Deceptions (17 page)

'She's not like that! You have no right - you don't know her—!'

'Well, whose fault is that? She hardly ever comes here; you run to meet her in New York or go off to London - by God, this crazy China thing is her idea, isn't it? She put you up to it.'

'No, no, no!' Stephanie clasped and unclasped her hands as she walked around the room. 'It was my idea. Sabrina doesn't know anything about it - it was because of Cliff and—'

'I've apologized for that. I will talk to him, I promise—'

'Oh, you and your promises. Well, when you do, you might ask him about cuff links and tie tacks and Cross pen sets.'

'Good Lord. All in his room?'

'All under his dirty clothes. I suppose I should be grateful; a confirmed criminal would think of other hiding places.'

'Stephanie, I am sorry. I'll talk to him tomorrow. It sounds as if he wants to be caught; he knows you'll find what's underneath those clothes when you do the wash. Have you talked to anyone else about this?'

'How could I? I tried to talk to Cliff, but he got hostile; and I don't want anyone else to know until we decide what to do.'

'So you've carried it around by yourself.'

'Oh, has that finally occurred to you? Has it finally penetrated your biologist's brain that I am lonely?'

'Now, wait a minute, you have close friends who—'

'I'm not talking about friends. I'm talking about someone who can put his arms around me at night, in the quiet time when I wake up frightened about tomorrow or next week or next year. I 'm talking about someone to hold me and tell me I'm not alone.'

Garth gave her a long look. 'Don't you think I might want that, too? But you turn your back in bed, you move away

when I put my arm around you, you turn your head when I try to kiss you.'

'When have you last done any of those things?'

'Not for a long time. And I miss them. But 1 got sick and tired of being rejected.'

'Well, you found another place for them, didn't you? Big scientists don't stay rejected long. They know where to go for fun and games, don't they, professor?'

'What the hell are you talking about?'

'About those sweet young things you make love to. Students!' She spat out the word. 'Did you think you could keep it a secret? You and all the others, big men who don't need cash like those poor ordinary guys who find their prostitutes on the street; all you have to do is promise a passing grade—'

'Shut up!'

'Don't you dare talk to me that—'

'I'll talk to you any way I want. We've lived together twelve years and you actually believe that I would - oh, the hell with it.'

He was trembling, his breath coming in short gasps. He folded his arms, holding himself in, then swung about and strode out of the room. Stephanie shrank back, frightened by his face and his rigid jaw. She heard him hesitate in the hall outside the bedroom door, and she waited for him to come back so she could find out the truth. She was confused. They had so many loose ends; they hadn't come to any conclusion. But in a moment she heard his footsteps running down the stairs, and after another pause the front door opened and slammed shut.

She looked around the room frantically. This was not happening; she and Garth would never do this to each other. They hadn't resolved anything, she couldn't see ahead, and that was terrifying.

But she could see one thing. She was going on her trip. She had to get away, and she'd told Garth she was going. He would take care of his children; she could count on him for that even if he had become a stranger in other ways. And when she got back they would work things out. She looked at her watch. Four-thirty. Ten-thirty in London. She was

reaching for the telephone when, beneath her hand, it rang.

Chapter 9

A block from their hotel, in front of the Shanghai Cakes and Pastries Store, Nicholas Blackford bumped into them as he navigated with a stack of wrapped pastries. He smiled guiltily. 'It is so difficult to diet away from home. I should have brought Amelia. You must scold me, Sabrina, as you used to when you worked in my shop and monitored my bad habits. Or am I speaking to Stephanie? Do you know, I am ashamed to say this, and I assure you it is no reflection on either of you, but Sabrina - Stephanie -1 really cannot tell you apart.'

Sabrina and Stephanie looked at each other behind the bald and bouncing figure of Nicholas Blackford. Her eyes dancing, Sabrina swept a low curtsy to Stephanie. 'Lady Longworth,' she said in a clear voice. 'Welcome to Shanghai.*

Stephanie stretched out her hand to help her up. 'Mrs Andersen,' she said. 'How glad I am to be here.'

At the bubbling laughter in their voices, Nicholas strained to see over his packages and sent pastries flying. 'Oh,' Stephanie said, feeling somehow at fault, 'let us help.' She and Sabrina gathered up the packages and carried them to his hotel room, where he insisted they take a few 'for being good Samaritans.'

Stephanie shook her head, but Sabrina accepted them. 'The Guarani Indians would say they're an omen that our idea is sweet. Or something like that. Thank you, Nicholas.'

'Who are the Guarani Indians?' Stephanie asked as they walked down the hall to their room.

'A tribe in Brazil. Antonio's ancestors. He says. More likely he comes from a long line of Portuguese pirates, but he likes to quote Indians and it does lend a certain piquancy to

country weekends in Derbyshire. You won't meet him because he's in Brazil for the month, but you might as well learn about the Guaranis while you're learning everything else.'

Inside the room they looked at each other, touching their fingers, as if each were looking in a mirror. 'Are we really going to trade places?' Stephanie asked.

'Do you really want to?'

*0h ... more than you, I'm afraid. To stop being me for awhile, to play at being you in your wonderful hfe, to live a kind of dream -1 can't believe it's possible.'

'Then let's do it. As long as you don't think you'll come home like the three bears and growl, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.'"

'There wouldn't be anything to growl about. Sex just isn't a big part of our marriage anymore. Otherwise I wouldn't even think of - well, I know you wouldn't make love to Garth, he's my husband, and he isn't your type at all-1 can't imagine anyone farther from a Brazilian millionaire than Garth - but there won't be any problem.'

'After you've been apart for two weeks?'

'I don't think that would make any difference. Even if it did, you can say you have your period.'

'Does that mean hands off?'

'Yes, of course. But it's not only then. There's never much hands-on in our house. I told you. Garth usually sleeps in the study.'

'Stephanie, usually isn't always.'

'Well, then, you just turn your back.'

'Is that what you do?'

There was a pause. Stephanie walked around the ornate nineteenth-centuxy beds and stood at the window, looking at the rippling water of the river below. *I get angiy when he doesn't come near me for two weeks, three weeks, and when he walks into the bedroom, all I can think of is that he has no right to be in there. Or in me. He acctised me of that when—' She stopped.

'When what?*

'Oh, we had a fight a couple of weeks ago, right after he got back from California, but it didn't last long. We

smoothed it out. It wasn't anything unusual, just a quarrel; you and Denton must have had your share of them.'

'A few,' Sabrina said dryly. Stephanie was clasping and unclasping her hands, and Sabrina knew she was nervous because she wasn't being honest. She was afraid that, if she told the whole story, Sabrina would refuse to change places and walk into -what? A quarrel? Garth's refusal to take a trip to Stamford or decide about the job? It didn't seem very serious, at least from an observer's point of view, and that's all Sabrina was going to be for a few days: an observer. And then she'd leave.

'It's no good,' Stephanie said abruptly. 'I have no right to ask you to leave your wonderful life and step into mine; they're too different. I don't know why I let myself get so excited... we'll just forget the whole idea. It was crazy from the beginning.'

Sabrina walked swiftly to her and put an arm around her waist. 'Don't say that; don't sound so sad. Of course it's crazy, but we've done crazy things before. We said it would be a lark.'

'But you can't really want to do it, Sabrina -you have a fairy tale and everything I have is ordinary. And there are things I haven't told you.'

'Well, don't. Unless I absolutely have to know them to get through a week without giving myself away. I meant it, you know, when I told you I wanted a taste of your life. My life may look like a fairy tale from the outside, but it has its own dragons.'

'Fire-breathing?'

'Fire-breathing.'

'Well. I guess I don't want to know about them. Unless I have to.'

'I don't think you do. I closed Ambassadors and gave Brian an extra holiday while I was gone; we'll just extend it a week. Antonio went to Brazil for the month to give me a chance to miss him, because I wouldn't let him arrange my life and I wouldn't give him a yes or no on marriage. He said he wouldn't even telephone. Which, knowing Antonio, is the greatest miracle ck all. My calendar is clear; I wanted time to recover from China. Mrs Thirkell is at the house, but

she hardly ever looks up from whatever she's stirring on the stove. It will be a quiet week; all yours and all London to choose from.'

'And a closetful of clothes. You don't mind?'

'Of course not. I'll be wearing yours.'

'Blue jeans and shirts.'

'A novelty. I haven't worn jeans in years. Stephanie, stop feeling ashamed of your life. Don't worry about me. We're talking about a one-week caper, not a lifetime.*

'If you really want to ... I don't want you to lie about it.'

'I'm not lying. Stephanie, don't you think I might want the same things you want? To stop being me for awhile? To live a different kind of life? I want the experience of a home, a family, a conmiunity where people know each other, a chance to slow down, to be alone, to think-1 don't have any of those. And you and I are so close that I can have them with your family in a way I couldn't anywhere else. It's a fantastic idea. In fact, it's probably everybody's secret wish. For one glorious week we'll leave everything behind and discover strange and wonderful things by living a completely different life. And at the end of the week we'll turn up our coat collars, steal away to a mysterious rendezvous, whisper the secret password and trade places again. You'll go home and I'll fly back to London. And no one but the two of us will ever know. What could be simpler? What could be more fun?'

*0h, Sabrina!' Stephanie threw her arms around her sister and hugged her. 'Thankyou. I love you.'

Once again Sabrina felt the ripples of secrets in Stephanie's life, but she ignored them. Stephanie wanted this so badly, and it was something she could do for her. And it would be fun. The challenge had caught her imagination, and already she saw herself in her sister's world, blending into her family, settling into the rooms of her rambling old house. 'Have you changed the furniture?' she asked. 'Let's start there. We only have a week.'

They left Shanghai the next morning and flew to Sian, where their small group stood on the edge of the great tomb of China's first emperor, who had died two thousand years before. Only recently discovered, the tomb was still being

excavated, inch by inch, revealing an anny of more than seven thousand larger-than-life terra-cotta warriors and horses the emperor had commanded to be made to accompany him to the afterlife.

In the Sian Museum they saw, close up, some of the giant figures from the tomb: noble, perfectly proportioned, serene. 'Grand visions,' murmured Stephanie. 'I don't know anyone who has them today. Except perhaps Garth.' She seemed surprised at her own words.

Sabrina looked at her quickly. 'But that's wonderful.*

'I suppose so. It's hard to live with.'

The next day they drove through the magnificent countryside around Guilin. Limestone mountains thrust straight up from flat green plains, their craggy peaks hidden by swirling mists, their sides eroded by water into caverns and needle-«?harp points. Water buffalo grazed between fields of sugarcane and grapefinit trees, and on the blue-green Li River floated hundreds of boats, from tiny rafts with single fishermen using rice as bait to crowded houseboats rocking beneath huge square sails.

Sabrina felt as if she were intruding on a painted scroll or an illustration in a book. But she was fascinated by the dreamlike beauty and peaceful, misty scenes of farmers, fishermen and small neat houses. 'Do you think people are happier when they're surrounded by beauty?' she asked.

'If they have enough to eat,' their guide answered, smihng, and led the group to a porcelain factory.

Sabrina and Stephanie stayed behind. 'It's either the fourteenth or fifteenth of the tour,' Sabrina said. 'Whichever it is, we'll skip it.'

They walked instead along the river. 'What haven't we covered?' Stephanie asked. 'Friends, time schedules, grocery stores, the office - you are going to call in sick, aren't you?'

'I'd better. I don't know how to type.'

'But you shouldn't work anyway. A job in the dean's office of Midwestern University is nobody's definition of a great adventure. Ask for Ted Morrow, he's the dean, and tell him whatever strikes your fancy. He won't be happy, but ignore what he says; he's nicer than he sounds. If Penny asks about the art classes, tell her we haven't decided yet. I think Cliff

has a soccer game that week, but he won't mind if you don't

go.'

•Why shouldn't I go? I've never seen Cliff play. I'd like to.'

'Actually, he'd like it, too; one of us always tries to be there. The house will probably be filthy, because 1 can't imagine Garth and the kids cleaning, but if you can stand it, don't worry about it. I'll do it when I get back.'

*I can clean a house.'

'When did you last clean a house?'

'In the year one. But it's like bicycle-riding; once you learn, you never forget.'

Stephanie laughed. 'I didn't mean to sound as if you can't manage a house, only that it's not your responsibility.'