Deceptions (31 page)

you when you're sick, that's eight. I work at the university; that's nine.' Does Stephanie really do all this? 'And, of course, I am, as you say, a mother, which makes ten, and a wife, which makes eleven. I may have left out a few. How many jobs did you say you have?'

He stared. 'But... you're supposed to do those things.'

'Who says?*

He thought about it, mentally weighing answers. 'The Bible?'

She laughed. 'The Bible has women warriors who whack off men's heads with their swords. Shall I be like them?'

'No, but... well, maybe it's not in a book or a law, but everybody knows what mothers are supposed to do - what they've always done. Family things don't change.*

Sihe nodded seriously. 'And what are sons supposed to do?'

'Go to school.'

'Only in this centiuy. All but the rich ones used to work twelve or fourteen hours a day in factories and coal mines. Earning money to help out their parents.'

'But that's all changed—!*

She made a face of mock surprise. 'A family thing changed?*

After a long moment Cliff grinned. 'Oh,' he said, and they began to laugh together. Sabrina, wanting to hug him, reached out to tousle his hair as their laughter grew, and that was how Garth found them a moment later when he walked into the kitchen.

Sabrina's laughter stopped. 'Cliff, we've talked away the afternoon, and what have we done for dinner?'

'We haven't done the dishes,' he said, sliding off the couch. 'Hi, Dad. Make any clones today?'

'I'm working on one for a respectftil son,' Garth said, but he was looking at Sabrina. 'I brought a steak. If you'll tell me what you did last week, I'll do it this time.'

'I can do it,' she said, starting to get up.

'But I want to.' He liked doing things for his wife, who had always doggedly done for everyone else, no matter how sick she felt. He liked being needed by her, for a change.

Sabrina sat back. Garth poured two glasses of wine and put

them on the table in front of her. Then, following her directions, he crushed peppercorns with the new mortar and pestle and pressed them into both sides of the steak. Beside him. Cliff washed the breakfast dishes and ulked about his science class. Sabrina watched them, father and son, working side by side. On the floor beside her. Penny hummed as she sketched, locked in her own world, unaware of the family. But Sabrina was keenly aware of it. She was not doing very well with Garth, but in spite of that she felt the force of the family holding her close, and she was content to be there, part of them, even though Garth's explosive anger of the night before hung unresolved in the air.

Garth sat beside her, and automatically she moved away from him. He ignored it, handing her a glass of wine. 'I owe you an apology for last night. I talked myself into something simply because I wanted it. It was thoughtless and I'm sorry. Especially since it was such a wonderful evening until then. At least for me.'

'For all of us. I should apologize, too—'

'There's no reason. It will take you a while to get back your equilibrium, and I should have known that. Instead, I was about as sensitive as a teenager on a back road.'

Sabrina frowned. 'Who said anything about my equilibrium?'

'Nat. Talking about the aftereffects of shock and concussion. We don't have to go into it; he simply made me aware that I'd been thinking of myself, not of you.' He held out his hand, palm up, and after a moment's hesitation she put hers in it. 'I don't like to think of myself as crude. I do apologize.'

'Thank you.' Gently she pulled back her hand. 'I think I'd better do something about dinner.'

'No, your job is to give orders and supervise. That way the responsibility for possible failure is shared. What do I do now?*

He enlisted Cliff and Penny, and they all worked while Sabrina, curled up on the couch, gave directions and let her thoughts wander. The days were settling into routine, but she was left in a strange Umbo. Her brief adventure had collapsed, and she was no longer simply a visitor; this was

borne, this was her family. She was involved in the things they did today and planned for tomorrow, next week, two weeks from now.

But how could she make plans? She could not change the house or its routine; they weren't hers. She would begin things she would not have time to finish; she would make mistakes that could expose her at any minute; she would love Penny and Cliff and leave them; and Garth—

Garth. The biggest part of the future. The part she had to keep her distance from.

'Dinner,' he said, smiling, and reached out a hand to help her up.

On Friday, Juanita came again. Dolores called first. 'Go easy with her; she doesn't like to take orders.' 'Dolores, I have to tell her what I want done.' 'Don't. Just let her do what she wants. That's when she does best. You can make a suggestion now and then. As for hmch—* •There's the doorbell. I'll Ulk to you later.* Silently, Juanita cleaned the rooms and changed the beds while Sabrina began some of the jobs Stephanie had told her she always did at the end of September: putting away summer clothes, bringing out winter ones firom the garment bags in the hall closet. At noon Juanita came up to her. 'What's for lunch?' OhJorMrsThiTkelL

'Anything in the refrigerator that appeals toyou,' she said, folding sweaters. Her cast made her clumsy, and she knocked two of them to the floor. Juanita picked diem up. 'Mrs Goldner and the other ladies fix something for me.' Sabrina took the sweaters from her. 'Thank you. Do you cook for yourself in your own home, Juanita?'

After a pause, Juanita said, 'Yes, ma'am,' and went downstairs. An hour later, when Sabrina went down for her own lunch, she found on the breakfast-room table a plate of cold sliced roast beef, tomatoes and French bread, silverware wrapped in a napkin, and a glass of cider. As she looked at it, Juanita came in fix>m the living room. 'I thought you

might have trouble fixing something, with your arm and all.'

*That was kind of you. It looks lovely. Did you have enough to eat?'

Tes'm.' She went back to the living room.

Later, she found Sabrina in the backyard, pruning roses. 'I have a free day every other Wednesday. If you want, I could come here.'

'What do you charge, Juanita?'

'Thirty dollars plus carfare.'

Could they afford it? She didn't know. Stephanie always did her own housework. But why should I do it? Sabrina thought. After all, I gave up Mrs Thirkell. And it's only for the few weeks I'm here. Stephanie can decide what she wants to do when she returns. 'All right. Next Wednesday or the one after?'

•Next.'

'I'll see you then.' She turned back to the roses. They had had a small contest of wills, she and Juanita, and both had won. Juanita cleaned house her own way; Sabrina managed lunch in her way. Except.., who had the last word? Juanita. She decided what Sabrina would eat and drink. Sabrina began to laugh. Wait until I tell Garth, she thought.

At dinner, the last of the donated meals, she listened as Garth and Cliff talked about the soccer game he had played that afternoon, the first since he was benched. He had scored twice. 'You shoulda seen it, Mom, it was great. You'll come next week to the last one, won't you? I like it best when you and Dad are both there.'

'Of course,' she said. 'I think Penny might want to come, too.' Then she sat back again, letting the others talk. Every few minutes Garth looked at her quizzically, waiting for her to join them or lead the conversation, as she had on other nights; but she was quiet. Let them be the family; she would watch.

'Headache still bad?' he asked after dinner.

'Only once in a while. Mostly it's like background noise; always there, but I get used to it.'

'But you're so quiet. Wasn't it a good day?'

*Oh, it was. Something amusing—' Penny brought a carton

of ice cream to the table, and while Garth scooped it into dishes and poured their coffee, she told about her contest of wills with Juanita. He chuckled, but he was surprised.

'You've always said you were uncomfortable giving orders; that was why you didn't want a maid/

'Oh. Well, it's amazing how a broken wrist and pounding head make it easy to give orders and get used to having a maid. As a matter of fact, that was the other way Juanita had the last word. After she chose my lunch, she got me to hire her.'

Garth's eyebrows went up. 'You hired her?'

'Only one day eveiy other week.' Sabrina was annoyed to find herself becoming defensive. She wasn't used to that. In London she never had to explain her decisions; she answered to no one but herself. Did Stephanie have to consult Garth whenever she wanted to spend money?

'Well, that's fine,' he said. 'You know how many times I've suggested it. I just assumed we'd discuss it first.'

/ don't discuss my plans with anyone.

But suddenly she thought of Antonio, sitting across from her at Le Gavroche, casually dismissing her problems, saying he would get rid of her 'Uttle shop' for her. Was it a luxury that she did not have to discuss her plans with anyone - or was it a burden, that she had no one to discuss them with?

'I'm sorry,' she said to Garth. 'The idea came up—'

The telephone rang and Cliff ran to get it, calling from the kitchen, 'Mom! It's Aunt Sabrina!'

In the breakfast room, Sabrina tried to hear Stephanie through a bad connection and the clatter of Penny and ClilBf clearing the table. Something about Antonio; Stephanie sounded upset. 'I'll call you back.* Sabrina said. 'This weekend?'

'No.' Stephanie's voice faded. *... away in the country.*

'Monday, then,' said Sabrina, adding, 'Don't worry about Antonio.' Whatever it was, it seemed far off and not veiy important.

Over the weekend, she almost forgot it. Imperceptibly, she had slipped completely into the family routine. She and Garth shared the house and yard work with the children, ulking casually about family matters, and she was cooking

again, choosing what she assumed were favorite recipes from spattered pages in Stephanie's cookbooks. She could not resist a few touches of her own, but she thought no one noticed until, over coffee on Sunday night. Garth said she made a more delicious meal with one good arm than most chefs did with two.

It was surprising how good that made her feel.

She thought about it later, when she and Garth were alone in the living room. They had watched a television show and then they read, sitting near each other in overlapping circles of light. Around them the house slumbered; music came softly from the record player. Sabrina looked up from her book and found Garth watching her. They smiled at each other - the only two people awake in the world. Abruptly she returned to her book, to break the spell.

At midnight. Garth said he was going to sleep - 'Early meeting tomorrow with the vice president.' And a little later, when she turned out the lights and went upstairs, she found him on the far side of the bed, eyes shut, breathing deeply. Holding her breath, trying to be invisible and weightless, she slipped into the near side. He did not stir, and before she could decide whether he was feigning sleep or not, she fell asleep herself.

On Monday Garth suggested she take a few more days off from her job. 'I'll call Ted and explain,' he said, and she let him. Coward, she thought. You'll have to go in sooner or later.

But some things could not be put off any longer. Sabrina finally had made an appointment with Penny's teacher, and after lunch she went to the school to meet her. 'Intimidating,' Stephanie had described her, and after one look at the small woman with perfectly waved gray hair, uncompromising mouth and rigid neck, Sabrina understood why.

'Do sit down, Mrs Andersen. Penny told me about your accident; I'm so sorry. How is the wrist?'

'I hope it is healing.'

'Of course, one cannot know what is happening beneath a cast. One can only hope. I want you to know, Mrs Andersen, as I toldyou lastyear, I enjoy Penny. She's a lovely

child and a fine student. She is, however, a bit willful; you must watch that in her/

Sabrina gazed calmly at Mrs Casey. 'Willful,' she repeated.

*She likes her own way. Of course, all yoimgsters do, but Penny is too sure of herself. She needs to be taken down a notch or two.'

'In what way?' asked Sabrina with interest.

'She must learn humility. Without it, Mrs Andersen, children are imcontrollable. Penny, like all of them, must be taught to respect authority, to take her place in the orderly progression of authority. It is a simple fact that adults know more than children. If children begin to think their opinion is as valuable as ours, how can we keep them in their place? How can we teach them? Of course, you understand all this, but I bring it up because Penny tends to be ... ah ... assertive. I encourage independence, to a degree, Mrs Andersen, but I do not encourage sedition.'

Sabrina nodded impassively. 'And the puppet show?'

'A good example. The show dramatizes westward expansion, the Mexican war, the gold rush. It is a teaching tool, not a game. Last spring I granted Penny's request to handle the costumes. When school began this fall she had already drawn a complete set of sketches, which showed admirable energy; but when I suggested certain changes she argued with me, and when I ordered her to make them, she refused, claiming the project was hers. Clearly, I could not tolerate that. There must be one central authority in a classroom or you have chaos. So I turned the costumes over to Barbara Goodman, who is—'

'Without discussing it with Penny.'

'Ah. Yes, I grant you, that was a mistake. I meant to tell her, but something came up and by the next day it had slipped my mind. I can understand that the child is upset about that, and I will make a note to apologize to her. It sets children a good example when adults apologize for their mistakes. But I might add that if Penny had altered her sketches she still would have her little project and I would have no need to apologize.'

•Mrs Casey.'

For the first time the teacher looked directly at Sabrina and saw the glint in her eyes. 'Mrs Andersen, this is a smaU matter. It will pass—*

Tlease. It is now my turn.' Sabrina let a long moment go by. Tou are a tyrant/ she said pleasantly. Tyrants always have very definite ideas about the orderly progression of authority and keeping people in their place.' She was so angiy she was trembling, but she kept her voice even and good-natured. 'If you were running your little show with adults I would ignore you. But you are lording it over sixth-grade children who haven't learned to defend themselves when someone in authority tries to stamp all confidence and independence out of them.'