Deceptions (19 page)

'What are you looking for?' Garth asked.

'Where do you keep your potholders?' she asked absently.

There was a moment of silence. Sabrina.held her breath. FooL Fool.

'Where we always keep them,' Garth said.

'You mean you haven't reorganized the kitchen while my back was turned in Asia?' she asked gaily, and with a brief prayer opened the bottom drawer to find a neat stack of potholders and oven mitts.

'AH these knots come untied at once, right?' Cliff said at her elbow. 'And then sort of tie themselves up again? But I can't get them to do it. Did Mr Su show you how?'

'I can't make my httle man disappear,' said Penny on her other side. 'I pressed where the instructions said, but nothing happened.'

'Mom, if you'd hold one end of the string—' said Cliff.

'No, first show me where to press on the box,' Penny interrupted.

Feeling hemmed in and shaken by her slip over the

potholders, Sabrina gripped the edge of the stove. 'The line forms to the right/ she said, trying to keep her voice low and steady. 'But not until we've eaten. I am not available until Tve had my pizza.'

Their mouths open. Cliff and Penny stared at her, and then at each other. What had she done? Sabrina was trying to think of something to say when Garth, after a quick glance at her face, said easily, 'Now why didn't we think of that? Your drooping mother stands here starving and exhausted from traveling eighteen hours to get back to us from the wilds of Asia, and we don't even give her a chance to eat.'

Gently moving Sabrina aside, he took the pizzas from the oven. 'Penny, put the salad on the table; Cliff, pour milk or cider for the two of you. I'm gomg to open a bottle of wine to celebrate our traveler's return. Go on, now; I'll help you figure out your magic tricks later.'

But the real magic, Sabrina thought, was Garth taking over. He moved them all to the dining room and brought everyone into the conversation.

When Sabrina described the rows and rows of men and women exercising in streets and factory yards before going to work. Garth asked Cliff and Penny to compare their school exercises. When Sabrina talked about the classes most people attended after work to study and improve their behavior. Garth said he knew of a few professors he'd like to send there, and Cliff said that was how they went over mistakes after soccer practice. When Sabrina told about a family in Canton living in two rooms- a grandfather, a mother and father and their three children - Garth led Penny and Cliff to imagine cutting down their ten-room house to two, bringing in their grandfather from Washington and another brother or sister, throwing out possessions to make room for everyone and then getting through a day's routine.

Sabrina was grateful to him; he made the talk easy, almost a game. How nice this is, she thought. The family. Sitting on four sides of a table, listening, talking, sharing the fun and strangeness of everything she told them, and in that way stretching out her trip, making it somehow larger. She was used to coming home to an empty house, sharing fragments of her experiences with friends. She sighed. This was nicer.

Then, in the space of a minute, exhaustion swept over her. Tm Sony/ she said after the tenth yawn. 'I guess the traveling has caught up with me. Does anyone mind if I go to bed?'

Garth stood up. 'Of course you should go to bed. By tomorrow you'll be yourself again.'

And just who is that? Sabrina wondered wryly as he brought her two suitcases from the kitchen. She kissed Penny and Cliff good night. 'We'll spend lots of time together tomorrow/ she promised, and then she and Garth walked upstairs.

He put the bags inside the bedroom door. 'I suppose—* he said with a strange diffidence. 'Since you're so tired, I'll sleep in my study. Unless you've changed your mind—'

About what? she thought. About his coming to bed? Frowning, she remembered Stephanie saying, 'We quarreled, but we made it up the next day.' Did they? Or did they only agree on a truce - civility but no sex? If so, it made things easy for her; she'd simply assure him she hadn't changed her mind. But she did not even have to do that. Garth saw her frown and moved away. 'We'll have to talk about this, you know,' he said quietly. 'We never went back to that quarrel before you left for China. It's still unfinished. Tomorrow, when you're rested—'

Oh, no. she thought. I can't finish your quarrel; you'll have to wait a week. And I'll have to find a way to stall.

'Good night. Garth,' she said. 'Thank you for the pizza.*

He looked startled. 'You're 'welcome.' He kissed her quickly. 'And you are more than welcome home. We missed you. Sleep well.'

As soon as he was gone, she dropped her clothes where she stood, and slipped into bed. She barely had time to turn over before she was asleep.

And the next morning she listened to the sounds of a family getting ready for the day: water running, the rattle of dishes and silverware. Cliff and Penny alternately fiiendly and squabbling as they made their limches. Garth's deep voice, their laughter. Then the slam of the back door, the turn of a key. and silence. They were gone.

Sabrina lay still, listening to the silence. Beyond the open

MO

window a dog barked, a woman called a child to breakfast, a distant driver honked his horn. But within the house nothing stirred. She had it all to herself.

Her panic was fading and, as it did, her confidence returned. There was nothing to worry about; Garth had behaved just as Stephanie had said he would. And last night she had slipped into the family as smoothly as she had planned. Now, for a week, she would play her part and then slip out, smoothly and silently, without leaving a mark. Anticipation began to bubble within her. It was time to begin.

First a shower. Then breakfast. She was starved; she'd been too tired to eat much the night before. And then an exploration of the house to make sure there were no more potholder mistakes. She had to call Stephanie's office, water the plants, pick the ripe tomatoes in the garden and think about dinner, which probably meant grocery shopping ... She leaped out of bed; how could she waste time with a new life to learn?

She luxuriated in the shower, washing away the last of her fatigue, and dried herself in the folds of a velvety bath sheet she had bought at Harrods and sent to Stephanie last Christmas. As she combed her wet hair, she made a quick inspection of the linen closet and bathroom, pausing when she found a vial of sleeping pills prescribed for Stephanie. Does she take them on nights when Garth isn't home, or when he is? Then she went to the clothes closet in the bedroom.

Quiet colors; casual clothes. Blue jeans, linen pantsuits, shirtwaist dresses. Skirts, blouses, oxford-cloth shirts. The dress Stephanie had worn at the backyard barbecue for Sabrina and Denton seven years ago. The suit she had worn two years ago on a weekend trip to meet Sabrina in New York. Nothing had been thrown out or given away; each year Stephanie added one or two carefully chosen blouses, a dress or sweater, occasionally a suit, to her wardrobe. Always simple and always of superb quality; Laura had taught them how to shop on a diplomat's limited budget.

Pulling on blue jeans and a white cotton turtleneck shirt, Sabrina pictured Stephanie on Cadogan Square, dipping into

her closet and bureaus filled with bright, Mvolous designer clothes. She smiled to herself. What different weeks they had before them.

Downstairs, drinking tea, munching on the half-stale remains of a coffee cake, she explored the large kitchen, memorizing the contents of cabinets and drawers: mixer and blender, brightly enameled castiron pots and pans from France, wooden utensils fi-om Portugal, clay roasters from Germany, glass pitchers, ironstone dishes from England, Swedish stainless silverware and small gadgets Sabrina had never seen and had no idea how to use. She shut the drawer on them. If she didn't know what they were for, she didn't need them. She refilled her mug and took it with her on an exploration of the rest of the house.

It was ninety years old, creaking and shabby; Stephanie often fretted about the repairs they could not afford to make. The walls looked like old porcelain, webbed with tiny cracks; in some rooms a single crack ran like a flash of lightning from ceiling to floor. The oak floors were dull and scratched. The walls and window frames needed paint, there were chipped tiles in the bathrooms, the carved moldings at the ceilings and on the walls at chair height needed restoring, 3ie furniture needed new slipcovers.

And it was a warm, welcoming house that fitted itself snugly around Sabrina as she mov«i from floor to floor.

Stephanie had furnished the rooms in autumn colors, faded now to softness, as if touched by the slanting rays of a late-afternoon sun. She had found antique lamps at garage sales and flea markets and, after polishing and repairing them, had placed them everywhere - on end tables, suspended from the ceiling, standing beside chairs and couches - so that circles of light overlapped on the worn Oriental rugs, brightening their ancient flowers and designs.

It was nothing like Cadogan Square, yet Stephanie had made of it the same kind of sheltered retreat, serene and comforting, that Sabrina had made in London. 'A home,' Sabrina murmured, standing beside the curved radiator in Stephanie and Garth's bedroom. She looked through the wide curving window at the frx>nt yard below, where beds of

bronze and yellow chiysanthemums bloomed in the shade of huge oak trees. Still, it was odd, she thought, that she felt so comfortable in a shabby house that was slightly rumpled, like a suit someone had slept in, when she was used to the gleaming order and elegance of her Victorian house in London.

The telephone rang.

She wasn't ready for telephone calls; she hadn't had time to think about them. It was only nine-thirty; who would call so early?

'Hello?* she said, but nothing came out. She cleared her throat. 'Hello?'

'Am I speaking to the lady of the house? This is Lady Longworth in London, and I wish to speak to—'

'Stephanie!' At her sister's voice, lilting and mischievous, Sabrina laughed with relief and pleasure. 'How wonderful! I was so busy memorizing your kitchen cabinets I forgot you were going to call this morning. Is everything all right?'

'Oh, I can't begin to tell you. Strange and wonderful. Unbelievable. Like a dream. But what about you? Does Garth suspect an3rthing?'

'Nothing. Of course, we hardly talked ... and he slept in his study. Penny and Cliff are fine, full of energy. They loved the magic tricks. Oh, I said the bronze lamp was a birthday present firomyou. Happy birthday tomorrow, Stephanie.'

Stephanie laughed. 'Happy birthday, Sabrina. What a strange way we're celebrating. You really didn't have any trouble?*

'Not a bit. They knew I was exhausted, and when I did something really stupid—'

'What?'

'Asked Garth where he kept his potholders.*

'Oh, no.'

'It was all right; I slid around it. Stephanie, we don't have to worry; it's amazingly easy. They have no reason to suspect anything, and I can handle little mistakes. I can handle all of it. When you come back everything will be waiting as if I hadn't been here at all.'

'What does Garth ... I mean, does he seem ... What did he say about the tie tack?'

•He loved it/

'And you didn't have any problem with the officer

The office. Oh, damn, I forgot all about it. I'll do it right away. I'll say I've had Asiatic hiccups and couldn't talk until now.'

'Where are you?'

•What?'

'Where are you sitting?'

'Oh. Your bedroom. I've been exploring, and I'm about to go grocery shopping. Your family ate everything in sight and did&'t replace it.'

'They never do. Be sure you buy—'

'Stephanie.'

•Yes?'

'Don't worry about me or your family. You're too far away to change anything. Just enjoy your week. Now tell me what you've been doing. Have you gone to Ambassadors or called Brian for messages?'

Sabrina listened to Stephanie. Mostly she had just browsed in London; she'd run into Gabrielle and Brooks, who told her they were going to live together; Mrs Thirkeli was worried about - Sabrina grew impatient; it all seemed far away, and she had so much to do. Finally Stephanie said, 'Well, then, unless something comes up I won't talk to you again until I see you in Chicago on Monday. At the airport.'

•Have a wonderful week,' Sabrina said, and was on her feet before she had finished saying goodbye. She hurried to the third-floor stairs to finish her tour. But she turned back. It could wait; she had to make a grocery list and call the office. She went downstairs and was walking into the kitchen when the telephone rang again.

She could ignore it, but that would only delay things. And after all, she thought, if I can fool the family, I can fool friends. She answered on the fifth ring. 'Hello?'

•Hi, welcome home. Did I wake you? If you're still sleeping off your trip you can call me back.'

Silence. Close friends don*t identify themselves on the telephone. We forgot about that. So what do I do now?

'Stephanie? Are you there?'

Fake it. IVs only the first of many.

*Ycs, Sony, I was finishing some stale coffee cake. How are you?*

'We're all fine. Breakfast so late? Did China turn you into a lady of leisure?'

'Oh, eveiyone let me sleep this morning. I suppose it won't last.'

'I suppose not. Was it a glorious trip?'

It was almost ten; she had to call the office. 'What?'

'I said, was it a glorious trip? You are still asleep.'

'No. I just remembered I haven't called the office about not going in today.'

'Well, go ahead and call me back.'

'No!' How can I coll her back when I haven't the faintest idea who she is? 'I mean, I've waited this long, I can wait a few more minutes. Tell me what's happened while I've been gone.'

'Not much. School started, so the house is peaceful; Nat is at a conference in Minneapolis until tomorrow; and I've decided to overthrow the Evanston City Council for not putting a stoplight at the comer. Piddling stuff compared to China.'

Sabrina laughed. Nat was Nat Goldner, so she was talking to Dolores Goldner and everything was fine.

'Oh, and you're coming to dinner tomorrow night,' Dolores added. 'Did Garth remember to tell you?'

'No. You're not having a party—?'

'In the middle of the week? Just the six of us. To celebrate your birthday and provide an audience for your exotic tales. Six-thirty?'

'Fine. I'll look forward to it.*

There was a brief pause. 'I should hope so,' Dolores answered. 'Seeyou then.'

A mistake: she had been too formal. But it wasn't serioiis. On the whole, a pretty good job.

Job. She dialed the number on her checklist for Stephanie's office and left a message at the switchboard that she was ill. Then, surveying the pantiy and refrigerator, she made a grocery list, thinking up menus and snacks, becoming more and more ambitious. She was filled with energy and confidence, as if she had stepped into an adventute stoiy and

found everything she wanted - a home, a family, friends ~ and knew she could make them hers. For awhile.

The confidence carried her through the first roughness with the car - why couldn't governments agree which side of the road to drive on?- and the cavernous supermarket that would have held ten of the markets she frequented in London. She had never shopped for four people and, fearful of buying too little, bought four times what she ordinarily would. Her shopping cart looked as if she were supplying an army.

Driving from store to store, she used Stephanie's list as a guide to buy for a house and a family. Sabrina Longworth carrying bags of groceries, turtle food, toilet paper, detergent, Ortho Spray for the roses. She laughed to herself. What would Olivia think of her now?

The streets were full of cars driven by women doing the same errands. It did not seem to matter whether the stores were two or three blocks from each other, or two or three miles apart; everyone drove. And everyone bought so much. In Europe, shoppers carried string bags with enough food for the day. Here, every shopper was laden with what seemed to be enough for a month. Well, so am I, she thought. But surely everyone else hasn't just returned from two weeks in China? No. The difference is that these women have freezers. They can buy two or three of everything without worrying about spoilage.

The car was full of brown paper bags. Sabrina felt the thrill of victory. No one had questioned her signature on a check; the butcher smiled at her when she asked him to trim the steaks; at the dry cleaners they had given her Garth's sport jacket without hesitation, the clerk in the camera shop greeted her by name as she gave him her rolls of film, and said of course the pictures would be ready tomorrow; she must be anxious to show them off; it's not every day that people go to China. She had done it all.

At three o'clock Garth called. 'I just wanted to make sure you were all right.'

'Did you think I wasn't?'

*I thought you were tense last night, almost as if you weren't sure how to behave.*

Some of her confidence ebbed away. Stephanie didn*t tell me he was a mind reader, 'Did I really act like that?'

•A little. Did you sleep well?*

•Yes, I feel better. I keep thinking I'm still a tourist, but I'll settle down. What time will you he home?'

*Five-thirty. You are all right?'

'Yes, of course. I'll see you then.'

Cliff rushed in from school and Sabrina prepared to sit down and talk about his day. 'Hi, Mom,' he said, tearing open a bag of potato chips. 'Penny says to tell you she has gymnastics and she'll be home at five-thirty. I'll be back later.' He was halfway out the door before Sabrina caught her breath.

'Hold on!' Obviously friendly, parental, after-school chats were not part of the family routine. 'Five-thirty for you, too,' she said and Cliff nodded, slanmiing the screen door after him.

But it was all right,' she thought; at least she would be alone and unobserved while she cooked her first meal for a family in a strange kitchen.

Garth was early and found her peppering the steaks. He had come through the house quietly and watched her from the dining room doonvay. Slender as a young girl, in jeans and close-fitting pullover, she stood at the counter, her back to the door, murmuring to herself. 'Mortar and pestle. There must be one somewhere.'

Garth was puzzled. There it was again - that playacting: as if she'd been away much longer than two weeks and was seeing her house and her family for the first time. As if she no longer took anything for granted.

'No mortar and pestle,' she murmured. 'Well, a grinder, then.'

Garth moved forward and Sabrina whirled about. 'I didn't hear you.'

'I just came in. What requires a mortar and pestle?'

'Peppercorns. But I can grind them.'

'I have some at the lab, you know.'

'Peppercorns?'

'Mortars and pestles.'

'What do you do with them?'

'Crush peppercorns, of course/

'To study their genes?'

'To modify their genes so they grow on trees in little square cans with plastic lids.'

'A peppercan tree.'

'So far a peppercan't. It's a difficult project.'

They laughed softly together. How beautiful she is, thought Garth. Has she always been this beautiful - or has something happened to change her? His eyes holding hers, laughter still on their lips, he moved toward her. Sabrina turned quickly back to the counter. 'Did you have a good day?'

He stopped as if struck. 'What?'

'I asked about your day.'

Laughter one minute, her back to him the next, without rhyme or reason. He looked at her, but she was absorbed in pressing ground pepper into the steaks with the heel of her hand. He shrugged and sat on the couch, opening the newspaper. 'Did you buy wine today?'

'Yes, I'll get it. Just a minute.' She laid the steaks on a platter and covered them with waxed paper. From the pantiy she brought a bottle of red wine, a corkscrew and two glasses. Garth looked at the glasses and his eyebrows went up, but Sabrina did not notice. 'You didn't tell me about your day.'

'You didn't tell me about yours. Dull and routine after your trip?'

'No. Peaceful and pleasant. I took a tour of the house and decided China has nothing to equal it, cracks and all. Shall we sit on the patio? It's a magnificent evening and I've hardly been outside all day.'

Garth put down the paper. 'Good idea. I haven't either.' He led the way outside and opened the bottle. 'It's been a long time since we sat together before dinner.' He smiled at her as they sat at a small round table. Even if she was still angiy from their quarrel before her trip, she was obviously trying to change their routine. Well, so was he, though she didn't seem to have noticed how early he'd come home and

that he hadn't mentioned going back to the lab after dinner.

Sabrina gazed at the backyard. The late-afternoon sun, low in the sky, shone through tall honeysuckles at the far end. Its gold-flecked light spread over bronze chrysanthemums, rose bushes of deep red Mirandies and yellow Teas and the vegetable garden where glossy red tomatoes tangled with thorny raspberry stalks and yellowing cucumbers. No one had picked them while Stephanie was away.

The air was fresh and sweet; the sun lay like honey on Sabrina's face, and she felt at ease. 'I've done all the talking, about my trip. You haven't told me what happened while I was gone.'

'We missed you.' He poured the wine and examined the bottle. 'The house echoed and teetered on the edge of chaos. This is a new wine; are you experimenting?*

There was none in the house and Stephanie said you liked reds, so I bought one of my favorites. 'Someone on the trip mentioned it. You don't mind trying something new?'

'Of course I don't mind.' He sipped it and looked again at the label. 'It's very fine. What else did you buy?'

'Just groceries. And I put petrol in the car. It was almost empty.'

'Petrol?'

Sabrina gripped her wine glass. 'Am I still doing it? There was an Englishman on the trip, an antique dealer named Nicholas Blackford, and we talked shop a lot and I started using his British terms. In Hong Kong I called our hotel elevator a lift, and Nicholas said that made me an honorary English citizen. I don't know why I picked up his phrases instead of his picking up mine—' Stop babbling. You'll niake things worse.' — anyway, I guess I'm still doing it.'

'Mom?' Permy was calling from inside the house.

Thank God for children. 'We're out here,' Sabrina called, and in a minute Penny rushed through the door and flung herself on the chair next to Sabrina.

'Barbara says she's going to make the puppets.'

'Oh?' said Sabrina cautiously. 'How come?'

'Mrs Casey told her she could.' Tears filled Permy's eyes. 'It's not fair!'

'Why did Mrs Casey tell her that?'

*I don't know! You talked to her last year, at the end of school - didn't she say I could make them? Isn't that what she said?'

'I think so. Did she tell Barbara she'd changed her mind?*

'Barbara says she just told her to get started on them. But I already started and the puppet show is for Christmas so we don't have much time and I have so many good ideas and it's my project!' She burst into tears and Sabrina leaned close to her.

'Maybe Mrs Casey just told Barbara to help you because she thought one person shouldn't do all of them.'

'I've got three helpers - you know that! I told you a long time ago! Will you go ulk to her?'

'Well,.. Mrs Casey never ulked to you about changing her plans?'

'No!'

'Well, I'll think about it. It certainly doesn't seem fair that she didn't talk to you about it, whatever her reasons.'

'What are you doing out here?' Cliff asked, coming through the kitchen door.

'Having a quiet glass of wine before dinner,' Garth said diyly. 'Can I have cider?' Cliff asked.

'Pour some for both of you,' said Sabrina. 'We'll eat soon.*

•It's ahnost six-thirty,' said Cliff. 'I'm starved.'

'Six-thirty?' Sabrina was surprised. 'Weren'tyou supposed to be home at five-thirty? Both of you?'

'I was with Barbara,' said Penny, sniffling.

'I was talking to Hal.' said Cliff. 'It was vexy important. I meant to call, but—'

'Sloppy time-keeping,* said Sabrina. 'You might improve on it in the future. Starting tomorrow. Now how about setting the table? We'll cat about seven.*

Cliff and Penny looked at each other and turned and ran into the house. Sabrina heard them whispering furiously together.

'No lecture?' Garth asked.

'Oh, it's too beautiful out here to lecture anyone.' / am not a good mother; not strict enough, 'Did I tdl you about the

weatner in China? It was as if we were in three different countries, from cool highlands to the tropics.' She talked rapidly, gesturing with her hands, making Garth laugh with tales of their Chinese guide. Then she stood up. 'Dinner in just a few minutes. Shall we finish the wine with the steak?'

He nodded, and she went into the kitchen and breathed deeply. Not too bad.

At the table, his mouth full. Cliff made a face. 'What happened to the steak?'

Sabrina's heart sank. 'You don't like it.'

* A new recipe?' Garth asked. To go with the new winer

'I'm Sony,' she said. 'I found it in a cookbook—'

'Why are you sorry? It's excellent. Cliff, be daring and take another bite. Life is full of adventures. Penny, don't let him scare you; give it a tiy.' He turned to Sabrina. 'Does it have a name?'

'Steak au poivre. Steak with pepper/

'And what else?'

'Butter. Madeira. That's all. It's veiy simple.*

'It tickles my tongue,' said Penny. 'I like it.*

'It's all right,' Cliff said. 'Not as good as hamburger. I'll get it!' he add^, scrambling from his chair as the telephone rang. In a minute he called fix>m the kitchen, 'Dad! For you!'

Garth left, and came back frowning. 'I have to take over a seminar tonight; one of our bacteriologists has the flu.'

'Poor fellow,' said Sabrina. 'Took his research home with him.'

Garth smiled, but he was annoyed. 'I didn't want to go out tonight.' How would she know he was trying to do things differently, just as she was, if he spent another evening away from home? 'If I can find someone else?'

'No, they need you,' Sabrina said. This would take care of tonight, and tomorrow night they were going to the Goldners'. 'Will you be late?'

'Probably about eleven. You'll be up, won't you?'

'I think so.'

But she was not. She played Scrabble with Penny and Cliff, then watched television in tke ^ving room wfaik they did

their homework. At ten o'clock she checked the front door, the patio door and the side door to make sure they were locked. Upstairs, after undressing and washing up, she slipped into one of the nightgowns folded in the top dresser drawer and pulled on the seersucker robe hanging in the closet. Then, curling up in the deep chair near the curved bedroom window, she took one of the books from the table beside it and began to read.

On the third page she looked up, as if suddenly awakened. What had she done? She had checked the doors, but no one had told her to. She had put on a nightgown, though she had not worn one in twenty years; she always slept nude. She had reached without looking to take the seersucker robe from its hook, but she couldn't remember noticing it when she looked through the closet that morning. And, without planning, she had come straight to this chair to read.

Stephanie must have told her these things. They'd described so many details to each other that last week in China, these must have been among them. Or, she thought, after a day of playing Stephanie, living in Stephanie's house, I'm becoming - just a little bit - my sister.

A wave of sleepiness swept over her. I'll think about both of me tomorrow, she thought, and then as she pulled back the covers and slid into bed, she smiled drowsily. Both of me. What an extraordinary idea. And then she fell asleep.

She woke at seven. The house was still. Sunlight flooded the room. Sabrina turned her head to the smooth sheet and pillow beside her. Had Garth come in last night and kissed her, as he had kissed her in the morning while she slept? She had heard nothing, felt nothing. She could not even remember if she had dreamed.