Deep Surrendering: Episode Seven (8 page)

“I’m good with one kind of restraint. Not so much with the other.” And he took my hand, placing it on the bulge he’d been concealing in his pants.

“So, you can see and feel that this isn’t easy for me. I always want you, Marisol. Always.” He ran my hand up and down once, closing his eyes. If I didn’t remove my hand ASAP, things were going to escalate. Fast.

Fin shuddered but gave me back my hand. He opened his eyes, and the space between us buzzed with energy. Something was going to have to give.

“You were the one who made the rule,” he said, his voice low.

“I know. And I made it for a good reason. I’m not thinking clearly right now. Not at all.” The only thing I could think about was Fin and how close he was, and how much I wanted him to be even closer. It felt like an eternity since we’d been together. Since he’d been inside me. I wasn’t the kind of person who couldn’t control myself, but hell. This was not easy.

Fin moved back with a groan. “Sometimes I think you’re here just to torture me,” he said, glancing back at the screen.

“Right back at you.” I sat back and put some space between us. We could do this. We could be around each other without taking our clothes off.

I tried to focus on Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan as they emailed each other back and forth and fought in person.

“Do you have a boat?” I asked.

“Uh, no. Why?” He smiled because he knew exactly what I was going to say.

“Because I could never date someone with a boat,” I said, quoting Meg Ryan from the movie.

“You know my father has a boat.”

I made a face. I didn’t want to talk about his father.

“Well, that settles it.” If his father didn’t disgust me enough, the fact that he owned a boat sealed the deal. I would never, ever, like his dad. No matter what.

“My dad has a boat too. And he knows a lot of boat people,” I said, trying to shift the topic from his father to mine. I was much more comfortable talking about the latter.

“Yes, I happen to know a lot of boat people. If my father had his way, I’d be a boat person. But I might like to get one of those duckboats. I’m very fond of those kinds of boats,” he said, grinning at me. I thought back to our first date.

I’d been so naïve then. I almost wished I could go back and warn that Marisol what she was in for, but she wouldn’t have listened to me anyway.

“I think I would support this duckboat plan. Then Carl could drive us all around the city and we’d get to avoid traffic.” God, that would be all kinds of awesome to cut across the Charles every time I needed to get somewhere fast.

Fin chuckled. “I bet Carl would love that. You know you’re an enabler of this crazy plan.”

I winked at him. “Yup. I’m always up for crazy ideas.”

Fin lifted his hand like he was going to touch my face and then dropped it.

“You can touch me without having sex with me, Fin.”

He shook his head. “With you, Marsiol, every touch is like sex.”

D
eciding it was too much of a temptation to sleep in the same bed, Fin said he’d sleep on the couch. I fought with him, but he won that round. Short of tying myself to the couch (which would do more to get us to have sex than sleeping in separate places), I had no choice but to let him win.

“Goodnight, Marisol,” he said, brushing a kiss across my forehead. I had to fight to keep myself from grabbing him and dragging him back to the bed to kiss me in a whole lot more places.

But I kept my word and brushed my hand across his chest. “Goodnight, Fin.”

He stepped away from me and I closed the door, resting my forehead against the cool wood.

I turned on the enchanted forest chandelier and got in his bed, moving to the side he’d been laying on and burying my face in the pillow. I’d slept in this bed more than a few times since he’d gone away, mourning the loss of his scent. Now it was back, and I didn’t know how I was going to get used to it fading again.

Fin refused to talk about when and if he was going back, but I knew it had to be soon. God only knew what he told his father to explain this little trip.

I was scared for him. There was absolutely nothing I could do, but that didn’t stop me from being scared.

Closing my eyes, I willed myself to sleep. I did that thing where you relax each muscle of your body, starting with your toes and working upward. It didn’t help.

My eyes popped open, and I stared at the wall. What was Fin doing? Was he sleeping, or was he up reading? I got out of bed and tiptoed through the apartment. I was quiet, but Fin still looked up as I peeked around the corner, into the living room.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He stuck his finger in his book and rested it against his chest. I hung back, not wanting to bug him.

“Wondering what you’re doing. I guess I was lonely.” Funny how I could be lonely even when he was in the same apartment with me.

He sat up and patted the spot next to him. I walked over and sat down.

“What are you reading?” He held up the book. I nearly snorted. “Moby Dick? Really?” I’d tried to read it a few times but couldn’t get past all the whaling stuff, which was the majority of the book.

“It’s soothing, in a way. And I’ve read it a few times, so I don’t have to focus completely on everything about the story. It’s comforting.” I could understand that, I guess.

“I could read to you, if you want.” That would probably put me to sleep faster than anything.

“Okay,” I said, laying back and bringing my feet up under me. Without a word, Fin grabbed a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and put it on top of me.

I smiled at him in thanks, and he opened the book and started reading from where he’d left off. It didn’t matter that he was well into the story. I wasn’t listening to his words, just his voice as he said them. I loved his voice. It made words sound better than they were and made even an extremely long story about whaling sound sexy.

This time it was difficult for me to keep my eyes open. Fin’s voice acted like a drug, and before I knew it, my head was falling back and I was completely asleep.

“Marisol?” A hand on my shoulder made me open my eyes. I stared up into Fin’s blue orbs.

“What time is it?” I asked, stretching. I was in Fin’s bed and totally disoriented.

“It’s nearly seven,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Did you do that thing where you carry me to bed after I’ve fallen asleep on the couch?” I asked, sitting up and drawing my fingers through my hair. It was awful. I had completely forgotten to brush it when I got out of the shower. Now it was a wreck.

“Breakfast should be here soon, and Carl is ready to take you to class and wherever you need to go.” I could get used to this. But Fin probably couldn’t.

“What are you going to do today?” I asked as I set my feet on the floor and then stretched out my back.

“Not sure yet. It’s up in the air.”

“Don’t they miss you at work?” I finally asked.

He nodded. “Probably.” Wait, he didn’t know?

He wouldn’t look at me.

“I ordered breakfast, and it should be here soon. I also got some groceries for you for when you want to stay over. I didn’t know you’d want to be here so much,” he said, walking toward his closet and closing the door almost all the way so I wouldn’t see him naked. I wasn’t sure if that was for his benefit or mine.

“Fin?” I asked, standing on the other side of the door. “Do they know you’re here? Or did you just go AWOL?” The sound of clothing dropping to the floor met my question.

“If you need to talk to me about it, you can. You can tell me anything.” I think I’d proven that.

“I know,” he said, and the door opened, revealing him in a dark pair of slacks and a white button-down. “I don’t want to talk about that right now with you, and I don’t want you to worry about it. It’s my mess and I’ll clean it up.” His tone left no room for argument.

I didn’t like this. I wanted to be part of his life. I wanted to be his sounding board, his safe haven, the person he could tell anything to. But I guess we weren’t there yet.

“Fin. This is exactly what I was talking about. I don’t need to know every single facet of your life, but I do want to know about the important things. And I’m going to try better to do the same for you.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be like that. It’s just complicated. It involves my father, and I don’t like talking about him with you. I always have this fear that he can hear me no matter where I am. It’s not out of the question.”

No, it definitely wasn’t. Surveillance was quite advanced these days.

“I don’t like thinking or talking about your dad either. Especially now. And if I see him in person, I’m afraid I might actually punch him in the face.” It was just a fantasy, but quite a nice one. It probably wouldn’t happen. I’d probably break my hand on his horrible face.

“I would pay so much money to see that,” Fin said.

He shook his head and then stroked my shoulder. “I’m so happy you’re in my life, Marisol Everly.” And then he went to the bathroom, and I was left standing there wondering what the hell just happened. As usual.

F
in’s phone rang just as he was dropping me off. From the set of his mouth, it was probably his father. He ignored the ringing and placed the phone on the seat beside to him.

“Not going to answer?” I asked.

“No. I’m not.” Well, good for him. His eyes darted to the phone as it stopped ringing and he sighed in relief. And then the phone started up again. Even Carl noticed, and his eyes flicked back to Fin in the rearview mirror as he pulled next to the curb to drop me off.

Carl hopped out and opened my door, and I turned to Fin, but he was staring down at his phone.

“I’ll see you later?” I said, but it sounded more like a question. He looked up at me as if he’d forgotten I was there. “Fin?” He blinked and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. I grabbed my stuff and slid out of the car, thanking Carl and giving Fin a wave. He smiled and waved back, and as I watched the car drive away, he put the phone to his ear.