Deception (17 page)

“That’s for babies Mummy. I’m gonna play some metal.” I shake my head and Luke chuckles.

“Nice. Give me a fist bump, little man.” They knock knuckles and Ricky beams up at Luke. It’s good to see a positive male role model around him, but I’m going to have to get on my feet fast, I don’t want him to get too attached to someone who won’t be around for long.

*****

L
uke has left Ricky and me alone in his room to settle in. He’s taken his belongings out of the cupboards, so I can unpack the small bag of clothes Rachel dropped off for me and Ricky at the hospital. She’s a little larger than me, and is a bit of a tart when it comes to fashion, but beggars can’t be choosers. I found some sweats in amongst everything which I wore home but the rest of the clothes aren’t really my style. At least her son is the same size as Ricky. It takes me all of thirty seconds to transfer everything from the bag to the shelves, and then I take Ricky to the bathroom so we can have a shower and wash off that nasty hospital feel and smell.

After I wash Ricky I tell him to go have a rest on the bed while mummy has a quick shower too. It’s pleasant to stand under steady hot water for a change. The pressure of it feels amazing and I could stay here for hours, but I can already hear that Ricky isn’t resting. It sounds as though he’s jumping around on the bed.
Sigh
. Luxury time is never long enough. I know that sounds ridiculous, I mean of course anyone would want however much indulgence they can get, but for a mum it’s beyond the joke. Only two minutes to shower?
Come on, give me a break.

When I turn off the tap, I don’t even have to strain my ears to be aware Ricky is bouncing on the mattress. I rush to get dressed and stop him before Luke regrets taking us in within the first half hour. I’m almost done and he goes quiet. That’s not a good thing.

“Mummy, Mummy!” Crap. I open the door while squeezing into a tank top two sizes two small. It practically pushes my boobs up to my chin.
Really Rachel? It doesn’t even fit me and I’m smaller than you!
The mini skirt available to me isn’t much better either.
Just great.

“What is it sweetie? Mummies right here.”
What does he have in his hands?
It looks as though he has been going through Luke’s belongings in the bed side drawer that’s now open.
Oh-oh.

“Look Mummy, I found balloons!” Luke chooses this moment to knock gently on the door and open it up to check on us.
Of course he does,
the timing is just perfect. I’m totally mortified.

“Can I have a balloon, can I, can I? Please.” He jumps up and down in excitement. Before I can snatch them out of his hands and apologise profusely, Luke takes them, amusement sparkling in his eyes. Clear blue pools in depths of grey.

“Of course you can, buddy.”  He blows it up and hands it over to Ricky, who runs off joyously throwing it in the air and catching it.

“I’m so sorry.” I swear my face must be as red as a tomato.

“Relax Roxi, they’re just condoms. It’s no big deal.” Only all I can think of is images of what his penis must look like. Heat rushes through my body. “I’m the one that ought to be sorry. I shouldn’t have left them there. I did after all tell you I emptied the cupboards.”

His gaze follows the flush down my neck and roams over my chest, settling on what I know must be my tits virtually falling out of this itty-bitty top. I can’t help the shiver he brings out of me. My breath comes out in a shaky exhale as he moves towards me. Ever so lightly, he runs his fingertips along my skin. They’re almost hovering, but I still feel it right down to my bones. Goosebumps break out over my whole body and Luke’s lips quirk in response.

“You’re cold. Let me go get you a jacket.”

“I’m fine.” Breathless but fine, and I don’t want to be any more trouble than I already am.

“Yes you’re definitely fine. That’s exactly why you need a jacket,” he winks at me.

“Oh,” is all I can think of to say as he strides out of the room to retrieve something that will cover me up. I’m still in the same spot when he comes back carrying a humongous grey sweater.

“Arms.”

Did he just ask me to raise my arms?
Dutifully, I lift them up in the air and he slides it over my head. The fleecy material swims over my body, but makes me feel less exposed. “I’m trying my best to be a good guy here and help out a woman in need. Problem is, I’m still a man and I’m not blind. I’m trying to be respectful and not drool all over you while your kid’s watching, but that outfit makes it damn near impossible. After we sort out getting you some identification today, I’m taking you and Ricky to buy some more clothes.”

That would be so great. I really need something for a job interview but... “I only have a little bit of money that Rachel gave me for food. My purse was left behind in the fire. I’m not even sure how I will get an income until I can find a job. We can’t just live off your kind nature. Joseph certainly isn’t going to provide for us while in jail, if he goes to jail.” My bastard husband is still out there somewhere on the run. My throat constricts as panic starts to build.

I’m pulled into a warm embrace. The strength that is wrapped around me is comforting, becoming familiar. I work on steadying my breathing and listen to Ricky’s laughter throughout the house to help produce a sense of calm.

“I can buy you and Ricky some more clothes and things you need, or if it makes you feel more at ease, we can call it a loan.”

This all feels so surreal. Standing here, in this strange place, being cared for, it can’t be real. Maybe I dreamed this whole thing up. It’s completely outrageous that everything’s changed so suddenly. It’s been horrific, although by some strange twist of fate, I think it’s for the better. Our hearts have been broken, but are going to mend stronger, all thanks to this guy that came out of nowhere, just when we needed him. “Why? Why are you helping us? You hardly know us.” I step back out of his hold and search his face for answers.

Anguish washes over his features. His eyes become unfocused and he seems to go somewhere far away. “I’ve watched innocent people suffer a fate they didn’t deserve. It’s something I never want to see again. I know it’s selfish of me, but since I couldn’t rescue those lives, everyone I’ve been able to protect since then, helps me heal a little too.”

Whatever Luke has seen in his past must have been awful. The amount of pain I can still see him in, is cruel. His posture is resigned, defeated. “You’re anything but selfish.”

At my words, he comes back to the present and contemplates what I’ve just said. “If you knew the thoughts running through my mind right now, you wouldn’t be thinking that darlin’. I’m going to go grab you a pair of my sweat pants too.” I follow him out of the room and into the laundry. There are clothes piled up in a rumpled heap in the basket and all around the floor. He picks up a pair of pants and hands them over, and I resist the urge to sniff them and see if they’re clean. “Do me a favour and put these on so I can think clearly again. I’ll go start making us all some lunch and work out what we need to do today so you can get the assistance you need.”

*****

I
t turns out getting new identification is a little trickier than I thought. To get a birth certificate or a new driver’s licence, you need to show proof that you are who you say you are, only all my verification burnt in the fire. I manage to sort it out though, and should have it all in about a week.

The government informs me I’m entitled to a substantial crisis payment. I just have to show them a copy of the police and fire report as evidence that I need the assistance. When I have my I.D set up, I’ll be able to receive single parenting payments too. Although, I should probably organize another bank account that Joseph doesn’t have access to first.

Walking from place to place is taking its toll on Ricky’s short legs and I go to pick him up in my arms, however Luke gently grasps my wrist to stop me. “You need to be careful of your burn. Let me help.” He crouches down next to Ricky and asks, “Do you ever wish you were really, really tall?”

Ricky nods vigorously and smiles in delight as Luke places him up on his shoulders and announces, “Well today’s your lucky day.” He spins around in circles and goes running around the perimeter of the water feature in the middle of the shopping centre, causing Ricky to hoot with laughter. He obviously doesn’t care about appearances, not like Joseph does.

Thoughts of Joseph have me looking around us in unease. No one’s contacted me to say they’ve found him yet. He’s lurking around out there somewhere. The police station is our next stop after the shops. I need to write a statement and fill out a protection order.

We go into Target and I ask Ricky to pick out some clothes he likes. “Whatever you want sweetie. Pick out three shirts and three pair of shorts. You better choose a jumper too, just in case we have a cold night.” Along with some socks and underpants, that should be enough to tide him over until I can get a job. I’ll need to get a new school uniform too.

Luke puts him back down on the ground and he runs up and down the aisles looking at all the clothes. “This one, I want this one, please Mummy.” He hands me a pink shirt, something Joseph would’ve never let him wear. He thinks pink is for girls and no son of his would ever wear it. Something he managed to hide from me when we were first together, obviously knowing I wouldn’t approve. It makes me even more ashamed that I didn’t stand up to him sooner. I’m sure going to make up for that fact now though.

“I think that’s the best shirt I’ve ever seen.”

He beams up at me and it melts my heart. If Ricky wants to dress in a sparkly tutu to be happy, I would sew the sequins on myself.

We choose some more things and then move towards the women’s department. The first thing we come across is the lingerie section and I shrink as I bypass it, wondering how I can buy new bras and panties in front of Luke while keeping my cool.

Luke groans deep in his throat from behind me and it hits me low in my belly. Large hands spin me around to face him. They linger on my shoulders as I look up into his darkening eyes.

“Sweetheart, there’s no way I can help you look for tiny bits of lace in good conscious and not have improper thoughts, things I definitely shouldn’t be thinking with your kid here.” He looks around at all the lingerie surrounding us, overwhelmed by it all.

“I know the feeling after the whole balloon thing this morning.”
Oh shit. Did I just say that?
I clamp my hand over my mouth and his gaze settles back on me, smirking at my confession. I let my hands fall back to my sides as heat settles over me. Not the kind from embarrassment, but the type that has a slow burning desire working its way through me, shooting small thrills all over my body. It reminds me what it’s like to flirt, and I more than like it. I pick up a barely there red G-string off the rack and hold it up to inspect.

“Mercy,” Luke whispers under his breath. I feel power; feel as though I’m not useless like Joseph accused. I can’t be controlled.

I smile teasingly up at him. “I don’t need your help. I believe I’ve got pretty good taste on my own. Don’t you think?”

He coughs and turns stiffly toward Ricky. “So...Umm...Ricky, Jake and I have been thinking about having a Nerf gun fight for a while. How about you and me go check them out while your mum picks out her clothes?”

I giggle, as they walk away and put the thong down. There’s no way I’m buying that uncomfortable thing.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”  - Author Unknown

Luke

B
lank brick walls, two hard plastic chairs, and a waste paper basket in an otherwise empty room, anyone would mistake this for a prison cell, but it’s only the police station waiting area. The ticking of my mind is like the second hand on my wristwatch, rapid and it won’t stop. I need to occupy my mind with anything other than worry, while Roxi tells her worst nightmare to the officer in charge of her case. I empathise with her. It’s difficult dredging up all the horrid details.

I should be distracting Ricky, but I have no idea how, so we sit in silence. Him, swinging his legs back and forth; finding it tough to sit still, and me beside him, at a loss as to what to say. I haven’t interacted with children much before.

“Does your friend there want to come and check out a real police car?” My mate Harrison sticks his head over the counter, which is more like a small rectangular window in one of the walls. Ricky’s legs stop moving and his eyes light up. Harry would know exactly how to entertain a bored young kid; he has three of his own.

“What do you say Ricky? Do you want to check it out?” I ask.

“That would be so cool!” He jumps off his chair and I stand up and mouth a sincere ‘thank-you’ to Harry. It’s times like these, I appreciate having friends on the force, and I have a few after all the call outs we’ve been on together. Police and fire call outs go hand in hand, and unfortunately the same goes for the ambulance. He’s doing me a solid favour. Ricky seems genuinely excited and is bouncing around from foot to foot.

As Harry unlocks the car, I crouch down to Ricky’s level. “The sirens are going to be really loud buddy, so I’m going to cover your ears with my hands until you get used to it, okay?”

His eyebrows furrow as he contemplates what I’ve said. “But what about your ears, won’t they hurt too?”

A warm feeling spreads through my chest that he is concerned for me, rather than being worried about what the noise will do to him. In the past ten years, the only person who’s bothered over my wellbeing is Jake. I’m kind of impressed that he’s not a self-centred little snot, like I assume most kids his age are. Proud even. Roxi’s done a remarkable job with him, despite the circumstances they’ve both had to endure.

“How about we cover each other’s ears?” I suggest.

“Okay, that should work,” he agrees.