Defenseless (21 page)

This is the moment I love most about weddings. The bride entering and seeing the man she loves. I may not have been the Barbie and princess little girl, but a wedding I dreamt of. I imagined it in my head. With my parents being the epitome of love and devotion, always kissing, touching, and telling each other how much they loved one another. Dominic and I thought they were gross, but now I appreciate the gift they gave us. I won’t settle for less.

I realize the emotions stirring in me are dangerous. For me to want this, to wish it were me. Even to entertain the notion of gazing at Mark with anything close to what I feel now is terrifying. Maybe I could trust him. Maybe we could find ourselves in this same situation.

Catherine continues down the aisle. She doesn’t look at anything other than Jackson. I turn back to see Mark’s eyes meet mine, and hope blooms deep in my heart.

One day.

The ceremony is exactly as I imagined—timeless. They say their vows, tears flow, and you can see the love they share. The sunset casts its blessing in pinks, oranges, and reds throughout the sky overhead. We move into the huge white tent set up on the other side of the vineyard. The tables are decorated with centerpieces of various glass candlestick holders surrounding tall vine-wrapped willow branches.

Being the date of the best man puts me at the wedding party table. However, thanks to Catherine’s thoughtfulness, I know everyone. Ashton, Gretchen, and Aaron all make me feel like a lifelong friend. Not that I can’t handle being in uncomfortable situations, but it’s nice feeling like I fit in.

Mark is with the bride and groom taking pictures, so I head to the bar.

“A glass of chardonnay please.” I smile as Jackson and Catherine enter the tent. Their smiles are electric. Their love is palpable.

“Having a good time?” Mark bumps my hip and hands me a flute. “Don’t worry, it’s safe to drink here.”

“How do I know you didn’t slip me something?”

“I don’t have to drug you to sleep with me. You know you can’t resist me.”

“Is that so?”

“I rev your engine, baby. I speak your language. I’m your weapon of choice.”

“Oh, Jesus. You need a shrink.” I laugh and take a sip.

I lean against him. The urge to be close is stronger than I can fight. He makes me happy just to be around him.

“They’re really happy together,” he muses.

“You mentioned they didn’t have it easy.” I never pressed for more answers. It kind of seems fitting to talk about them now.

Mark takes a swig of his beer. Only he would drink beer at a vineyard. “Yeah, Jackson has a history of keeping secrets to himself. He’s a weird guy. We’ve been friends for a long time, but even I don’t understand his thought process. The thing about secrets,” he pauses to cast me a look. “Is they eventually become uncovered. No matter how hard we try, they don’t stay buried forever.”

My heart races at his words. My life is a stack of carefully constructed secrets. If one were to get pulled out, everything would fall. People—colleagues, friends, loved ones—would all be in danger. I would literally have to disappear, because I would be killed. The more time I spend around Mark, the more exposed I become.

“Hopefully, people don’t dig. Sometimes it’s the thirst for knowledge that ends up making things worse.” I plead in my own way that he’ll understand.

Mark mulls over my words, but the intensity doesn’t ebb. “The truth, though, can’t be denied.”

“Sometimes the lie is safer than the truth.”

“I’ll protect you. Do you believe that?”

“Mark.” I can barely speak. I know he wants to think he can, but there are some things even he can’t stop. Instead of letting me finish, he takes me into his arms.

“I can live with your lies, Charlie. As long as you don’t lie to me.”

“I won’t always have a choice. If I go back to the agency, my life isn’t always my own.”

This has always been the struggle I’ve faced. Loving someone, letting them into my life, doesn’t provide them with any promises. I’ll do whatever my country needs me to do. I’ll go where I have to go and use those around me to get information—at any cost.

Mark takes my drink and sets it on the bar. “Your life is always your own. It’s what you choose that makes it someone else’s. Come.” He puts his hand out. “We have people to make jealous.” His smile is inviting, and my hand slips right into his. “Right after I give my speech. You ready for epic?”

“I’m scared more than anything.”

He laughs. “Jackson should be too.”

Mark

I’
ve thought about all the things to say to my best friends. The stories I have that would make him turn colors, but I promised his mother I would behave. Then again, behaving for me is probably a running joke for her.

“Did you write it down?” Charlie asks as we make our way to the head table.

“I got everything I need here.”

“What was he thinking, making you the best man?”

I shrug. “No clue.” The deejay calls for everyone to take a seat. “That’s my cue.”

I rush over toward Jackson and Catherine. She gives me a look. Aww, Kitty has the claws out. Jackson, of course is doing just as I expected, scowling.
Yeah, be scared, Muff
. I go around behind them so their faces have to remain smiling.

“Welcome, everyone. I’m so happy to be here to celebrate the marriage of two people I love dearly. Catherine and Jackson have come a long way. Most of you know that I’ve had the privilege of serving with Muffin here.” I clasp his shoulder. “We’ve worked together as civilians since then. He’s one of best guys I know, and somehow he managed to convince Catherine to marry him.” He laughs, and Catherine grits her teeth in a fake smile. “She’s the best. She’s so much smarter than he is. Clearly better looking.” I turn to Jackson. “Sorry, Muffin but let’s be real here. She beats you.” Everyone laughs. To think they were worried. “But to be serious, there are no two people in this world that deserve to be happier than these two. And I would know, because I’m ordained. So, with the power vested in me, I bless this marriage. May my holy power wrap Kitty and Muffin in its arms and hold them close. To Jackson and Catherine!”

I lean down as the clapping continues, along with a lot of laughing. I drop the mic and kiss them both on the cheek.

“You’re dead.” Jackson’s voice is barely audible.

“Your threats don’t bother me.”

Catherine stands, wraps her arms around me, and laughs. “I expected nothing less. I love you, Mark. Don’t screw up with her. This could be you in a year.”

I rear back as she smirks. She has a streak in her that people that forget about because of her little smile, but she knew it would screw with my head. “Nice one.”

Jackson wraps his arms around her and kisses her cheek. “You scared him, baby.”

“Nah . . .” She tilts back into him. “Just maybe opened his eyes a little.”

“Aww, group hug.” I laugh and pull them both into my arms. “Just because you’re married now, doesn’t mean you can’t still lust after me.”

Catherine, in true form, huffs without saying a word and heads to the dance floor.

Jackson and I stand while he watches her. “I’m happy for you, man.” He deserves it.

“Thanks.”

“I’m probably going to head back out soon. I’ve been following a lead that I think might be worth a look.”

Charlie and I found something in a new file that came in about a bid. It could be nothing, but it was enough that we both paused. Jackson was right to pencil in Neil’s name. I would’ve never had it on my radar, but the bid came across my desk with his name on it. Seems after he was fired from his job in marketing, he got hired with a firm that does contract work. They get a request from a company, source out the work, and then decide based on the offers that come in. Lo and behold, his name was on the contract for the ambassador.

“Anything I should be aware of?”

“Nope. It could be nothing, but I’m crossing every possibility off the list. Now, go dance with your wife.” I shove him forward and he stalks after her.

We spend the next hour dancing, laughing, and telling old stories. Ashton tells me very little about her fight with Quinn, but the anger is evident on her face. If he tries to talk to her, she’s gonna rip his balls off. That ginger, she’s a feisty one.

The night wears on, and I learn that Charlie is a sexy-ass dancer. I’d really like to find one damn thing that she sucks at—well, I know she’s good at sucking. I still can’t believe she beat me at shooting. I’m just going to claim it’s because I haven’t been to the range in a while.

Charlie and I slow dance, and the feel of her body against mine makes it hard to think. Her honey scent filters through the air. All I can do is think about how sweet she tastes, and how I can’t wait to get my next hit. She’s like a drug that after you’ve had it once, you’re addicted forever.

“I’m glad you agreed to come as my date.” I sway her to the music.

Her blue eyes connect with mine. “I am too. I had a really good time.”

“The night isn’t over yet.”

She presses her head against my chest and melts into me. “I had no intention of it ending.”

I rub my hands up and down her bare back, making patterns against her skin. “Charlie,” I say as she lifts her head.

“Yes?”

“Stay for a while.”

I don’t know why I said it because the idea of her going back to DC makes me want to punch holes in the wall. Having her around . . . it gives me something I didn’t know I was missing. It’s like seeing things in a different way. The shit she has thrown all over my bathroom comforts me. The fact she comes to work with me, reads through old files, and helps me has me wishing it could last longer. Plus, knowing I won’t be close and that I can’t protect her is driving me insane. I don’t want her back there alone. She has no clue what the hell could be waiting for her.

Putting all that aside, though. I’m falling hard for this girl. I want her in my life, and I think if I can keep her around longer, she’ll see she wants it too.

Knowing her ever-stubborn self, she’ll continue to tell herself differently, but I see it. The way she watches me when she thinks I’m not paying attention. How her entire demeanor shifts when I come around. Her body relaxes, and she looks at me a little longer than she used to. She’s starting to trust me. Even though she wants to believe she’s a ferocious tiger, she’s more like a pussycat lately. Sure, we fight, because that’s what we do, but it’s different.

“I have to go back. I need to finish what I’ve been doing.”

“I’m not asking.”

She stares over my shoulder without responding. I’m sure she wishes she could punch me, but that’s kind of frowned upon at a wedding. Fuck this. I grip her chin, and force her to look at me.

“I’m telling you to stay. I’m telling you I want you to stay. I’m not saying for forever, just until we get some things settled. Take it, Charlie. Take what I’m offering you.”

Her shoulders sag. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes, you insistent ass. I’ll stay for a while.”

My hand cups the back of her neck. I realize the slip I had earlier wasn’t a mistake. I’m falling in love with her. No, I’m already in love with Charlie. I pull her to me. I need to feel her lips. I kiss her differently—not like we’re not always explosive, but this has more of a build. It’s a promise of all that’s to come tonight, because this time . . . I’m going to make her mine and steal her heart.

Charlie

I
t’s not as if we’ve never slept together. This is dumb, being nervous over spending a night with Mark. But between the wedding and the wine, the emotions are different. He’s different. The way he looked at me, just . . . everything. I’m being dumb, but we’re still not safe. We still don’t know who’s doing things, and Mark is still a target.

If I were to let him in my heart . . . who am I kidding? He’s already there. I told myself not to allow it, but here I am.

Screwed.

I feel like that virgin on prom night, questioning everything. Do I take my clothes off? Do I slip under the covers naked? Never mind the fact that I’ve joined the mile high club with him. Had shower sex, wall sex, sex in his bed . . . I mean, we’ve done it. Just tonight . . . isn’t about sex. God, I’m being such a girl.