Destined for the Star (Starstruck) (24 page)

”I don’t understand, Nate,” she felt overwhelmed by all the raging emotions and so confused. ”I saw the way you look at each other, the love between you two. I saw it, Nate, you belong with her.” She sobbed so hard that she gasped for air.

”What did you see, sweetheart? Please tell me, and I’ll try and explain.”

”I went to see the first movie you did with her.” She clung to his jacket as if it were a life raft. ”You looked like you were falling in love with each other for real. Oh, God,” she wailed again, it hurt too much to see those images in her mind. He must have seen it in her face because he groaned and pressed her to him even tighter.

”Oh, God, I hurt you so badly without meaning to. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry you saw that without me there to hold on to.” He pressed tender kisses all over her face, and she couldn’t seem to find the strength to pull away. His voice sounded so tender as he went on. ”It’s my job to pretend to be someone else and let people watch me do it. It doesn’t mean it’s real, love.”

With his thumbs he stroked away the tears that kept falling from her eyes.

She looked at him, trying to assess his sincerity. Was he telling her the truth? How could she trust him when the whole world insisted he and Julia were a real life couple? She had seen the pictures of them herself and the intense chemistry between them on the big screen. But why would he come all this way to keep lying to her when he could have any woman he wanted and in fact had one of the most beautiful women in the whole world waiting for him at home according to the papers? It just didn’t make sense that he would go to all this trouble to try and convince her of his sincerity unless the rest of the world really did have it wrong and he really did love her, Olivia, and no one else. But, no, that wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be.
 

”But everyone says Julia and you have been together for years. That she’s pregnant and that that ring she wears is yours.” She started sobbing again at the thought and buried her face in her hands.

”It’s not true, Olivia. Baby, it’s not true. We’ve never been anything but really good friends. She’s like the sister I never had. Look at me, please, sweetheart,” he implored her, gently removing her hands from her tear-stained face. ”Oh, my love, I can’t stand to see you hurting like this because of rumors that aren’t true. I’m in love with you, only you, Olivia, no one else.”

”Then how could you lie to me, Nate? Didn’t you think I deserved to know the truth of who you are?”

He looked away, a stain of red slashed across his cheekbones. He took a deep breath.

”Of course you deserve the whole truth, sweetheart.” He looked into her eyes again, regret and a plea for understanding in his gaze. ”The reason I didn’t tell you is because… well, hell, because I was a coward. I was terrified you wouldn’t want me for me. That you wouldn’t be able to see past my public persona and get to know the real me. I wanted so badly to know that how you felt about me was all about me, and not about what I happen to do for a living.”

She met his gaze and she thought she did understand where he had been coming from - how important it had been to him to know that what they shared was real and not affected by his fame.

 
”I can understand that you felt like that in the beginning but after what we shared in the cabin you should have trusted me, Nate, like I trusted you with my darkest secrets. You should have told me before you left again.”

 
”I know, baby, I know. And I wish I had. It was selfish of me not to. You see, when we met you seemed to respond to me as if I were just a man, not a movie star. You didn’t know who I was, and that was such a relief to me. It felt so liberating to get to experience that feeling again, after four years of not being able to go anywhere without being recognized and never knowing why people were interested in me, for me or for Nathan, the movie star?” His eyes begged her to understand why he had kept that part of his life from her. ”I loved being just Nate to you, and the experience of falling in love with you, and have you reciprocate that love, was sacred to me. I couldn’t stand dragging the other part of my life, the part that is mostly smoke and mirrors, into our relationship. What we have is the most important thing in my life, and it is so real and true that I couldn’t stand the thought of it being tainted in any way by all the preconceptions about me that are out there. That’s why I tried to keep it from you. I was terrified you wouldn’t look at me the same way when you found out. And that was so wrong of me - I should have had more faith in your love for me. I am so deeply sorry I let you down, Olivia.”

She studied his face. The longing to let go of the hurt and let the rift between them heal was overwhelming in its intensity. But there were still too many questions standing between them.
 

”I understand, Nate, why you were afraid to tell me and I do forgive you. But I don’t know if I can be with you anymore.” He tensed beneath her as she spoke. ”The truth is I don’t know if I can deal with your profession and your fame. Before, when I thought you were just a regular guy, I felt secure in our love. Now I feel like the whole world is trying to look inside and grab a piece of you all the time. I don’t know how to handle that.” He started to speak but she put a finger to his lips. ”Wait, it’s not only that. There’s more. You’re an actor, Nate. In movies no less. I do believe you feel this way about me now but what happens when down the road you make a movie and pretend to fall in love with some actress and there’s great chemistry between you. What’s to say you won’t fall in love for real? Even if you don’t, I don’t know if I could deal with knowing your job means you have to pretend to be in love with someone else and kiss her and do love scenes with her. I don’t know if I can deal with that. I wish I was strong enough but I don’t know if I am.”
 

He was quiet for a moment as he looked down at her hands and started stroking them softly. Then he looked into her eyes again.

”I do understand how you feel. I do. Lord knows I don’t know if I could deal with seeing you up on the big screen kissing another man. Even though I know from experience that it’s not real and as far from real intimacy as you can get. Filming a love scene or having to kiss someone on camera, with a room full of people watching and judging your performance, not to mention giving you direction, is incredibly awkward and embarrassing. Not the least bit sexy. In fact, most actors I know dread that part of the job. Personally, I’d be relieved if I never have to do another love scene again. Still, knowing all that, I also know that being with an actor, especially when you’re not part of the business yourself, isn’t easy. Especially because of all the traveling and being apart due to going away on location that we do. Having a healthy, normal relationship in Hollywood is very difficult. But it is possible.” He took a deep breath before continuing. ”Having said that though, I know what I’m asking of you and I am not going to try to convince you it’ll be okay if you feel in your heart that you can’t deal with me being an actor or if you know that you don’t want to be with an actor.”

Suddenly she felt intensely afraid that he would walk away from her because she wasn’t strong enough to deal with his job, even though that was what she was threatening to do herself. Her voice trembled as she spoke.

”So this is a deal breaker? If I can’t deal with your profession and your fame, then we’re over?”

”No! No, that is not what I’m saying, baby. Not at all. I’m saying that if you can’t see yourself with an actor then I’ll quit and find something else to do. I refuse to live without you, Olivia. It’s not an option,” he said passionately.
 

”What are you saying, Nate?” She stared at him.

”I’m saying that if that’s what you need I’ll give up acting. I would give it all up without a single regret, if that is the only way you’ll be mine.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing - she must be imagining this.

”You’d do that for me?” she blurted out, shaken to the very core.
 

”In a heartbeat, sweetheart,” he declared, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. ”If you can’t see yourself as part of my life in California, or don’t feel comfortable being with an actor, then I will find another world for us to share. I can be happy doing anything as long as you’re mine, Olivia.”

”Oh, Nate, I love you so much,” she blurted then, her eyes welling up again. ”I never stopped. I can’t. There is no one else for me, there never could be.”
 

His eyes filled with tears then too.

”Oh, baby, I thought I had lost you - that there was no way you would ever forgive me and let me back in your trust. It scared the shit out of me, that I had screwed up the best thing that ever happened to me, the only thing I can’t live without: You, Olivia.” He hugged her to him with a fierce desperation, as if he was afraid she would run away again if he let go even a little.

She didn’t mind - if she could stay like this forever, safe in his arms, she would be the happiest person alive.

After a few moments he looked at her and grinned as a thought seemed to occur to him.

”I’ll move to Stockholm, get us a place near the Royal Library, and be your stay-at-home-man, ready with dinner when you come home all covered in archival dust. I’ll just have to learn a few more recipes.”

She burst out laughing then, it was such a relief to have her Nate back.

”You’d do that for me? But you love acting, Nate, and movies.”

”Yes, I do, but I love you so much more. If that’s what you need then that’s what I’ll do,” he said, his eyes so earnest and sincere.

”Nate, I love you more than anything and I don’t want you to give up your passion, acting. I trust you and I’ll find a way to deal with your love scenes, if and when they occur. Nothing would make me happier than getting to share your life in California with you. You and me and Sadie, if she’ll have me.”

”You’d move to California for me? Really?” he asked, looking like a kid in a candy store.

”Yes, Nate, I would go anywhere with you. I’d settle for a position as your dog-walker if that were the only place for me in your life,” she confessed.
 

”Sadie would be lucky to have you and you can walk her anytime you feel like it, baby, but first there’s something I need to do,” he said and stood up with her still in his arms. He walked over to the grave and put her down next to him.

”So, this is Lilian’s grave?” he asked softly, holding Olivia close to his side.

She nodded and snuggled even closer to him.
 

”I have something to ask you, and I hope she is listening and gives me her approval,” he said then.

She looked up at him, confused.
 

”I don’t understand, Nate,” she admitted.

He smiled at her.

”Don’t worry, sweetheart, you will soon.”

He let go of her and turned to face her. Then he went down on one knee and took something out of his pocket.
 

She felt as if time was moving in slow-motion; she couldn’t make out what he was doing.
 

”Olivia,” he began, ”I love you with all that I am, and all that I’ll ever be. I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you. If you could find it in your heart to be my wife you would make me the happiest man on earth. Marry me, Olivia, please,” he said and held up a box with the most beautiful diamond ring she had ever seen. It was shaped like a flower, a larger Old Cut stone in the center, surrounded by smaller diamonds like petals. Nate looked so nervous and vulnerable, anxiously awaiting her reply.
 

She couldn’t speak. Instead she burst out crying again.

”What’s wrong, baby? I’ve never done this before - obviously I’m doing it wrong,” he said, stress evident in his voice.

”No,” she assured him immediately, ”you’re doing it perfectly. I just can’t believe you want to marry me.”

”I do, love, I do, more than anything. Please say you’ll marry me,” he pleaded.
 

She giggled through her tears then.

”Yes, Nate, of course I’ll marry you!” She fell to her knees and started kissing him fervently.

”Really?” he asked, when he could get a word in.

”Yes, really,” she said, locking his face in her hands and his gaze in hers. ”Nothing would make me happier than getting to spend the rest of my life with you, as your wife.”

He hugged her close to him and stood up.

”You make me so happy, love.” He cupped her bottom and she wrapped her legs around his waist. They kissed entwined like that for a long time.

Chapter 18

”I saw you wore the blue shirt at the press conference yesterday,” she said with a tender smile, when they finally came up for air.

”Yep, I did. At today’s press conference too. Although, I’m afraid it’s not looking as fresh anymore,” he grinned mischievously. ”But I told you I was going to wear it all week, driving people crazy with it.”

She laughed and kissed him again.

After a while Nate gently broke off and put her down.
 

”I want to put the ring on your finger now, so everyone can see you’re mine,” he said with a shy smile. ”May I?” he asked as he took her left hand in his.

”Yes,” she whispered, her hand trembling slightly in his.

 
He took out the ring and gently pushed it onto her finger. It fit perfectly.

”How did you know my size?” she asked, amazed.

”I didn’t,” he smiled, ”this was my grandmother’s engagement ring. That it fits you so well is just one more sign that you were meant for me,” he said, deep satisfaction in his tone.
 

”Nate,” she said, tears welling up again, as she looked at the ring, ”it’s so beautiful - I can’t believe I get to wear something so beautiful.”
 

”It’s still not nearly as beautiful as you are, my love,” he said, and looked at her with that tender awe again. ”Grandma would be beside herself with joy if she were here and saw you wearing it. When she passed away a couple of years ago, my grandfather gave the ring to me and told me to give it to the right girl once I found her. I promised I would, and now I have.”