Delay of Game (The Baltimore Banners Book 6) (10 page)

"I can't believe you asked about her. Not now."

"I'm sorry. It's none of my business, I shouldn't have asked."

"But you did, so there must be a reason you want to know."

"No. Yes. I mean—" Val snapped her mouth closed. She didn't know what she meant. No, she shouldn't have asked. She didn't even know why the question had been there, niggling at the back of her mind.

No, that was wrong. She did know, had been mulling it over for the last few days, ever since Justin told her his divorce had been finalized.

And she hadn't even known he was married.

Val sat up, moving to sit beside him so she wouldn't have to look at him. Maybe that would make it easier for him to talk about it.

Easier for her to listen.

She pulled the sheet up, anchoring it with arms, then grabbed a small throw pillow and hugged it to her chest. Her fingers toyed with the fringe, twisting the fabric first one way then the other. "How long were you married?"

She felt Justin sigh more than heard him. And still he didn't say anything. Val thought that maybe he wasn't going to answer after all, that he decided this was an insane conversation to be having.

And it was.

"All total? Legally married? Almost five years. How long did we live together before I moved out? Six months, maybe a little longer." Val opened her mouth, ready to ask him why they hadn't divorced sooner. But Justin kept talking, his words flat, void of any emotion. "We were legally separated for three years before the divorce was finalized."

She turned her head just the slightest bit to the side, watching him from the corner of her eye without being obvious. "Why so long?"

"Why?" He laughed, the sound short and bitter. "Because she thought that by dragging it out, she could get around the prenup she signed before we married."

"Oh." She wanted to tell him that was a good thing, that at least he'd had a prenup. But it sounded like a weird thing to say, so she just kept her mouth shut. About that, at least.

"Val, that whole fiasco—it's not something I like to talk about. Not many people even know I was married, not even most of the guys on the team. I don't like admitting what an idiot I was. The marriage should have never happened in the first place."

"Then why the drinking? You said the other day, when I asked, that you started drinking because of the divorce."

"Fuck." The word was barely more than an agonized whisper and Val had the impression Justin didn't even realize he said it. He scrubbed his hands over his face, the faint sound of stubble rasping against his palms filling the silence. He dragged his hands down, across his jaw, then let them drop in his lap. He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling, a muscle twitching in his clenched jaw.

Val hugged the pillow tighter and waited, wondering if he was going to say anything.

"Not because of the divorce. Shit." He took another deep breath and let it out. "Because the divorce was just another sign of me being a fuck-up. More proof that nothing I do is ever right."

"What? Why would you even say that? Sometimes things don't work out. That doesn't mean you're a fuck-up, that nothing you do is ever right."

"Yeah, tell that to my old man."

"Your old man? You mean, your father?"

"Yeah." Justin sighed again, shook his head and finally looked over at her. Shadows filled his eyes, shadows of regret, of pain. "This is—listen, I really don't feel like going any deeper than I already have, Val. There's some messed up shit I still need to deal with, shit nobody else needs to know about, okay?"

Val didn't know what to say. She could tell he had said more than he wanted, that he opened himself more than he had expected to. Part of her wanted to tell him things would be okay, that he was a fighter. But what right did she have to tell him that? She didn't know what he was going through, didn't really know what else he had to deal with, didn't know what monsters lurked in the closet of his past. She couldn't make empty reassurances, couldn't give him empty words, no matter how well-meant.

Val shifted to her knees and leaned over him, placing her hand in the center of his chest. Her eyes captured his, holding his gaze, her face so close she could see the flecks of gold mixed in the brown of his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

Justin watched her for several long seconds, the pounding of his heart ticking away the time. Then he reached up and cupped her cheek, his thumb caressing her lower lip, the touch feather light and so achingly tender.

"I know."

"Did you want to leave now that I messed everything up?"

He smiled, just the tiniest bit, and shook his head. "No."

"Good." She paused, her eyes searching his. "I'm here if you need me."

"I know." His eyes searched hers, his gaze going deeper than she wanted. He cupped her chin in his hand and leaned forward, his lips brushing softly against hers. Once, twice. Once more.

Justin leaned over and turned out the light, plunging the room into darkness. Then he took her in his arms, moving so they were once again laying down, her head tucked against his chest. His lips were warm against her temple, his breath a soft whisper against her skin.

"Get some sleep, Val. I'm not going anywhere."

Justin dropped to the bench, not bothering to hide his groan. He didn't have to, not when at least a dozen other groans echoed in the locker room around him. He closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, then leaned over to unlace his skates.

"You're looking better." The comment was said quietly, nothing more than just that: a comment. Justin gave Mat a nod of acknowledgement and kept unlacing his skates.

There were things he could say or comments he could make but he didn't. Why bother, when they would be nothing but excuses? Excuses for his drinking, excuses for his behavior, excuses for his shitty play and excuses for letting the team down.

Justin was done with excuses.

He tossed the skates to the side then pulled the practice jersey over his head, tossing that to the side as well. The first round of playoffs started tomorrow and they had home-ice advantage.

And Justin knew exactly how lucky he was to be playing, instead of being a permanent healthy scratch. Or worse, being up north in the minors. No, it wouldn't have been easy to pull off, not with his contract and everything else, but there was no doubt in his mind that Sonny would have made the move happen somehow.

It was that threat that served as a wake-up call. But that wasn't the only reason he'd started getting his act together. It had one hell of a lot more to do with a pair of wide hazel eyes than it did the coach's steely ones.

Justin still didn't know what the hell had happened, how he'd ended up with Val, how they ended up being together. One week they had been casual friends. The next week, it was like they had been together for a long time. And not in a bad way, not even close.

Val made him smile, made him feel like he belonged, like he had a place to go home to. Which was absolute crazy talk, because he hadn't really felt lost. Yeah, maybe he had let things get to him too much, had hit the booze a bit too much. But he hadn't realized he was missing anything until Val.

Justin didn't want to look into that too much, didn't want to question it. He was playing like he used to play, reading the game and making the plays. His ice time had increased and there was a good chance he'd be on the second line starting tomorrow night.

He hoped.

He reached down and rapped his knuckles against the bench three times, just in case.

"What was that for?"

"What?"

Mat motioned to the bench. "Knocking three times."

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Justin finished stripping off the rest of the gear then grabbed his towel and shower kit from the locker. A quick shower, then he'd head home, take a nap, eat, and go over to Val's place later.

Funny how quickly things could change in just a few short weeks. No, his life wasn't perfect. Hell, he didn't want perfection. But from where he stood right now, he sure as hell didn't have many complaints.

Justin stepped into the shower room then paused, just for a second. Maybe he should have knocked on wood again, because one of his few complaints was already in there.

Randy glanced over his shoulder, frowning when he saw Justin. Then he just stared at him with eyes that were so similar to Val's. Except Val's eyes were usually a little warmer and nowhere near as judgmental as her brother's.

Justin nodded at Randy then made his way to one of the showers. And fuck, Michaels decided to use the one right next to him. Why now? Why today of all days?

The two of them had always gotten along. Not super-tight, like Justin was with Mat and Kenny, but still friends. At least, until Justin had started seeing Val. Randy hadn't been outright distant or even confrontational, but Justin could pick up on the slight tension coming from the man. He didn't think anyone else on the team did, either. Or if they did, they were keeping it to themselves because it hadn't been a problem.

Until now.

No, not until now. Just because Michaels was in the shower stall next to him and occasionally looking over didn't mean something was about to happen.

Justin stepped under the strong spray, hot water pouring over him, rinsing away sweat and easing sore muscles. He reached for the bottle of two-in-one shower gel and shot some into his hand, then lathered it into his hair and over his face, scrubbing at the new growth on his jaw, thankful that the itching had at least stopped. He stepped back under the spray, rinsing off, then shot more of the gel into his hand and grabbed his washcloth.

"You've been spending quite a bit of time with my sister."

Justin paused, took a deep breath of the steamy air. He tossed a quick look over his shoulder at Randy, then looked away and scrubbed at his chest. "Yeah."

"You want to tell me what's up with that?"

Justin added more gel to the cloth then went back to scrubbing, each movement slow and deliberate. But his mind was racing ahead, a hundred miles an hour, trying to come up with the right answer.

Did a right answer even exist? Yeah, Randy was his friend. But he was also Val's brother. Big brother. Justin didn't have a sister, but he knew all about the responsibilities of being a big brother—more than he wanted to.

He fisted the washcloth in his hand, closed his eyes, took a deep breath. Yeah, he knew all about siblings. About family. And part of him really did understand Randy's concern.

That didn't mean he wanted to be interrogated. And he sure as hell didn't want to have this conversation while standing in the shower.

"Well?"

Justin glanced over at Randy, noticed that he had finished washing up and was leaning on the tiled half-wall, his gaze steady and direct. Justin sighed and stepped back under the spray, rinsing completely off. He turned off the shower, grabbed his towel and quickly brushed off most the of the water. Then he wrapped it around his waist. If they were going to have this conversation, damn if he wanted Randy staring at him while he was swinging in the wind.

"We're seeing each other."

"And?"

"And nothing."

Randy fixed him with that steady gaze, no doubt trying to intimidate him. It wasn't going to work. But the longer Randy stared at him, the more Justin had to smother the urge to squirm. He tried not to breathe a sigh of relief when Randy finally looked away.

The relief was short-lived though, because Randy shook his head and gave him another one of those steady looks, like he was studying him—and Justin was coming up short.

"You're carrying around too much shit, Tome."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You heard me." Randy ran a hand through his wet hair, pushing it off his forehead. He glanced around at the other guys then back at Justin, lowering his voice. "Val's got a lot on her plate, a lot of responsibility. She doesn't need to be taking care of you, too."

"What the fuck, Michaels? Seriously?" Justin looked around, noticed a few of the guys throwing glances their way. He stepped closer and lowered his voice. "So, what? You think I need a babysitter? You think that's why I'm with Val?"

"Like I said, you're carrying around a lot of shit."

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Yeah, I think you do. All your…issues…the last few months? Val doesn't need to be dealing with that shit."

Justin inhaled a deep breath then clenched his jaw. Randy was just concerned about his sister, that was all. Hell, Justin could understand that. He just needed to remember it. He relaxed his jaw, took another deep breath, lowered his voice even more. "There aren't any more issues."

Randy cocked one brow at him, his disbelief clear. "You sure about that?"

"Yeah. I am. No issues."

Silence stretched between them, thick and heavy and uncomfortable in the noise surrounding them. Running water, laughter, muttered conversation, lewd comments. Normal sounds—except for the silence between the two of them.

Randy finally straightened and grabbed his shower kit. "Val's an adult, she can make her own decisions. But if I find out you hurt her, used her, I will fuck you up."

Randy gave him one last long look then walked away, brushing past Kenny Haskell on his way out. Kenny stopped in front of Justin, giving him a quizzical look.

"What was up with that?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"He giving you shit about his sister?"

Justin shook his head and barely refrained from rolling his eyes. "If you knew the answer, why'd you even ask?

Kenny moved into the shower and turned on the water. "I didn't, it was just a logical guess."

Great, just what he needed. Kenny being logical. He liked the guy, he really did. They had hit it off right away at the beginning of the season, when Kenny moved up from the minors. Kenny was soft-spoken, a little too quiet, not inclined to heavy conversation. The fact that he was actually starting to sound logical worried Justin more than he wanted to admit.

Christ, he needed to just get the hell out of here. Go home, nap, take it easy until he could meet Val later tonight. With the schedule coming up, tonight would probably be the last time they'd have a chance to really spend time together.

Justin didn't want to think too much about that, didn't want to acknowledge the twisting in his gut at the thought of not really getting time to spend with Val. Fuck. He should be more worried about the playoffs, not about Val.

Kenny was still watching him and Justin realized he was waiting for an answer. What the hell had Kenny asked? Something about Val. And Randy.

Oh yeah. About Randy giving him shit for seeing his sister.

"He's her big brother. Nothing I didn't expect."

"You pretty serious about her?"

How the hell was he supposed to answer that? How should he know? He couldn't answer that question. Justin opened his mouth to deny it then quickly snapped it shut again. Saying no, they weren't serious, sounded like a lie. Almost like a betrayal of Val somehow. But the truth was, he didn't know. So he just shrugged and forced a smile to his face. "Not sure, haven't given it much thought."

"Sure. Okay." Kenny didn't look convinced but he didn't say anything else. He stepped into the shower, effectively ending the conversation.

Justin walked out of the shower room, shaking his head. That was the great thing about Kenny: he didn't waste a lot of time just talking.

Justin threw everything into his locker and finished dressing, then headed home. No, not home. The condo was nothing more than a place he crashed. Two bedrooms, neutral décor, minimum decoration. He stopped in the middle of living room, the keys held loosely in his hand, and looked around, like he was seeing it for the first time.

The best he could say about it was that it was clean—thanks to the cleaning service that came in twice a month. He'd lived here for almost five years. Shouldn’t the space reflect at least a little of who he was? But maybe that was the problem. Maybe the neutral furniture and minimal decorations were nothing more than a reflection of who he'd become: bland, empty, with nothing to offer.

"What the fuck?" Justin's voice echoed back to him, a hollow ring in the bare room. What the hell was wrong with him? At least now he realized why he never bothered to invite Val over here. This place was barely more than a cave, not even coming close to her place with its stuffed furnishings and splashes of color and all the different personal touches she added. Val's place was so much more than just a place to store belongings and crash. It was a home. Warm, welcoming, comfortable.

Maybe Justin needed a decorator.

And was he really standing here in the middle of his living room, thinking about getting an interior decorator? He shook his head. He must be more tired than he thought. He tossed his keys on the small table then walked down the hall to his bedroom and tossed the small duffel on the floor by his bed. A quick nap, then dinner, then Val's.

He stretched out on the bed, his hands behind his head, and stared up at the ceiling. Kenny's question came back to him, almost haunting. Were things getting serious between Val and him? Damn if he knew. He only knew he enjoyed being with her, would spend every free minute with her if he could.

He closed his eyes, felt a small smile break out on his face as an image of wide hazel eyes and long black hair came immediately to mind. Justin sighed, a soft sound of contentment, the image following him as he drifted off to sleep.