Delicate (28 page)

“Syd,” She hesitates. I nod, urging her to go on. “He’s
Trevor
. He’s fine, I guess. He’s been acting
normal. Or at least
like nothing is bothering him at all.”

That doesn’t surprise me
in the least
.  He’s able to continue with his normal life, while I
’m
stuck up in my room. Missing gym. Going to therapy.

“Thanks.”

“Listen, I hate to do this to you, but I’ve got to run home and grab a couple of things.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll be back in
,
like
,
an hour tops, though. You’ll be alright?”

“Yes, Quinny, I’m totally fine. Get out of here.”

I can’t wait for Dad to decide I can go back to gym. I just want normal.  I’m so tired of feeling so helpless. I’ve spent the last year feeling this way. 

“Sydney.”

I pull myself up. “Oh, hey, Dad.”

“Listen Syd, I thought about what you said about pressing charges.  And you have to understand, I’m your father—”

I cut him off. 

“Dad, please. Please don’t make me go through that.
Please.
I just want to forget that this year ever happened. How am I supposed to do that if
I’m
forced to go through all that?”

“I know, Syd. I know you’re scared. But my job is to protect you.”

“I’m not scared. And you
have
protected me. If I file a formal complaint, everyone is going to find out.
Everyone
. It could totally sabotage my gymnastics career, not to mention my senior year of high school.” Dad frowns at me, but I’m not finished. “Look, Trevor will be leaving in a few weeks for school and I’ll never see him again.”

Dad lets out a long sigh. 

“All right, Syd. If this is what you need to help you move on, we’ll play by your rules.” I know this has to be hard on him.  After losing my mom, and then seeing me hurt, he’
s
been through a lot.

“Get some rest, Syd.” He pats my knee and I feel like I’m twelve and home sick with the flu.

I lie back down and close my eyes. I haven’t heard from Grant all week. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t tear at my heart a little. He gave me advance warning at least that he’d be lying low, that he wanted to give me some space, and  time to clear my head. But I don’t feel like I need it. I d
o
n’t want to be away from him. And I’
ve
spent the last several months feeling so uncertain about everything
.
I just don’t feel that anymore.

Although Dad is rightfully cautious about another guy in my life, he’s really taken to Grant and seems indebted to him once I’d explained how he’d helped me. 

“Sydney.” The nearby whisper terrifies me. I bite my bottom lip to stop its quivering. My eyes fly open.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Grant says softly. He’s standing near the foot of the bed, unshaven, unruly hair and a plain t-shirt. Just the way I like him.

“You didn’t wake me. I was just…you scared me,” I admit.

His eyes flash with a mixture of anger and regret. He never did confront Trevor, at least not that I know of. It
’s
left him conflicted
;
he want
s
to do what I sa
y
w
ill
make me happy, but everything in him
is
telling him
to make Trevor pay.

“Right. I’m sorry.”

“Sit.” I pat the bed lightly and he takes a seat next to me.

“You look good, Syd.”
Translation: no more swollen jaw. No more black eye.
“I’ve missed you.”

“What’s the matter?” I ask quietly.

“I just…” He’s having trouble saying whatever it is that he came to say. I feel myself start to tense up.

“It’s okay. I understand,” I say.

“Understand what?”

“I understand that it’s just too much. Me…all of this, it’s too much for you. I get it, and trust me, I don’t blame you.” And I really don’t. I’ve put this guy through hell.

“Not even close, Syd.  I’ve already told you, I want you. You
have
to know that I want you more than anything. But I want you to
want
to be with me.”

“I
do
want
to be with you,” I respond quickly.

“The thing is, I don’t want you to fall into another relationship just because it’s here or it’s easy. You need to worry about making yourself happy first. You try so hard to please everyone else all of the time and it just can’t go on like that.”

I know what I want. He’s sitting right in front of me. But what he just said— makes him sound like a parrot on my therapist
’
s shoulder. Which likely means that he’s right. Damn.

“I need for you to be sure that it’s what you really want. I don’t want you to second
-
guess yourself and think you moved too qui
ckly once we were together.” He
laces his fingers through mine. They are a perfect fit.

His eyes are thoughtful as he continues.  “I don’t know if I’d be able to let you go once I had you
,
Sydney.”

His words are too much. The emotion tearing through me is like nothing I’ve experienced before.

“Then why did you come today?” I ask.

He looks around the room. The walls are barer than the last time he was here. No prom photos, no gifts from Trevor on display. 

“What is it?” I push.

“I came to say goodbye.” Grant’s words make me have to stop and catch my breath. “I’m
leaving
to stay with my
brother
in the city tomorrow.”

“How long are you going to be gone?” My voice is cracking.

“Two months.”
Two months?
Two whole months without those eyes? That messy, perfect hair
?
That smile that cures everything and makes me trust like nothing else?

“I don’t want you to go,” I whimper. I bite my lip and consider my next question.

“What is it?” he asks. He leans over and nips a
t
my bottom lip, turning the pout into a grin.

“So, does what you said about wanting to kiss me every time we’re together still stand?”

He doesn’t hesitate.

“It does now. It will when I get back.”

And he kisses me. Softly at first, and then, cupping my face in his long hands and really, really kissing me. Melting every bit of doubt and sadness in me.

“So, I’m supposed to take all this time apart to convince you that I do, in fact
,
want you. What if
you
don’t want
me
by then?”       

He laughs softly. “That won’t happen.”

“But how do you
know
?” I press.

His face becomes more serious and he looks away from me briefly, as if he’s collecting his thoughts.

“Because, I love you, Sydney. I can’t just turn that off.” He says it so matter-of-fact that I’m certain I stop breathing.

I shake my head. He tilts my chin up with his index finger so that I’m looking at him.
Always.
Because with Grant, it’s all out in the open. It’s all sincere. There’s nothing fake, and nothing to hide from.

“What?” he asks.

I wrack my brain for the right words. I don’t know how to explain what I
’m
feeling.

“I just, I can’t believe that you feel that way….” I stumble over my words.

“Why?” he asks. “I’ve never made it a secret. I’ve loved you from day one.”

“I just…I…” It’s too hard to form a thought with him th
is
close to me.

He leans in even closer,
and
his lips brush against my ear.

“Sydney, I love you,” he breathes, his warm breath ruffling my hair. He rubs his nose along my ear and a chill runs through me.

“I—” I start. I want to tell him that I love him too, but he presses his index finger to my lips and shakes his head.

“Shhh…” he says with a slight smile. “You know that day with the joke with the glow sticks? When I said that you were delicate?” He runs his finger along my jaw and
kisses me gently. I don’t know where he’s going with this, but I nod. “Well, you’re not. You’re so strong, Syd.”

I shake my head. “No, no I’m not. If I were, I would’ve told someone, I would have gotten out sooner.”

“
You are
. Do I wish you would’ve left him a long time ago? Hell yeah. But there’s something to be said for someone brave enough to take on that kind of darkness alone. You’ve already made it through so much, and you’ll make it through this, too. But it can’t be because of me. It has to come from you, baby. No matter how much I just want to hold you, and protect you. I’ll be here waiting, though.”

Two months…

I slept through most of the flight. I’ve never traveled alone before, I always have Dad or Sam with me, but I’m sort of surprised
with
how at ease I’ve been. I’
ve
been training really hard at gym ever since I got the okay from the doctors and Dad, and it’d left me exhausted in the best way, so sleep came eas
il
y. I was glad to be back in a normal routine though
;
it felt good.

I
’m
amazed at how quickly the summer
flew
by. After such a terrible start, I expected that it would drag on.  I kept busy with gym once I was able to go back, and hung out with Quinn and Tessa a lot. It was nice to have my friends back. To be able to joke with them, and act stupid, without a dark secret looming over me. The best part was that me, Dad and Maisy had finally taken a family vacation. We hadn’t done that since mom was alive. We went to Oregon to visit Mom’s family, who we rarely ever saw.