Desperately Seeking Shapeshifter (2 page)

When he turned to leave, I managed a shaky “Wait!”

Beau looked back at me, impatience on his handsome face. I recognized that look. He had a plan and he wanted to move with it. All I had to do was pretend to be Ramsey’s mate for a few hours, right? Surely I could do that. I swallowed hard, thinking.

“You having second thoughts?”

“No,” I lied. “But if we do this, let’s tell my sister it was your idea. She won’t go along with it if she thinks I’m putting myself in danger.”

Beau nodded. “That’s fine with me. But you won’t be in any danger. We’ll make sure of that.”

No danger, huh? He was far more confident than
I was. As Beau left the room, I thought of massive, scowling Ramsey. I’d have to pretend to be that frightening man’s mate?

I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut.

Beau returned a few minutes later, a hulking shadow walking right behind him. Ramsey. I got to my feet at the sight of them, wiping my palms down my jeans. Lord. I’d forgotten just how . . . big Ramsey was. The two men crowded into the small hospital room and Ramsey pushed in front of Beau, moving to my side.

Fear shot through me—was he angry at Beau’s idea? Did he think I was volunteering him? As he approached I raised my chin, determined not to flinch or fall back in front of him. He didn’t need to know how frightened I was.

Ramsey stepped in front of me, his gaze skimming over my small form. His hard mouth twitched and then pulled into a frown. “So you’re my mate.”

“I am,” I said defiantly.

He grunted and looked back to Beau. “I’m in.”

Chapter Two

A
s dawn peeked through the clouds, I crouched in the wet grass and thought of rabbits. I needed to shift to wolf. The need ate away at my mind and made my muscles twitch. I dug my fingers into the dewy green blades, trying to still the endless stream of thoughts in my mind. Today was going to be a big day. An important day. A frightening day.

And what happened when I got frightened?

My body would revolt and change into my wolf form. I needed to be cool and calm today, so I needed to change now and run it out of my system. Get the wolf out of my head so when my body locked down with the urge to flee, I wouldn’t sprout gray fur and a tail.

I crouched, cleared my mind, and thought of rabbits again. The wolf side of me liked the taste of rabbits, raw and bloody. The warm, salty flavor in my mouth, fresh from the kill. On most days I tried to think of anything
but
rabbits. Acknowledging the wolf side of me usually brought it into play, and that was normally the last thing I wanted.

But today I needed to get it over with, and get it over with fast.

Just like ripping off a Band-Aid,
I told myself, closing my eyes and concentrating hard. My head throbbed, but instead of running away from the pain, I faced it. Pain was usually a precursor to a shift. I focused on the twinges under my skin. Forced the ache to the forefront, concentrating so hard that I felt a drop of sweat roll down my forehead, my slight body trembling at the exertion. I hadn’t moved a muscle. My body felt fine.

My brain felt like Silly Putty.

Behind my eyelids, red stars and flashes began to burst, and I bit down on my lip, concentrating harder. That fucking wolf was somewhere deep inside me, I knew it. I just had to find that wild little part of my brain that scurried away like a cockroach when I wanted it—

I stopped, opened my eyes. Something in my surroundings was off. I glanced around the huge backyard of the Russell house, which was more a dorm than an actual home. Like some supernatural version of the Brady Bunch, the Russells were all piled into the large, heavily modified two-story structure that served as home for the were-cougar clan, and they owned all the land around it. Plenty of privacy for a family of shifters.

I stood and wiped the sweat from my forehead, frowning.

There it was again. The wind shifted and I smelled something. I turned in the direction of the
nearby barn, where the scent was coming from, mixed in with the familiar scents of dirt, gasoline, and dust. “Who’s there?”

A long moment passed. Then, just when I thought I was imagining things, a tall figure stepped out from the side of the barn.

Ramsey. My keeper and my brand-new “mate.”

Skitters of unease locked my spine and I straightened, trying to seem nonchalant as he strode toward me. We were alone out here, the thought making my breath come harder and faster. I tried to be brave, but my entire body tensed with the need to flee. Clenching my fists, I gritted my teeth and forced myself to hold my ground, even though it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I wasn’t afraid of Ramsey. I wasn’t. I wasn’t.

If I repeated it long enough, maybe I’d start believing it.

Ramsey kept walking toward me slowly. It was easy to be scared of him, I had to admit. Most shifters looked like normal people. Beau was a tall, lean man with well-styled thick brown hair and a wicked smile. Not a smidgen of were-cougar in his looks, but he occasionally purred around my sister. It was kind of cute.

Ramsey Bjorn was
not
like normal people.

Ramsey was massive like the Grand Canyon was massive. He was the biggest man I’d ever seen, over six and a half feet tall, with shoulders wide enough that he probably had to worry about door frames. He was covered in corded muscle, and his biceps were
probably bigger than my waist. His hair was a dark, shaggy blond that hung in his face, as if he’d cut it himself, and he had a permanent scowl on his big, square jaw. To feed the cliché, he dressed like a big redneck in long-sleeved plaid shirts and jeans.

When he was almost in my face, he stopped. His jaw clenched, which I supposed was Ramsey’s way of saying hello.

I rubbed my arms and pretended to shiver in the early morning air, keeping a cheerful smile on my face. Fake it until you make it. “Morning, Ramsey. Kinda brisk out, isn’t it?”

“No.”

Oops. Of course. Shifters didn’t feel the cold like humans did. Guess that excuse wouldn’t work for me anymore, now that everyone knew I was a shifter. I stared up at him. Ramsey’s silence made me want to chatter more to cover up the gaps in conversation. “Well,” I said brightly. “I’m going to head on in. Bathsheba’s probably making breakfast, and I should go in there and help—”

Ramsey put a hand on my shoulder.

I flinched, my entire form stiffening as I took a step backward.

He jerked his hand back, as if burned, and stared down at me with the same scowl. No, wait, his scowl was larger.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he gritted in his low, deep voice.

I put on my bright smile again. “Oh, I know that. It’s an involuntary reaction. Habit. Don’t you worry
about it.” And as if I couldn’t help but make a liar out of myself, I took an instinctive step backward.

What can I say, I have trust issues.

Ramsey crossed his arms over his chest, as if proving that he wouldn’t reach out and grab me again. “Wanted to talk. Before.”

For him, this was downright chatty. I cocked my head slightly and tried not to bolt for the back door. I’d say Ramsey’s massive form didn’t frighten me, but that’d be a lie. But I was also an excellent pretender and could feign casualness around him. “What about?”

“Your plan.”

“You mean
Beau’s
plan? We have to say it’s his or Bath’ll never go for it.” My sister had a big, protective blind spot, and its name was Sara Ward. If she had even a whiff that this dangerous, insane, terrifying plan was my brainchild, she would nix it in a heartbeat. But because it had come from Beau, she’d trusted him.

I didn’t know whether to be hurt or amused.

Ramsey ignored my correction. “This is a dumb plan.”

Well. Casanova he was not. I put my hands on my hips. “It’s too late to say it’s dumb. I wanted Joshua, but Beau insisted you do it. You agreed, so it’s too late to back out now. Besides, it’s the only plan we have.”

“I remember,” he said gruffly. “Bad for you. Not for me.”

Really, it wasn’t ideal for either of us. But today
was the day, and our options were gone. I sighed, then thumbed toward the house. “Breakfast?”

He just continued to stare. “Why are you out here? This morning?”

I didn’t want to talk about my wolf. It was humiliating enough that I sometimes changed in front of my sister. “Just wanted some fresh air. I’m going in now. You should come, too. You’ll need your strength today.”

A flicker crossed his face and I took another step backward, my face scrunched up in another flinch. After all these years, my body was still attuned to the slightest hint of male temper.

He turned, staring at the sun rising in the distance, and said, “You go ahead. I’ll catch up in a few.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. I ran inside.

My sister smelled of cougar. I tried to be polite and not notice it, grabbing the least crispy pieces of bacon from the plate. The wolf in me liked my meat undercooked, and I suspected my sister knew that. There was a worried look on her face this morning, her pale brows knitted together as if there was a problem she couldn’t quite solve.

Ignoring the stifling smell of cat in my nostrils and mindful of her still-healing ribs, I leaned in and kissed her cheek as she stood over the bacon pan. “Everything is going to be fine today,” I told her. “Trust us. Trust Beau.”

She gave me a tremulous smile. “I trust you.
This is the best plan to get Savannah back. I know it is. I’m just . . . worried. That’s all.”

Her gaze lingered on my bright blue hair and the black eyeliner I’d racooned my eyes with. My hair was normally in a chin length, silky bob that was nice, sweet, and unassuming. Perfect for when I needed to fly under the radar. Today I felt the need for additional armor, and when I hadn’t been able to sleep last night, I’d bleached the hell out of my hair in the bathroom, and then attacked it with a blue temporary dye. The resulting mess was stiff, streaky, and neon blue, but it made me feel better, stronger. So did the heavy makeup and the edgier clothing. If the wolves thought I was tough, maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a rabbit on the inside.

Wolves
ate
rabbits, I reminded myself, thinking of the hot blood that would burst into my mouth if I bit down on a rabbit’s leg, struggling and flailing against the clamp of my long teeth—I swallowed hard and forced myself to think about other things. Six Russells—brothers and cousins to Beau—sat at the massive kitchen table, eating as fast as Bath cooked up food. Ramsey had come in while I’d been talking to my sister, and he sat at the far end of the table. I could feel his gaze on me.

“Where’s Beau?” I asked. “And how are your ribs?”

“My ribs are fine. Beau’s getting dressed,” my sister said as she threw on more bacon, her gaze fixed on that skillet as if feeding us could solve all her problems. “Sara, I just don’t know—”

“We’ll be
fine
,” I repeated and sat at the table with
the were-cougars, grabbing a plate and piling it high with food I had no intention of eating. My stomach was so knotted that the thought of eating anything made me want to barf.

I tore apart my biscuit and toyed with the bacon as the Russells methodically ate. No one was chatty this morning, which suited me just fine.

Beau came in a few minutes later and went immediately to my sister’s side. He tugged on her long, white-blond ponytail and pulled her close for a kiss. “Morning,” I could hear him murmur in a low voice that should have only been audible to my sister.

My sister blushed.

It was cute, in an overly sweet sort of way. I was thrilled for my sister, I really was. Beau seemed like a good guy. Bath was happier than I ever remembered seeing her; despite the hospital visit and anxiety over my situation, she positively glowed.

For so long it had been her and me, hiding my secret. A team, sisters and best friends combined. Adding a guy into things . . . well, I wasn’t sure where it left me. I hated that I even thought about that. It seemed selfish, but I was at a loss. Here I was, twisting at ends, and everything was falling into place for my sister. I glanced down the long table and noticed that Ramsey was still watching me, his dark eyes keen. I looked down at my bacon.

Beau moved to the table and flipped a chair backward, then straddled it and sat next to me. “Are you sure you’re okay with this, Sara? Your sister has some concerns with my plan.”

I nodded and tried to look calm. “I think it’s the best way.”

“Good,” Beau said. “Because we’re out of options. Savannah’s heat has passed—if they haven’t already helped themselves to her, she’s going to be bad off.”

“Fucking wolves,” Joshua muttered farther down the table, shoveling another biscuit into his mouth and gesturing down the table, still talking over the mouthful. “I’d like to take all of those low-down, dirty bastards out back and shoot them.” Suddenly he looked over at my pale face and grimaced. “Sorry, kiddo.”

“No worries,” I said quietly. Joshua didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. He liked me like a little sister. But I couldn’t forget that I was one of those “low-down dirty bastards,” even if they could. I couldn’t change what I was.