Authors: Rachael A Payne
Darkest Night Collection: Delcaos
Copyright 2012 by Rachael Payne
I enjoy it, I love and loath
e being this creature, this character I have created, this demon I was made into. But no matter how much pain or suffering I cause the loneliness I feel when all around me has left or died... I cannot stop, for it is in my nature to be so damned bad. And if you cross my path then that is just your misfortune... and my gain.
The tale of my death I barely recall but the one who made me, he surely came from hell, born of the devil himself. This creature was evil, I saw all of his sins as he force fed me his blood. It sickens me to think of him, how repugnant he was, unlike any other vampire I have ever met.
He was old and decrepit. It appeared as though his flesh was pealing from his bones, the stench of him; it makes me retch even now as I recall it. Dirty, old, vagabond vampire, little more than a skeleton. Black, dull eyes and hair that had once had colour but now was scarcely there, clinging to his almost bald head in patches. Twisted and demented, so old that he had gone insane, or so I believe. Maybe he was just sadistic, he did enjoy playing with his food, including me.
Days he kept me, locked in an underground room, no light, little to eat or drink and at his fancy he would come and drink from me. He would wait until I was weak then open the door as if to release me. The bastard would laugh as I crawled slowly away.
Once, I made it up the stone steps and almost to the front door only to be pulled back to that pitch dark room where he would drain me almost to the point of death, then leave only for the whole episode to be repeated on his next visit.
But I go on too much about that. It was from this disgusting creature that I was made. He saw something in me. How can I describe it? So determined was I not to give up, not to be defeated by him or to die in that place that every night I would fight him and, well that excited him. Never had
he heard a mortal curse him so or fight so hard against him. Over and over when he opened the door I would try to escape. Then, one night everything changed.
This cold, freezing Moscow night he came to me as usual, I took up position so that I might try to defend myself, though it never helped, as decaying as he was he was still so unimaginably strong. He came into the room, looked at me, and stared deeply into my eyes for the longest time. Neither of us moved, nor spoke, nor took our eyes off the other.
How long we were like that I don't know, but eventually it was he who broke the silence.
“I can give you everything you've ever dreamed of.” An expression of confusion spread across my face. He stepped forward, “immortality. I can make you like me.”
I was repulsed but I cannot recall speaking. I cannot recall much after that point except that he came for me and no amount of fighting could stop him.
What I remember next came from him. As he force fed me his blood he became my teacher. In those moments I learned what I needed to survive. ‘Stay away from sunlight, survive on the blood of mortals, do as you wish for you cannot die,’ all this and more, including his memories, they all flooded into my mind.
I heard his voice in my head telling me, ‘you will be a great vampire, great and evil.’ I saw what he wanted of me. In his twisted thoughts, he wanted to watch me become like him, to take life as easily as he did, to inflict suffering and to torture mortals ‘as they deserved’.
So you see this evil was put into me, forced upon me
But I digress.
After he pulled away from me I fell to the ground and it was mere moments before the pain began. The agonising ache of every muscle, every limb, every organ in my body changing from my mortal self, to function how it does now, only to process blood.
But it was in these moments as I writhed on the hard, cold floor, that the mess of memories given to me by this so called vampire became clear. The old one had become weak, he had fed me so much of his blood, he had made me as strong as he could and I realised that the more of his blood I had, the stronger I would become. He had shown me this whether accidentally or on purpose, I do not know but from that point on I was determined to do what I needed to do to get away from him.
I rose to my feet. I felt better than I had ever felt before. It was a strange sensation
, and I had to observe my hands to notice the difference. I felt the power inside me. I clenched my hands into fists several times as if it were a measure of my strength.
I caught sight of him then, crouching in a corner, weak but smiling, admiring his work. His apprentice that is what he wanted me to be. But I would not let that happen.
Mercilessly I struck, flinging myself at him with great speed. I lifted him up and sank my newly formed fangs into his neck and drank. Oh he tried to struggle, but he was too weak, he was foolish to give me such knowledge and to think that I would be his willing servant.
I drank until he moved no more, until his flesh was
deathly white. I left him there crumpled on the floor. I thought that I had killed him, but from what I have learnt since then, it is not always so easy to kill one so old. Yet I have never seen him again.
I clambered up the stairs, down the hallway and into the pitch dark, winter night. The snow fell silently and thickly. I recall confusion, I fell back against the wall of the building I had been kept in and for the longest time I couldn't think, I could not fathom what had happened to me, what I was now or how I knew what I should do.
You see, it was like a voice in my head telling me to feed, instructing me how to do it and that it must be mortal blood, for I was no longer one of them. I had become something else, something better, and I was stronger now than any mortal. In fact, I was almost God like. The powers I possessed, the things I could do, it was all shown to me by my maker.
And the evil? I didn't concern myself with that. No
, I had to try out this new improved body I had been given. I had to show Diana!
I ran through the empty streets not really knowing where I was
, but going at an incredible speed. Stopping suddenly, I finally realised where I was. Then I sprinted up buildings, jumped from rooftops to the ground below as if I was born to leap like a gazelle.
And within mere minutes I had found my way home. Home to my wife, Diana.
Ah Diana, my beautiful Diana, whose name means heavenly. And she was divine, my Diana. She was absolutely faultless, sent from God himself. There was no freckle out of place, always her silken richly dark brown hair was immaculate. Her face was always fresh and she glowed a luminescent light that turned every head in a room. She had a figure that was a perfect pear, her saunter, nay her mere presence was enough to set my pulse racing.
From the first moment I saw her I knew she had to be mine, never before had I approached such a lady so hastily and unprepared. But it was meant to be, Diana and I. She fell instantly for my fumblings and within three months we were married.
Throughout our ten years together her grace always remained, I used to believe that she was indeed an angel, time did not touch her. Perhaps that is because I viewed her through lover’s eyes.
We had our own little world, Diana and I
, and we were scarcely apart.
As I stood outside the front door I thought ‘how she must have worried about me having been gone for so long’ and I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms again.
I walked through the unlocked door and there she was, sat by the fire in her long night dress and dressing gown loosely wrapped around her. It was late but she had been waiting up for me. On hearing the door open, she immediately turned and rose from her chair, her expression full of relief, wonder, confusion and then happiness. But as she stepped forward her face changed to what I took to be horror and she froze to the spot.
I hadn’t realised how I looked, it hadn’t occurred to me that my appearance might have changed or to look at my reflection. But she couldn't understand it, I could see her pondering what she saw in front of her and she didn't know what to say.
I sought out the small mirror we had positioned on a dresser across the room from the fire place. Standing in front of it I moved my new face about it, examining the new paleness, the more prominent blue veins. I raised my hand to my lips and they were the same pale colour. My fingers pushed against the recently formed fangs that had grown and I smiled as I delighted in looking at them.
But it was the eyes that had startled her most. No longer dull they were a vibrant, glowing shade of black, not as dark as the one who made me and with a hint of burgundy to them. To me they were incredible but to Diana, they were frightening. Everything about my appearance, about my disappearance and reappearance frightened her, I could feel it emanating from her, and I could smell it.
Fear is such a beguiling thing in a human, it makes them do things that excite a vampire, running, fighting for their lives, that is an exquisite delight I love to indulge in.
But Diana, yes Diana. The two of us stood examining each other from opposite sides of the room, she hating me, disgusted with how I looked, how I smelt and the eyes I now possessed.
“Who are you?” she asked me finally. I laughed, told her it was her husband and then she held her hands to her face, tears in her eyes she asked what had happened to me, where had I been? And I told her everything, all that I knew and the knowledge I had been given.
I thought it might excite her the way it did me
, but to my surprise she began praying, then she was talking about taking me to church to be blessed. I had to laugh, I mean God could not help me, I was next to him now.
I knew she was afraid
, but looking at her, I could not help but want her. She was mine, my wife and it thrilled me to see her in such a way. She was unequivocally sensual to me at that moment.
And then the thought came. The thought that I had to drink to stay alive and with such beauty in front of me, how would she taste? I tried to shake the images out of my head but then the hunger came and I thirsted for her now, the yearning I thought was because I loved her
, was in fact the warm scent of her skin and the pleasure I would have from drinking her blood.
But no, I could not kill my Diana. Yet what would happen if she told anyone about me, my anonymity was key to my survival, I had learnt that from my maker.
There was only one thing to do... make her like me, then I wouldn't want her anymore. We could be this way forever, do anything we wanted.
I approached her with silent steps, staring into her eyes as she did mine and she became calm. She was transfixed on me, her arms fell limp at her sides, I found this all too intriguing. Standing in front of her I took a long deep breath in, stealing her scent set my mind alight. I looked to her neck and saw the rhythmic pulse of her heart beat. Bringing my hand up, I rested it on her cheek, those sweetly pink coloured cheeks. I said to her that I was going to make her like me, that we would be together once again. She made no resistance.
And I leant forward.
I didn't mean to... I just went too far. I didn't know what I was doing, I knew not that vampires could have control over mortals. How could I have known that drinking from a mortal would be such an ecstasy?
I could not stop myself once I had started, that sweet, sweet blood took me to another place, and even though I felt her struggle against me, I did not stop.
When I had drained her, realisation of what I had done swept over me and the moment of rapture was gone. I fell to the ground with Diana still in my arms. The longest time passed with me just watching her, waiting for her to move before the tears came. And they
fell heavily, streams of pinky red droplets tumbled down my cheeks and onto the still warm body of my beloved. I cried out her name, I buried my head in her chest but nothing could bring her back, I had killed her, I was a murderer.
You must understand how much I loved her. Without her I was nothing, I confided in her everything and now she was gone. And by my doing. Words are not enough to describe the loss, the pain, the ripping of my heart and I began to curse this evil vampire that had done this to me.