Deeper We Fall (33 page)

We kissed and then her hands were in my hair and my hands stroked her face and her neck. Her lips became more insistent, her hands demanding.

I broke the kiss, but she didn’t break our contact.

“Charlotte.”

She put her finger to my lips, silencing me.

“Stop thinking,” she said before she crushed her face to mine again.

Chapter Thirty-three

Lottie

The moment the truth was past his lips, a dam broke inside me and all I wanted to do was kiss him and love him and be with him and make up for everything that he’d missed. Make up for the hell he’d been put through.

I’d never wanted anyone else as much as I wanted him. So much that it hurt.

The hearth wasn’t exactly a comfortable place to make-out, so I tried to pull him onto the thick shag rug that covered the floor.

I succeeded in smashing my knee on the hearth and banging his arm pretty badly.

“Ow,” we both said into each other’s mouth.

“You okay?” he said, brushing his hand on my knee. The kissing kind of overwhelmed the pain.

“Fine. You?”

“Fine.”

Finally we got horizontal on the rug, and he pulled away from my lips and brushed the hair away from my face.

“My beautiful girl.”

I wasn’t the beautiful one.

“I love you,” I said, because it seemed like the right thing to say at such a moment.

His eyes were wet as he said, “I love you. More than I know how.” He put his head on my chest and I held him.

I started humming, also because it seemed like the thing to do. ‘Dance Me to the End of Love’ came to my mind, so I hummed that, and he started humming along with me.

He raised his head, and his eyes were wet and red.

“You never got your dance,” he said.

“We’re not really in a position for dancing.” I twisted my hands in his hair. God, I loved his hair. Even more so now that I finally got to have my way with it.

“True.” He tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “Would you like to modify our position?”

I swallowed. “What kind of modifications are you thinking about?”

“I was thinking… maybe you might want to see my room?” He seemed as nervous as I was.

“See your room?” I repeated.

“Yes.”

“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”

“If you think I’m asking you to come to bed with me, then yes. I am asking that.” His dark eyes burned with something else now. Need.

“Are you sure this is the right time?”

He propped himself on his elbows and started to pull away from me. It was like having a bucket of cold water thrown on me.

“I’m not saying no. I’m just saying I don’t know. We’re both sort of lost in the moment and I know I said I loved you, and I do and I want to do that with you, I’m just not sure if I’m ready yet. For that. So the answer isn’t no. It’s just…  Maybe?”

To my surprise, he smiled.

“And now I want you even more, pretty girl.” He kissed my forehead and rolled to the side, pulling me with him so I was nestled into his side.

“You’re okay with that?”

“If one of us didn’t want to, and then we did, it wouldn’t be right. And I want it to be right between us. You’ve been in control of this relationship, and I want to keep it that way. It’s the least I can do after everything I’ve put you through.”

“You have got to stop beating yourself up. You can do it in front of other people, but not in front of me, understand?” I pointed my finger at him and he nipped it gently with his teeth.

“No more kissing until you agree,” I said before I sat up and sealed my lips.

“Harsh girl,” he said, trying to pull me back down, but I wouldn’t budge. “Fine. I agree.”

“Good.” I gave him a peck, but he wouldn’t let me get away that easily. “How long can we stay here without anyone thinking you’ve kidnapped me?”

His fingers traced letters on my back. “At least a few more hours.”

“Whatever shall we do to occupy ourselves?”

“I wish I’d brought the record player,” he said. “At least we have the banjo.”

“At least we have that.” I moved my face closer so I could listen to his heart.

“Charlotte?”

“Hm?”

“I know you said you didn’t want to spend the night with me, but we don’t have to do everything at once, if you get what I’m saying.”

“For a guy with such a reputation, you certainly have a hard time talking about sex.”

“You talk about my reputation, but you’ve never asked me directly about it.” I put my chin on his chest and moved my face so I could look at him.

“Do you want me to?”

He swallowed. “You should know beforehand.”

“Okay then.” I walked my fingers up and down his chest. “How many girls have you slept with?”

“Actual sex, or just fooling around?”

“Actual sex, but oral counts.”

He paused before he said, “fifteen.”

“Fifteen?!” Why did that sound like way more than it actually was?

He smiled. “Not all at once.”

“Very funny. Do you regret it?”

Zan thought for a moment.

“I regret that they weren’t you.”

“Did you at least learn a lot from these encounters?”

“Maybe.” He winked at me. “Now your turn. I get to hear about your history.”

“Yes. That.” I fumbled for the right words and he started laughing.

“It’s not a crime to be a virgin, Charlotte.”

“How do you know that?”

“Intuition.” I gave him a look. “Zack let something slip during one of his drunken confessionals that Katie had told him.”

“Great. My roommate is advertising my virginity.”

“It’s okay, pretty girl. We’ll do what you’re ready for. Kissing you is better and sexier than fucking every single one of those girls.”

“Is that what it was, fucking?”

“More or less. Mindless and emotionless. Just a way for both of us to get off.”

Just talking about it was making me burn inside. Even my skin ached for something, anything to release it. If I were alone in my dorm room, I would have taken care of it myself. Katie had asked me how I could get on without sex, but what she didn’t know was hidden in my sock drawer and only came out when I knew she would be gone all night with Zack.

The only other person who knew about my little battery-powered friends was Will, and he pretended he didn’t.

“What if that was what I wanted? Just to get off?”

“Do you?” He looked like he’d swallowed his tongue.

“I’ve never tried it before.” Granted, I hadn’t tried much before. I’d never understood why, when I thought about going further with someone, it always seemed wrong. Felt wrong. After I struck out with Clark, I didn’t really see the point. Until I met someone it didn’t feel icky with.

Thinking about being with Zan was anything but icky. Thinking about it made me feel like I was on fire.

“I don’t want to push you—” I shut him up.

“Maybe I want you to push me. Maybe I want you to throw me over your shoulder, take me to your room and torture my body into submission. Ever thought of
that
?”

“Do you?”

“When are you going to stop asking and grow a pair?” I waited. Part of me thought he wouldn’t do it, which was why I said it. The other, less sensible, and more lustful, part of me was begging for it.

“Fine.” With one movement, he got himself up, with another he’d yanked me up and then thrown me over his shoulder, as I requested. I still squealed when he did it, even though it was expected.

“Must give the lady what she wants,” he said, tromping up the stairs. “If you change your mind, then you’ll need to tell me to stop.”

“Got it,” I squeaked. Nearly all the blood in my body had pooled in my head by the time we got to his room. All that blood should have given me enough sense to take back what I’d said.

He chucked me down on the bed like a sack of potatoes. I bounced and then came to rest. I pushed my hair out of my face and looked up to find him standing there, as if he was waiting for something.

“Come here,” I said, reaching for him. He dived forward, catching himself with his arms so he didn’t crush me. He paused for a fraction of a second to let me tell him to stop, but I just pressed myself upward to capture his lips.

I didn’t know if I could tell him to stop.

Zan

It was the most shocking thing she’d ever said. All the time we’d been together, I hadn’t pushed her, had pulled back when she’d kissed me harder, never once thinking that she wanted more.

I wanted to ask her once again if she was sure, but her lips and her legs wrapping around me did the job of silencing me.

For a girl who didn’t have a lot of experience, she sure knew how to kiss. Maybe like people who were naturally good at singing, you could be naturally good at…

Charlotte tugging at the bottom of my shirt interrupted my mental ramblings.

“Shirt off,” she said, kissing my neck.

“Yes, my lady,” I said, biting her earlobe.

I yanked my shirt over my head and she ran her hands over my scars and traced some of the branches of my tattoo.

“I want to study this later.”

“You can study it all you want.”

“Later.” Her mouth went back to mine as her hands raced up and down my bare back. Fuck, she felt so good.

“Your shirt off,” I said, kissing from her ear to her neck, sucking on her sweet skin.

“If you insist…Hopefully it will be better than last time.” She sat up, and I helped her get the shirt off.

“Sweet fuck,” I hissed.

“That’s my line,” she said, tossing the shirt on the floor.

“Are you trying to make me lose it?”

“Blame Katie,” She said lying back so I could get a better look at the red lace bra. “So you like red, huh?”

“It’s my new favorite color.”

I dipped my head and kissed between her breasts, nuzzling them with my nose. I heard her gasp a little and I kissed her over the fabric. If we were going to do this, I was going to make it worth her while.

My pants were now unbearably tight, but I was going to make this about her, and that meant I was going to have to deal with my hard-on. I should be used to it by now.

As pretty as the red bra was, I wanted to see what was under it, but she was tugging at my pants.

“Pants off?” I said peering up at her from between her breasts. I could almost see her heart pounding.

“Yes, please.”

My hands moved down and undid the button of her jeans.

“I meant yours,” she said as I ever so slowly worked her zipper down. Then I dipped my tongue into her navel and she stopped talking.

“Has anyone ever told you,” I said, kissing from her navel downwards, “that you talk too much?”

“You,” she moaned. “And Will.”

“I don’t want to talk about your brother right now.”

“Good idea,” she breathed as I slowly started peeling her jeans off. I was really enjoying this. I’d never taken so much pleasure in going so slow before. Her every moan was worth it.

I was powerless as her fingers hooked into my belt loops and pulled me back to her mouth after I’d gotten her jeans off and reveal a matching set of red lace panties.

“Charlotte,” I growled as she undid the button on my pants, the zipper and started pulling them off me.

“I’m sure this isn’t probably how it normally goes, but I’ll get better at it. I just need some practice.”

The second her hand touched my dick through my boxers, I knew that if she touched it again, we weren’t going to get anywhere. I moved as fast as I could, pinning her underneath me. She shrieked, but it was a playful shriek.

“I don’t want you to touch me until I have had my way with you. Understand? You said you wanted to get off, so I’m going to get you off. You asked for it, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

“I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I’ve never been this fucking turned on before.”

“Me neither.”

She leaned forward and kissed my chest. The scarred side. I shuddered as her tongue circled my nipple.

“I thought I was the one getting you off.”

“Tit for tat, sir.”

“My turn, my lady.”

Leaning forward, I kissed her lips softly, and then harder before moving down her neck and to her breasts again.

“I probably should have asked if you have a condom before we started all these shenanigans.”

“I have some in the drawer.”

She froze, and I stopped kissing her.

“How long have they been there? Don’t they have an expiration date? Have you been tested for STD’s? Oh my God, I should have asked beforehand. What is wrong with me? I always get mad at those girls who –”

I put my finger on her lips to silence the torrent of words.

“I have a non-expired condom. Several, actually. I had a physical just before I came to school and got a clean bill of health, and you were caught up in the moment.”

“Still doesn’t excuse my lack of common sense.”

“You have more common sense than any girl I know.”

“I’m talking too much again, aren’t I?”

I kissed her mouth and that cut off the talking.

Chapter Thirty-four

Lottie

“Where in the
hell
did you learn how to do that?”

“You don’t want to know,” he said, kissing the inside of my thigh as his fingers stroked me.

He’d absolutely ravaged me.

“I don’t think I can move.”

“You don’t have to.” He pulled himself up until he was next to me, but his fingers were still working, teasing, before he plunged them inside me.

“I can’t –”

“You know, the French call an orgasm. Le petit mort, or the little death.” He increased his pace with each word and crooked his fingers so they hit the exact right spot inside me. My hips reached for his hand and met his every thrust.

I felt like I was dying.

“Come for me, pretty girl. Let yourself die a little,” he whispered in my ear as I came around his fingers, crying out.

I watched him stick his fingers in his mouth and suck. It was unbelievably sexy.