Desire (9 page)

He swallows loudly. “Something like that.”

“Then I guess that’s what I’ll be wearing from now on,” I coo.

“I know what you’re doing and it isn’t going to work.”
Oh, I think it will.
“So nerdy t shirts, slight accent, whiny when you get a chance, and the original career path. Anything else you can think of?”

“I guess I get to keep my hair now.”

“You’re fucking right you do.” That tilted grin brightens his face for a moment before falling away. “Um, unfortunately, I don’t. I have to cut it. I hope that’s not a huge disappointment.”

“Why would you have to…” Oh.
She
must like it long. Well, that crushed my libido in a heartbeat. “You’ll look cute with short hair.”

“You took that rather well.”

“Will you be making yourself less appealing too?”

“I can’t go too far with it,” he replies softly.
God I have a trillion questions, I can’t stand it. “Anything else?”

“Nothing that you’ll go for.”

“Are you referring to
Sam
?” His eyes narrow.

“No,” I say defensively. I have a feeling I’m going to pay for that soon and I’m actually looking forward to it. We’re all stocked up on cud
dly sex. “I’m mature for my age and Luke likes that. I don’t party very much and when I do it’s usually to keep an eye on Piper. I’m not a flirt and that would set him off, but looking more like a normal college student, especially one that shows up to class hung over in sweat pants would be very unappealing.”

“I
refuse to be that much of a control freak. You can go out with your friends.”

“Really?”

“Of course. But going to class hung over isn’t necessary, I won’t let him derail your future. Unless... It doesn’t seem like you’d want to do that. Do you drink a lot?”

“Not when I go out. I’m too paranoid.”

“About what?”

“Guys, I guess. Which reminds me, dressing like a
— more provocatively in front of other people might help, too.”

“No, that will make him territorial.”

“Just him?”

“Well… I don’t know how I’d react. Is
that
something you want to do?”

“No, quite the opposite. I don’
t like that kind of attention.”

Isaac snorts,
his jaw clenching as he gets up. “Okay, we have a good start and I can’t take this anymore. Why the hell didn’t you say something to me about this other guy? I mean, what the fuck, Maya?” Crap. He’s pacing, not a good sign.

“Probably the same reason you didn’t want to tell me about Sloane
,” I say calmly, “and anyone else you have casual sex with. There’s no point in making you jealous over the past and it’s obviously over now that I’m with you.”

“And you have to keep seeing him? How often?”

“I don’t know, a couple times a week. Something tells me you aren’t going to cut off contact with her, right?”

“No, I’m not, and I’m not letting you turn this around on me. Was it just sex or do you care about him?”

“It was just sex.”

“What does he give you that
Luke didn’t?

“Isaac, I’m not getting into any gory details.”

“Yes, you fucking are!” he shouts. “I want to know how he fucks you!”

“This is ridiculous.” Throwing my covers away, I leap off the couch and head toward the hallway.

“I don’t think so,” Isaac snarls, grabbing my arm and stopping me in my tracks. “Answer me.” He spins me to face him, his eyes so ferocious they’re practically on fire. And damn me and my stupid fetish, but I love it.

“I don’t want to make you jealous.” How can something be the truth and a lie at the same time?

“Too late. I have extremely graphic images going through my head. Details.
Now
.”

“I warned you,” I remind him. “
Sam enjoys giving oral sex. Luke doesn’t, and that’s the easiest way for me to come.”

Isaac’s anger
flares, but he lets me go. “Do you have feelings for him or not?”

“I said that I didn’t. Why are you asking me again?”

“What bothered you more, my dick inside another woman or the fact that I might have felt something when I slid it in?”

My eyes
sting as the air leaves my lungs. “Is that your way of telling me that you did?”

He doesn’t answer and I can’t
read him. “Are you two actual friends?” Crap. The little kid face.

“Not really. Acquaintances. We’ve worked together on stuff in the past, but we don’t hang out or anything.”

“You promise?” Why does he have to be adorable and jealous at the same time? I can’t stand it.

“I promise.”

“No romantic attachment whatsoever?”

“None.”

“Is he rough with you?”

“No.”

“Does he kiss you?”

Constantly, that’s the other thing I liked.
“Sometimes.” I may as well have punched him in the gut.

“Does he have feelings for you?”

Shit. “Yeah, he might.”

“In other words, he does. So, what
, you were just stringing him along? Using him to get back at Luke?”

“I was very upfront about my lack of interest, but he knew Luke cheated all the time and I think he was hoping I’d eventually get tired of it.”

“He doesn’t hurt you?”

“No, he’s a nice guy.”

“Too nice, right?” Isaac snaps. “Because nice guys always finish last, that’s what they say. Girls always fall for the asshole that treats them like shit.”

“I liked that he was nice,” I reply softly, praying that was at least close to the right thing to say. It looks like it was. “He wasn’t weird afterward, he didn’t play games, he never held me to some double standard. That’s why I felt safe going to see him. And I
know you don’t want to hear this, but honestly, you are really making me feel like a slut right now.”

“I know,” he croaks. “And I’m sorry, I just can’t help it.”

“Did you love any of them, Isaac?”

“No, I didn’t, I swear. I wanted to sometimes. But they didn’t feel a fucki
ng thing and the nicer I was, the less they wanted me. And that hurt. A lot.”

“So why did you keep doing it?”

“Because I didn’t have to hit them! I didn’t have to scare them or cut them or choke them. But that didn’t stop them from wanting me to, so they were just as disappointed as I was.”

God, he looks so awful. It’s agony not to touch him, but I don’t dare. “Is that what you do with Gloria?”
He nods, unable to look at me. “The whole time, since you were a kid?”

“Yes,” he whispers.
“She likes it very, very rough. And
extremely
degrading. There has never, ever been anything remotely romantic about it at all. That turns her off.”

He looks up to check my reaction and I obviously do a horrible job keeping the pity off my face even though I try to focus on the jealousy. “I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Don’t touch me,” he orders, recoiling away from my outstretched arms.

“Isaac…” I step forward.

“Stop it!” he yells, backing away. “Red. I can’t.”

“
So you’re going to punish me on our last night together?”

“
I am not punishing you!” Of course I had to put it that way. “I am protecting you. From me.”

“Please,” I whine.

“I’m extremely fucking horny right now in this seriously messed up way. Don’t try anything, I
will
hurt you and I will
never
forgive myself.”

“Okay,” I peep, trying not to cry and totally failing. It just makes him more uneasy.

“And it’s not our last night together, not even close.”

“
It feels like it. How often do you think we’ll see each other?”

“
Glory is going to be in Japan for a while and Piper’s gone for another week, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So looks like I get to see your room tomorrow,” he says, trying to lift the mood.

“Isaac
, I am so sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier. I feel like I ruined it.”

“No, Maya, I’m ruining it because I’m so fucked up. And I’m probably going to ruin your life, too, but I won’t be able to stop myself from doing that, either.”

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. By far.” His lost eyes meet mine, shocking me. I don’t care if it takes all of the time I have left on this planet, he is not going to feel like a monster one day. “I’m going to touch you now and you’re not going to hurt me because you have more self-control than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“I did until I met you. You stripped it all away.”

“Then you’re not going to hurt me because you don’t want to.” His face is filled with apprehension, but he doesn’t back away. Tentatively, my fingers graze his shoulder as he draws in a hitched breath, his eyes fluttering closed. I move in closer, sliding my hand into his hair as he gasps and leans in to me. “It’s okay.
We’re
okay.”

“Maya,” he moans. I brace for a painful impact, but his arms surround me, pulling me in
to my favorite place as he buries his face in my neck. “Maya, I don’t think that you’re a—”

“I know you don’t.”

“I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“You’re perfect. For me, anyway. Absolutely fucking perfect, just the way you are,” I reassure him, hugging him closer as I
peck his jaw.

He rips my chin up and kisses me. Deeply. His tongue forces my lips apart, stealing my breath as his hand makes a fist in my hair. I groan into his mouth as we tumble onto the couch. I want him so badly, my hands disobeying my better judgment as they slide along the carved muscles of his stomach.

“I want to fuck you so much,” he rasps, pulling away. “But I can’t, not like that.”

“Okay.”

“I need you to leave now,” he chokes. “But there’s no fucking way I’ll let go of you.”

“I want another night.”

“Me too. But I can’t sleep in the same bed with you, I won’t be able to resist.”

But he’s carrying me into the hallway, sucking my neck as his fingers dig into my ass. I’m not sure if I should let him or stop him. The last thing he needs is another dose of self-hat
red. I squeal his name as he pins me against the wall, tongue fucking my mouth as his erection grinds into me. But he’s practically sobbing instead of breathing, like he doesn’t have any control over his actions at all. Almost like he’s about to sexually assault himself even though I’m ready and willing. I can’t let him do this.

“Red,” I whisper, terrified that he won’t be able to stop and it will just make the inevitable that much worse. Thankfully, he does, resting his forehead against mine as he sits me down and we bot
h let out a relieved breath. “I am not leaving you like this.”

“You
are not leaving me at all.”

“I need to fall asleep in your arms again. Just one more time.”

“I’ll be there as much as I can, I swear. But not tonight.”

“No, I want you tonight and you’ll give me what I want, you always do.”

“I can’t. Please don’t make me fail you right now, I can’t handle it.”

“Yes, you can, you just need to get off first. And not in me.”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “Are you asking me to…”

“You must have
told me to touch myself while you watched a dozen times and I always did. You owe me at least one.”

“Fuck,” he breathes out with just a hint of a laugh.

“I’ll stand in the doorway,” I suggest. He nods reluctantly turning away. I pull him back by his shirt and kiss him. “And don’t you dare feel ashamed for a single second. I’ve been wanting to ask you to do this for a while.”

“You have?”

“I promise. I bet your hands look extra hot when they’re wrapped around your dick.”

One corner of his mouth lifts a little higher than the other, slowly morphing into that insanely hot cocky smile. “Anything you fucking want, Maya. Anything,” he whispers, pecking
my forehead before he pulls off his shirt.

I don’t even try to hide the fact that I’m squirming when he wraps his fingers around himself, locking eyes with me as he takes the first stroke.
It takes him less than ten before he lets out a guttural howl, covering that perfectly formed belt of muscle across his hips with his lust for me as I lick my lips. Holy shit, his veiny, muscled forearms are just so fucking perfect. Before he can finish cleaning himself off, I leap into bed next to him and cover his face with a thousand kisses as he laughs.

“Your turn.”

“No.”

“I’m good, I’ll probably stay soft for about thirty seconds,” he chuckles as he slides his hand into my pants. “Guess what you’ll be doing?”