.

“I told him to scare her, that was all.”

I stood, shocked at what I was hearing.  “You knew
Sean.  Did you actually think he would only scare her?”