Defender for Hire (9 page)

She walked into the hall and shut the door, leaving Tessa alone. Tess glanced around the room. Everything she needed was there. Bed. Dresser. Closet. A couple of chairs. And, of course, a television. All she needed was Bentley and she could hunker down until the trouble passed.

She frowned, not happy with the thought.

She’d been running for years, but that didn’t mean she’d expected others to step in and take care of her problems. She was perfectly capable of doing that herself. So, why was she standing in a room while Seth manned a security monitor?

Maybe, because she was too afraid to face him again, too afraid that what she felt when she was near him wasn’t just a product of fatigue or fear. She dropped onto the bed. Her head throbbed with every heartbeat, but she didn’t have the energy to go look for medication.

Voices and quiet laughter drifted into the room.

Seth and Taryn.

They’d be the perfect couple, both of them good looking, confident and accomplished.

She lay back on the bed, listening for several more minutes. She could go out and join them, but it was better this way. The two of them doing what they did best while she...

Hid?

She didn’t like how that made her feel, but it was the truth. She
was
hiding. Not just from her past. From Seth. And, she was just enough of a chicken to let herself do it.

She sighed, pulling the pillow over her head and pressing it against her ears as she tried to will herself to sleep.

TEN

S
eth stared at the computer while Taryn gave him every minute detail about her date.

Not his type of thing. He’d much rather discuss football, basketball, hunting season...Girl Scout cookies.

Anything but dud dates and pinching stilettos.

“See anything?” Taryn finally stopped her diatribe long enough to show some interest in the job.

“Nothing worth noting.”

“I told you that there wouldn’t be.” Taryn opened the fridge and took out a can of diet soda. She’d changed into jeans and a T-shirt, braided her hair and scrubbed her face.

She still looked pretty, and nothing like what most people expected a security specialist to look like. But she was one of the best at the job, and he was glad to have her help.

“Hopefully, it will stay this quiet all night.” Tessa needed a good night’s sleep and a little peace. Maybe once she had that, she’d be more open to sharing her secrets.

And maybe flowers would bloom in the dead of winter.

He scowled, grabbed a soda from the fridge and chugging half of it down with Advil. His shoulder was throbbing, but that was the least of his worries. He had to get the truth out of Tessa. It was the only way to help her.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t sure she actually wanted to be helped.

“So,” Taryn said, nudging him out of the way so she could grab a yogurt from the fridge. “Is she the new woman in your life?”

“Did I have an old one?” He diverted the question, because he wasn’t sure how to answer. Tessa was part of his life. That was for sure. How much a part of it depended on her.

“Not that I know of. Which is why this situation is interesting.”

“There’s nothing interesting about it. She’s my physical therapist. She ran into some trouble while I was at her office. I’m trying to help her out of it.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Taryn nodded, scooping up yogurt and watching him like he was the most interesting thing that had happened to her all day.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” She tossed the yogurt container and stuck the spoon in the dishwasher. “But, I’m thinking your evening has been a lot more interesting than mine, and I’ve got to admit, I’m a little jealous. So, what’s the scoop on her troubles? An ex?”

“She’s not saying much except that it’s connected to her past.” He explained briefly.

Taryn’s eyes widened when he described the massacre. “Wow. That’s a lot to go through. No wonder she’s messed up.”

“She’s not messed up,” he protested.

“Someone wants her dead. She probably knows who and why, but she’s not saying. That’s not messed up?”

“She has her reasons.”

“And,
you’ve
got it bad.” She smirked, but he didn’t take the bait. Whatever he felt about Tessa was his business, and he wasn’t going to discuss it with anyone. Especially not anyone as nosey as Taryn.

“How long do you plan to keep her here?” she finally asked.

“Good question. I’ll have to discuss it with Tessa.”

“There’s no time like the present.” Taryn sat at the kitchen table, tapping her fingers restlessly. “Besides, seeing as how I’m a woman, I speak with authority when I say that she probably isn’t happy being in there alone. Not to mention the fact that she’s probably starving. That’s what happens to me when
I’m
bored.” She grabbed a package of cookies from the cupboard and ate two.

“Are you trying to tell me you’re bored?”

“I’m trying to give you some helpful relationship advice. Take it or leave it. It makes no difference to me.”

“Relationship advice? Aren’t you the woman who spent the evening with a dud?” He opened the fridge, grabbed everything he needed to make a couple sandwiches.

“Just because I date duds does not mean I don’t know how a woman wants to be treated.”

“You just don’t know any men who know how to treat women that way?”

“Exactly.” She laughed, just like he’d known she would.

He made a couple of sandwiches, dropped one onto a plate. “How’s this?”

“A good start.” She dismissed him with a wave of her hand, turning her back to him and leaning over the computer monitor.

He didn’t need an excuse to go talk to Tessa, but he took a sandwich to her room, anyway, knocking on the door and waiting impatiently for her to answer.

Someone rapped on the door, the hard knock making Tessa’s heart jump. She hadn’t been able to sleep. No matter how much she’d wanted to.

“Tess?” The doorknob rattled and Seth walked in. He had a plate in his hand and a smile on his face, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so happy to see someone.

“I brought you something to eat.” He offered her the plate, and she took it, staring down at the sandwich, her heart beating double time.

It had been years since anyone had made her something to eat. So many years that she couldn’t remember the last time it had happened.

“Thanks,” she said, her eyes burning with what felt like tears. “But you really don’t need to take care of me.”

“Is that what giving someone a sandwich is?” He raised a brow, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“Isn’t it?”

“According to Taryn, the sandwich will help with boredom.”

“You and Taryn were discussing me?”

“She’s nosey,” he said, settling into one of the chairs. “And she’s helping us out, so I couldn’t be too upset with her questions.”

“I sound ungrateful, don’t I?” She sat on the edge of the bed and set the plate on the bedside table. “I don’t mean to. I really do appreciate what you’re trying to do.”

“You sound tired.”

“I am, but I can’t sleep.”

“Maybe if you told me what’s bothering you, it would help.”

“The past.”
And you,
she wanted to add, but didn’t.

“I understand,” he said quietly, and she thought that he did.

“You must miss your wife terribly.”

“I do, but we were only meant to have the time we had. It took me a while to understand that. Once I did, her death was easier to accept.”

“Accepting something doesn’t make it easy,” she said, forcing the words past the hard lump of grief in her throat.

“I didn’t say it was easy. I said it was
easier,
” he corrected her, his eyes dark with emotion. “After Julia died, I had to make the choice to believe that the deepest darkness only exists to reveal the brightest light. Otherwise, I don’t think I would have come home from Afghanistan.”

“What kind of brightness did you find?” she asked, because she really wanted to know what had carried him through, brought him home, made him into the man he was.

“My family. They might drive me crazy, but they were there for me when I needed them. I stayed alive for them, and because I really believed God had a purpose for my life.” He smiled, and Tessa’s heart seemed to reach for his, the sensation so unexpected, so surprising, she stood and paced to the window.

Outside, fat flakes of snow fell against a background of steel-gray sky and deep-redbrick. She wanted to be outside, her face tilted to the cold night sky, white snow falling on her heated cheeks.

“There was something else, Tess,” Seth said, moving up behind her, his hands settling on her shoulders, his breath ruffling her hair. “I knew that Julia wouldn’t have wanted me to waste my life mourning her. She’d have wanted me to keep doing what we’d always planned.”

“It’s hard to do the things you planned with someone when they’re gone.”

“Not if what you planned was to have the best life you could, a life that honored God, that honored the people you love. It took me a couple of years, but I realized I could still do those things. Even without Julia in my life.”

“You’re a better person than I am, Seth. A stronger Christian.”

“Obviously, you don’t know me very well.” He chuckled, the sound vibrating through her.

She turned to face him, found herself so close that she could feel his warmth, smell the crisp scent of soap and winter on his skin. “You’re wrong. I do know you, and I know that you’re a lot stronger than I could ever be.”

“That’s a copout, Tess. An excuse because you’re afraid to try. Afraid God won’t give you the things you want.”

“I don’t know what I want,” she said, but she thought she might. She thought that everything she wanted might be standing right there in front of her.

Seth touched her cheek, his palm resting there, light as a summer breeze.

The air simmered with electricity, and Tessa’s heart thundered in response. Breathless, she looked into his eyes and saw her own longing reflected in the depth of his gaze.

He stepped back, his jaw tight. “Eat your sandwich and try to sleep, Tessa. Tomorrow, we need to talk.”

He walked into the hall, closing the door softly behind him. She heard the quiet click like thunder on a quiet morning.

Tomorrow, we need to talk.

About them?

About Tessa’s past?

About the secrets she’d been keeping?

How much could she reveal without destroying everything the mission team had worked for?

How much did she want to reveal to Seth?

Everything,
her heart whispered.

Nothing,
her brain responded.

She grabbed the sandwich and ate it. She still felt empty. Hollow.

Alone.

She lay down, turning on her side to face the small nightstand that stood beside the bed. A thin Bible lay there, crowded between a lamp and the alarm clock. Black leather and well used, it reminded her of the one she’d inherited from her mother. A family Bible dating back nearly a hundred years, it had survived Tessa’s parents’ wild lives and had been handed to her the day she’d entered foster care. She’d left so many things behind over the years, but that Bible was one thing she always carried with her.

Sentimental value is what she’d told herself every time she’d packed it. There was more to it, though. The Bible represented what she’d wanted desperately to reclaim, the faith that should have carried her through the tough times but that seemed to constantly slip through her fingers.

She touched the Bible’s black cover, wishing she were at home. She’d have dug out the family Bible, poured over words highlighted by generations of faith-filled people.

Her mother had fallen away from the foundation they’d laid for her. Tessa had done the same.

Could she find her way back?

Her soul yearned for that. She wanted to feel what she’d felt years ago—a sense of peace and love and belonging.

“Please, God, I just need to know You’re there,” she whispered.

She closed her eyes, hoping for some audible clue that she wasn’t alone. She heard nothing, but she felt something stir to life deep in her soul, felt her heart acknowledge what she had denied for way too long.

God had never left her. He had always been as close as a whisper, as near as a prayer.

A phone rang, the soft sound drifting into the room.

One ring. Two. Seth’s deep voice as he answered.

Seconds later, he knocked on the door.

“Tessa? Logan is on the phone. He has some information to share with you.” He opened the door without waiting for a response, his expression grim.

“Bad news?” she asked as she took the phone.

“He wouldn’t say.”

She nodded, turning away before she could give in to the urge to throw herself into Seth’s well-muscled arms. “Hello?”

“Tessa, it’s Logan. I have some good news and some bad news.” He paused, and she heard papers rustling. “The evidence team came up empty in your room.”

“What’s the good news?” she asked, wandering into the living room and settling onto the sofa, Seth following silently behind.

“We picked up three sets of fingerprints on the back door. We have matches for two of them—you and Seth. The third set, we’ve got no match for in the system. It wasn’t there last time we dusted, though. Aside from you and Seth, has anyone been in the house with your permission?”

“No,” she responded, her shoulders tense. A print with no match was about the same as nothing, but Logan seemed happy about it.

“Was your team fingerprinted when you went to Kenya?”

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“Everything that’s happening ties to that trip, Tessa. Something happened there. You’re either aware of it—”

“I’m sorry, Logan, I’ve told you everything I can,” she cut him off.

But, she hadn’t told him everything she knew.

They both knew it.

“You can return home when you’re ready,” Logan said, obviously annoyed. “We’ll keep a patrol car outside your house 24/7. Other than that, my hands are tied until we get a match on that print.”

He disconnected, and Tessa handed Seth the phone, her cheeks blazing.

“He’s...upset,” she said lamely. She felt guilty, unhappy with her choice. Not sure how to change it. She’d been hiding things for so long, keeping quiet for so long. What she’d built with Daniel had seemed so much more important than the truth that she’d been hiding.

She wasn’t sure he’d feel that way.

As a matter of fact, she was pretty sure that he wouldn’t.

“Maybe Logan and I should start a club,” Seth growled. “Men who aren’t happy with you.” He dropped the phone into his pocket and stalked into the kitchen, leaving her there, stewing in her own juices.

She wanted to follow him. Maybe apologize, but she didn’t know what to say. The weight of her secrets felt so much heavier than anything she could carry on her own.

She stayed where she was, her head pounding, her heart pounding with it. She felt sick and unhappy, and not sure what to do about it.

Seconds later, Seth returned, a glass of water in hand.

“Take this.” He thrust it at her, and she grabbed it automatically.

“And these.” He offered two pain relievers. “For your headache.”

“I didn’t say I had one,” she pointed out, but she swallowed them down, anyway, because she
did
have a headache.

“You didn’t have to. Just like you didn’t have to say that you’re hiding something for me to know that you are.”

“Seth—”

“Someone is after you, Tessa. And I think you know who it is,” he pronounced, a hard edge to his voice.