Defenseless (25 page)

“Whatever floats your boat.”

We say good-bye and I head up to the house. I’m ready for knives flying or even a gun. I wouldn’t put it past her to shoot me. She doesn’t get why this upsets me so much. I’m always thinking of the next step. I plan, prepare, check the plans, and I control the situation. The fact that I never even paused to consider when she’d eventually do this scares the shit out of me.

“Honey, I’m home!” I throw the door open and start to look around.

The bag that was sitting on the couch with all her girly crap is gone. I stride back into my bedroom and notice her suitcase is missing too. “Son of a fucking bitch!” I yell as I throw on a shirt and shorts. “Nice play, princess, but I have the rule book.”

I grab my keys and head out the door. She’s about to witness what happens when she runs away.

Charlie

A
chill runs through my body as I arrive at my apartment door. I look around but there’s no one here. My mind starts to spin as I think back to what seemed off in the cab. There was a black SUV parked on 17
th
Street, but this is DC, there are black SUVs on every street. When I climbed the stairs, someone shifted, but it was subtle. If there is someone here, they’re very skilled.

I’ve been trained to trust my instincts. If something
seems
off, it probably is. The fact is that I was drugged a few weeks ago. So clearly, I’m on someone’s radar. Although, according to Mark, it’s the people I work for.

What if he’s right?

I was so focused on being angry with him and what he was saying, I never thought about it. But it makes sense. Anything is possible, but it still doesn’t quite fit for me.

Instead of being unprepared, I take my keys from my purse, grab the knife that’s hidden there, and slip it up my sleeve. My eyes shift again, seeking the danger I can sense.

I debate what to do. I’m not sure what is waiting for me, or where. It could either be in my apartment or behind me.

Releasing a deep breath, I turn the key and open the door.

I glance around, but nothing seems out of place. My heart settles a little as I turn the lock behind me. Once I set my bag down, I turn around and come face to face with what was waiting.

“Hello, Charlie.”

I gasp but recover quickly. “Director Asher.”

“Let’s be frank here, you weren’t surprised.” He chuckles from his post against the counter.

“No, but I didn’t expect it to be you.”

He nods. “I see you were away.”

I’ve known Christopher Asher since I was twelve. He worked hand in hand with my father for years. He doesn’t make house calls; he summons. His visit means either something happened or is happening. The fact that he felt the need to penetrate my fortress tells me this is big. Lying to him is my first instinct, but something holds me back. I recall the last text from Mandi. I needed to get back to her, and then he happens to appear in my apartment. Mark was right. I’ll kill her.

“I was. I informed the agency when I submitted my leave paperwork.”

“May I?” he asks. He holds his hand out to indicate the table.

“Of course.” I sit and wait.

We sit in silence for a second, each of us measuring the other. “I’m here about your leave.”

“Oh?”

“You’re not sunning it up in Barbados, and I know you very well. Hell, I trained you myself. I’m offering you help, Charlie.”

I weigh his words to decipher the meaning behind them. This doesn’t make sense. The CIA is not on board with rogue agents. They don’t allow us to stay off the grid for long, which is why I’m sure I’m being tailed.

“I’ll be honest with you, Sir. I don’t understand what help you’re offering.”

“Your father’s death was far more in-depth than even you know.”

Doubtful
.

He tips to the side and pulls a file from inside of his jacket. It falls with a slap on the wood. My hand itches to grab it, but I have to play this cool. I can’t seem too eager or he’ll think I’m impulsive. So I wait with my reactions controlled. I slip even further into my training and become stoic. He’ll never see anything but what I allow.

Director Asher smirks as if he can read my thoughts. “Go ahead, Charlie. Open it and see.”

“Before I do . . .” I pause. “What I’m about to see in this, I’m pretty sure is not something I’m cleared for. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here alone.”

“That’s correct.”

“Then why read me in?”

“Because I can’t trust anyone else with this. You’ll need to act on your own. You’ll have no help from
anyone
within the agency. I will personally feed you the information I can to help you, but there can’t be anything official. If you open that file, you’re in. If you choose not to, then this meeting never happened.”

“And I’m dead,” I conclude. Because it’s the truth.

“Of course not. Let’s not be dramatic.”

He knows I’ll open it. There’s no way he can dangle a carrot like this in front of me about my father, my mentor, my world, and expect me to walk away. He’s using me, though. I’m not his friend. I’m an agent of the Central Intelligence Agency. I’m a vessel to his ultimate goal. Christopher Asher didn’t rise to the Director position by being stupid. He’s calculating, cutthroat, smart, and has the mind of a politician. I need to be all of that and more. I can’t fall into a trap or I’ll be the next one in the ground.

I need to stall him.

“I need to think.”

“I respect that, but I’m afraid this is a one-time only offer.”

“Sir,” I say on a sigh. “I’m asking for an hour.”

He sighs and pulls the file back. “I can’t do that. You need to decide now if you’re with me or not.”

He’s got me. I can’t say yes right away, but I can’t say no either. I need to know what’s in that damn file.

Suddenly, there’s banging at the door.

“Expecting someone?” Director Asher asks.

“No, they’ll go away.” I answer while maintaining eye contact.

Bang, bang, bang.

“Charlie!” Mark yells through the door. “I know you’re in there. You need to open up.”

Unreal.

“New boyfriend,” I explain with a smile.

“Goddammit, Charlie!” Mark screams again. “I can hear you! Open the fucking door or I’ll kick it down.

“Yes, we know all about Mark Dixon.”

My smile fades. What the hell does that mean? “I need to answer it. Can you?”

“Hide?” The condescension in his tone doesn’t elude me.

I shrug.

I need to protect Mark what little I can. If the CIA is aware of our—whatever this is—then I need to end it. I can’t work on something that will hurt anyone else. They know about him, and that I left the country. The only thing I’m certain of is that they didn’t know where we were. Having the pilot get us out and not alerting anyone of our location was the best thing we could’ve done.

They could still track us and everyone we were with in California and Virginia. I can’t let anyone get hurt. I won’t put those people through what I know they’re capable of. What the hell have I gotten myself into? I knew this was a bad idea. I knew better, and I caved. I fell in love with him, and now everyone is at risk.

Christopher gets up without a word and heads to the back room.

I throw open the door and allow anger to be the only emotion Mark sees.

“What are you doing here? And could you be any louder? I’m not sure the people in Virginia Beach heard you.”

“You’re mad at me?”

“No.” I rest against the door. “I’m not mad. I’m just done with you.”

He pushes his way through the door and slams it behind him.

“Goddammit!” I yell. “Keep it down.”

Mark scans the room, but he’ll find nothing. It appears as if I came in two seconds before he arrived. He grabs my arms and pushes me back against the door. His lips brush my ear. “Who’s here?”

“No one.” I shrug out of his grip. “What the hell are you doing here? Was my walking out not enough of a clue to what my thoughts were? It’s done.”

“Something is going on, Charlie. You and I have a small fight and you take off? Not a note? Not a text? I don’t believe you packed your shit and left after you messed up.”

I turn to face the counter and smash down everything I feel. He chased me. He was worried, and he came after me. Now I have to get rid of him. “You fucked up. You can’t control me. I won’t let you, so this was fun . . .” I spin around and steel myself with rage. “But I’m not really that into you.”

Mark scoffs. “Liar. You’re a liar, and you suck at it. How’s that? You love me. I see it in your eyes. But you know what? I could get over all your stupid petty shit. I could get past the fact you’re unhinged because I happen to like you. But then I get in my car and find this hidden in my glove box.” He flings something at me, and I catch it. A bug. “Unhinged I can handle, but you doing this? No. Are you seriously not going to trust me?
Me?
”

He’s being tracked. He’s smart enough to know. I just hope he’ll be dumb enough to believe every bitter lie I’m about to spew.

“Yes.” It’s the easiest answer to get rid of him. “I don’t trust you. I don’t believe anything you say to me. You and I are nothing anymore.”

“You have
got
to be kidding me.”

“No, I’m not. I did what I had to do, and now we’re done.”

“You’re who bugged my car? You’re who put a tracking device on me?”

I knew I would betray him. I didn’t realize it would be like this. “Yes. I should’ve turned it on so I could’ve been gone before you got here. My bad.”

Mark’s eyes narrow, but he says nothing. Rage churns behind those emerald eyes. I hate that I’m so willing to do this to him, but that file holds the answers. I won’t turn away from finding out who destroyed my family. Not for anyone.

“Okay, then,” he finally says.

“That’s it?”

He turns and stalks forward as I retreat. Mark doesn’t stop, though. He keeps plowing toward me, forcing my back against the wall. “Is that
it
? You have the balls to ask me that? I thought there was something here. I thought you and I had a goddamn moment. You told me your name, for fuck’s sake. I was willing to do anything to get you to see what you mean to me.”

“What do I mean to you?” I can’t help but torture myself further. I have a feeling this moment right here will be what I hold on to. It’ll be what I remember when I’m alone and wishing I wasn’t so selfish.

“I thought I loved you, Charisma. Or at least I could have. I would’ve let you be the cold bitch you pretend to be.” He steps closer, but I stand my ground. Mark’s hand touches my cheek. “I would’ve pushed you to let me in further. I would’ve protected you, but you’re incapable of loving anyone but yourself. I deluded myself into thinking I saw something in you. It’s fine. I’ll find someone else to wash away your memory.”

My chest is heavy with guilt and pain. If there was ever anyone I could love, it’s him. I wish he could see the lies I’m telling. I do trust him. I trust him more than any man I’ve ever known. I gave him my name. But I’m willing to give him up because my life is one big question mark. If the CIA thinks Mark is a liability, they’ll eliminate him.

“Leave,” is the only word I can get out. I push against his chest, shoving him toward the door. “Go!” I fight back the tears that want to make their way forward. I won’t cry, though. Not now, not with Christopher Asher God only knows where. “Get out!” I use my anger from this entire situation.

If Mazir had never killed my father, I wouldn’t have this fight. If I hadn’t failed in my mission, I wouldn’t be breaking myself apart. If I weren’t so stupid, I would’ve stayed in Virginia Beach and worked it out with Mark. But my life has consisted of choices, and those choices have consequences.

“When I walk out this door, don’t come to me when you need anything. We’re done. We’re fucking done.”

I step forward and put the final nail in our coffin. “We never were, so we were done from the start. Good luck finding who’s after you.”

Mark grips my arms and pulls me tight. “I’m not the only one who has someone after them. Remember that, Charlie. Remember what happened at your mother’s party.”

“You should go,” I say. I need him to stop talking.

He releases me and opens the door, but then he hesitates. I want to rush into his arms and tell him I’m sorry. If only this were the movies. His shoulders rise and fall as he grips the doorframe. “You should know something.” His green eyes lock with mine. “We were something. We were everything. We could’ve had it all, but you’re too scared. I hope you think about this when you’re alone. I hope you remember just how good we were. I hope it fucking hurts your stone heart.”

My lips part. I want to say something in return, but Mark’s hands fall and he closes the door behind him. He’s taking away a piece of my heart—and the promise of something that could’ve been fantastic.

I slump in the chair, close my eyes, and wait for the master of manipulation to emerge. When I open them again, I’ll be done with my hurt. Well, as far as anyone can see. Inside is another story.

Inside my heart, I’m broken. I’ve just died, and I don’t think I’ll ever recover. I love him so much that I’m willing to break myself. I’ll hold on to the notion that I did the most selfless thing I could. I saved him.