Defying Fate (14 page)

Pointing my finger into his chest, I say, “One that deserves an honest fucking answer from you.”

Grabbing my hand rather forcefully, I can tell just how angry he is. “Stop it, just stop it right the fuck now.”

“Denial, I just knew it. You’re such a fucking liar, you sweet talk me and take me to bed and get what you want. Then seconds later you're in bed with your dick so far up in that bitch you can’t see straight. Must be some lay, huh Brax?” I make sure the emphasis is in his name.

His voice sounds hurt. “Brax-you never call me that.”

Yeah and I don’t like being played a fool either. “I see you in a whole new light, Braxton to me is gentle and nice, and the kind of man I would kill to have. This man before me now is not. You’re the man whore they all said you were. They call you Brax, the bitch who gets your dick wet, calls you Brax. Might as well call you what you are.” My raised voice is cracking as my body quakes with nervous energy, my tears are sure to follow.

“My fucking Braxton, the one who held me tight, the one that whispered sweet things to me as he made love to me; that man is everything you aren’t.” My honest tears must resonate with him as his whole body language changes.

“Izzy, look. This shit is fucked up. I’m screwed no matter what I do here. She is the mother to my fucking daughter; I can’t just ignore that. Eve wants to love her, she wants me to try to do the same.”

What the fuck did he just say? Oh my god, Eve. It all becomes clear; his little girl wants him to be with her mother. I can’t win this fight; I won’t hurt Eve like that. I just wish I hadn’t given my heart to him. Should have stayed my ground and not come to work for him. Should not have let him claim my body for his own and I should not have enjoyed every minute of it as well. Shoulda’, woulda’, coulda’.

Not an ounce of fight left in me, and I have to laugh it out so I won’t break down in hysterics. “Now the truth comes out, how long has Eve wanted for you and her mother to get back together?” I channel down my anger.

“Seems like forever, I tried over and again. Shit’s not good, but I can’t stand to see my girl hurting as she is. I love my daughter and would do anything for her. You understand what I mean?”

Choking back my tears, I contain my voice to a whisper. “Loud and fucking clear; I won’t hurt Eve, she is too sweet. In the end, I think you are smart enough to realize how this turns out, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the fucked up part. I finally found a good woman, a woman who is perfect for me.” Getting angry, he finds a wrench and throws it across the room, swearing while he does it.

“Fuck. Fuck. Shit.” The howl that escapes his throat is filled with anger, regret and something much deeper.

Wincing at the very loud clank as the wrench hits the wall, I stumble back some.

“Goodbye Braxton.” I’m walking back towards the door.

“Fucking wait Izzy, I can’t lose you.” His words and worrisome eyes break me.

With tears spilling down my face, I whisper out. “You already have!”

Walking out to my car shoulders down, crying and hurting with a kind of loss I have never known. Losing my daughter destroyed me once; losing Braxton might just do me in. Getting in my car all, I can hear, is yelling, swearing and chairs being thrown around. I don’t turnaround; I can’t look. I simply drive away, away from my heart, away from Braxton.

‘PUMP IT’ BY THE
Green Eyed Peas is blaring in the bar as I set my tray down to order my next round of drinks. Swaying my hips to the music, I call out what I need to Sam, our bartender. A week after my blow-out with Braxton I found a job at a local pub and eatery called Fireside Bar and Grill. It’s in Maltby a smaller town than Monroe. The local pub is the main hangout, a friendly crowd, usually a handful of bikers head in around dinner time and stay until close. Most likely one of the reasons I love it here. At first I was nervous, but for the most part, they are cool. Most of them are friendly and flirtatious I have to admit it’s a welcome distraction. I just happened to stumble on the job opening and took it.

I still cry every night, still dream about him. Wonder all the fucking time how he and Eve are doing. It’s killing me, but I had to move on. This job came along at the right time. I was sitting here one night, having too many drinks, just drowning my sorrows and minding my own business and by the end of the evening I had a new job lined up. Worked out well for both of us as Sam desperately needed a barmaid, and I needed a job.

Tonight is a slow night, everything was great until the door opens and in strolls a few of the guys who work for Braxton. I immediately roll my eyes and silently pray he won’t walk in next. Having just finished my shift and now wishing I had already left for the night.

I ignored them of course; Cage was on the phone at the drop of a hat. It didn’t take a genius to guess who he was calling. Not ten minutes later in strolls Braxton, walking straight, over to me.

His look is all serious, a bit perplexed even. “Izzy let’s get you out of here. What the hell are you doing?”

My mouth is hanging open as I feel I’m in the twilight zone. “What the hell are you doing here; you have no say in what I do. Not anymore.” I turn my head and take another sip of my drink. Numbing my brain is my goal of late. Sometimes I will stay after my shift to have a few beers, like I am doing now until I got so rudely interrupted.

My arm is suddenly being tugged on as if on instinct, I pull away harder than I intended to and stumble off my stool. Finding myself on my butt, I am not only pissed off, I’m embarrassed as all eyes are now on me.

“Braxton what the hell are you doing harassing my customers?” Sam says as he gets out from behind the bar and strides towards me.

There is no mistaking the death glare Braxton is sending Sam. “Mind your own business Sam, she’s with me.” Sam inches his way closer next to me. I am now between these two men who are both ready to throw down or have a pissing contest.

I’m shocked speechless, and I need to correct Braxton on his mistake. “I am NOT with you. What the hell Braxton?” I say holding my hands up as if to say ‘ah duh!’ Between his odd behavior and the current spin of the room, I realize I’m slightly intoxicated.

I’m so ticked and embarrassed getting my ass up off the floor I dust off my pants and realize my tank top has slipped. Now my chest is spilling out for all to see. I don’t give it another thought. “Leave me alone. Jesus, Braxton.”

Braxton’s laughing so hard he tilts his head back. The only thing, I'm thinking, is how thrilled I am that I can entertain him to the point he is in hysterics.

His laughing alone sets me off, gritting my teeth, I say, “Not funny.”

“So fuckin’ funny babe, now that the girls are back in place, let’s get you home before you embarrass yourself even more.”

I start to talk and then stumble slightly. “Don’t think so BABE!” It hits me that yes; I am slightly drunk, well shit.

Pulling me closer to him, Braxton grasps my arm and gets right into my face. “Iz are you trying to piss me off?”

I stare at him dumbfounded, yeah the twilight zone. “Let me check. Nope!” I pop my lips together.

Braxton sighs deeply rolling his eyes directly at me. “You’re pissing me off Iz!”

“Don’t care Braxton.” I hiss back as I try to lean away from him damn near falling off the stool on the other side. God, seriously can I stop looking like an idiot?

Ignoring the heavy breathing on my right, I let my gaze swing back to Sam, who is now back behind the bar, leaning back with his arms crossed and watching this side show play out. Huh, looking at Sam right now I notice how handsome he is. Not sure why I have not noticed this before, but then it dawns on me. My mind has been filled with a tall, muscular piece of eye candy whose name starts with a letter B.

My fog filled mind just won’t shut down. “Sam you’re a beautiful man.” In my defense, I thought my mind was saying it not my mouth. I realize my mistake when Sam snickers and Braxton lets out a ‘what the hell’ under his breath.

The sparkle in Sam’s eyes should have let me know what was to come. “Izzy you’re more than beautiful.” He says softly with a big flirty smile. Not a Braxton smile granted, but a great smile. Smiling back, I marvel at his sweet words forgetting I have a big guy next to me.

“Knock it off IZZY! I swear I am going to lose my shit right now.” The anger emanating from Braxton is a bit scary, but I’m not one bit bothered. The fact I’m not feeling much due to my drinking is helping my courage.

Swiping my hand as if to dismiss Braxton, I say, “Sam don’t you listen to him. He’s too busy screwing his ex to worry about little ole me.” Drunk and running my mouth off, not a great idea.

I find myself in a headlock, Braxton’s arms feel like pythons crushing me to him.

“Cut it out Iz, I am not screwing Tiff’.” Yep, he is totally annoyed with me. Good, now he knows how it feels.

“Pffft. Not my business anymore, go on and get your dick wet all you want. Tell me Sam; are you currently getting your dick wet or are you lonely with your heart broken just like me?” I slur out my words as confidently as I can.

I ignore Braxton and his posse as now they are all surrounding us. Sam looks at them and laughs them off. Braxton seems to be daring Sam to back the fuck off, but he does not look one bit intimated.

“Yeah Izzy, seems like both of our hearts have been broken by the same two people. They just seem to leave a trail of destruction everywhere they go.” Sam is talking to me, but his eyes never leave Braxton.

“What?” Mouth hanging open, I stare at Sam. No Way!

“Tell her Brax; tell her how Tiffany broke my fucking heart because I caught you screwing her out in my damn parking lot.”

“Jesus Christ,” Braxton swears loudly rubbing his jaw.

“Holy Shit.” That comes from Liam, who I just notice has joined in on our little party that is slowly growing in size.

The other three Cage, Jagger and Brody are slightly laughing, drinking their beers like they are enjoying this freak show.

My mind is blown, this is beyond bizarre. I gasp, directing my disgust at Braxton. “You didn’t, Jesus Christ. You're a pig Braxton; fucking pig.”

I can sense the sudden worry that crosses his face. “Izzy it’s not what you think. It was a while ago.”

The realization of their sordid history makes me ill. “Oh my god, so you two have been doing this cat and mouse shit for how many years now, all the while screwing with people’s lives. You make me sick.” I try to push him away from me.

“Baby, that’s old news. I told you about it, how it happened with me and her. I told you all of it, yeah?” He looks at me with an ‘I told you so look.'

“Oh, you told me some things. Then I had to sit in my office like a mouse and hide out while you laughed and got all smiley with your baby momma. Shit I feel sick.”

Getting off the bar stool, I stumble yet again. Braxton grabs a hold of me by my arm and pulls me up tight to his side. His grip is tight, and the feel of his arms around me make me suddenly very sad. I want his arms holding me, but I also want him to want me enough to stand up to his ex. I would die to have Braxton standing up to her and making me that special one. Too bad dreams are just nightmares in disguise.

Obsessing over my thoughts, I need to distance myself from him as his eyes are mentally judging me. Great, here come the waterworks.

“Get your hands off of me.” I cry out as tears start to escape and spill over. “I fucking want you; I was ready to fight for you. It’s you that was not willing to fight for me. It hurts Braxton, you crushed my heart. Every dream I have ever had in my life has turned into a nightmare. My life is a living nightmare!” I’m yelling in hysterics.

Braxton is speechless, stumbling out of his grasp. His worry lines are well defined in his forehead. It’s the first time tonight I notice how horrible he looks, almost like he has not slept in days. Well, join the sleepless club buddy.

It’s Sam now who breaks the sudden silence. “Izzy let me take you to the back room. You can rest and use the restroom if you feel like getting sick because to tell you the truth I am ready to vomit myself.”

Liam instantly pulls me against him in a protective kind of way. Not sure why he is all of a sudden acting like a big brother.

“Liam let me go. You want to help someone, go help your sister. Or maybe Braxton has been tending to her every need. Hell I’m sure his bed wasn’t cold for long.”

I turn to glare toward Braxton. Slightly proud I zinged him like I did, but my small victory is short lived when I see his expression change and now has tears filling his eyes. Oh Braxton! My heart takes a nose dive.

“Izzy, I guess you’ll never know how I feel about you. I’m dying here; I fucking want you like I have never wanted anyone before. I’m screwed no matter what I do.” He steps closer to me and then squats down, so we are eye to eye.

“I want you. I always will. And the answer to your question, I have not slept with her. How could I sleep with her, when you have wrecked me, no one will ever compare to you.” Leaning his forehead so he rests against mine, he is internally killing me once again with his sweetness.

I let my hurt give way to fuel my anger. I’m mad, not for what he said, not for what he did, but for saying it and then not following it through with his actions. He let me walk away because of her; only now he is here telling me I’ll never know how he actually feels. What the HELL? I lash out and slap him hard across the face.