Denver (39 page)

“Will you stop wiggling?” He ground out the words, aware of her soft bottom pressed against him. He was acutely conscious of the reaction of his body to her, of his arousal that was swift and hard in response to her.

Her face had turned pink and she became still, momentarily subdued as they rode in silence. He carried her into his house and into his office. “There are books here. You can read and relax and stay off your foot.” He set her down, but her arms stayed around his neck.

“Thank you, Dan. That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me,” she said quietly, watching him, surprised to see his face flush. He tried to move away, and she tightened her arms.

“Dan,” she whispered, gazing at him. She saw the battle that raged in him reflected in his expression. His eyes were filled with longing, yet a frown creased his brow. “Damn,” he whispered, and bent his head to kiss her.

Mary thought she would faint with ecstasy as his lips came down on hers, opening her mouth to his while his arms went around her waist and pulled her against him. His arousal was hard, pressing against her, making her conscious of his desire. She clung to him, kissing him in return.

Suddenly he pulled away. “No, dammit! Mary, I’m Silas’ friend. He’s my best friend. I can’t and I won’t take his woman. I won’t! I’ll leave Denver first.” He spun around to stare at her. “I won’t betray that friendship.”

“I don’t want to marry Silas any more than you want to marry Louisa Shumacher.”

“You feel that way only because Silas has been gone so long. If he came through the door now, you’d
change. Silas is a fine man. He’s good and intelligent.”

“And he’s ignored me for years. I was a child when we met. He was the first man who paid attention to me, and I was pleased and drawn to him, but I couldn’t share things with him that I can with you.”

“Oh, hell, you’re older now. You can share them with Silas too. I was friends with him, Mary. He isn’t flighty, or irresponsible, or dull. He’s quick, and intelligent, and strong.”

“I can’t help what I feel. Your feelings about Louisa changed.”

“Louisa is an exceptionally beautiful woman. I was dazzled by her, just as I’ve been dazzled before by beauty, but when I could look at her and see just another woman, I realized we didn’t have anything in common. I wasn’t the man for her. I couldn’t care for her the way she’d want, pamper her and cater to her. She couldn’t please me. I need—”

“What do you need, Dan?” Mary asked with a solemn challenge in her words.

A painful expression crossed his features. “A woman I can share my life with. My love is not going to be given at the expense of a good man who trusted me to watch out for his woman. I’m going to work, Mary. Is there anything you need before I leave?”

“You’d put Silas before the woman you love?”

“I think you’re misinterpreting your feelings because he’s been gone so long. Absence goes against nature, and that’s one mistake Silas has made, leaving you alone like this. But no one is absolutely perfect. He’s a good man, and when he gets back, I know you’ll love him. And he trusted me, Mary.”

He strode to the door and paused. “I’ll be back at suppertime.” He left quickly, slamming the front door.

Staring after him, she felt more strongly than ever about her choice. And today she was in Dan’s house, and he would be back this afternoon.

She moved around the room slowly, studying the architectural drawings spread on the desk, looking at
his books and at the boxes of books that hadn’t been unpacked and placed on shelves. She bent down to pick up a few, looking around for a cloth. She went to the kitchen, found a rag, and returned to unpack the boxes and put the books on the shelves. When she became tired of that, she went upstairs, looking at the unfurnished rooms. Downstairs she prowled through the house, through the empty dining room, the kitchen that had pipes waiting for the day water would be piped into homes in Denver, and a fancy new iron stove. She was fascinated by every object in the house. Because they belonged to Dan, they became special and far more interesting to her. She discovered the brandy he liked, the books he liked, the idle drawings he had made, and she saw that he was a good craftsman.

She moved down the hall and found Dan’s bedroom at the back corner. It was a spacious room with high, airy windows that let sunlight pour into the room. There was a fireplace, a big brass bed with marble-topped tables flanking it, and fancy lamps stood on both tables. A tintype stood on the high dresser, and she studied it, looking at a beautiful woman with pale hair who bore a faint resemblance to Dan, and a swarthy man who was dark-skinned and dark-eyed. She wondered how, if they were his parents, Dan came to have such blue eyes. There was another picture of a couple, and she knew instantly it was April, the sister he had talked about, and Noah, April’s husband, who owned the fancy saloon in Albuquerque.

Mary lay down on the bed, her body tingling while she thought of Dan sleeping there, remembering his body pressed against hers. She napped and woke, finding it a novel experience to have nothing to do. She had always kept busy, and while it was unique and pleasant to be idle, her emotions were in such a turmoil that it was impossible to relax and enjoy the solitude. No matter how much she thought about Silas, she felt sure about her decision. It was Dan she loved, and she knew him well enough to know he meant what he said about leaving Denver. His loyalty to Silas was strong, and his guilt over loving her was equally
strong, yet she wanted him to look beyond that, and she intended to see that he did.

Dan made so many mistakes at work that his anger increased as the afternoon passed. Working furiously at simple tasks, he knew he had to do something to get his mind off Mary.

“Mr. Castle?”

He turned to see Trent Waltham standing just inside the door. Dan dropped down off the ladder and strode across the half-finished room to shake hands with him. “Nice to see you.”

“I’ve looked at the plans you drew and I know we should have an appointment to go over them, but I want to know how soon you could commence building.”

“I’ve got this one to finish, and I just agreed to build a house for Edward Ringwood. You can be next, but it will be several months before I can start,” he said, forgetting completely he had just been thinking about leaving Denver.

“I like the plans. When can we get together to go over them?”

Dan wanted to shout with glee. This was what he had hoped for. This house and the Ringwood house would draw other customers to his business. “Name your time.”

“Next Tuesday morning at nine?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I really like the plans.”

“Good. I’ll do the finest job I can.”

“And that’s pretty damned good, from what I’ve seen,” Trent said, his gaze running over the room. “See you Tuesday.” He shook hands with Dan and strode outside. Dan knew the last shred of his concentration was demolished for the day. He tried to slow his work, to give it his full attention, but constantly his mind wandered back to Mary, to Trent, to the house he would get to build. When quitting time came, Dan had his tools put away at the same time as his employees.

He swung into the saddle and started home, his thoughts jumping to Mary, making a mental condemnation of Silas for getting him into such a predicament. The closer he drew to his house, the faster his pulse raced. He approached it, knowing Mary was inside, and for just a moment he wished that he could come home every day with her waiting for him.

“Mary?” Dan called when he entered the house.

“I’m in here,” she said. While waiting for him, she had bathed and washed her hair, dressing again in the same gingham and tying her hair behind her head. Her heart beat swiftly when she heard his approaching footsteps.

He stepped through the kitchen doorway and stopped, his gaze wandering down to her toes and up swiftly. It was a blatant look that told her exactly how he felt and made her tingle in the wake of his glance.

“I can take you home now,” he said in a husky voice.

“I cooked us some supper. You’ll let me stay to eat it, won’t you?”

He looked away as if caught in an enormous dilemma.

“Dan, it’s only supper. Wash up and come sit down. I poured a hot bath for you in your room.”

He looked at the table, the usually empty kitchen filled with tempting aromas, and he wanted to swear aloud. He had tried to make things better for her, and had succeeded in making them worse for himself. “Mary, you were supposed to stay off your foot. That’s why I brought you here. Can’t you stop working for a day?”

She laughed, happy he was home, determined to prove to him what she felt. “I haven’t really worked, and I did what I wanted. Your water is getting cold.”

He spun around and went to his room. The coverlet
on the bed had a slight wrinkle on it, and he guessed she had been on the bed, a thought which tormented him. He saw the wet cloth hanging at the side of the tub, and the damp floor boards, and he realized she had bathed this afternoon. He turned to stare at the door. “Dammit,” he whispered, feeling torn by his mixed emotions. He stripped off his clothes and plunged into the tub, trying to soak and soothe his nerves. Instead, he found himself fighting images of Mary in the tub, in his bed, in his room, until he splashed out, dried, and dressed in clean clothes to go to the kitchen.

“How was the house this afternoon?” she asked when he appeared in the doorway. He leaned against the jamb and watched her move around the kitchen, relishing the scene, knowing he would never forget it.

“I cut myself. I hit my hand with the hammer.” She turned to stare at him as he listed the calamities, and suddenly he saw her eyes sparkle with mischief and delight.

“It isn’t amusing, Mary. I can’t concentrate. And this isn’t going to help.”

“I’m not laughing because you hurt yourself. I’m laughing because you won’t acknowledge what’s happening, no matter how obvious it becomes. And because you’re doing the same things I did. I walked off stairs I’ve been going up and down for years. I should know them blindfolded. At least I can acknowledge why I did that.”

“Lord, something’s burning.” He saw smoke rising, and stepped past her to move a pan quickly.

She turned around and let the subject drop while she got food on the table. The beans had burned, but the rest of the dinner was fine, and Dan sat down to a table laden with delicious steaming potatoes, brown gravy, and thick slices of salted meat he had stored in his cellar. She had baked bread, and he shook his head as he stared across the table at her.

“You’ve worked all afternoon.”

“No, I really didn’t. I napped for a short time. I
had a bath and washed my hair. I looked at your house.”

As she talked, Dan thought about her napping and bathing and roaming through his house, being here alone all day, and his appetite vanished. He had been famished, and the food was delicious, but suddenly he ached to hold her. He hurt so badly he couldn’t eat, and he couldn’t think.

“Mary, I have to take you home,” he said, and she stopped talking to look at him, a wide-eyed, solemn look coming to her face.

“Can’t you eat the supper I cooked?”

“No. It doesn’t look as if you’ve touched much of yours either.”

“I don’t eat very much a lot of the time, but I know you do.”

He stood up and she stood up as quickly. She moved out from behind the table, coming closer. “Dan, we’re going to have to face what we feel,” she said solemnly, and he could have groaned. She was lovely. Her hair, soft and shining, framed her face and was tied behind her neck the way he liked. His kitchen was warm and smelled inviting, and Mary was in it, but each minute with her made it more difficult for him to keep his control.

“I’ve told you how I feel, and I’m sticking by that. I won’t betray a trust.”

“No matter how much it hurts someone else?”

He blinked, feeling as if he had been struck. “You know I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t think you have any idea what you’re doing. I don’t want to take advantage of Silas’ absence. I think the minute he comes back to town, you’ll find you love him.”

“Do you think I can’t understand my own mind and heart?”

“I think you’re too inexperienced to make the right judgment. And I can’t betray Silas’ trust. Our friendship went deep. When a man saves your life, you owe him a great deal.”

“You don’t owe him a lifetime of misery. And that’s what it will be for me. I love you.”

Dan stood quietly, trying to breathe, feeling as if he were being pulled apart by an invisible force that tore at him bit by bit. He hurt, and it took all his self-control to keep from reaching for her.

“Mary, I can’t go back on my promises. If it helps any, you know I love you. And I’m going to take you home.”

“If you do, Dan Castle, you may regret it forever.”

Jamming his hat on his head, he yanked on his jacket and held her sweater.

“Dan.”

He picked her up and carried her outside to swing her onto his saddle. Then he climbed up with her to head for town and the boardinghouse.

“Dan, please,” she said, turning to press against his chest, to cling to him, winding her slender arms around his waist beneath his jacket.

Staring stormily ahead, he couldn’t answer. He hurt too badly, and didn’t trust himself to do the right thing if she kept on pleading with him. He was acutely aware of her arms locked around him, her breasts pressed against his chest. The ride to her house was interminable, but they were finally in front of the boardinghouse and he dismounted, setting her down. “Should I carry you inside?”

She looked up at him, and tears streaked her cheeks. “Good-bye, Dan,” she said quietly, and moved away, her back to him. He watched her climb the stairs, and wheeled his horse around to ride back home to a house that was filled with her scent, her memories. He worked almost through the night before finally falling into bed.

He stood a block away from the boardinghouse, waiting. He saw Brian leave, moving with a jaunty stride. Dan turned the corner of the block, stepping back to wait. He knew Brian would come this way, headed toward the livery stable. He heard bootheels, and Brian came around the corner. Dan pushed away from a wall and stepped into his path.