Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (18 page)

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One Month Later

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S
tanding at the edge of the bar, I watch as Alana enters the room, Jax following close behind. The two of them have been spending a lot of time together the last few weeks, rekindling the friendship they once shared. Alana is happier than I have ever seen her and it is all because of him.

She smiles over at him as they walk side by side further into the club, both of them oblivious to my presence.

“Looks like Jax has moved in on your girl,” Hawk snickers from beside me. “Tried warning you about her, but you wouldn’t hear it. Now look at you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, turning towards him.

“You should’ve had your fun with her and shipped her off like the rest of ‘em. Like I told you, pussy is pussy. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten your fill,” he chuckles.

“Alana’s not just another piece of pussy,” I tell him defensively.

“What are you saying?” he asks, his tone becoming more serious. He lowers his voice, narrowing his eyes at me. “You can’t honestly believe that she is gonna stay with you when the truth comes out, and you know eventually it will.”

“It hasn’t come out yet,” I retort.

“And you’re a fool if you think you can keep everything a secret forever. You may have been able to convince Alana you care about her, but Jax and Deuce don’t buy it for a second.” He pauses, looking around the room before turning back to me. “You need to do yourself a favor and get rid of Alana. Armando is waiting in the wings for me to close the deal. All you have to do is give the OK.”

“Alana’s not for sale,” I seethe. We have been over this more times than I can count, but he just doesn’t seem to get it.

“Look, you’ve had your little fun. It’s time to move on to better things. Cut your losses now.”

“I’m not letting her go,” I tell him firmly.

“Let me put it to you another way. The Forgotten Souls have taken an interest in your girl. They start digging too much, and our cover is blown.”

It’s never been a secret that if Deuce and his men learn the truth behind our business, they would destroy us. They have already put a stop to Alana’s working the back rooms at the club, much to my relief, and Hawk has reluctantly obliged. His only concern is them learning what goes on outside of these four walls. “Alana’s non-negotiable. We keep doing what we’re doing and I’ll think of a way to get The Forgotten Souls off our backs.”

Hawk shakes his head, letting out a ragged breath. “I hope you know what you’re doing, because if I go down, I’m bringing you down with me.” He gives me a knowing look before pushing away from the bar and crossing the room.

My eyes scan the room, landing on Alana immediately as she smiles up at Jax. The image alone infuriates me, but it is the cold gaze of Deuce staring back at me that has me questioning whether I am making the right decision.

“Y
ou’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble as I look over at the alarm clock on the nightstand. Rolling over, I pull the covers over my head, trying to ignore the pounding coming from the front door. Pulling a pillow over my head, I try to block out the sound, but instead the noise seems to get louder.

Cursing, I throw the covers off of me as I stumble from the bed and rush towards the door, praying I can silence whoever has made ruining my day their main focus.

I reach for the knob, not bothering to find out who is on the other side, yanking the door open abruptly. “What the fuck...?” my voice trails off as my eyes land on Jax standing on the other side of the threshold.

“Well good morning to you too, sunshine,” he says, smirking at me before he pushes he way past me. “You gonna sleep the day away?”

I turn towards him, scrunching my face in disgust. “You do realize it’s six-thirty in the morning and I just got home three hours ago?”

“But you have the next two nights off, so you shouldn’t be wasting it by sleeping,” he says, plopping onto the old couch in the living room. “We still have a lot of time to make up for so you better get your sweet ass in there and get dressed. Unless you prefer traipsing around town in your...” he looks me up and down, “is that Eeyore?”

I look down at the tank top and boy shorts I have on and can’t help but smile. “I happen to love Eeyore,” I say, grinning at him.

“I remember,” he beams. “What ever happened to that huge stuffed Eeyore you used to sleep with?”

The smile on my face vanishes in an instant. “I almost forgot about that,” I whisper, looking away. I can still remember the day Jax won it for me at the carnival. One of many happier times that seem like a distant dream.

Mary, our foster parent at the time, had taken all of us to the annual carnival in Langley, the first and last time I ever went to one. It was the most exhilarating experience of my life, a time I vowed never to forget. From the moment Jax passed the oversized stuffed animal over to me, I had fallen in love with it and the boy who won it for me. A distant memory resurfacing, bringing out emotions in me I don’t want to feel.

“Hey,” Jax whispers, rising to his feet and walking towards me. Gripping my chin, he forces my eyes to meet his. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” I say, looking up at him. “It was just a stupid toy.” It’s a bold faced lie, because for me it was so much more. It was a reminder of a happier time in my life and gave me hope for the future. Losing it meant that had all ended.

“I know what you’re doing and it won’t work. This is me, Alana. I know you better than anyone.”

“At one time that was true. People change,” I tell him. It’s true that he knows the real Alana, the person I used to be, but she hasn’t been around in a very long time.

“People don’t change Alana, but eventually their masks fall off,” he says, his eyes meeting mine. Swallowing hard, I desperately try to tear my eyes away from his only to find that I can’t. In them I find comfort and a sense of security I haven’t felt in a very long time.  “The real Alana is still in there somewhere. I just have to make her realize that this time, nothing will tear us apart.”

I want nothing more than to believe him, but know I need to guard my heart. I can’t go through losing him again. “What you see is what you get, take it or leave it,” I say, shrugging.

“That’s where you’re wrong. You might be able to hand Paul that load of bullshit, but not me. You’re my Lana. Always have been and always will be.”

I try my hardest not to smile at his words but to no avail. Grinning up at him, I shake my head. “You called me Lana.”

His hand caresses my cheek, the hard callouses of his hand scraping against my tender flesh. “My Lana,” he whispers before pressing his lips to my forehead and pulling me into his arms.

I close my eyes, relishing in the warmth of his arms wrapped around me, a feeling of contentment washing over me. Reminding myself that I am opening myself up to more heartache, I pull away from him. There is no mistaking the pained look in his eyes as I take a step back. “Please don’t look at me that way.”

He nods his head, the look on his face disappearing. “How about I start the coffee while you get ready?”

“OK... exactly what are we doing today?” I ask, hesitantly.

“It’s a surprise,” he smirks. “Now go do whatever it is you need to do so we can hit the road.”

Shaking my head, I turn towards the bedroom. “Give me twenty minutes,” I call over my shoulder before disappearing behind the door. Leaning against the wooden barrier, I try to wrap my head around the fact that Jackson Cade is once again a part of my life. 

Three hours later, I’m smiling. Not just any old smile either. This is the kind of smile that makes your cheeks hurt but you couldn’t stop it if you tried, and it feels so damn good.

“I take it I did good?” Jax asks, winking at me.

He knows he did good without me saying a word. “I can’t believe you brought me to the beach,” I say, still amazed that he would remember something so miniscule.

“It’s a little cold to go for a swim today, but I still wanted you to see this place. We can come back over the summer and let you get your feet wet if you want.”

“I’d like that,” I say, still unable to erase the smile that seems to be permanently affixed to my face.

“Come on,” he says as he grasps my hand in his. “Let’s see if we can find you any seashells.”

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A
s I come to a stop outside the apartment door, I bite back the smile that threatens to break free once again and turn towards Jax. “Thank you for today. I had a good time.” More than a good time, if I’m completely honest with myself.

“This was just the beginning. We have a lot of time to make up for,” he says, smiling at me. “How about tomorrow?”

I stare at him dumbfounded. “Tomorrow?”

“You know the day that follows today. Whataya say? Anything you want to do, I’m game,” he says. I want nothing more than to spend as much time with Jax as possible, but by doing so, I’d be hurting the one person who has been there for me over the last few years. I have shunned him for the past few weeks, although not intentionally, and it isn’t fair.

“I can’t,” I say, already regretting the words before they leave my mouth when I see the disappointed look in his eyes. “I really need to spend some time with Paul.” His eyes turn cold at the mention of Paul’s name. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I could never be mad at you, Lana,” he says, his eyes softening. “But I just got you back and I’m not willing to share you just yet.” He reaches out, his fingertips grazing my cheek, causing me to instantly melt.

“Jax,” I whisper, pulling away from him.

Slowly, he drops his hand at his side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” I mutter.

“We’ll take this as slow as you want. I’ve waited a long time to have you back in my life, so time is meaningless. But I’m not going anywhere Lana.”

“What?” I ask, my eyes reaching his.

“They say you’re lucky to have one best friend in life. I was lucky enough to fall in love with mine,” he says, taking a step towards me. “I was in love with you years ago and that hasn’t changed Lana. Time may have passed, but my feelings never wavered.”

His words make my heart swell yet they cause me fear. I have loved Jackson Cade for as long as I can remember, but I’m afraid. If I open my heart to him again, will he abandon me like everyone else in my life? I have already lost him once, and the thought of losing him again terrifies me. “I have to go,” I whisper breathlessly, turning quickly and reaching for the door knob. Pushing the door open, I slip inside without saying another word, shutting it behind me before he has a chance to change my mind.

Leaning against the wooden barrier that separates us, I close my eyes and breathe in rapidly.

“Alana?” I open my eyes at the sound of Paul’s voice. “Are you OK?” he asks, looking down at me with concern.

“Yeah,” I whisper, trying to regain my composure.

“Hey,” he says, taking the few steps necessary until he has his arms wrapped around me. “You look shaken up.”

I instantly calm as he engulfs me in his arms where he holds me for several minutes. Taking in a deep breath, I slowly pull away. “I’m OK, I just panicked a little.”