Deliverance (21 page)

We were back on the cliff overlooking Tehran, Nagissa tended to my wounds and I couldn’t shake how different she was from the Nagissa I knew. How similar she was to the Nakissa I had come to love. They were the same person. But Nakissa was dominant and she was scared of Nagissa. Once she came to, it would be difficult to make her understand that Nagissa didn’t mean to take anything from her. In fact, I wasn’t entirely sure about Nagissa’s intentions myself.

“Why are you so sad?” she asked.

“Sad? I’ve been called many things, but I’ve never been called sad before.”

“You are different, you know?”

I nodded. “We all are. We can’t stay still. We have to change.”

“I stayed still. For centuries I stayed the same. Never working on improving anything but my competition with Ramtin.”

“And now?”

“Of course I’m different. I’m mortal. I’ve lived a normal life for sixteen years, and though those years don’t feel like they belong to me, they do. They are more “me” than this. Do you understand?”

“I think so. But I’m not sad. Sad is what Guillaume does. I’m the carefree one.” I had centuries of experience. Of course there were sad ones. Vincent’s face came to mind and I swallowed a lump in my throat. Just the most recent loss, in a long history of losing people. But I did what I could to move on past his death. To focus on the positive.

What if I lost Aude? Would I be able to get over it so easily?

“How can you help me save my friend and stop Ramtin?”

“I can’t. I don’t know why the Jinn sent you to me. I’m just a mortal, now. A mortal with immortal memories.”

“If that’s true, then maybe it’s your memories I need. Maybe you have a secret weapon in there.” I pointed to her forehead.

She tilted her head. “The Jinn can’t fight Ramtin. But what about another creature like him. Maybe there is someone else out there.”

“If there was someone else, why would they send me to find you?”

“Who knows why the Jinn do what they do?”

I didn’t buy it. There was something important about Nagissa. I was led to her for a reason.

We watched the sun set in silence. She rubbed her arms from the cold but I didn’t put my arms around her. In fact, I missed Nakissa. I hoped she wasn’t gone forever.

I pry my eyes open and check the time on my phone. My movements cause the room to spin. It’s already early afternoon. I drop the phone beside me and lay back to stare at the ceiling.

What happened to me?

My memories are jumbled up. Did I party last night? I remember hiking with Garnier. Things are foggy. He turned into a stone creature. Or did I dream that? Nagissa knows. Nagissa had taken over me. She's winning. I can’t just lay here. I have to do something. Find a way to fight her. I can trust that Garnier is not in league with Ramtin, but he does want to draw out Nagissa. He’s interested in her not me. They have history.

If I know what is best for me, I’ll avoid him. But who do I have left? Leyli is still missing and I’m scared for her. Ehsan has lost interest in me. I don’t think he’s even my boyfriend anymore. And now I can’t trust Garnier.

Am I really alone?

An argument erupts from the hallway.

“You need to get out sometimes. You can’t spend your whole life in that filth doing nothing but playing video games!”

“What should I be doing then?” Ebi yells.

Since when is Ebi so defiant? I don’t remember the last time I paid any attention to anything happening inside my family. Maybe it’s time I start.

I stand up and my stomach flips over. I rush to the bathroom to empty my stomach’s contents. I feel a little better after the purge, but I’m a little unsure on my feet. I throw water on my face and brush my teeth. I look long and hard in the mirror. No matter the subtle differences I see, I’m still me. I tidy my hair and apply some light makeup.

When I exit the bathroom, I feel a little more human. Thirsty, but human. In the kitchen, I run into Maman.

“Where did you go last night?” She shakes her head. “You know better than to stay out so late. What is going on with you?”

How could I even start answering her?

Well, Maman, I have an ancient Gargoyle made from the sacrifice of a Jinni living in my head and trying to take me over. My boyfriend ditched me, but that’s okay since I’m falling for someone else. Don’t let his age or the fact that he’s a foreigner concern you, he’s very nice. For a supernatural creature.

I blink in the harsh light.

“You’re staying in today. I don’t even know who you hang out with, anymore, since poor Leyli is gone. Bless her soul.” She bites the skin between her thumb and forefinger like I see the old women do to ward off the evil eye or something. “Your family needs you.”

“Exactly. Ebi needs me. He needs to get out of the house and I was going to bring him to the arcade.”

“More video games is not what he needs.”

“It gets him out, Maman.”

“Why are you suddenly concerned about him?”

 I shrug. What can I tell her? I don’t even know why I’m doing this. Maybe he’s my excuse to leave the house… or maybe there’s more to it. Maybe I just don’t want to feel so alone.

Maman watches me. I don’t know what she’s looking for, scrutinizing my features like she is, but whatever it is, she finds it. She smiles.

“Okay, Nakissa. You can take Ebi out, but be home before supper time. No excuses.”

“Of course, Maman.”

She calls Ebi over and I’m surprised by the defiant lilt to his voice. By the hard look in his eyes. He seems like a different child than he was only a few days back when I’d walked him to school.

The excitement I expect from him doesn’t come. He’s indifferent. I can be indifferent too. I’m only doing this so I’m not stuck in the house.

Ebi’s untucked wrinkled off-white dress shirt is buttoned all the way to the collar. I’m embarrassed to be seen with him. He looks like a thug. Like those kids that had harassed him for dressing too nice.

I try to talk to him on the way to the arcade, but he answers me in grunts and nods. And as soon as we’re inside the large multi-story complex, he takes off for one of the shooter games and leaves me to wander the place alone. Instinctively, I make my way to the second floor where all the racing games – and hot boys – are. Leyli and I used to challenge them and got really competitive. She always said we had to prove to the boys that Tehrani girls are better drivers. But it’s more about flirting than competing. I walk past the large illuminated stained glass pictures of race cars and scan the crowds looking for someone I know. But there is no one familiar.

I check my phone. With Leyli missing, my social life has become all but non-existent... I flick my finger over Ehsan’s name and start typing.

“Would be nice if you would just let me know you don’t want me anymore.” 

I let my finger hover over the send button for a while, but press delete. He’s not worth my time. Obviously he doesn’t want me anymore. His actions speak loud enough, and though my pride hurts, it’s deeply wounded actually, I can’t say I’m too sad.

I text Garnier instead and invite him to join me. I press send and immediately regret it. He doesn’t want me either. He wants Nagissa. What if he tries to draw her out again? Am I strong enough to resist him?

Some shouting gets my attention and I turn to see Ebi with a group of other young boys. They all have the same unkempt uniform as if they are trying to look like low-class hooligans. Clearly none of those boys are that. This arcade is one of the most expensive places to hang out in Tehran. They are shouting at a couple of girls for wearing too much make-up and showing too much of their hair.

My heart sinks. No, not Ebi. He can’t be one of them. I have to stop him, but I can’t get involved in this drama. There’s too much on my plate. I rub my thumb over my eyes to smudge the eyeliner off and rub the gloss from my lips. I rearrange my scarf to cover most of my hair and walk towards them.

“Ebi.” My voice is stern but I don’t order him. I need to play this crowd properly. They are such fools. I know Ebi will grow up to want to have nothing to do with these types. He’s just lost right now. I should have realized it when I walked him to school and he was bullied. I should have been around to protect him. As good as our parents’ intentions are, they are certain things we can only take care of ourselves.

I hate the situation that makes all of this necessary. But they can’t bring me down. I know who I am and I know my worth. I know how to play the game. We all do. We all wear masks. We all play roles, and only once inside our own inner walls are we ever really ourselves. But sometimes I get so tired of playing.

Ebi looks at me with resentment in his eyes. But he walks towards me. Until one of his new friends stops him.

“Who is she to tell you what to do? Are you not a man?”

He closes his eyes slowly. Maybe he’s trying to hide the hurt and fear and guilt, but I see it. He doesn’t want to be that man. He would prefer being like his father. Bijan is intelligent and educated. Bijan is respectful and open-minded. I exhale. Bijan is difficult to live up to.

I lower my head. “Ebi, Bijan sent me.”

His face opens up in surprise. He wasn’t expecting me to play the role. He was expecting the defiance he’d seen before. He’d wanted it. He had been trying to provoke me. Why?

He excuses himself from the other boys and follows me.

“Did Baba call? What did he want?”

I shake my head. “No, Bijan didn’t call. I thought these boys would not respect you if you listened to your sister, but it would be okay to listen to your father.”

“Why do I want these idiots to respect me?” He spits on the ground.

I tug at his shirt collar. “Why are you dressed like them, then?”

He kicks a balled up flyer littering the ground. “I don’t know. It just seems easier.”

I nodded. “It is easier to fit in, in some ways.”

“You have no idea. I heard you play my guitar. I know you go to parties and play for a band. I know you have a boyfriend. You fit in. You don’t have to pretend to be someone else.”

Ebi knows all of this about me, and yet, until today, I didn’t even realize he hangs out with thugs. He thinks my life is easy. He thinks I’m cool.

“Ebi…” I don’t know what to say. How can I tell him about my doubts and my problems? How can I tell him about the hole in my chest caused by Leyli’s absence?

A tear comes down my cheek. Ebi frowns.

I take a deep breath to calm myself. “Hey, I’ll race you!”

We run to the motorcycle racing game and jump on. “Be prepared to learn how Tehrani girls do it!” I shout to him what Leyli used to always shout when we played this game.

He laughs. The first genuine Ebi laugh I’ve heard all day. My heart feels lighter. I wonder briefly if Garnier answered my text, but I don’t check my phone. I have a race to win and I’m having fun. Screw him and his supernatural problems. Screw Ehsan’s inconsistent affections. A smile takes my lips over. The same radiant, contagious smile that had taken over Ebi. I nearly wipe out around a corner but recover and push against Ebi to get the lead. I lean way over to take a corner and push Ebi’s bike out of the way. I laugh. He calls out obscenities to me. He nearly overtakes me again but the finish line is there and the word WINNER flashes on my screen.