Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (14 page)

I
follow Alana’s gaze as it falls on Jax. She can tell me over and over again how much she despises him, but the look in her eyes isn’t one filled with hatred, it is one of longing. She loves him and if I had one shred of decency, I’d let her go.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I think back to the first moment I set eyes on her. She was a perfect target, just out of jail, no family or friends, and living on the streets. When I approached her that first night, I had one thing in mind, the same as all of my prey. I saw dollar signs, but there was something different about her. Her eyes told me that her past was as tortured as my own. Little did I know how similar our pasts actually were.

The first time she uttered Phil Martin’s name, the horror came rushing back to me. It took everything I had not to lose my composure. She had lived the life I had been born into, experiencing the same agony I myself had faced and by the same hand.

To the outside world, Phil and Susan Martin were the perfect parents. They had it all – money, influence and power. What the outside world didn’t see was their sick perversion.

I wasn’t their first victim, but I had hoped I would be their last. Being an only child, I should have been exempt from their sick games, but instead I became their focus. I was thirteen the first time he brought me into that basement. For three years, I dealt with their brutality, succumbing in every way thinking that one day it would all end - and it did, but not by their choice.

There was not an ounce of guilt when I plunged the knife in my mother’s chest. For the first time, I saw remorse in her eyes, and it took years for me to realize that what I had witnessed wasn’t repentance. There was no shame in her or my father’s actions towards me. It was all about her demise, knowing that she would no longer exist in this world, and that life would go on without her.

My weakness cost me the one chance to eliminate all evil from my life. I did not hear him approach, and he was able to wrench the knife from my hands, turning it on me.

Instinctively, my hand reaches up, halting on the scar that is a permanent reminder of that night. There had been no pain or discomfort. Fleeing from the house, I was finally free, but the damage they had done stayed with me forever, making me the heartless person I am to this day.

I had somehow believed that that night would put an end to Phil Martin. Losing his wife should have had an effect on him.  Instead, he remarried another vile woman, not unlike my own mother, and together they tortured Alana.

I am brought back to the present when I feel Alana’s nails digging into my arm. Her eyes are wide, a panicked look on her face. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jax approaching.

“I can’t do this,” she mutters, and before I can stop her, she disappears down the hallway.

“Still planning on killing me pretty boy?” Jax asks, smirking as he comes to a stop in front of me.

“What do you want, Jax?” I ask, turning my attention towards Becky who passes me a beer.

“Thought I’d drop in and check on my assets.”

“You mean you wanted to check up on Alana.” I lift the beer to my lips and down half the bottle, slamming it on the bar. “Nothing’s changed. She still doesn’t want to see you.”

He takes the empty seat beside me, nodding at Becky. Seconds later, he has a full glass of whiskey in front of him. “Got that impression by the way she ran out of here. It’s a shame you’ve got her so fucked up in the head, but sooner or later she’ll hear me out. When she does, it’ll be the last time you see her.”

He’s not making a threat. This is a promise, one I have no doubt he will try to keep. “Keep telling yourself that. Unlike you, Alana is loyal. She won’t leave me,” I tell him, not believing the words as they escape my lips.

“You can believe what you want, but I didn’t leave Alana. I tried to save her.”

I wish I could call him a liar but I know the truth. He served time trying to protect her from a situation I could have prevented if I hadn’t run away. “But you didn’t. I was the one who found her sleeping in the park, took her in, gave her a place to call home.”

“And forced her to use her body to make you money. Don’t try to romanticize it. She’s nothing but a whore to you, someone you can manipulate. Don’t think for a minute I’m not onto you. Do you tell her you love her before you sell her to the highest bidder or do you save that for when she hands over the cash?”

His words are cold and heartless but not undeserved. “We do what we have to do to survive. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“She may fall for your lies, but I know better. I know how much Hawk is paying you and I’d bet my life Alana has no clue, but she will, and when that happens, I’ll be the one who’s there for her.” He grabs his drink as he stands. “And you’ll lose her forever.”

As he walks away, my mind is reeling. I cannot risk losing Alana, no matter the cost. I have to get us out of this mess one way or another.

“T
hanks for staying with me,” Alexis says as we step out the front door of the club.

“No problem.” When Alexis asked me to stay late until her boyfriend could come pick her up, at first I hesitated. Normally, I prefer to get out of the club the first chance I get, but going home to an empty apartment is far from appealing. It’s not so much that I’m afraid as it is that I hate the silence.

“Happy Birthday, by the way.”

“It’s just another day,” I mumble. I haven’t celebrated a birthday since... I was thirteen. Ten years later, and I still remember that night like it was yesterday. Why would I want to celebrate the day Phil Martin ruined me?

“Oh, I didn’t mean to upset you,” Alexis says, giving me a concerned look. “I just...”

“It’s OK,” I tell her. “I just don’t see a need for it. Age is just a number,” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

“So when’s Paul coming back?” she asks, leaning against the brick wall.

“I’m not sure,” I admit. Hell, I don’t even know where he went, let alone how long he will be gone. Most of the time, Paul gives me some clue, but this time he left without saying much of anything.

“So how does he deal with you... you know?” she asks. “Rick would have a fit if I was still doing that. He was against it long before we got together.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, ignoring her question about Paul. No one could possibly understand the relationship we have.

“Rick never liked me working here, but I think he understood why I was doing it.” She smiles, no doubt thinking of her son Peyton. He is her pride and joy. I can only imagine how hard it must be to raise a child with Down’s syndrome, but she manages. Even after Peyton’s father walked out on the two of them, she kept everything together. Luckily, the club had just opened up, giving her an opportunity to work the flexible hours she needed and still make the money necessary to raise a special needs kid. I admire her in every way. “He offered to pay my bills for me, but he finally got the hint. I wasn’t going to take any handouts. So instead of giving me hell, he supported me until he found out about the private rooms. Then he flipped out.”

“Is that why you quit doing it?”

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “I did that for me. I was becoming a different person. I had stopped feeling, was only existing. Now I’m back to my old self, and I made myself a promise that I would never do that to myself again. In a few weeks, all of this will be behind me.”

“You’re quitting?” I ask, trying to hide my disappointment.

“I never intended to do this for as long as I have. I was just trying to get on my feet after Ben left. So yeah, I’m leaving.”

“Wow,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say. I am envious, wishing I could walk away from this life too. “What are you gonna do?”

“I got a job at Bar None. You should talk to Deuce about working there. I talked to a couple of the girls and they’re making just as much as I am here, and they get to keep their clothes on.”

“Really?” I ask, my interest piqued.

“Honest to God. He’s starting me out at eight an hour and you’re pretty much guaranteed two hundred in tips a night. Beats the hell out of this place.”

“I’ll talk to him about it,” I tell her, even though I have no intention of doing so. I’d like nothing more than to walk away from it all, but that’s not an option. Working for Deuce would mean seeing more of Jax, and I want to avoid him as much as possible.

“Good. I like you Alana and I know you hate being here.” She doesn’t know how true that is.

“Deuce’s a good guy even though he comes across as a badass. Did you hear what he did to Trix?” she asks, grinning.

“No, what did he do?”

“Made her clean the employee restroom. Handed her a gallon of bleach and a scrub brush. Told her not to show her face until she got her filth off of every surface,” she says, trying to contain her laughter.

“What am I missing?” I ask in confusion.

“Let’s just say it’s her time of the month and that hasn’t deterred her from making a few extra bucks,” she says, scrunching her nose in disgust.

I can’t help but burst out into fit of laughter. “That bitch is fuckin’ nasty,”

“I know, right? And apparently, Deuce isn’t gonna tolerate her shit. Wish he was here every night.” I nod my head in agreement. Having Deuce around isn’t so bad. He looks out for the girls and doesn’t take shit from anyone. Too bad he’s friends with Jax. “Bet Trix is wishing Paul would come back.”

“Yeah,” I mutter, my mind preoccupied. I have made more in the few days Deuce has been here than I ever have, and not once have I had to set foot into one of the back rooms. It’s not like we’ve been busy either.

“That bitch hates you, but I don’t think she likes anyone but herself,” she says.

“I’m not very popular with anyone here, besides you,” I say, shrugging. It’s not like I’m an unlikeable person, or at least I don’t think I am, but most of the girls steer clear of me.

“That’s because they’re jealous of you. Don’t take it personally. It’s their loss, not yours.”

“I’ve never given them a reason to be jealous, have I?” I try to recall anything I may have done, but am coming up empty handed.

“Alana, you haven’t done anything. It’s just you. I mean, look at yourself in the mirror sometime. Not just a quick glance, but a long, hard look. You have what everyone wants. You’re gorgeous and you have a body to die for, not to mention that you go home with Paul Randall every fuckin’ night. And to top it all off, you have Jax, the VP of the Forgotten Souls pining for you. Hell, even I should be jealous of you, but that’s not me.”

I shake my head, trying to grasp everything she has said.

“You really don’t see it, do you?” she asks, looking at me with a perplexed look. “I mean it’s not an act with you, is it?”

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s the beauty of it,” she says, smiling at me. “And that’s why I consider you my friend.” She pauses for a minute when the rumbling sound of a Harley approaches. “That’s Rick,” she says, grinning.

As if on cue, Rick pulls into the parking lot, stopping a few feet away from us. She makes her way over to him, her lips crashing with his, causing me to turn away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she says as she climbs on the back of his bike.

Smiling, I nod at her as Rick pulls off and out of the parking lot.
She’s happy and in love
, I think to myself as I push off the brick wall and make my way towards the sidewalk for the trek home.
Happy and in love.
Those two words seem foreign to me. I can’t remember the last time I was truly happy. I’ve only loved three people in my life, and all of them left me. It’s a hard lesson in life to learn, but I promised myself years ago I would not make the same mistake again. I don’t do love.

I try to push aside all my emotions, albeit the negative ones always seem to resurface. Pain, heartache and misery – those are the ones that remind me that I am still alive. Taking in a deep breathe, I begin the long walk towards home.

“Hey!” The sound of Deuce’s voice echoes through the otherwise silent night. I turn to see him stalking towards me. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” I say, my tone full of annoyance. Don’t get me wrong, I like Deuce, but he is Jax’s friend. I have to remember that.