Determination (27 page)

She doubted her sword fighting looked pretty but it didn’t matter. She imagined her sword piercing through Nero’s defenses with every swing, but he willed her blows to harmlessly fall away. She began changing how she used her sword and shield, sometimes blocking with her blade and imagining the edge slicing Nero’s pale flesh, and punching with her shield and imagining him stagger. She began to force him to go on the defensive as much as he did her, but no matter how hard she fought and threw her will at him, they kept reaching a stalemate.

Roxie still hadn’t exerted her will through spoken word. She wanted to but it was talking all her concentration to fight and mentally exert it. Was she tiring? Surprisingly not. Despite their intensity and moving at superhuman speed, Frava gave her incredible stamina. This realization fueled her determination to find a way to win.

Nero wanted her to speak her will. He was waiting for it and already had a move prepared. He wanted her to speak first but he would wait only so long before his patience ran out.

Not wanting to test his patience, Roxie built herself up to verbally exerting her will, meeting all his lightning-fast attacks with her own. They clashed, reached a stalemate by holding each other off with their wills, and broke apart. When Nero came at her again, Roxie sucked in a deep breath. Swinging her shield and imagining him falling backwards, she yelled “Fall!” at the same time as Nero yelled “Stop!” Nero fell onto his back as if he’d run into an invisible wall and bounced off it, and Roxie’s body froze mid-swing.

Hitting the ground made Nero’s concentration falter. Roxie forced her body to move and lowered her shield. For a moment she thought they were pausing in their fight, but the focus in Nero’s glowing-eyed gaze warned her to keep going. He got back up.

“Stay!” The ground shook and Nero’s body froze.

“Release me!” The ground shook and his words felt like a blow to Roxie’s chest, and like gravity had suddenly increased like positive g’s on a roller coaster.

“Kneel!” The word escaped her lips before she realized what she’d said. Nero’s knees hit the ground hard and rock shattered. The sight made her lose concentration. She didn’t want to hurt him, despite how fiercely they both fought.

Nero surged back to his feet and came at her. “Lie down!”

Roxie dropped onto her back, bashing against the ground from sheer force of will. The impact rattled her but she slipped back into her emotionally detached state and flung out an arm. “Fly!” She sent Nero over her head and out of sight as the ground shook under her wings and back. Rolling onto her stomach, Roxie pushed back to her feet. Nero dived into a somersault, found his footing as well, and the fight began anew. They fought and knocked each other down over and over, and Roxie grew familiar with exerting her will as her self confidence increased. Building up her concentration to speak her will came faster and easier, as did reacting to Nero’s will. She would fight him until she either won or they both grew too tired to continue. She wasn’t sure how she would beat him, but she’d find a way by never giving up.

Nero backed out of Roxie’s series of attacks, stopped trying to knock her down, and his eyes stopped glowing. Roxie stopped attacking but held her sword and shield ready for more.

“We are done. I felt your determination to win no matter what. Hold onto that in your fight with Nexus and all others. That’s the attitude you need to win.” He closed his eyes and let go of his Frava, becoming clothed in just his loincloth with flaps. “All will be indebted to you, mortal and divine, if you succeed in defeating Nexus.”

Roxie took a calming breath and sheathed her sword. “I’ll do everything I can. I have to try.”

Aerigo and the others stood by the edge of the rocky plain, watching on, with the water splayed out behind them. Roxie and Nero headed to them while catching their breath. Even though she wasn’t tired, exerting so much energy had gotten her blood pumping. When they stopped before the others, Aerigo looked up at her, chest swelling with pride, eyes glistening.

“You’ve grown up so much since the day I met you. I’m so proud. I believe in your ability to beat Nexus, Rox.”

“She’s on an even playing field now,” Nero said. “There’s nothing more any of us can do to help her, but hope.”

Roxie felt the back of her skirt move. Daio stood behind her, barely taller than her knees, and looking up her skirt. She swatted his hand and pulled her skirt close. She had spandex shorts underneath, but still...

“Nice glutes you got there,” Daio said, smiling.

Sassy stormed over and swatted the back of his head. He stepped away, clutching his head. “Stop being rude!”

Ron folded his arms. “I stand by my observation that his sense of propriety is lacking.”

“I couldn’t help it,” Daio said with a guilty grin.

“Look but don’t touch next time,” Sassy said.

“Yes, ma’am.” He grabbed a handful of Sassy’s rear and she jumped and swatted him again. Daio laughed. “Aerigo, I’d be quite jealous if Sassy weren’t so lovely.”

She scowled at him but broke into a smile. “It’s so hard to stay angry with you and your honeyed tongue.”

“Oh, I’m irresistible, babe. As are you.” They shared a kiss.

Nero’s head jerked back and he looked like he was standing in a shadow. He looked at Roxie with dark eyes that weren’t his own and spoke in a deep, intimidating voice that wasn’t his. “Come, Roxie Lohr. Prepare yourself to stand before me and receive my judgement.” Eyes closing, Nero’s head rolled forward. He stood still a moment, then looked up with his own blue eyes. “Our time together has come to a close. I won’t delay your journey. It was an honor and a pleasure teaching you, Roxie.” He backed away and crossed his arms over his chest. “Stay strong, and always remember: your task is not impossible.”

“Thank you for everything, Nero. And I won’t forget.”

“You’re very welcome. Thank you for the hope you’ve given me. Farewell. All of you.” Bowing his head, he crouched like he was sitting on an invisible chair and lifted his feet off the ground. He stayed suspended midair as he curled into fetal position. The flaps to his loincloth lengthened and wrapped around his entire body, encasing him, and turned white and solid, looking like a seed again. Glowing bands of green light poured out from the top and zigzagged their way down, diving into the ground from the base.

Goodbye.
Roxie found herself missing Nero already. He was so kind, compassionate, and helpful, good energy to be around. She reverted to her normal height, her body feeling like it was going down on an elevator and hitting the ground floor when she was done. When she opened her eyes, Aerigo was taller than her again. She walked over and he wrapped her in his frozen arms, and she hugged him back.

He kissed her temple. “I can’t find the words to express how amazed and proud I am.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I saw it in your eyes and I feel it in the way you’re holding me.” Cold as his body was, she didn’t want to leave his arms.

He pressed his cheek to her head and held on tight.

“So where do we all go now?”

Releasing her, Aerigo gently held her by the upper arms and gazed at her with blue-glowing eyes. Roxie felt her own start glowing as her heart sank.

“Roxie,” Sekiro said sorrowfully.

Roxie made herself face the Numina, even though she didn’t want to hear her suspicions confirmed.

“We can’t go with you. You have to face Thanatos alone. It’s the way he works.”

She went wide-eyed. “You can’t come with me either?”

Sekiro shook her head. “I went to him once for my soul’s judgement, before I became a Numina. All souls stand before him sooner or later. Everyone here will when they’re ready, and you will one day, after you die.”

Roxie’s chest grew tight and she forced herself to take deep, slow breaths, but each one felt like a knife going down her throat. This was happening so suddenly.

“I’m sorry. It’s time to say goodbye to everyone.”

She forced herself to take a few more deep breaths so she could speak in an even voice. “Would it be alright if I ate and rested one last time?”

“I was about to suggest it. He wants you fully prepared to meet him.”

Roxie traced Aerigo’s lips with her gaze and looked into his handsome blue eyes. “One more?”

Chapter 20

Goodbyes

When Roxie woke, she still felt tired enough to fall back asleep. She rolled onto her other side and settled back down, feeling feathers against her face and arms, fur against her knees, and legs under her head. She opened her eyes and Aerigo stroked her hair as he smiled down at her. Because one wing lay between them, she was insulated from his coldness. He took a deep breath and began singing a light and loving tune in another language.

Ferah ani nah besha fahni,

Ferah ari hah serah santi,

Ferah ali yaw kera fahno,

Arito... Arito...

This was the first time she’d ever heard him sing. She couldn’t look away from his blue eyes. He stroked her hair slowly as he sang, his voice deep and resonant, gentle and loving. The language sounded familiar, like Chinese. She hadn’t expected him to be able to sing, much less want to sing to her. She dared not move, fearing it might ruin the moment.

A second and third stanza followed, sounding similar to the first and just as sweet. Aerigo’s voice rose and fell through the notes, his tempo even and patient, and the words carried across the rocky plain. He sang through a fourth stanza and the notes became longer, drawing out before coming to a close.

Aerigo fell silent and smiled as he stroked her hair and cheek.

Roxie wanted him to keep singing. The silence sounded empty. His voice had been so round and full. “That was beautiful,” she said softly.

“It’s a Scondish love song. Yayu taught it to me years ago. He sang it to Napora before they married. I can translate but it doesn’t sound as pretty.”

“I’d still like to hear it.”

Aerigo collected his thoughts. “The song is called ‘Always’.” He began speaking the lyrics, pausing after each line.

From the first kiss,

From your sweet words,

From all the warm hugs,

Always... Always...

From the blushing sky,

To the deepest sea,

And every breath in between,

Always... Always...

From your head’s crown,

To your toe’s tips,

And every heartbeat in between,

Always... Always...

I love you with all my soul.

Such joy will never fade.

I love you unconditionally

Because you are the greatest blessing in my life.

When he fell silent again, Roxie said, “I love you, too. I always will no matter what. Thank you for the song. And for everything.”

Aerigo pulled her upright and cupped her cheek. Roxie closed her eyes and they kissed. His lips and hand were ice cold but she did her best to block it out, determined to share a tender moment. They exchanged a few short kisses and held their faces close. She could feel the cold emanating from him, see his desire for her in his handsome eyes.

Her last chance to dream of being with him had come and gone without any excitement. If she’d dreamed at all, she didn’t remember anything. Before falling asleep, they’d shared a meal of homemade pizza and spoken little. She felt like she had so much to say now, but everything she thought of sounded so random and pointless, a desperate attempt to delay what couldn’t be avoided.

Aerigo said, “I’m looking forward to becoming your spirit guardian.” He tried to smile but it looked forced, and there was no eager anticipation in his voice.

Roxie felt her eyes start glowing. “I know.” She let out a resigned sigh. Part of her wanted to get the goodbyes over with so she could stop dreading them, but at the same time she didn’t want that moment to ever arrive.

Firsos turned his head and looked at Aerigo, his grizzly face serious. Aerigo nodded somberly, swallowed, and his eyes started glowing. He got up, helped Roxie to her feet, and the bear rose to all-fours.

The act of standing made Roxie’s throat constrict. Aerigo stood close, his body brushing against hers, and Firsos stood protectively close to them. Aerigo put an arm around Roxie’s waist as she looped a shield strap over the hilt of her sword, and he clutched a fistful of fur.

Daio and Sassy stood arm in arm, eyes glowing blue, wearing sad smiles. They came over and Sassy stood before Roxie. Aerigo’s arm slipped away as Sassy wrapped her a frozen hug.

“I’m gonna miss you, kiddo. You’re one tough girl. Make sure you stay that way.”

Roxie hugged back. “I will. Thank you. And I’m gonna miss you, too. It was great meeting you, and I hope you and Daio get to make up for lost time.”

“We are going to try for that in our next lives. But anyway, I wish you all the luck you need in defeating Nexus.”

“Thanks.”

She held Roxie’s shoulders. “I believe in you. Believe in yourself and never give up.”

Roxie nodded.

Sassy stepped back and Daio approached her, chains jingling. “I really like you, Rox. I’m gonna miss you, too, whether you like it or not.”

“I think we would’ve been good friends under different circumstances.” She hadn’t grown attached to him like she had Sassy but... “At least I can see you’re a better person than I first thought you were. I don’t regret letting you tag along.”

“Thanks. That means a lot to me.” He held up both hands. “And I promise I’ll behave, by the way. No more fooling around since this is the last time we’ll ever see each other.”

“I appreciate it.” She understood he’d meant no harm with his antics, but if she were in Sassy’s place, she probably wouldn’t be able to tolerate it as well as her.

“I figured you would. Anyway, out of all of us, I’m probably the one who most wants to see Nexus taken down. I don’t want him to ruin any more lives.” He hugged her. “You had my confidence in your abilities before Nero. Now I’m one hundred percent confident you can do it. Punch him a few times for me, if the opportunity arises. Please.”

She hugged him back. “Gladly.”

“Thanks.”

They let go and Roxie said, “I hope you’re able to let go of all your regrets and remove all your chains one day.”

“I’m gonna work on it very hard for both myself and Sass. I want the freedom to be me in the next life. But anyway, good luck, kid--Rox. I mean Rox.”

“At least you didn’t call me ‘girlie’,” she said with a half-smile. Daio had called her that on the day she and Aerigo had made a mad dash for the bus out of Buffalo.

“Oh, jeez. I’d forgotten about that.” He laughed but it died away right after he started. “Well, you go beat him, Rox. Beat him good.” He stepped back and wrapped an arm around Sassy.

Ron took his place, his four eyes looking at Roxie with admiration. “I wish to thank you as well for giving me peace of mind. Your fight with Nero was most impressive. I have the utmost confidence in you and your Frava. I also wish you luck.”

“You’re welcome, and thank you for your support. I hope you find peace soon.”

“I believe I shall. Farewell, Roxie.” He bowed, then turned and began walking away, his Numina walking beside him.

Roxie watched them walk off, the sway and bounce of Tenimus’s wings, both their sure, steady stride, and the rocky plain splaying out before them. She wanted to watch them walk away until she couldn’t see them anymore, so she could avoid looking at Aerigo.

Frozen fingers laced between hers. She swallowed and turned around. When she met Aerigo’s gaze, her vision blurred. She buried her face in his chest and let out one stifled sob after another. She didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to make this moment harder for either of them, but the tears came unbidden. Aerigo wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight, and she cried harder when she felt his body convulsive with quiet sobs. Roxie held on tight and they cried together.

She didn’t want Aerigo to cry. She’d do anything to make him stop and be happy again, but time would have to do that for them both. She lost track of how long they stood there, crying, but she didn’t care. Their final moment together had arrived. Yes, Aerigo would be with her again in spirit, but it wouldn’t be the same. They rode out their pain together.

Once the worst of the pain passed, she took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m going to miss you so much,” she whispered thickly.

Aerigo squeezed her. “And I you,” he whispered back, his voice just as thick.

“Thank you so much for everything, and for being a part of my life.”

“Thank you, too. You’ve helped me in so many ways. I can never thank you enough.”

“You were worth it. I have no regrets. How much this moment hurts is a testament to how wonderful a person you are. My grandmother once said that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

“I agree. I have no regrets any more. All those things that’d been weighing me down, you helped lift them away. Again, I can’t thank you enough.” He caressed her face, giving her a watery-eyed tender gaze, and a smile full of love and sadness. Roxie tilted her head and they kissed each other on the lips-just once--and pulled back.

It was time to let him go, like Roxie’s father had her. Roxie took Aerigo’s frozen face in her hands. “Aerigo--” Her throat constricted and a fresh wave of tears blinded her vision. She took several deep breaths and he wiped her eyes. “Aerigo... I’m letting you go, now... so--” Her voice rose an octave and came out thin, but she pushed through it. “So your soul may continue on its journey and find peace. I’ll always miss you, and I look forward to the day you become my spirit guardian.” Spirit guardian would be so much better than nothing. She honestly was looking forward to it. She rose onto the balls of her feet, kissed him once more, and settled back down.

Aerigo wiped her eyes again and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “And I let you go,” he said softly, sorrowfully, “so you may live your life freely and to the fullest, and so I may watch over you one day. I’ll always love and protect you.” He kissed her one last time, letting it linger, and then let go.

Roxie wanted to kiss him again but it would be for the best if she didn’t. Aerigo stepped back, joining Daio, Sassy, and their Numina.

Sekiro approached Roxie, her face red from crying. “Ready to go?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Sekiro held out a hand. Roxie took it and the Numina guided her away. Roxie took one last look at everyone, memorizing their faces, saving Aerigo for last. He was strong and silent, the gentle giant. Friend, mentor, and lover--in a way. He watched her leave with a studious gaze, as if he was doing the same with her.

When she felt a tug on her hand, Roxie brought her gaze forward and followed Sekiro down the rocky slope. Below them lay an ocean with a lone mountain a short ways out. Roxie began crying all over as she made herself put one foot in front of the other, constantly wiping her eyes. The farther she got from Aerigo, the colder and lonelier she felt. Sekiro sniffed as she led the way down the zigzagging path, and said nothing. What could she say? Nothing, to be honest. Roxie just needed time to absorb the loss and let Aerigo go for real. She felt like she was still peeling her grip off, one finger at a time.

At the bottom of the slope, the rock gave way to sand with gentle waves lapping at the shore. A wooden boat with no oars or rudder sat with its stern beached on the shore, the bow gently rising and falling with the two-inch waves.

Hearing the water brought a sense of calm. It was like rare trips to the beach. Seeing so much water reminded her about how small she really was. Just one person in a vast universe, living on a planet that was just a grain of sand compared to the universe’s endless expanse. It was humbling.

Their footsteps swished along the sand, until Sekiro paused by the boat. Sniffling, she pulled Roxie into tight hug. “I’m gonna miss you, Roxie. I’m so glad I found you and was able to help. I hope we meet again after you’ve lived a long, enjoyable life.”

“Thanks. Maybe you can be my Numina again.”

Sekiro laughed and it turned into a sob. “I’d like that.” She held Roxie by the shoulders and sniffed again.

“I’ll miss you, too, Sekiro. Thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” She glanced at the boat. “And I have one last bit of guidance for you.” She let go and touched the stern, which went up past Roxie’s knees. “This’ll take you to the mountain. Once you get there, the wardens might question you a bit before letting you inside, but don’t worry. They’re just the final screening to make sure souls are genuinely ready to stand before Thanatos and receive judgement.”

“They’re not three-headed dogs, are they?” Roxie said with a wan smile.

Sekiro laughed again. “No. But once you go inside, keep heading up until you find Thanatos. You’ll know it when you meet him. Trust me on that. Anyway, you’ll probably see other souls. Just ignore them and keep going, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you again.”

“My pleasure.” She tapped the boat and Roxie stepped inside. It had a bench in the middle, looking old and smooth. How many other souls had sat in this boat?

Roxie stood behind the bench, facing the bow, not ready to sit.

“Goodbye, Roxie. And good luck.”

She nodded. “Goodbye.”

Sekiro sloshed through the water as she pushed the boat offshore, and it scraped against the sand before drifting off, smooth as silk.