Defector (14 page)

“A
re you okay? Maybe I should drive?” Devon said carefully.

“I’m fine,” I snapped, hating how the tears trailing over my cheeks betrayed me.

“Do you want to drive all the way to Las Vegas? That’ll take an entire day.”

“We don’t have another choice. We can’t take a plane. Major will know if we check in anywhere or board a plane. And it’ll take too long to organize a fake ID for you. I could always just steal one and turn into the person I’ve stolen it from, but you can’t.” I didn’t mean to sound so reproachful. I was glad for Devon’s company, but I was making him sound like a liability. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“No, you’re right. Would you rather go on without me?”

“No!” I said hastily. “Please stay.”

Devon just nodded. “If we take turns driving, we can take turns resting while the other one drives, and we’ll be faster.”

“That’s a good idea,” I said, casually wiping my eyes with the hem of my sweater. “And I guess I’m a natural. Driving is pretty easy as long as you just go with the flow.”

Devon looked thoughtful for a moment. “I need to call my parents. They’ll be worried sick by now. And Major has probably told them even more lies.”

“We’ll have to fuel up anyway. Once we’ve bought some distance between us and Detroit”—
and Alec
, I added in my head—“we’ll look for a rest stop. I think we both could use something to eat and a few minutes of rest after everything that’s happened today.” I glanced at his blood-covered sweatshirt. “And you need to change. You can’t walk around looking like that.”

• • •

When we finally pulled into a rest stop, my back and legs ached from driving, but at least I’d calmed down. And as long as I kept Alec’s face from popping up in my mind, I would hopefully stay that way. “I’ll get you a new shirt,” I told Devon as I jumped out and walked around to the truck bed, where the bags with our clothes were stored. I snatched up the first sweater my fingers brushed and gave it to Devon before I positioned myself in front of the passenger window, so the people mingling about in the parking lot wouldn’t see him change. As he pulled the sweatshirt over his head, my eyes were drawn to his shoulder and the now-unblemished skin.

After Devon put on the new shirt, we filled the tank with gas before parking at the end of the parking lot, far away from curious eyes. Devon went to the public phone to call his parents, and I watched how his shoulders slumped after a while. He shook his head. “They didn’t answer. That’s so unlike them.”

I could hear the hint of worry in his voice, and somehow it set my own fears off. “Maybe they needed to get out for a while. And your dad is probably at work, right?” Devon pushed his hands into his pockets and nodded. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll try them again later.” He took a deep breath and smiled. “I’m starving.”

“Me too,” I said, though that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I had completely lost my appetite; since I’d seen Alec, an abyss had taken the place of my stomach.

Devon and I bought fries and hamburgers in the diner beside the gas station. Instead of eating in the dingy space, with its ripped pleather booths and grimy checkered floor (not to mention the curious glances of the waitress), we decided to take the food back to the car and eat it on the bed of the truck.

The fries were greasy, and the hamburger bun was too dry, but I didn’t care. It was the first real meal we’d had in a while, and it all tasted bland to me anyway. I could feel Devon’s eyes on me, and a knot of unease built inside me. I hoped he wouldn’t bring up Alec. I didn’t think I could stomach that right now.

“Do you know the extent of your Variation?” I blurted and winced at how loud and panicky my voice had sounded. I stuffed a few more fries into my mouth. The grease clogged my throat, and I had to take a few sips from my bottle of soda to wash them down.

Devon swallowed the bite and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “What do you mean?”

“What have you tried? What kind of injuries can you heal? Can you heal diseases? Can you even die?” I grimaced when I realized how insensitive that sounded, but I couldn’t help my curiosity. I stuck two fries into the ketchup and swirled them around.

He took another bite. Apparently he didn’t mind that the food was bad, or the stench of exhaust and fuel. “Well, I’ve never thrown myself in front of a car or set myself on fire to test it. But I’m pretty sure there are limits. I think I’d be dead if my body was torn apart by a bomb or if I was decapitated.”

I wrinkled my nose at the horrible images his words evoked in my head. Devon laughed, dimples flashing. “
You
asked.”

“I know,” I said, smiling. His hair was such a mess. I was glad that I hadn’t checked my reflection in the diner’s restrooms. I could imagine what a bird’s nest my own hair had become. “So have you ever hurt yourself to see how your body healed?” I set my remaining fries down on the truck bed. I just couldn’t bring myself to take another bite.

Devon looked embarrassed. “Yeah. When I was younger, I used to cut myself, and once I broke my own pinkie, but after that I pretty much stopped. I don’t enjoy pain, you know.”

I nudged him with my shoulder. “Would have never guessed.” He jerked his chin toward my discarded food. “You done with that?”

I chortled. “Don’t tell me you’re still hungry.”

Devon’s blue eyes sparkled. “Not quite hungry, no, but I could eat a few more bites. Who knows when we’ll be able to stop and eat again?”

I pushed the fries over to him. “Suit yourself. I think the fries-to-grease ratio isn’t quite working for me.”

“Whatever,” he said and winked at me. I felt lighter as I watched him eat the rest of my meal. I’d always marveled at how much Devon could put away. Maybe his Variation made him hungry all the time, and it probably also made him burn the calories the moment they entered his body, because from looking at him you’d never guess how much he wolfed down every day.

“I’m glad you have such a kick-ass Variation,” I said softly. I remembered the night back in Livingston when I’d knelt beside his lifeless body and cried. I didn’t yet know about his Variation, and I thought I’d never see him again. It had been a horrible moment.

Devon relaxed beside me, our legs and shoulders pressed against each other. I hadn’t even realized how close we were sitting until now. “Me too.” His eyes scanned my face. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for.

I wrapped my arms around myself, wishing I could banish the memories of that day forever from my mind. My arm brushed the scar. Devon didn’t know about the mark over my rib cage. Nobody had told him. “Ryan did something else that night.” My voice was barely audible, even to my own ears.

Devon tensed. I could feel the energy through our touching bodies.

“You remember the
A
he cut into his victims?” I whispered.

“How could I forget?”

“He did it to me too. He renewed the cut while I was pretending to be your sister, and now it’s part of my body.”

Devon’s eyes widened. “He marked you?”

I nodded. Slowly, I released my crushing hold around my rib cage and let my arms sink into my lap.

“Can I see it?” Devon whispered.

I moved onto my knees, never taking my eyes off Devon’s. His were so soft and worried, they gave me the support I needed to stay calm. I looked around the parking lot, but except for a man who was pumping gas into his car with his back to us, there was no one outside.

I curled my fingers around the edge of my shirt and pulled it up until the red
A
was visible. I shivered as the cold air hit my skin.

Devon just stared at the mark, something dark clouding in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before? I could have healed it.”

I avoided his penetrating gaze. “I felt guilty for the mission, for pretending to be your sister. I guess I was scared of your reaction. Part of me felt like I deserved this.”

Devon reached out but didn’t actually touch me. His fingertips hovered about an inch from my skin. “Do you want me to heal it?” His blue eyes were soft as they gazed at me. I swallowed and gave a small nod, not trusting myself to speak. He pressed his palm against the
A
, his skin warm against mine. Goose bumps flashed across my skin, and I couldn’t take my eyes off Devon’s face. His brows dipped in concentration, and a tickling spread through my rib cage. I felt closer to him in that moment than I ever had before.

“Done. See?” He shifted his hand so I could see the now unblemished skin where the
A
had been. But he was still touching me. His hand rested gently on my waist.

His gaze searched my eyes, then darted to my lips. My mouth became dry. I knew that look. I knew what he wanted to do. But I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to. The wound of Alec’s betrayal was deep. I wanted to move on. I wanted to forget. But was I ready for something new?

Devon leaned closer, his eyes never leaving my face, looking for a sign that I didn’t share his feelings. He gave me enough time to pull away, to say I wasn’t ready, but I didn’t move. The kiss was short and sweet; neither of us tried to deepen it. He pressed his forehead against mine. “I hope that was okay?” he whispered.

I wasn’t sure. This was too soon. I didn’t know anything right now. But I cared about Devon. Devon must have seen the conflict on my face, because his expression dropped. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head hastily. “No. I’m just confused. I need more time.”

Devon nodded.

“Thank you,” I said. We were still so close that I could feel his breath on my face.

“No one’s ever thanked me for a kiss before,” he joked, a hint of hesitation in his tone.

I laughed and punched him lightly. “Not for that.”

“I know,” he murmured. Silence settled around us. I listened to our even breathing and closed my eyes.

My mind drifted to Holly. I hoped that wherever she was, Abel’s Army wasn’t hurting her. She was useful to them, I assured myself. She was an asset, and they would keep her around.

Suddenly Devon tensed and held his breath. I peered at him. “What is it?” I whispered.

He put his finger against his lips. I shut my mouth and listened intently. There was a distinct sound in the distance. A whirring like helicopter blades. The hairs on my neck stood on end, and slowly the little hairs on my arms rose as well. I searched the sky with my eyes. A black helicopter was flying low, a red light flashing and spotlights illuminating the ground beneath it. “Is it the FEA?” Devon whispered.

“I don’t know. It could be a lot of things.” The helicopter was drawing closer. It didn’t look like it was landing, but that could change in a blink.

“They’re definitely looking for something,” Devon said.

I hopped off the truck bed. “We should leave.”

“Won’t we draw attention to ourselves if we drive off the moment the helicopter appears above our heads?”

I froze. He had a point. We couldn’t win a chase with a helicopter. “Let’s sit in the car. That way they can’t spot us as easily, and we can drive off, if necessary.”

Devon nodded, but he never took his eyes off the helicopter. We huddled inside the car, our eyes trained on the sky. The circles of the helicopter were becoming wider, and slowly it moved away from the rest area. We waited a few more moments before we pulled out of the parking spot. I wasn’t sure if the helicopter had been the FEA, but this encounter had made something very clear: We were being chased, and we weren’t safe. We had to get to Vegas as soon as possible, and we couldn’t let down our guard.

W
e had almost a thousand miles ahead of us. Less than twenty-four hours before I’d see my mother again, after more than two years of her silence.

I wrapped my arms around myself and started to fall into a slumber.

Devon woke me three hours later. We were parking at another rest stop. “I need to stretch my legs.” After a moment, he added, “And I’m starving.”

I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. My legs and back were stiff. “Good idea. I’ll get us some snacks.”

I got out of the car, and the blood rushed back into my calves. Sucking in a deep breath of fresh air, I jogged toward the small rest stop on the other side of the parking lot. A man was fueling up his minivan, but I wasn’t worried about him; I could see three kids in the car. I doubted he was a spy. The bell above the glass door jingled shrilly as I stepped into the shop of rest stop. The air inside was stale. With a small nod toward the cashier who’d looked up when I entered, I headed straight toward the snack display and picked up a few granola bars and two bags of chips.

I walked up to the counter and froze when a familiar face stared back at me from the front page of several newspapers. I put the snacks on the counter, reached for a newspaper, and quickly scanned the headline and the report. Senator Pollard had been found dead. It was still unclear whether he’d killed himself.

I felt the cashier’s eyes on me and gingerly put the newspaper back down, realizing he was waiting for me to pay. I handed over the money and hurried out of the rest stop, snacks clutched against my chest. Devon was walking around our car, his arms lifted above his head. He glanced my way and froze. “What’s up? You look as if you saw a ghost.”

I slipped into the car without a word, and Devon followed. “Someone killed Senator Pollard. It was in the newspapers,” I said the moment he closed his door.

“The guy you pretended to be?”

I nodded and handed Devon the snacks before I started the car and sped away from the rest stop. “The press thinks it might have been suicide, but I’m sure it was Abel’s Army.”

“Why do you think they killed that guy?” Devon asked. He unwrapped one of the granola bars and took a bite, his blue eyes never leaving me.

“He was an expert for organized crime, and Abel’s Army’s has strong ties to the mob, if Major was telling the truth.” He definitely hadn’t told me everything, considering the secrets I’d unearthed so far. “He was also responsible for the leak of information regarding the FEA prison. He had to make sure that they followed federal rules or something like that. But Major said that he wasn’t actually the one who got people locked up, so revenge is out of the question.”

“There’s an FEA prison?”

“The FEA takes care of Variants, even the ones who are too crazy or too criminal to walk free,” I said bitterly. “Major said it’s for Variants who lost control of their Variation or who used it against others to harm them. But after everything I found out about the FEA, I’m not sure if only criminals end up there.”

“Are many members of Abel’s Army currently inmates of that prison?” Devon asked.

I thought back to my conversation with Major about the FEA’s high-security prison. He hadn’t said much. “Stevens, definitely. And I’d guess he isn’t the first member of Abel’s Army that got caught. But I have no idea how many others there might be.”

“Maybe they let him get caught on purpose,” Devon said thoughtfully.

“Doesn’t make much sense. Why would they risk it? He could have given away important information.”

“Not if it’s true that Abel’s Army has a Variant who can alter memories. They could erase all those memories that would be dangerous for them, or maybe even alter people’s memories in a way that would lead the FEA on a false trail.” My head was spinning. The thought of someone doing that with my memories seemed less and less enticing. What happened to a person who got their memories altered? If they thought their life had unfolded in a different way, did that change who they were?

“But Major has to know that he can’t trust Stevens. What would Abel gain by getting him captured? I just think Stevens was their last priority, and that’s why he wasn’t rescued.”

“I guess we’ll never know,” Devon said. He sounded exhausted, and I wondered if he’d started this discussion to distract himself from his parents.

“Unless my mother knows more.”

“She hasn’t seen your father in, what, fourteen years?” Devon raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t really know,” I said in a small voice. “There was a note in the file. Major thought they’d been in contact after I joined the FEA.” But the fact remained that in nearly all the years I’d been alive, Abel hadn’t given a shit about me. He’d left my mother and me because he had no use for us. And now that he’d seen how useful my talent was, he wanted it for himself.

The FEA didn’t even know where Abel’s Army had their headquarters. Hopelessness washed over me. How was I ever going to find Holly?

Devon grabbed my hand, tearing me out of my thoughts. “Do you miss her?”

“My mother?” I wanted to snort, but then I paused. “I don’t miss the mother I remember. I miss the mother from the photo, the young, happy mother who held me on her lap with a smile, the mother who loved me. The mother who still had hope. Sometimes I’m not sure if that mother ever existed.” My voice caught in my throat. “Maybe I’ll just have to accept that I’m unlovable.”

“Don’t say that,” Devon whispered. “Nothing could be further from the truth.” His grip on my hand tightened. I squeezed right back. The thought of our kiss flashed through my mind, and warmth crept up my neck. Devon’s closeness felt good. Was it so bad to move on? To find someone else to love? What difference did it make how much time had passed? I already cared deeply about Devon, and Alec was definitely a thing of the past. Still, part of me knew this was too fast.

“Sorry. Thinking about my parents makes me depressed. I’ll just have to deal with it.” I turned the radio on and let the music carry away my thoughts.

• • •

We spent the next few hours without talking, but shortly after we crossed the border to Nevada, Devon’s voice split the silence. “Maybe we should stop for a while. I think we both could use the rest. And I’m starving.”

I bit my lip. We were getting so close, and we’d wasted so much time already.

“And if we keep driving, we’ll arrive at the bar around lunchtime. I doubt they’ll be open that early.”

He had a point. As we approached the next exit, I pulled off the highway and into a rest stop. Once I was out of the car and able to stretch my legs and gulp down some fresh—albeit gas-tainted—air, I felt much better. We bought sandwiches, a few bags of chips, and several chocolate bars before we returned to our truck. “I’d thought it would be warmer in the desert,” I said as I sat on the end of the truck bed, legs dangling down.

“Not at night,” Devon said as he ripped open a foil bag and practically inhaled a handful of chips.

Reno was only a few miles away. “Holly’s parents live near Reno,” I said.

Devon froze mid-chew. “Do you want to visit them?”

“Maybe. I don’t know,” I said hesitantly. “They’d think it was weird if I was visiting without her. I don’t think they know about her yet. And maybe they’ll never have to find out. If we can manage to save Holly, then everything will be fine.”

Doubt crossed Devon’s face. Of course it was ludicrous to think we could free Holly that easily. I unwrapped my chocolate bar and took a huge bite. The sweetness soothed my stomach.

“Maybe we should take a quick nap,” he said. “So we have enough energy when we arrive in Vegas.”

We crawled into our sleeping bags and stretched out on the bed. Devon moved closer to me until our faces were inches apart. His eyes searched mine. “You need more time, right?” he whispered. “Because of what happened with Alec.”

I nodded. Not just because of Alec. That was part of it, of course. Everything was still too raw, and I hadn’t let go yet. I could feel it deep down. But I also needed time to figure out what I was feeling and why I was feeling that way. Was I just latching onto the next person who was kind to me? Was I looking for someone—anyone—who might love me? That wasn’t healthy, and it wouldn’t be fair to Devon.

“Tell me about the first time you healed someone,” I murmured, resting my head on his chest.

“I was maybe seven, and I was playing in the garden,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice, and it filled me with comforting warmth. “Our cat had caught a bird. When I finally wrangled it away from her, it was dead. I was so sad when I saw this ball of feathers in my palms. And then my fingers began to prickle and become hot, and the bird stirred. I was so stunned, I actually dropped it, but by then it was okay. It took another minute to collect itself, then flew up into the forest.”

“Did you try to tell your parents?”

“Oh yes. I thought I had done magic and was convinced I’d get a letter from Hogwarts in no time.” His chest shook under my head as he chuckled. “My parents thought I was exaggerating. They stopped reading me
Harry Potter
that same evening.”

I smiled. “So did you get a letter?”

“No, but I didn’t give up for a long time. I got pretty obsessed with owls. Eventually Dad told me that I had to be patient. He reminded me that Hogwarts letters would be delivered on my eleventh birthday. Well, by then I’d figured out that I wasn’t really a wizard. I also realized that I couldn’t tell them the truth.”

I squeezed his arm and inhaled his scent. Somehow things didn’t look so bleak anymore.

• • •

I was exhausted, but we couldn’t risk more than two hours of sleep at a time. I entered the address of Holly’s parents into our GPS. I knew it would be risky to visit them, but since their house was practically on our way, it didn’t seem like it would hurt to make sure they were okay. It would take us only about fifteen minutes to reach their house. Devon took a sip from a bottle of water before he asked, “Have you ever met them?”

“Holly’s parents?” I asked. He nodded. “Yes, once, about six months after Holly and I joined the FEA.”

“You joined the FEA at the same time?”

“Pretty much. Holly moved in a couple of weeks before I did. And when Major finally allowed her to see her family again, I went with her. Summers too. Someone had to keep an eye on us, after all.”

“And that was the only time you saw them?”

“That was the only time Holly or I saw them. Major didn’t want her to visit them. She called them and sent e-mails, but Major didn’t approve.”

“That’s tough. How could Major expect her to forget her family?”

“That’s how the FEA works,” I said bitterly.

Neither of us said anything for a while after that.

“What about you and Alec?” Devon said carefully.

My hands around the steering wheel tightened. Where had that question come from? “What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry if it’s a touchy subject. I just don’t know the whole story. What went down between the two of you?”

I thought of the sadness on Alec’s face after I’d told him I understood why his parents hated him. But the resignation and acceptance had been worse. It was as though his worst fears had been confirmed, as though he’d suspected it all along. How could I have called him that? My stomach clenched so tightly, I was sure I’d throw up. “There’s no such thing as Alec and me anymore,” I said. But the lie was so blatant. It showed in the way my voice shook, in the way I couldn’t even look at Devon when I said it. I didn’t think there would ever be no such thing as Alec and me. My heart didn’t care about the betrayal. Maybe in a few years my feelings would fade, dulled by years gone by, nothing but a distant memory. But that wouldn’t change the fact that Alec was a part of me—good or bad. “He took care of me when I first joined the FEA. He listened to my stories, and he was there when I cried. He understood what it was like when your parents turned their backs on you. He was my everything.” I realized how stupid that sounded. How stupid that made me sound. “I guess I just latched onto the first person who showed me some kindness.” It was more than that, but I didn’t want to explain.

“That makes sense, I suppose,” Devon said. But of course he could never understand. He had his parents, Linda and Ronald. He had a family who loved him no matter what. He’d never felt the hollow pain of deep betrayal, of believing you were worthless, that feeling you only get if the people who’d brought you into this world, the people who should love you more than their own life, can’t even look at you without disgust.

I nodded. It wasn’t Devon’s fault that he couldn’t commiserate. He understood pain and loss. It was just a different kind of pain. I took his hand. It felt strong and warm.

We pulled into the street where Holly’s family lived. Rows upon rows of identical-looking small gray houses stood perched on even tinier square lawns. I pulled the car up beside the curb, and we got out. The grass was yellow, the flowers in the beds burnt by the sun. The front door was ajar. I slowly walked up to it and pushed it open. There were no sounds emanating from anywhere in the house. There was utter silence. Devon followed me inside. “Hello?” I called, but the word echoed in the quiet. I poked my head into the living room. The drawers were open, and their contents littered the ground. My heart pounded in my chest. I hurried up the stairs and found the bedrooms in a similar state of disarray. The closets in the master bedroom and the rooms of Holly’s siblings were all empty. The furniture was still there, undisturbed.

“What happened here?” I whispered.

Devon poked a potted plant with the tip of his sneaker; it had fallen to the ground and scattered soil and dried leaves all over the beige rug. “Whoever was here, they were in a hurry.”

We went back downstairs. In the kitchen, a milk carton sat forgotten on the counter and gave off the rancid smell of spoiled milk. Through the window, I could make out a neighbor watering his tomato plants. I hurried out of the house and toward the man. He looked up when Devon and I approached and pushed back the brim of the black hat that was protecting him from the sun.