Deceptions (18 page)

'Stephanie, I 'd like to do whatever feels right. How else can I have the experience of living your life?'

'I'm sorry. Of course you'll do what you want. You should. I don't know why I'm being so silly. I think I'm nervous. Two more days—'

'I know. I'm all tied up inside, too.'

That evening they were in the crowded industrial city of Canton and the next day they went to its famous zoo. In that tropical paradise, an oasis in the dingy city, Sabrina had the dizzying sensation of being cut off fi-om everything. She lagged behind and sat on a bench in the botanical orchid garden, surrounded by the riotous colours of exotic flowers. For two weeks she had been locked in a land and a society completely different from her own. For two weeks she had seen nothing familiar; even the flowers were different. And now, instead of going home, she was going to another strange place: a different land, a different society, a different house. She would live with strangers - for how well did she really know Garth or the children? She would have nothing to hold onto. But that's foolish, she thought. I'll only be gone a week longer than I'd planned, and then I'll be home. I've been away longer than that before.

Stephanie came looking for her, and they walked through the rest of the zoo, admiring the rare giant pandas. The next morning they boarded the train to Hong Kong. The tour of China was over.

Later, Sabrina regretted that she had been so tense with anticipation she hadn't been able to appreciate the Victorian grandeur of the train: an old-fashioned steam engine with enormous red wheels and a red cowcatcher, rolling on a track so smooth their tea had not a ripple. They sat on cushioned seats with white embroidered cloths behind their heads, 2 carpet beneath their feet and velvet curtains on the winaows as they sped through a lush tropical countryside of heavy trees and dense vegetation. But they barely looked at it. They were absorbed in their game, repeating, memorizing, recalling people and places from past visits to each other. Stephanie clasped and unclasped her hands and Sabrina found herself doing the same.

'Money,' Sabrina said. She opened her purse. 'This is my Check Card; you can cash a check anywhere with it. And my checkbook; there's pleiity in the account for a week. If you have an emergency, call Mr. Eccles at the bank; he'll transfer as much as you need. Write my name.'

'What?'

'Write my name. As if you're signing a check.'

'Sabrina, I'm not going to spend your money.'

'Of course you are. I have only fifty pounds cash; you'll need more before the week is out. What will you do? I'll have all your dollars.*

'There aren't many.'

'We'll settle accounts later. Stephanie, don't worry about money; you can't have any fun if you do. I promise I will demand repayment of every pence after we're home again. Now sign my name.'

Stephanie wrote, her lip caught between her teeth as she concentrated. 'What do you think?'

'Lovely. Start a little higher on the L and make the final stroke of the h a little longer and you've got it. Now how about me? Do 1 cash checks?'

'At the grocery. I usually do it when I shop. I have about thirty dollars with me. You just cash more as you need it.' She rummaged in her purse. 'This is the card for Dominick's; this is for the Jewel. 1 keep them in the checkbook.'

Sabrina confidently wrote Stephanie's name, and as the train followed a river through the rich, rolling country they

talked about the Evanston post office, pharmacy, hardware store, self-service dry cleaner and Stephanie's house: a broken valve on the pressure cooker, garment bags with extra sweaters, bologna sandwiches, a bent latch on the washing machine, two overdue library books.

As the train approached Hong Kong, they talked of London: restaurants and pubs in Belgravia and Knights-bridge, Chelsea shops and boutiques, the Tate Gallery, Westminster Abbey, Portobello Road, Mrs Thirkell's day off, emergency telephone numbers. Sabrina wrote down a name and telephone number and gave it to Stephanie. 'If you have a real emergency, something so urgent it won't help to call me in Evanston, call this number.'

Stephanie read it. 'Alexandra Martova.'

'You didn't meet her when you were in London because she was out of town, but I've told you about her. If you have to, you can tell her what we've done; you can trust her with anything.'

'Thank you. I was thinking I'd be awfully alone.*

'Not with Alexandra there.*

Off the train the quiet trading of their lives went on in the midst of the chaos and noise of Hong Kong: streets so crowded they had to walk sideways, buildings climbing the mountains in vertical concrete slabs with windows reflecting the densely packed boats in the harbor, their masts a tangled forest swaying in the breeze. After dinner Sabrina and Stephanie walked from the Jade Gardens restaurant to their hotel, A crowd trailed behind them as they passed fortunetellers, shoemakers, cooking stalls, salesmen with open valises of blue jeans and dealers behind folding tables spread with jade carvings and jewelry.

'Garth,' said Sabrina.

'What?* Stephanie asked

'Did you buy him anything?'

'Oh. No.'

'Well, for peace in the family—' Sabrina looked at the jewelry displayed on one of the tables. 'Excellent!* enthused the dealer in crisp English. She shook her head. 'Very excellent stuffi* he insisted. She shrugged and turned. 'Wait,' he said. Bending down to a box between his feet, he brought

out a small tray. 'These?* She looked closely and pointed to a round tie tack that glowed softly under the garish streetlights. For the next ten minutes they bargained rapidly, bouncing prices back and forth like tennis balls. Finally Sabrina nodded and paid. The crowd applauded.

'Mother used to do that/ Stephanie said.

'It's fun once in a while. It's a game. This seems to be my week for games, doesn't it?*

'I should have thought of buying Garth something.'

Sabrina was thoughtful. 'Isn't it strange? It*s as if we*ve already traded places.'

That night they slept fitfully and woke feeling still tired. 'My heart is pounding,' Stephanie said. 'Like mine,* said Sabrina. They dressed in each other's clothes: Stephanie in Sabrina's dark blue suit with red piping, Sabrina in Stephanie's brown suit with white blouse. She left the top two buttons open but Stephanie, with a faint smile, did them up.

They went again through each other's purses and wallets, checking passports and airline tickets. They stood a last time before the mirror. 'How strange I feel!' Stephanie said. Sabrina could only nod, caught between anticipation and the strange sense of loss she had felt in the orchid garden in Canton.

They turned to pick up their suitcases. 'Oh!* Stephanie exclaimed. 'I forgot—* She tugged at her finger and held out her wedding ring to Sabrina. Her hand was trembling. 'This is the first time I've ever taken it off.*

Sabrina touched her fingers as she took the ring. 'I'll take care of it. * She put it on, thinking how many years it had been since she had worn one of her own.

There was a knock on the door. 'The bellboy,* she said.

As he came in they picked up their shoulder bags. 'One more thing,* Sabrina said. 'I've been saving it.' She reached into her pocket and held something out to Stephanie.

Stephanie smiled. 'So have I.'

And in a sixth-floor room of the Furama Inter-Continental Hotel in Hong Kong, Sabrina Longworth and Stephanie Andersen handed to each other the keys to their fix>nt doors, in England and America. And then it was time to go.

Tart II

Chapter 10

From the depths of the warm bed, Sabrina heard a door open, the rustle of clothes, the door gently shut. She frowned, coming out of her dark sleep: why was Mrs Thirkell in her room so early? A drawer was pulled out, slowly, quietly. Sabrina opened her eyes and tensed in shock, her fist against her mouth. A tall man wearing pajama pants, his naked back to her, black hair tousled from sleep, trousers over his arm, a folded shirt in his hand.

Garth.

She closed her eyes again. Not Mrs Thirkell. Not her own bedroom; not her own bed. Her sister's house, four thousand miles from London, a lifetime from—

There's no bologna!' The indignant cry pierced the bedroom quiet.

Garth took two long strides to the door. His voice was low and muffled as he called down the back stairs. 'Cliff, I told you to keep your voice down. I'll help you make your lunch in a few minutes. You are not to wake your mother.*

Your mother.

Sabrina felt imprisoned in the bed. It was a lie. It was supposed to be an adventure, but it was all a lie. She felt ashamed and a little afraid. I have no right to be here; I don't belong. These are real people and I'm a fraud.

The night before, it had seemed like a game, careless and exciting, from the moment when she left the plane and saw, waiting for her—

The dresser drawer closed. Silence. Then the brushing sound of bare feet on the carpet, a shadow across her sunlit eyelids, the warmth of a kiss on her cheek. She fought back panic, willing herself to lie still and breathe deeply and slowly. Last night he had slept in his study, but now—

The shadow moved away from her face. The bathroom door opened and closed, a light switch clicked, water sprayed from the shower. Sabrina burrowed into the protective cave of the bed. / won't get up. Vll stay here the whole week, until Stephanie comes back. This is her life, not mine. What am I doing here?

The night before, she had been so keyed up, so tense and watchful, that she never stopped to question what she was doing. It had not been difficult. Perhaps that was the trouble. Everything had seemed almost too easy, a little joke on all of them, until this morning, when Garth, the husband, came toward the bed. His bed, his house, his life.

They had been waiting at the airport when her plane arrived. Dinner time in Chicago, six-fifteen, and they were all there, standing on the glass-enclosed balcony above her as she inched ahead in the customs line. Penny and Cliff fidgeted and mouthed exaggerated hellos while Garth stood quietly, watching her. They were like an audience, waiting for her performance. Sabrina's hand shook as she moved slowly forward. I have stage fright, she thought.

But when, at last, she left customs, she forgot it in the midst of the family. Penny clung to her, arms around her waist, and even Cliff, tall for his twelve years, with flaming red hair, a pugnacious nose, and a pretense of cool disdain, kept touching her arm to assure himself she was really there. Behind them. Garth bent to kiss her, but she turned slightly as Penny spoke and his Ups only brushed the edge of her mouth. 'Welcome home,' he said. His eyes were searching hers as she turned to Cliff and Penny, who were eyeing the box she had carried off the plane. 'Is it a present?' Penny asked. She looked up at Sabrina with dark blue eyes; Stephanie's eyes, Sabrina's eyes. Her small face, framed in black curls like her father's, already had the vivid beauty that Sabrina and Stephanie had had at eleven. To Sabrina, it was like looking in a mirror that erased time.

'A present for the house,' she answered. 'A beautiful bronze lamp. I bought it in Shanghai from a little man named Mr Su, who once lived in Chicago.'

'For the house,' said Permy, crestfallen.

'And,' Sabrina went on casually, 'Mr Su had an amazing

cabinet in his shop, filled with magic tricks. Somehow* probably by magic, two of them got into my suitcase.'

Cliffs eyes brightened. 'Chinese magic? What does it do?*

'It makes curious boys disappear/ she said, bending to kiss the top of his head.'How can it be a surprise if I tell you about it now? Wait 'til we get home.'

In the station wagon, the two of them perched on the edge of the back seat and fired questions at her about China. Garth drove silently; Sabrina could not tell if he was listening to the three of them or not. But in the twilight closeness of the car, excitement churned inside her: it felt so good to have a family waiting when she arrived; it felt good to be with them now, talking and laughing. And no one had noticed a thing. It's working, she thought. It's going to work.

'We wanted to order out Chinese food,' Cliff said as Garth brought the luggage from the car. 'But we thought maybe you'd had enough in China, so we changed it to pizza.'

'And I'm cooking itl' Penny announced, turning on the oven.

'Finishing it,' said Cliff.

'Cooking it!' She pulled two boxes from the freezer. 'And since I'm the cook. Cliff does the dishes.'

'You're not cooking, you're just putting them in the oven. And I cut up the salad stuff this afternoon, so I did more than you, so you're doing the dishes!*

'I'm not doing the dishes! I want to talk to Mommy.'

'You can talk later.'

•No I can't.'

'You can too.*

'You will both do the dishes/ Garth said firmly. 'I want to talk to your mother. Is the table set?'

•Yes.'Cliff grumbled.

Sabrina knelt beside her suitcase. 'How about presents before dinner?'

In the clamour - how do two children manage to sound like a dozen? she wondered - Sabrina pulled the wrapped gifts from the sweaters Stephanie had used to cushion them. She gave Penny and Cliff theirs and, standing up, held out the third to Garth. He looked at her extended hand. 'For me,' he

murmured as if to himself and met Sabrinai's eyes. 'Thank you.*

Take it,* she said, puzzled by the strange note in his voice, and at last he reached for the small box and began to unwrap it. While Penny and Cliff were absorbed in their gifts, reading the instructions Stephanie had written in the hotel in Hong Kong, Sabrina watched Garth. He had aged in the three years since her last visit; the lines radiating from the comers of his eyes had deepened; his face was thinner, and his black hair was mixed with gray. But his eyes had a boyish eagerness, like Cliff's, as he unwrapped his gift, and then, as she watched, he grew thoughtful and a little sad, looking at the lustrous sphere of jade in his palm. He cupped his fingers around it. *A beautiful thing.' He moved toward her. 'I didn't think you—'

Confused by the expression in his eyes, Sabrina felt a spurt of anxiety. 'The pizza!* she said quickly, and ducked away before he could kiss her. Opening the oven with one hand, she reached with the other to puU out the drawer beside it. Waxed paper and foil. She opened the next one down: towels. She opened the next.